


How Many Questions Again?

by Straight_Keith_is_scary



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Aromantic Asexual Pidge | Katie Holt, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), F/F, Fluff, Gay Keith (Voltron), Gay Shiro (Voltron), How Do I Tag, Hunk (Voltron) Has Anxiety, Hurt/Comfort, I should have added those tags a long time ago smh, Illegal pets, Keith (Voltron) Has Anxiety, Lance (Voltron) Has Anxiety, Lesbian Allura (Voltron), M/M, Matt is a meme, Pansexual Hunk (Voltron), Slow burn bois, Someone get Shiro some Lifealert bc these fools are driving his blood pressure through the roof, Tags Are Hard, Trans Romelle (Voltron), chatfic, fix that immediately, there’s a reason their group chat is called Nobody Here Is Straight lol, they all are but mostly him, why is that not a tag
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-26
Updated: 2019-05-19
Packaged: 2019-07-02 18:46:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 37
Words: 77,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15802416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Straight_Keith_is_scary/pseuds/Straight_Keith_is_scary
Summary: It’s a college au chatfic with your favorite paladins- with a twist. When he realizes that he doesn’t know the people he considers best friends, Lance decides to play a game to find out more and share more about himself. He ends up uncovering more than he bargained for- tragic pasts, hidden crushes, and big secrets. Expect memes, pop culture references, and fluff because I have no self control lol





	1. How To Play

7:40am- LoverboyLance to Nobody is Straight 

LoverboyLance: guys I was thinking 

Pidgeotto: a dangerous pastime 

LoverboyLance: very funny 

LoverboyLance: anyway I was thinking and I realized that I don’t really know all of you as well as I could

LoverboyLance: well except for Hunk and Allura bc I’ve known them since middle school but anyway

LoverboyLance: has anybody else noticed that there are like,,,, groups within this group even though we’re all “friends” some of us aren’t on the same level of friend and we are gonna be stuck with each other for a while so

CinnamonRoll: I think I see where you’re going with this

Princess-Alluring: oh dear not the Infinity Questions game again 

ShiroDad: ? What is “Infinity Questions”

CinnamonRoll: it’s this game Lance made up when he was like twelve to try to get to know his friends better 

LoverboyLance: and practice English since it’s my second language 

move-I’m-gay: I was ignoring this convo until now 

move-I’m-gay: You speak more than one language?

LoverboyLance: I’m Cuban, Mullethead 

LoverboyLance: Spanish is my first language but the fact that you didn’t know that just solidifies my point and we should play Infinity Questions

ShiroDad: how do you play? Sounds like a good team building exercise 

Pidgeotto: Shiro your username is killing me rn

ShiroDad: you’re the one who won’t change it

LoverboyLance: it’s in the title- kinda like twenty questions only there’s no limit 

LoverboyLance: ask me anything about Hunks childhood and I can tell you like I was there

CinnamonRoll: ditto but in reverse it’s actually really fun and works as intended 

Pidgeotto: So the opposite of most of Lance’s plans?

LoverboyLance: I’m gonna pretend you didn’t say that

LoverboyLance: who’s in?

ShiroDad: I’m in

CinnamonRoll: I should play since I don’t know Shiro or Keith that well

Princess-Alluring: Same

Pidgeotto: Sure. I want more for the blackmail folder

move-I’m-gay: no

 

7:50- BigBrotherIsWatchingYou to Kogayne

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: Keith just play 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: you might make more real friends and god knows you need it

Kogayne: fine

7:51- move-I’m-gay to Nobody Here is Straight 

move-I’m-gay: I’m in but no promises as to if I’ll keep playing or not

LoverboyLance: sweet 

Pidgeotto: That was a sudden turnaround Keith 

Pidgeotto: you got the Dad talk didn’t you

move-I’m-gay: can we just start playing already?

CinnamonRoll: ooohh that means yes 

move-I’m-gay: shut uP

ShiroDad: Keith you need to open up to more people and actually make friends 

LoverboyLance: Shiro I can’t believe you’re a twenty-four-year-old Dad to a bunch of unstable college students (excluding Allura bc she’s the only one with her life together) 

move-I’m-gay: actually 

ShiroDad: Keith what are you doing 

move-I’m-gay: Shiro is technically six years old not 24 he was born on a leap day

ShiroDad: KEITH 

move-I’m-gay: REMEMBER THIS NEXT TIME YOU EMBARRASS ME ON THE GROUP CHAT

LoverboyLance: LMAOOOO SHIRO IS SIX

Pidgeotto: I’m gonna kill Matt he never told me about this 

CinnamonRoll: oh my gOD I’m older than Shiro this is glorious 

ShiroDad: that’s it you forced my hand Keith

move-I’m-gay: wait what 

ShiroDad: I’m supposed to be embarrassing you not the other way around therefore [image sent]

Princess-Alluring: Who’s that scruffy little kid with the bad hair? 

Princess-Alluring: Wait 

LoverboyLance: KEITH IS THAT YOU 

move-I’m-gay: SHIRO I HATE YOU

Pidgeotto: *saves picture*

CinnamonRoll: you were actually kind of adorable 

move-I’m-gay: stop

CinnamonRoll: loOK AT HIS LITTLE SCOWL HE’S SO CUTE

move-I’m-gay: THAT’S IT IM BRINGING OUT THE BIG GUNS 

move-I’m-gay: SHIRO HAD A MINECRAFT CHANNEL WHEN HE WAS FOURTEEN AND HE GOT EXACTLY TWO FOLLOWERS IT WAS THE CRINGIEST THING EVER AND HIS NAME WAS “Takashi Shirogamer” 

move-I’m-gay: [attached link] I SAVED HIS FIRST VIDEO WATCH AND ENJOY

[ShiroDad has left the chat]

Princess-Alluring: Keith you scared him away 

move-I’m-gay: good he deserves it

Pidgeotto: I’m loving this group chat so much rn

LoverboyLance: hard same

LoverboyLance: seriously though you have bad luck with hair Keith 

move-I’m-gay: one more word out of you and I’m calling Pidge 

LoverboyLance: she’s got nothing on me

Pidgeotto: hmmm

LoverboyLance: Wait Pidge

Pidgeotto: HMMMMM

LoverboyLance: PIDGE????

Pidgeotto: I’ll never tell

CinnamonRoll: aww not even me?

Pidgeotto: you know everything about him anyways

CinnamonRoll: way too much if I’m being honest 

LoverboyLance: Okay can we just get back to starting the game pls

LoverboyLance: I want to go first

Princess-Alluring: go ahead Lance

LoverboyLance: okay, this one’s for everybody: Where are you from and who are your family members? 

LoverboyLance: I’m from Cuba and I have wayyy too many family members to name 

CinnamonRoll: Arizona and I have my parents, my uncle, and a little sister and a brother

Pidgeotto: New York and I have my parents and my dork brother

Pidgeotto: come to think of it I should get him to join this he’s gonna be coming to VU in like a week 

move-I’m-gay: Matt is a disaster how’d he manage to get in 

Pidgeotto: I think he used witchcraft but there’s also the computer science prodigy thing 

LoverboyLance: Let other people go guys come on

Princess-Alluring: I come from Britain originally, and it’s just myself and my uncle, Coran, now that my parents are gone

Pidgeotto: oh. I’m sorry, Allura

Princess-Alluring: It’s alright, Pidge. It happened quite a long time ago.

LoverboyLance: Okay we scared Shiro away from the chat so it’s just Keith left

move-I’m-gay: hdudjsls

LoverboyLance: Keith that’s not an answer

move-I’m-gay: sorry I’m hiding from Shiro under the couch and I’m wuiches 

move-I’m-gay: *squished 

move-I’m-gay: apparently he left the chat to avoid suspicion and track me down in my room and he is currently loudly threatening to eat all my food if I don’t show my face

CinnamonRoll: R.I.P. Keith

LoverboyLance: you want to just answer the question bc we can’t really help you with that 

move-I’m-gay: Texas and it’s just me and Shiro 

Pidgeotto: Wait

LoverboyLance: YOURE TEXAN 

move-I’m-gay: Aaaaaand telling you that was a mistake 

CinnamonRoll: *rides in on a horse* Howdy y’all 

Pidgeotto: I 

Pidgeotto: am getting 

Pidgeotto: SO much good information holy crap 

move-I’m-gay: Can you please shut your ansnnsndjfnd

CinnamonRoll: Keith?

Princess-Alluring: I think Shiro may have found him 

move-I’m-gay: Yep this is Shiro and Keith has lost his phone privileges 

LoverboyLance: You can’t deny your dadness Shiro 

LoverboyLance: not after that sentence 

Princess-Alluring: Oh lord i just saw the time 

Princess-Alluring: We’ve been talking for half and hour and I’m going to be late to work

CinnamonRoll: jEEZUS SO AM I BYE 

LoverboyLance: Have fun supporting capitalism suckers

move-I’m-gay: Lance.

LoverboyLance: I don’t even have to ask to know that’s still Shiro 

LoverboyLance: CRAP IM LATE TO MEET MY SISTER FOR BRUNCH SHES GONNA KILL ME BYE

Pidgeotto: I said I’d Skype my parents today so might as well go do that later guys 

move-I’m-gay: have a nice day everyone

 

6:18 pm- Pidgeotto to Nobody is Straight

Pidgeotto: Anybody want to come over by my place for movie night tonight

LoverboyLance: I’m free but depends on the movie

CinnamonRoll: Same

Pidgeotto: The Force Awakens bc im in a Star Wars mood

LoverboyLance: Pidge I am already on my way YES

Princess-Alluring: Oooh that sounds fun but unfortunately I have a prior engagement 

Pidgeotto: that means “date” in British right

Princess-Alluring: 1) don't make fun of my accent, 2) It’s not a date I simply volunteered to help clean up the campus

CinnamonRoll: I have a source that says otherwise Allura…

LoverboyLance: wait she’s actually on a date???

Princess-Alluring: you have no proof

CinnamonRoll: my source is Shay

[Princess-Alluring has left the chat]

Pidgeotto: s u s p i c i o u s

ShiroDad: what does this have to do with Shay and why did Allura leave? Also I’m down for movie night that movie is great

CinnamonRoll: Shay also volunteered for the cleanup thing and as soon as Allura heard that she practically TELEPORTED to go do the same

CinnamonRoll: Shay had no idea why Allura was so enthusiastic all of a sudden but I BEEN KNEW

Pidgeotto: Allura you useless lesbian

LoverboyLance: This is sO ADORABLE

move-I’m-gay: I’ll come to movie night but only if you change it bc TFA is basically just A New Hope with a different name

move-I’m-gay: I mean the First Order just copies everything the Empire did all they changed was to make it bigger

LoverboyLance: Keith

CinnamonRoll: oh boy here we go

LoverboyLance: thats the POINT is that they copied the Empire! Star Wars mirrors the issues of the day and back in the seventies people feared tyrannical despots like Vader and Palpatine so thats the villains they had but nowadays the biggest villain anyone can think of is the person who LOOKS UP to the old despots and mimics their ways- hence Kylo Ren and his weird obsession with Vader- so yes, of COURSE the main villain is an wannabe emo teen and of COURSE the big weapon is basically the Death Star all over again because that’s. The. Friggin. Point.

move-I’m-gay: Jesus

CinnamonRoll: I should have warned you he gets r e a l l y defensive of the new trilogy

LoverboyLance: I have many feelings and none of them allow for SLANDER

move-I’m-gay: fine we can watch TFA but we have to watch A New Hope right after so i can prove my point 

LoverboyLance: BRING IT ON, MULLET

ShiroDad: If you guys do nothing but argue the entire time i will kick you out and make you run an errand

10:38 pm- LoverboyLance to Nobody Here Is Straight

LoverboyLance: Guys I need help

Pidgeotto: Okay whose girlfriend did you make a pass at this time bc the last guy was built like a tank and I am NOT helping run interference this time 

LoverboyLance: rude

LoverboyLance: I didn’t do anything this time this is all Keith’s fault

move-I’m-gay: it was NOT

ShiroDad: What’s going on? I thought you two went to get snacks

CinnamonRoll: That was like an hour ago and it’s literally right down the road what did you do

LoverboyLance: I would just like to start by saying I was framed

ShiroDad: yeah this won’t end well 

move-I’m-gay: Lance almost got himself arrested bc he’s an idiot and we also got caught in the middle of a convenience store robbery so that’s fun 

ShiroDad: PLEASE tell me you weren’t the ones committing the robbery because it sure sounds like it 

LoverboyLance: Keith you’re the idiot let me explain

LoverboyLance: We were just in the wrong place at the wrong time and the cops thought we were the perps after the actual guys ran for it

LoverboyLance: I may have panicked and started running

move-I’m-gay: YOU SCREECHED, “EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF” AND BOLTED DOWN THE NEAREST ALLEYWAY WHILE DRAGGING ME IT’S A MIRCALE NOBODY CHASED US 

move-I’m-gay: *miracle 

CinnamonRoll: dear god this is senior year of high school all over again 

Pidgeotto: Hunk you have to explain that one to me

CinnamonRoll: Nah I’m watching the drama rn

LoverboyLance: Yeah anyway we kind of had to run about ten blocks to get away and I don’t think it’s safe to go back yet SHIRO COME GET US

ShiroDad: I’m coming hold on

Princess-Alluring: I turned my phone off for five minutes

Princess-Alluring: Five

Princess-Alluring: Dang

Princess-Alluring: Minutes 

Princess-Alluring: and Keith and Lance somehow managed to get caught in the middle of a firefight? I’m coming to all the movie nights from now on this is too good

move-I’m-gay: There were no guns (where did you even get that?) but there was lots of yelling. I think the perps got caught already and I’m pretty sure we got away clean

Pidgeotto: R u sure you didn’t commit the crime bc you kinda sound like it

move-I’m-gay: we’re fine Lance is just being overdramatic all we need is a ride 

LoverboyLance: I am NOT being over dramatic we almost died 

move-I’m-gay: we did not almost die YOU are the one who almost got arrested bc the cops thought you were the suspect and you kept trying to flirt with one of them 

LoverboyLance: okay you’re the one who PULLED A KNIFE on one of the robbers and almost attacked him you would have gotten arrested for that I had to distract them somehow 

CinnamonRoll: It’s official you two are no longer allowed to go anywhere alone

Pidgeotto: Did you even get the snacks?

LoverboyLance: no we didn’t get the snacks we were just TRAUMATIZED Pidgeon 

move-I’m-gay: We’ll get Shiro to pick it up on the way back 

Pidgeotto: :D

LoverboyLance: speaking of Shiro where did he even go

Pidgeotto: he’s driving, Lance 

CinnamonRoll: where did YOU even go there’s no way you both ran ten blocks 

CinnamonRoll: Keith maybe but not you Lance so where’d you end up

LoverboyLance: first of all I’m offended 

LoverboyLance: second of all we made it to that daycare by the bowling alley 

Pidgeotto: Lance you idiot that’s like three blocks away from the convenience store not ten

LoverboyLance: IT WAS DARK AND I WAS SCARED OKAY

CinnamonRoll: Drama Queen 

LoverboyLance: you take that bwjjsjd

CinnamonRoll: ?

move-I’m-gay: Shiro drove up behind us and honked so Lance dropped his phone and shrieked 

move-I’m-gay: like really loud 

move-I’m-gay: anyway we’ll be back at your place in like fifteen minutes Pidge 

Pidgeotto: bring the snacks or I’m locking you out 

move-I’m-gay: Fine 

LoverboyLance: I DID NOT SHRIEK I YELLED LIKE A MAN

ShiroDad: Don’t make me take your phones away you two

ShiroDad: no arguing and nobody gets shotgun since you’re both being way too loud 

Pidgeotto: I’m living for your username right now Shiro

Pidgeotto: l i v i n g

 

3:14 am- LoverboyLance to move-I’m-gay

LoverboyLance: dude I have a question

move-I’m-gay: Lance it’s like three in the morning what do you want 

LoverboyLance: do you sleep with your knife under your pillow or something?

move-I’m-gay: I’m to tired for this what kind of question is that

LoverboyLance: the kind you answer, Mullet. Consider it part of the game

move-I’m-gay: or what? I’m under no obligation to

LoverboyLance: I have coffee in my system, a folder full of memes, and an endless dictionary of variations on the word “bro” and I am not afraid to spam you

move-I’m-gay: fine yes I do sometimes now shut up 

LoverboyLance: I KNEW IT

move-I’m-gay: Don’t I get a turn?

LoverboyLance: yeah go ahead

move-I’m-gay: why’d you ask about the knife?

LoverboyLance: idk but you just always seem to have it on you and you’re clearly used to it from how fast you drew it at the convenience store 

LoverboyLance: new question: why DO you have so much experience? Martial arts or something?

move-I’m-gay: or something. It’s… complicated, I guess, and not something I tell a lot of people.

LoverboyLance: Dude, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. Hail Mary or whatever.

move-I’m-gay: No, it’ll come out eventually anyway. You know how Shiro is basically my brother?

LoverboyLance: “Basically”? You’re not actually related?

move-I’m-gay: Adoptive. Before I met him, though, my life was way different. To make a long, difficult story short, I ended up on the streets for a few years when I was a kid- hence the knife skills

LoverboyLance: whoa

LoverboyLance: You’re actually pretty awesome for having gone through that, Keith

LoverboyLance: I’m not gonna ask how or why that happened to you but thanks for telling me that

move-I’m-gay: Thanks for listening, Lance

move-I’m-gay: and no offense but it’s still an unholy hour of the morning 

LoverboyLance: whoop got distracted sorry man

LoverboyLance: Goodnight (or morning, or whatever)

move-I’m-gay: right back at you


	2. Introducing... A Walking Meme!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enter Matt (in case the title doesn’t make that clear lol) and a new crush

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pls keep in mind this was written while I was sick and constantly distracted by being completely unable to speak and breathe normally 
> 
> Enjoy!

1:18 pm- Nobody Here Is Straight

Matthematics: hey everybody give me the opposites, I need them for important research:  
Always  
Coming  
From  
Get  
Me  
Down

Pidgeotto: Matt that is not how you introduce yourself to people Jesus Christ

ShiroDad: Nobody’s gonna fall for that anyway

move-I’m-gay: Never going to give you up? I dont get it

move-I’m-gay: WAIT NO

Matthematics: YOU WERE SAYING, SHIRO???

CinnamonRoll: Keith

CinnamonRoll: Buddy

CinnamonRoll: How the heck did you fall for that 

move-I’m-gay: I’m running on broken dreams and fifteen shots of espresso rn cUT ME SOME SLACK 

LoverboyLance: have you NEVER heard of self care?

move-I’m-gay: self care is breaking into NASA and just 

move-I’m-gay: LAUNCHING yourself into space with the aliens

Matthematics: I see Keith is still slowly killing himself 

Matthematics: Just like old times, buddy

move-I’m-gay: buzz off you walking meme

LoverboyLance: Pidge I’m assuming this is your “dork brother” we keep hearing stories about?

Matthematics: WHATEVER YOU HAVE HEARD FROM MY SISTER IS A LIE

Princess-Alluring: Evidently the “Matt will be here in a week” line was also a lie because she said that a little over a day ago

Pidgeotto: I was in denial about him showing up 

Pidgeotto: Also I put in the wrong date on my calendar by mistake so whatever 

ShiroDad: Wait Matt I think I see you by that kiosk

Matthematics: I was wondering who the dead inside-looking guy outside the cafe was!

LoverboyLance: Matt oml you’re my new best friend 

ShiroDad: just come over here and catch up I haven’t seen you in forever

LoverboyLance: HUNK JUST THREW A PILLOW AT ME FOR THE MATT COMMENT JESUS DUDE

Pidgeotto: Lance is was one pillow stop wailing 

Pidgeotto: you’re making me regret studying in the dorm with you two

LoverboyLance: I’m sorry, have you SEEN Hunk’s arms? They’re literally thicker than I am and he could probably injure someone with a feather if he tried hard enough that pillow HURT

CinnamonRoll: Thanks…?

Matthematics: Oooh sounds buff I’m gonna have to meet him

LoverboyLance: back off he’s mine

CinnamonRoll: This is both flattering and weirdly hilarious

LoverboyLance: Wait now that Matt’s here he can play Infinity Questions with us YASS

Matthematics: ?

Pidgeotto: basically Twenty Questions bro

Matthematics: so I can ask anyone anything… hmm…. YO EVERYBODY WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE VINE 

LoverboyLance: “Just let out the sounds that are trapped in your mind” “SREEEAAAAAHHHHH”

Princess-Alluring: LiPsTiCk In My VaLeNtInO wHiTe BaG?

CinnamonRoll: STOP I coulda dropped my CROISSANT 

move-I’m-gay: its in my username buddy 

Pidgeotto: “Stop saying I look like Chicken Little” or “welcome to Chili’s” it’s a tie

ShiroDad: Kevin! Kevin, watch the light- *SMASH*

LoverboyLance: o.0

LoverboyLance: Shiro MEMES???!?!

ShiroDad: no

LoverboyLance: SHIRO???

[ShiroDad has left the chat]

Matthematics: [image sent] lol he’s BRIGHT RED 

Pidgeotto: Seriously it’s been ten minutes since I added you to this burning dumpster of a chat and you already destroyed it

 

1:28pm- My-Other-Dad to Pidgeon 

My-Other-Dad: YOU DIDN’T TELL ME MATT HAD A GLO UP

Pidgeon: I knew the blushing wasn’t just you accidentally revealing your memer status to Lance

Pidgeon: btw I’m screenshotting this so dont cross me

My-Other-Dad: you aren’t helping Katie

 

1:30pm- BigBrotherIsWatchingYou to Kogayne

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: h e l p

Kogayne: you’re having a gay panic aren’t you

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: Do I need to bring up the incident in your tenth grade?

Kogayne: FINE WHAT DO YOU WANT

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: Keith he had a major glo up this is ridiculous

Kogayne: I know neither of us has seen Matt in forever but how much could he have changed 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: [image sent]

Kogayne: nvm you’re screwed he got hot

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: Keith this is unhelpful

Kogayne: what do you want me to do? I can’t flirt to save my life and you’re currently on the opposite side of campus 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: Fine I’ll just suffer 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: hope you’re happy

 

1:34pm- BiDisaster to Pidgeon

BiDisaster: Katie help me

Pidgeon: lemme guess: bi panic

BiDisaster: SO MUCH 

BiDisaster: he paid for a drink for me??? Offered to help show me around any parts of campus I’m not familiar with??? Compared schedules??? IS THIS A DATE I HAVEN’T SEEN HIM IN A YEAR I’M NOT READY

Pidgeon: wait a minute he did what

Pidgeon: I gotta do something bye

BiDisaster: Pidge??

BiDisaster: PIDGE???

BiDisaster: DON’T ABANDON ME YOU TRAITOR

BiDisaster: Did you just block me [message could not be sent]

 

1:36pm- Pidgeon added BiDisaster#2, KnifeBoi, Second-Mom, and SunshineChild to the chat

[Pidgeon renamed the chat Older Brothers Being Stupid]

BiDisaster#2: okay two things

BiDisaster: 1) change my nickname and 2) why does this exist

Pidgeon: I’m not changing anything we got a situation to fix 

Pidgeon: [image sent] [image sent] as you can see, they’re both being very gay and very stupid and we need to stop this disaster from… disastering 

KnifeBoi: [image sent] Shiro came running to me too

BiDisaster#2: HE IS A MEMER I KNEW IT

SunshineChild: Lance I don’t think that’s the important takeaway here

KnifeBoi: oh please those two have been crushing on each other forever this isn’t news

Second-Mom: for you maybe! Finally you lot can shut up about me and Shay

BiDisaster#2: HA I KNEW IT

SunshineChild: Lance you owe me $10

BiDisaster#2: you have no proof of any bet existing 

Second-Mom: I have made a mistake 

Pidgeon: one gay disaster at a time guys

BiDisaster#2: Right right right Operation: Older Bro Get-Together is a go

KnifeBoi: Yess if they finally get together Shiro will stop pining loudly when I’m trying to focus

KnifeBoi: I’m in let’s matchmake

SunshineChild: should we be meddling this much?

BiDisaster#2: Hunk your middle name is “meddling”

BiDisaster#2: you meddle more than the Scooby Doo characters

Pidgeon: iF iT wAsN’t FoR yOu MeDdLiNg KiDs

SunshineChild: Alright fine I’m in but if this goes south I am pinning everything on you guys

Pidgeon: that’s fair

Second-Mom: let’s do it

BiDisaster#2: I even have a plan and it involves Infinity Questions

Second-Mom: Dear god this is never going to work

BiDisaster#2: Shush and watch the magic happen

 

1:40pm- LoverboyLance to Nobody Here Is Straight

LoverboyLance: Okay guys I got a question for the game

LoverboyLance: what was your queer awakening

LoverboyLance: I watched wayyyy to many telenovelas as a kid.. lots of beefy dudes and hot ladies, how could I not like both?

Pidgeotto: Lance youre an idiot

Pidgeotto: I just realized that people suck and computers are better

Pidgeotto: plus I just never really looked at people that way so aro/ace for the win

Matthematics: There was this one guy in my senior year at high school who I took one look at and then decided, “yeah I’m just not straight anymore”

Pidgeotto: Matt I seem to recall several internet searches along the lines of “Am I gay???” “Does wanting to kiss one hot guy make you gay” and so on until you locked yourself in a closet, waited for our parents to enter the room, then burst out with a bunch of balloons in the bi flag colors screaming “GUESS WHAT I’M BI”

LoverboyLance: Matt it’s official I’m taking you as my new brother

CinnamonRoll: I had less of a queer awakening and more of a queer… PAN-ic in like the ninth grade I drove myself nuts for three months trying to forgive myself out and then saw the definition of pan online and i was like “oh that sounds about right”

LoverboyLance: please don’t make this situation worse with puns 

Princess-Alluring: girls.

LoverboyLance: that’s fair 

move-I’m-gay: boys.

LoverboyLance: also fair

ShiroDad: Honestly I just never liked girls (no offense to the ladies on this chat)

Pidgeotto: none taken

Princess-Alluring: more for me ;)

LoverboyLance: so Matt

Matthematics: ?

LoverboyLance: who exactly was the guy you described

Matthematics: oh its nobody you dont know him nobody on this chat does haven’t seen him in forever anyways haha BYE

[Matthematics has left the chat]

ShiroDad: what the heck was that about?

 

1:50pm

ShiroDad: guys????

2:00pm

ShiroDad: WHERE DID YOU ALL GO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I know there’s hardly any Klance yet but we’ll get there friends I promise. It’s just that the Matt/Shiro feels hit me in the middle of suffering from a very annoying sore throat so I stuck them in there for now. Hope you enjoyed!
> 
> (PS- next chapter may or may not include Kosmo and I promise you will be happy with said space doge)


	3. Enter: SPACE FLOOFLE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kosmo arrives, Lance thinks he’s a genius, and Matt is back in the closet (though not the way you think)

11:59am- BiDisaster#2 to Older Brothers Being Stupid

BiDisaster#2: Guys I have an idea to further the plan but somebody else has to ask the question 

SunshineChild: why

BiDisaster#2: Bc 1) If I’m the only one who ever asks anything they might get suspicious and 2) I’m lazy

Pidgeon: That last one is true

BiDisaster#2: Stop insulting me

Pidgeon: But it’s my job

Second-Mom: Just tell us what the question is, Lance

KnifeBoi: Whatever it is I’m not gonna ask

Pidgeon: Ditto

SunshineChild: you are all being ridiculous I’ll ask it

BiDisaster#2: Pretty much everyone has to answer to keep up appearances even if you’re not the one who asked ya know

Second-Mom: I’m sure we’ll all answer, but you have to tell us what it is

BiDisaster#2: Well….

 

12:02pm- CinnamonRoll to Nobody Here Is Straight

CinnamonRoll: Okay I have a question for the game

CinnamonRoll: What would you look for in an ideal partner? This can be platonic

Pidgeotto: ha aro/ace inclusive I love it

Pidgeotto: well someone who listens to and understands everything I say and is nice and keeps up with me bc I have no time for fakes in my friendship zone

LoverboyLance: Plus they gotta be taller than 5’5’ right bc you have to climb three stools and the wall to reach the top shelf where Hunk hides the cookies

Pidgeotto: YOU ABSOLUTE TITANS ONE DAY I WILL GROW 

Matthematics: Pidge you haven’t grown an inch since age 12

CinnamonRoll: OKAY CONTINUING ON- Mine would be someone sweet and caring. Tbh all they have to be is genuine I don’t discriminate 

LoverboyLance: you are awesome Hunk

LoverboyLance: uhhh I like long hair, pretty eyes, doesn’t really matter what color, someone who validates me while I’m under the crushing weight of being alive, confident, self-assured

move-I’m-gay: what was that last one?

LoverboyLance: Self-assured 

move-I’m-gay: no

Princess-Alluring: The intelligent, sugary type

Princess-Alluring: And ngl thick thighs are my thing 

CinnamonRoll: So… Shay, essentially 

Princess-Alluring: Will you shush and let the others go?

Matthematics: I have this thing for edgy scars idk why

Matthematics: Also protective and genuinely kind people like somebody who’ll take me under their wing but also respect me as an equal and crap

ShiroDad: I don’t think i have a “type” per se… it’s just people I like 

Princess-Alluring: So you’ve dated before?

move-I’m-gay: Allura, bad idea

Princess-Alluring: what did I say??

ShiroDad: Keith just go

move-I’m-gay: I’m not looking for anybody right now so uhhhhh idk

move-I’m-gay: pretty boys

move-I’m-gay: *shrug emoji*

Pidgeotto: Did you seriously just type the words “shrug emoji”?

move-I’m-gay: I don’t know how to type the actual thing out

Pidgeotto: That’s it where are you I’m gonna educate you on the ways of the Internet

[move-I’m-gay has left the chat]

Pidgeotto: Wow.

 

12:10- Kogayne to BigBrotherIsWatchingYou

Kogayne: So

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: ? 

Kogayne: The type Matt described sounded an awful lot like you huh

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: What are you trying to get at? There’s nothing there

Kogayne: I give up you’re hopeless

 

12:15pm- TallerGremlin to Shirogayne

TallerGremlin: Can I ask you something? Not really to do with Infinity Questions but I’m curious 

Shirogayne: Go ahead

TallerGremlin: You got kind of squirrely when Allura asked you about your previous dating life

TallerGremlin: I met you back in freshman year of high school and none of your exes were that bad so did something happen during the year I was in Europe?

Shirogayne: ..yeah something happened

TallerGremlin: How bad? I’m just concerned 

Shirogayne: You remember my next-door neighbor?

TallerGremlin: Vaguely. You two dated?

Shirogayne: after you left. I was having a bad day and he came up to me to ask what was wrong

Shirogayne: The next day he asked me out and we ended up together for a few months

TallerGremlin: So how did it end?

Shirogayne: ….

Shirogayne: uhhhmm

TallerGremlin: You know what that’s it you're not allowed to be sad if i can help it

TallerGremlin: You’re in the dorm right?

Shirogayne: yes? Why?

Shirogayne: Matt?

12:23pm

Shirogayne: IS THAT YOU HAMMERING ON THE DOOR?

TallerGremlin: yeah I left my keys inside by mistake now let me in

Shirogayne: why

TallerGremlin: I have snacks and cheesy Hallmark movies we can laugh at together 

Shirogayne:... okay you can come in gimme a sec

 

10:32pm- move-I’m-gay to Nobody Here Is Straight 

move-I’m-gay: GUYS RED ALERT I NEED SOME HELP

ShiroDad: Did you get arrested again???

move-I’m-gay: What? No

Pidgeotto: “again”

move-I’m-gay: this is serious Pidge I found a dog by the side of the road and I need help sneaking it in bc it’s hurt 

Matthematics: what about going to the vet?

move-I’m-gay: it’s closed this time of night 

LoverboyLance: HHHHHHHH

LoverboyLance: I’M HELPING 

CinnamonRoll: I shouldn’t be condoning this but there’s a hurt dog so SCREW THE RULES

CinnamonRoll: Lance, you help Keith break the law and I’ll get the dog food

Matthematics: I can help sneak it in I’m surprisingly good at that 

Pidgeotto: I have the security cameras hacked so you’re covered there

ShiroDad: Katie.

Pidgeotto: I thought we all knew that

Princess-Alluring: I’ll get Shay!

Pidgeotto: I was gonna call you a useless lesbian again but then I remembered that Shay’s family are all veterinarians 

Princess-Alluring: see, if you’d stop teasing me, you’d get more stuff done.

ShiroDad: i might be able to run interference with the instructors 

move-I’m-gay: I’m on the north side of campus someone come help before I get caught 

CinnamonRoll: Okay Lance is on his way and I think Matt is too but I need to know what kind of dog so I don’t get the wrong kind of food from the grocery store 

move-I’m-gay: [image sent]

Pidgeotto: Jesus is that a dog or a pile of mud 

CinnamonRoll: I can’t see any identifying marks so I’m just getting meat

move-I’m-gay: he’s dirty and hurt don’t make fun of him

ShiroDad: Did you seriously already get attached???

LoverboyLance: uhh guys I made it to Keith where’s Matt

Matthematics: got held up by Professor Sanda you guys are gonna have to do this without me

move-I’m-gay: Roger. Meet you at the dorm

 

10:40pm- Princess-Alluring added SugarSweet to the chat

SugarSweet: I heard there’s an injured dog?

Pidgeotto: hi Shay!

Pidgeotto: Keith and Lance are almost back 

Pidgeotto: scratch that they just climbed in the window and lifted what seems to be a very mobile pile of mud and leaves through it

SugarSweet: I’ll be over there in five. Can I get pictures?

CinnamonRoll: I just got back guys and Pidge has a point about that dog

move-I’m-gay: Gonna say it here everybody needs to stop harping on him

LoverboyLance: Keith’s a dog person. Noted. Where’s Matt?

Matthematics: egrhjer

Matthematics: RUNNING 

Matthematics: IF I DIE DELETE MY SEARCH HISTORY 

Matthematics: okay nvm I’m good made it to a broom closet and I’ll be hiding here for a while 

ShiroDad: I’m not even going to ask

SugarSweet: Um, guys? Pictures?

Princess-Alluring: i got this

Princess-Alluring: [image sent] Sorry if it’s blurry but SOMEBODY couldn’t keep his dog still

SugarSweet: Allura… honey… that’s not a dog

move-I’m-gay: ?? Are you telling me this is a kitten?

LoverboyLance: Looks like a fluffy puppy to me

LoverboyLance: I mean a muddy one but it’s definitely canine

SugarSweet: That’s a wolf pup

SugarSweet: or maybe it’s a wolfdog I can’t quite tell from the pic

SugarSweet: Either way Keith took home something that is decidedly NOT a “fluffy puppy”

Matthematics: Keith you absolute walnut YOU BROUGHT A WOLF INTO THE DORM

ShiroDad: everyone let it be noted that KEITH IS GROUNDED 

move-I’m-gay: well he hasn’t bitten anybody so i think we’re good 

LoverboyLance: I’m still helping him loOK HOW CUTE HE IS

SugarSweet: Same, although we really should get to the vet as soon as it opens

CinnamonRoll: agreed

Pidgeotto: Can we just clean the not-dog already before he stinks up the entire dorm? I’m not sleeping somewhere that smells of whatever he’s been rolling in

SugarSweet: I’m here please let me in and then we’ll see what can be done

Princess-Alluring: on it babe

Pidgeotto: This is turning out to be a really wild night guys

Matthematics: ...I accidentally locked myself in the broom closet someone come get me

Pidgeotto: case in point

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three guesses as to who Shiro’s “mysterious” ex was lol
> 
> As always, feedback is appreciated!


	4. OH! He needs some COFFEE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We got some drama folks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: *tries to write*
> 
> My brain: Tutant meenage neetle teetles
> 
> Me: Wh 
> 
> My brain: STAYIN’ ALIVE, STAYIN’ ALIVE-
> 
> Me: I give up
> 
> Sorry this chapter took so long but I’ve been really frazzled recently and ran into some writer’s block (that demon that haunts all authors) but here it is!
> 
>  
> 
> ...at long last (glares at brain)

12:00am- move-I’m-gay to Nobody Here Is Straight

move-I’m-gay: EVERYBODY SOUND OFF I WANT TO KNOW WHO THE HECK IS MAKING A HUGE RACKET RIGHT OUTSIDE MY DOOR

CinnamonRoll: I DON’T GET NO SLEEP CAUSE OF Y’ALL

Pidgeotto: Y’ALL NOT GONE GET NO SLEEP CAUSE OF MEEE

LoverboyLance: IT IS I, PEASANTS

move-I’m-gay: idk what’s going on but can you PLEASE stop singing “Jingle Bells” in the hallways???

ShiroDad: Guys. It’s midnight. SHUT UP

Princess-Alluring: You three absolute idiots woke the wolf and he’s chewing on my stuff Keith you seriously have to do something 

move-I’m-gay: He’s lonely, just play with him

Princess-Alluring: AT THIS UNGODLY HOUR?? 

ShiroDad: Keith, I respect that you have bonded with the wolf pup but it’s been two days and we seriously need to find somewhere to put him

move-I’m-gay: I don’t trust the pound, he might get put down or released somewhere hostile!

Princess-Alluring: HE IS A WOLF HE CAN TAKE CARE OF HIMSELF 

Matthematics: You even made Allura mad what’s the occasion

Pidgeotto: FIRST OF DECEMBER BINCH WHY AREN’T YOU AT ELF PRACTICE

Matthematics: OH 

SugarSweet: I completely forgot! I have to start shopping immediately oh dear

Princess-Alluring: Did they wake you up? If so I apologize and am currently on my way to beat every “caroler” over the head with my pillow

Princess-Alluring: Which, by the way, is covered in slobber. KEITH

SugarSweet: Actually I woke up when your first text complaining about Keith’s wolf came though babe

Princess-Alluring: …

Matthematics: I think I can HEAR her blood pressure rising 

move-I’m-gay: All the wannabe carolers better run bc I just saw Allura charge out of her room carrying a pillow and she looks mad

LoverboyLance: hfdjkhkdf

CinnamonRoll: ABORT ABORT 

Matthematics: GET ON MY BACK PIDGEON WE’RE RUNNING

ShiroDad: Thanksgiving and Halloween with only Pidge, Lance, and Hunk were bad enough, now we have to deal with Matt joining them? How hard do I have to hit my head to go into a coma?

move-I’m-gay: don’t remind me of the jack-o-lantern incident again I only recently managed to erase that from my brain

SugarSweet: Jack-o-lantern incident? Do I even want to know?

ShiroDad: Pidge dared Lance to wear a jack-o-lantern on his head, hide in a closet, and jump out to scare Hunk and the poor kid ended up getting caught by Professor Iverson instead 

move-I’m-gay: Lance was in hot water for a straight week, Pidge fell over laughing and had to get stitches because she hit her head, Hunk had to cover for Lance (poorly), and Shiro tried to ban Halloween from the dorm

move-I’m-gay: the operative word being “tried”

ShiroDad: Suffice to say I ended up covered in green slime that stained my skin for the following WEEK as revenge and you don’t even want to know the fiasco that was Thanksgiving (I tried to ban that too) so I’m both intrigued and terrified to see what they pull for Christmas 

SugarSweet: Good lord I’m going to have to watch my back around you all

LoverboyLance: Nah you’re good Shay

LoverboyLance: we only prank KILLJOYS

LoverboyLance: …s h i r o

move-I’m-gay: So you pull this kind of stuff EVERY year? I’ve only known you a few months and I’m already starting to grow white hair like Shiro

move-I’m-gay: SHIRO THREW A PILLOW AT ME CALM DOWN YOU TODDLER

Princess-Alluring: Hunk and I have known Lance since middle school and the answer is yes, he does, and he ropes his friends into it

Princess-Alluring: I’m honestly surprised I wasn’t recruited for this horror show considering I’m the only person here who can carry a tune now WHERE DID YOU IDIOTS GO

Pidgeotto: BACK TO THE DORM NOWWWWW I JUST SAW PROFESSER IVERSON AND HE LOOKS TICKED 

Pidgeotto: *PROFESSOR

Matthematics: oh god we need to RUN

LoverboyLance: WHO LOCKED THE DOOR

move-I’m-gay: Allura when she left calm down i got it

LoverboyLance: HURRY I DON’T WANT TO GET CAUGHT WHILE WEARING AN ELF HAT AND BOOTS

ShiroDad: if we all get written up I’m banning Christmas in the dorm. Congrats, the tally of banned holidays is now three thanks to you chuckleheads

Matthematics: Shiro eat a Snickers you’re not yourself

ShiroDad: Screw you

Matthematics: yeah he really is tired 

SugarSweet: This may be bad timing but… happy holidays, I guess?

 

9:12am- ShiroDad to Nobody Here Is Straight

ShiroDad: What did we learn?

CinnamonRoll: ...that we get carried away by the holiday spirit?

ShiroDad: True but not what I was going for

Pidgeotto: No more midnight celebrations 

ShiroDad: And?

LoverboyLance: Don’t mess with your sanity before the sun is even up

ShiroDad: Lance wins

move-I’m-gay: I feel like this morning was like a massive fever dream tbh

move-I’m-gay: you guys even got Shiro to yell and the only person who ticks him off that much is Professor Slav

Matthematics: In his defense he hadn’t had coffee yet and we’re a lot to deal with

Princess-Alluring: I’d murder you all still but I appreciate the spirit

Sugar-Sweet: hey I have a question

LoverboyLance: Is it for the game?

Sugar-Sweet: Yes, I suppose it counts

Princess-Alluring: Shay this better not be about the conversation you and I had earlier I swear

Sugar-Sweet: Coffee, tea, or hot chocolate? Go

Princess-Alluring: Shay I love you but yOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU JUST UNLEASHED

LoverboyLance: COFFEE OR DIE

Pidgeotto: hard same

ShiroDad: Depends on my mood but I don’t have much of a sweet tooth so definitely not hot chocolate

Princess-Alluring: tea is superior you Yankees

move-I’m-gay: Allura I hate to tell you this but you’re wrong it’s coffee

CinnamonRoll: all

Matthematics: That’s not an answer Hunk (also: coffee)

CinnamonRoll: a l l 

CinnamonRoll: why do I have to choose they’re all good on their own merit

Sugar-Sweet: I just realized that asking a pansexual guy to have a preference between multiple choices was probably a bad idea

CinnamonRoll: bingo 

LoverboyLance: wait

LoverboyLance: I just had a brilliant idea

LoverboyLance: LET’S DO SECRET SANTA THIS YEAR

Pidgeotto: no I suck at presents 

LoverboyLance: Do it Pidgeon

Pidgeotto: nO

Matthematics: SeCrEt SaNtA

CinnamonRoll: SeCrEt SaNtA

Matthematics: gIVE IN PIDGE

Pidgeotto: FINE BUT WHOEVER GETS ME FOR SECRET SANTA IS GONNA REGRET THEIR GIFT

Princess-Alluring: that’s actually not a bad idea!

Sugar-Sweet: I’m in!

ShiroDad: ….

move-I’m-gay: you do realize that you can’t actually ban Christmas in the dorm right?

ShiroDad: Alright, but keep it tame or I actually will ban it

ShiroDad: No inappropriate gag gifts

ShiroDad: I mean it

CinnamonRoll: ...Lance

LoverboyLance: you’re no fun but fine

move-I’m-gay: I’ll do it but same warning as Pidge I can’t give gifts to save my life

Pidgeotto: That’s true he once gave me soap for my birthday

move-I’m-gay: you swore never to talk about that!

Pidgeotto: I lied

CinnamonRoll: I suddenly pity whoever gets Keith’s gift

CinnamonRoll: Soap? Come on, buddy

move-I’m-gay: it’s been established that I don’t have social skills

Matthematics: I’ll say. Remember that time in your tenth grade?

move-I’m-gay: Matt, your next words decide whether or not you live to see this Christmas. Choose wisely 

LoverboyLance: well now I wanna know

move-I’m-gay: and you never will. RIGHT, MATT?

ShiroDad: Matt that’s my best piece of blackmail on him don’t say a word

Matthematics: oh fine

 

9:20am- Pidgeon to BiDisaster

Pidgeon: somebody’s whipped

BiDisaster: shUT UP

 

9:21am- Matthematics to Nobody Here Is Straight

Matthematics: so we draw names out of a hat or something? I have a top hat buried in the closet somewhere 

CinnamonRoll: ?? Just a random top hat?

Pidgeotto: left over from his magic phase probably

Matthematics: hey! Good memories!

Pidgeotto: for you, not the person you had to “saw in half”

Pidgeotto: AKA me

CinnamonRoll: Hey Lance had a magic phase too

LoverboyLance: HHHHHHH

LoverboyLance: I TRUSTED YOU WITH THAT DARK TIME

CinnamonRoll: oh please I have worse dirt on you than a phase that lasted two months 

Princess-Alluring: Odd magic phases aside, we can draw names. I’m in the dorm with Shay atm anyway, so I can set it up

Pidgeotto: with Shayyyy, huh????

Princess-Alluring: oh please it’s not like that

Sugar-Sweet: Nah we’re just trying to decide a better place to hide the wolf than locked up in Keith and Shiro’s room

move-I’m-gay: Don’t let Allura near him she’s mean 

Princess-Alluring: [image attached] the wolf doesn’t seem to think so

move-I’m-gay: that little traitor 

LoverboyLance: HOW’D YOU GET HIM TO CALMLY SIT FOR A SELFIE THIS IS TOO CUTE AHHHH

Sugar-Sweet: You know what, that is strange. He’s oddly well-behaved for a wolf, especially a young one like this.

move-I’m-gay: maybe he’s just smart, I wouldn’t put it past him

Sugar-Sweet: No, I think he may actually have been trained before. Watch this-

Sugar-Sweet: [video sent]

CinnamonRoll: HE’S SO CUTE OMG

LoverboyLance: you’ve GOT to teach me how to get him to roll over like that seriously

Princess-Alluring: It really does seem like this wolf has training, though. Anyone think he had a previous owner?

move-I’m-gay: If he did it was a crap owner, since I found him on the side of the road.

LoverboyLance: I agree with Keith

CinnamonRoll: oooooohhh if I ever met whoever abandoned that poor ball of fluff they’re gonna have to catch these hands

Pidgeotto: If you get to them first you might have to fight me for it

Matthematics: Get in line Pidge 

Sugar-Sweet: Alright, if we want to know for sure, we really do have to take him in and see if he’s registered anywhere

move-I’m-gay:....

 

9:29am- BigBrotherIsWatchingYou to Kogayne 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: I know you got attached- and god knows you don't get attached often- but this has to do with the wolf’s health, alright?

Kogayne:....

 

9:30am- move-I’m-gay to Nobody Here Is Straight

move-I’m-gay: Alright, but you're going to Shay’s family’s clinic, right? 

Princess-Alluring: wouldn’t have it any other way. He’ll be fine

Sugar-Sweet: I’m going to have to run soon but later today we can go

 

1:34pm- LoverboyLance to move-I’m-gay

LoverboyLance: You alright, Keith?

move-I’m-gay: mm

LoverboyLance: You just seemed really down earlier

LoverboyLance: Want to talk? I’m sure the wolf will be fine and we’ll find a solution or him 

move-I’m-gay: I think I just need to wind down some

move-I’m-gay: I’ll be fine

LoverboyLance: Tell you what meet me in my room tonight

move-I’m-gay: erm

move-I’m-gay: why

LoverboyLance: Just trust me okay

LoverboyLance: I gotta go ask Hunk something one sec

 

1:36pm- LoverboyLance added Hunky and Shirogayne

[LoverboyLance named the chat Mullet Mental Health]

LoverboyLance: I need a favor 

Hunky: I don’t even need to ask who this chat was made for

Shirogayne: 1) I appreciate the nickname 2) what’s the favor and what does it have to do with Keith?

LoverboyLance: He’s down and nobody’s allowed to be down in this dorm so Hunk I need you out of our room tonight and Shiro I need to ask is he can sleep in yours tonight

Hunky: If Shiro’s cool with it then yeah

Shirogayne: I wouldn’t mind he’s probably quieter than Keith

LoverboyLance: nah he snores but NO TAKE BACKS 

Hunky: I’m insulted 

LoverboyLance: all in good fun buddy (and you do snore)

Shirogayne: Now that that’s settled, what exactly are you planning?

[LoverboyLance has left the chat]

Hunky: at this point just roll with it Shiro

Shirogayne: I’m too young for gray hair AND YET…

Hunky: can I ask who you drew for Secret Santa?

Shirogayne: Matt

Hunky: wait a minute

[Hunky has left the chat]

 

1:40pm- SunshineChild to Older Brothers Being Stupid

SunshineChild: Did anyone tamper with the name drawing???

BiDisaster#2: ……

Pidgeon: you have no proof 

KnifeBoi: It was Pidge she made sure Matt drew Shiro and vice versa

Pidgeon: TRAITOR

Second-Mom: that was unfair Pidge

Second-Mom: but also devious and I applaud you

KnifeBoi: I’m honestly surprised Shiro hasn’t panicked yet we drew two hours ago

 

1:41pm- BigBrotherIsWatchingYou to Kogayne

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: I DREW MATT AND IT JUST SANK IN HELP

[seen 1:41]

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: KEITH

[seen 1:42]

 

1:42pm- KnifeBoi to Older Brothers Being Stupid

KnifeBoi: nvm he’s flipping it’s hilarious 

Pidgeon: Now we wait

Pidgeon: although tbh I’m panicking a little I have no idea what to buy for my person

SunshineChild: Normal jitters, Pidge. I’m sure it’ll be fine 

KnifeBoi: I think I’m good

 

1:42pm- KnifeBoi to Pidgeon

KnifeBoi: I lied I drew Lance and I have NO IDEA what he would like Pidge help me

Pidgeon: wow you are really freaking out right now

Pidgeon: you’re on your own buddy

KnifeBoi: I hate you

 

9:45pm- CinnamonRoll to Nobody Here Is Straight

CinnamonRoll: I went into Lance’s room to see if he knew where Keith was so I could tell him about the new wolf situation and [image sent] [image sent]

Pidgeotto: are they CUDDLING?

Pidgeotto: In their SLEEP?

Pidgeotto: More for the blackmail folder I see

ShiroDad: That explains why Lance wanted Hunk out of their room

Princess-Alluring: Ah, the classic “Spa-night-and-kids-movie” routine Lance does this all the time

Sugar-Sweet: ???

Princess-Alluring: It’s his way of winding down and helping others do the same

CinnamonRoll: He does it with me pretty much on the regular but we never fall asleep in the same bed afterwards…

Pidgeotto: I smell dramaaaa

ShiroDad: Alright leave them alone for now

ShiroDad: we all need sleep 

Matthematics: Yeah today was… trippy 

Pidgeotto: Sleep is for the weak but you guys feel free to go to bed I’ll be studying

Sugar-Sweet: goodnight!

Princess-Alluring: goodnight everyone!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Those two falling asleep together was actually a scene I’ve had planned since the very beginning of this lol
> 
> As for who drew who:  
> Shiro and Matt drew each other  
> Keith—> Lance  
> Lance—> Keith (of course)  
> Pidge—>Allura  
> Allura—>Shay  
> Shay—> Hunk  
> Hunk—> Pidge
> 
> As always, feedback is appreciated!


	5. Snowed In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We got some more drama, some gay panic, and some snowy weather

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting schedule? Actual schoolwork? Don’t know her
> 
> I think I’ve basically figured out what I’m doing regarding posting new chapters of this- basically, don’t expect any on weekdays but either weekend day is free game
> 
> Enjoy the chapter, paladudes!
> 
> Wheeeeeeeee

6:30am- move-I’m-gay to Nobody Here Is Straight 

move-I’m-gay: I read through the group chat- you are all stalkers and I am ashamed to know you

move-I’m-gay: Hunk I thought you were better than this

CinnamonRoll: In my defense that was adorable and I thought you’d want to know the wolf situation

move-I’m-gay: I’m gonna ignore the fact that you took pictures of me sleeping to say WHAT SITUATION?

CinnamonRoll: Okay it’s mostly fine we were right he was abandoned 

CinnamonRoll: Shay’s dad tracked down the old owner and reported the guy

Matthematics: Shame. I would have liked to get my hands on that scumbag

move-I’m-gay: same but what’s up with the wolf???

CinnamonRoll: he can’t be released into the wild bc he was born in captivity (there was like a breeding ring or something? I don’t have all the details) and doesn’t know how to survive so Shay’s fam is gonna do their best to take care of him until professionals show up

move-I’m-gay: ….

move-I’m-gay: when’s that?

CinnamonRoll: Idk? Might be a while since the snow’s been getting bad recently and all

SugarSweet: 1) You’re all up awfully early and 2) The storms are only going to get worse, I checked the forecast, so it’ll definitely be a looong while

Matthematics: yeah I may or may not have never gone to sleep 

Matthematics: I had the urge to binge ATLA and when the Avatar calls, you answer

CinnamonRoll: Keith woke me up since I forgot to turn my ringer off but Shiro’s still snoring away

move-I’m-gay: yeah he snores I had to invest in earplugs after I started staying with him

move-I’m-gay: Can I… visit the wolf sometime at least?

SugarSweet: Of course! We owe you, actually, for being the one to find him

LoverboyLance: Just so everybody knows I’m gonna violently deny anything that happened last night

move-I’m-gay: Lance there’s photographic evidence

LoverboyLance: no

LoverboyLance: Also I feel like we should name this wolf since he’s gonna be around a while and it’s getting tiring just calling him “the wolf” or “Keith’s wolf”

move-I’m-gay: Lance you won’t even make eye contact with me come on

LoverboyLance: WHAT SHOULD WE NAME THE WOLF THIS IS FOR THE GAME

CinnamonRoll: Fluffy

Matthematics: Hunk… no. This is a WOLF not a Pomeranian he needs something cool like Thunderstorm Darkness

Pidgeotto: are you lack-of-sleep-drunk?

Matthematics: she aWaKeNs

Pidgeotto: that’s a yes and I say Gunther

Pidgeotto: wait why is Keith yelling in the hall?

Matthematics: [image sent] Lance must have kicked him out lmao look at that bedhead

move-I’m-gay: HE DID

LoverboyLance: I gotta get dressed, Mullet!

move-I’m-gay: no you’re in denial you never get dressed before eight am

move-I’m-gay: we had a bonding moment and you’re ignoring it????

Pidgeotto: ….okay logically I know all they did was watch movies and fall asleep in the same bed by accident but at the same time my mind went places at that line

LoverboyLance: TAKE YOUR MIND AWAY FROM THOSE PLACES 

CinnamonRoll: now it’s going there

Princess-Alluring: I hate you all for making my phone fALL OFF THE TABLE FROM THE NOTIFICATIONS WHEN I’M TRYING TO REST

SugarSweet: :0

Princess-Alluring: ...except for you 

SugarSweet: :D

Matthematics: [image sent] Keith’s sitting on the floor in front of Lance’s room??? He won’t leave???

move-I’m-gay: bc he’s being stupid and I refuse to let this go

LoverboyLance: anyway wolf names

LoverboyLance: I say Kosmo bc he’s got that pattern on his back that looks like stars

LoverboyLance: [image sent] plus he sat staring at my Star Wars poster for ten minutes straight once so he def likes space

move-I’m-gay: I never even agreed to name him what the heck 

Pidgeotto: that’s actually not a bad name

Matthematics: It’s cooler than “Fluffy” anyway you have my vote 

CinnamonRoll: that’s mean but I like Kosmo

Pidgeotto: the wolf or the name?

CinnamonRoll: yes

Princess-Alluring: I think it’s a cute name!

SugarSweet: Why not? I say Kosmo ftw

move-I’m-gay: I’m being ganged up on

Pidgeotto: Did you think he was gonna tell you his name in some kind of Disney-Pocahontas-type magic crap?

move-I’m-gay: no comment

Pidgeotto: I don’t even know how to deal with you

 

7:17am- LoverboyLance to move-I’m-gay

LoverboyLance: please tell me you’re not still outside

LoverboyLance: okay kicking the door was unnecessary 

move-I’m-gay: I jumped and hit the door handle with my head I didn’t kick it

LoverboyLance: did you fall asleep outside my door?

LoverboyLance: wait I just got a pic from Hunk yeah you did 

move-I’m-gay: he’s on my list now

LoverboyLance: why are you so hung up on this?

move-I’m-gay: If I answer that you have to answer a question of mine

LoverboyLance: I’m only accepting if you’ll leave my room alone right after so I can go get something to eat that isn’t ramen and Doritos

move-I’m-gay: deal

LoverboyLance: okay then answer the question Mullethead 

move-I’m-gay:.... 

move-I’m-gay: Honestly? I’m not sure

move-I’m-gay: I kinda have this habit of pushing people away whenever they get too close so I guess I’m not used to people being that open with me? I mean you said some stuff in between Atlantis and forcing me to put on that weird-smelling face mask

LoverboyLance: it’s exfoliating you heathen

move-I’m-gay: I guess what I’m saying is getting closer to you was important to me and when you decided to vehemently deny that it really hurt 

move-I’m-gay: I dIDN’T MEAN TO HIT SEND ON THAT I WAS GONNA DELETE IT

LoverboyLance: ignoring the fact I just heard you scream what sounded like profanity in what I’m 90% sure is Japanese 

LoverboyLance: I didn’t realize that would hurt you and I’m sorry. 

move-I’m-gay: it’s not “okay” exactly but I accept that

move-I’m-gay: my turn 

move-I’m-gay: why exactly did you refuse to acknowledge it?

LoverboyLance: Because everyone kept making fun of me, dude! What was I supposed to do?

LoverboyLance: I panicked

LoverboyLance: I highkey panicked

LoverboyLance: and I’m sorry I screwed up and hurt you bc of that panic 

move-I’m-gay: …

move-I’m-gay: … 

LoverboyLance: you okay out there dude?

move-I’m-gay: yeah

move-I’m-gay: That just wasn’t the answer I was expecting 

move-I’m-gay: wow we are both disasters huh

LoverboyLance: yeah we sure are

LoverboyLance: but I’m also a hungry disaster atm soooo

move-I’m-gay: I’ll get going

move-I’m-gay: and Lance?

LoverboyLance: ?

move-I’m-gay: thanks for talking. And being honest

LoverboyLance: not a problem bro

LoverboyLance: unless you tell Pidge about this

move-I’m-gay: Do I LOOK like I have a death wish? Go eat your not-ramen

 

7:20am- KnifeBoi to Pidgeon

KnifeBoi: [image sent] [image sent] I need help he’s too sincere

Pidgeon: and you are too gay

KnifeBoi: I know that you’re not helping

Pidgeon: do you seriously have a crush? Bc every time that happens something wild goes down and I want to record it this time

Pidgeon: I still can’t believe that MATT was the only one who witnessed that one epic fiasco in your tenth grade

Pidgeon: I wonder if they ever got the fire extinguishing foam out of the carpet….

KnifeBoi: shut 

KnifeBoi: up

KnifeBoi: And idk if this is a crush I have the social skills of a taco

Pidgeon: and you texted ME? 

KnifeBoi: that’s fair but also I know for a fact that if i went to Shiro he’d tease me to no end

Pidgeon: :)))))

KnifeBoi: if you tell him or anyone else about this conversation I’m burning your Killbot Phantasm 1 disc

Pidgeon: YOU WOULDN’T DARE

KnifeBoi: try me and find out

Pidgeon: Fiiiiine, your secret’s safe with me

Pidgeon: ...you absolute disaster gay

KnifeBoi: I have a lighter on me don’t try it

Pidgeon: bleh

 

One week later….

 

9:24am- CinnamonRoll to Nobody Here Is Straight

CinnamonRoll: Yo I got a question for the game

Princess-Alluring: spill

CinnamonRoll: favorite holiday traditions? Not necessarily Christmas just favorite traditions

CinnamonRoll: Mine has got to be cooking with my family

LoverboyLance: I bow down to your Uncle Filo’s food that man is a cooking GOD

CinnamonRoll: you’re not getting the famous secret recipe 

LoverboyLance: worth a shot

Pidgeotto: OFF-KEY CAROLING

Matthematics: SAME

Princess-Alluring: We’re well aware, you two… we’re well aware

Princess-Alluring: I LOVE exchanging meaningful gifts with my family and friends. It’s nice to see people know me well enough to know what will make me smile and it’s nice to know others well enough to do the same.

SugarSweet: that was so incredibly sweet babe 

Princess-Alluring: aww thanks boo

Pidgeotto: this is very gay

SugarSweet: I just enjoy the holiday season in general, honestly. I like celebrating anything I can

ShiroDad: Just spending time with everybody I love

move-I’m-gay: the snow is nice this time of year i guess

LoverboyLance: dude what the heck

move-I’m-gay: what? I prefer Halloween 

LoverboyLance: I’ll let it pass

CinnamonRoll: Lance you didn’t answer 

LoverboyLance: oh yeah

LoverboyLance: DECORATING

LoverboyLance: I can’t wait to go home and go nuts with the lights I’ll tell you that

Princess-Alluring: oh that’s right we’re going to have to push the Secret Santa due date up if we want to get everyone their gifts before we all head home for the holidays

Princess-Alluring: I know for a fact Lance is the first to leave and he goes in about a week and some so by then?

LoverboyLance: sounds like a plan!

move-I’m-gay: wait what

Pidgeotto: yep I’m dead I thought I had more time

CinnamonRoll: Wow I need to go shopping

Matthematics: Oh crap you might not be able to

CinnamonRoll: ???

Matthematics: has anyone actually checked the forecast recently? Look [link attached]

SugarSweet: I could have told you that look at the view out the window here [image sent]

LoverboyLance: Jesus that’s a LOT of snow

Matthematics: and we’re getting the least amount of snow expected right now! It’s supposed to get worse

Matthematics: Like hail and possible thundersnow worse

ShiroDad: I’m sure it’ll be fine, we can handle it

LoverboyLance: SHIRO I AM CUBAN I AM N O T BUILT TO HANDLE THIS FREEZING CRAP

Pidgeotto: since when are weather stations that accurate? It’ll be fine enough for us all to get home I’m sure

 

3:26pm- Matthematics to Nobody Here Is Straight

Matthematics: [link attached] Pidge jinxed us earlier everybody the storms are just gonna keep coming

LoverboyLance: the airport’s still open tho

LoverboyLance: right?????

LoverboyLance: PLEASE TELL ME IT’S OPEN

Pidgeotto: It’s not looking like it

Princess-Alluring: this is what happens when you go to college in the middle of nowhere in Colorado 

move-I’m-gay: So we’re stuck here?

LoverboyLance: WHAT?!?!

ShiroDad: As much as I’d like optimism right now… it’s really not looking good

SugarSweet: Well I live here but I’m sorry for all of you in case you really can’t get home

LoverboyLance: no need we’ll get home

LoverboyLance: definitely 

LoverboyLance: totally

LoverboyLance: RIGHT????

CinnamonRoll: Lance are you okay?

LoverboyLance: yeah I’m fine just 

LoverboyLance: I’m fine

move-I’m-gay: Lance?

[LoverboyLance has left the chat]

ShiroDad: Can someone go check on him? I’m stuck in a lecture

Pidgeotto: You’re setting a bad example for your children by texting in a lecture

CinnamonRoll: I can go check on Lance

move-I’m-gay: let us know if he’s okay

 

3:30pm- Pidgeon to KnifeBoi 

Pidgeon: “us”, huh?

KnifeBoi: shut up

Pidgeon: well on the upside if we are all stuck here then you have more time to figure out what to get him

KnifeBoi: you have a point

KnifeBoi: Who’d you draw?

Pidgeon: Allura

Pidgeon: Shiro said no inappropriate gag gifts so I got no clue

KnifeBoi: want to go to the store before the snow really comes down? We’ll probably need some food anyway and we can look for gifts together

Pidgeon: good idea

Pidgeon: you’re driving

KnifeBoi: Did you seriously think I would trust you with a motorized vehicle of any kind? 

KnifeBoi: Matt made those brownies again didn’t he that’s why you’re having crazy thoughts 

Pidgeon: Just meet me in the quad before I hijack your car

KnifeBoi: omw

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my beta read this and gave me the usual useful advice (“you made a couple spelling mistakes” and so on) then immediately said “There also isn’t enough Shiro but that’s a personal preference”
> 
> And tbh that’s a mood
> 
> He’ll be in here more in the next chapter don’t worry I was just focusing on our favorite red/blue couple :P
> 
> I love all feedback and hope you enjoyed!


	6. Where the Heck Did He Go?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Little more serious this time around but still some fun and games
> 
> ...some >:)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Real life is kicking my butt right now and my beta was busy so sorry for being slightly late this time around *shrugs* you now how it is
> 
> Enjoy!

6:01pm- move-I’m-gay to Nobody Here Is Straight

move-I’m-gay: Hunk you never got back to us on Lance and I haven’t seen him since Pidge and I got back

CinnamonRoll: he wouldn’t come out of his room when I asked for about twenty minutes and then he came out and said he was going to the library

Pidgeotto: and you didn’t tell us?? Dude that was like three hours ago

CinnamonRoll: that’s about when an insane squirrel got in through SOMEBODY'S open window and tried to destroy everything so I got a little distracted and forgot

Pigeotto: whose window

CinnamonRoll: YOURS, PIDGE! I KEEP TELLING YOU TO CLOSE THE GOD DANG WINDOW BUT NOOOO YOU WANT TO “BE CLOSER TO THE SNOW SO YOU CAN GET CAPTURED BY A CRYPTID AND AVOID TAKING TESTS”

Pidgeotto: oh

Matthematics: so Lance is at the library?

Matthematics: yo Lance pick up your phone

ShiroDad: if he’s studying you shouldn’t stop him

Princess-Alluring: but if he’s avoiding us becasue he’s upset about getting snowed in we should help him

ShiroDad: …

Pidgeotto: you have triggered his Good Dad Instincts and they are in conflict with his Righteous Student Instincts

move-I’m-gay: guys

Matthematics: lmao you have a point Pidget 

move-I’m-gay: GUYS

Princess-Alluring: what

move-I’m-gay: Is nobody gonna actually check up on Lance?

Princess-Alluring: I’m currently nearby the library hold on

ShiroDad: while she’s doing that (and lance if you are reading this I hope you’re alright) we need to make plans of some kind

Matthematics: for Christmas? Bc I totally already got the gift for my Secret Santa person but i will gladly assist anyone else

 

6:04pm- Pidgeon to BiDisaster#1

Pidgeon: no you didn’t 

BiDisaster#1: no I didn’t but let me pretend I have my life together for once please

 

6:05pm- ShiroDad to Nobody Here Is Straight

ShiroDad: no I meant plans for getting through this snowstorm honestly

CinnamonRoll: Shiro’s got a point the snow hasn’t let up all day and the campus is too open to get around safely

SugarSweet: I could have told you that I’m stuck at my dad’s office

SugarSweet: on the upside we have decorations in the storage closet somewhere so we can at least do that until it dies down a bit

SugarSweet: I never want to hear another dog bark in my ear as long as I live

Princess-Alluring: Getting some cabin fever babe?

SugarSweet: Little bit and it’s only been a day ugh

Pidgeotto: Allura 

Pidgeotto: you seem a bit distracted 

Pidgeotto: did you even find Lance?

Princess-Alluring: I’m looking as we speak

Princess-Alluring: oh wow this isn’t good

Move-I’m-gay: what? What isn’t good?

CinnamonRoll: he’s not hurt or something is he?!?!?

Princess-Alluring: heck if I know 

Princess-Alluring: [image sent] [image sent] [image sent] as you can see I’ve been all over this place and he isn’t here

ShiroDad: Lance is on this chat he should be getting notifications

ShiroDad: Lance pick up we’re concerned

Matthematics: they say to summon the elusive Lance you have to make a circle with Studio Ghibli movies, face masks, and garlic knots while burning aromatherapeutic candles 

Move-I’m-gay: Matt this is serious stop messing around 

Matthematics: this is how I cope, Keith

Matthematics: buzz off

CinnamonRoll: I’m gonna call him

Pidgeotto: why is “Sexyback” blaring from your guys’ room?

CinnamonRoll: crap that’s Lance’s ringtone he doesn’t have his phone 

move-I’m-gay: then where is he?!?!

Princess-Alluring: relax he may have just gone out to eat? Hopefully?

CinnamonRoll: I admire your optimism but unlikely

Pidgeotto: yeah we’re all broke as heck Lance can afford one small coffee bean

ShiroDad: Okay where is everybody else? I’m with Matt at the Starbucks around the corner and I know Shay is stuck

Pidgeotto: Dorm with Hunk

move-I’m-gay: gym

Princess-Alluring: still at the library, why?

ShiroDad: sounds like we’re all pretty much available then

SugarSweet: ahem

ShiroDad: except for Shay but there’s a chance he’ll end up over there somehow

Matthematics: this is starting to sound like a manhunt

ShiroDad:... it kinda is a manhunt

ShiroDad: everybody check their surrounding areas for any likely places Lance might have gone and check back in with updates, got it?

Pidgeotto: Operation: Find Lance is a go sir

ShiroDad: Please don’t call me sir I’m not that old

Move-I’m-gay: can we just start moving already?

CinnamonRoll: I’m looking for my jacket hold your horses Keiignjdgvnjgd

Pidgeotto: to anyone wondering, I shoved him out the door before he could finish that text

Princess-Alluring: you lot are impossible 

SugarSweet: good luck finding him! I’ll let you know if I hear anything 

 

6:18pm- Kogayne to BigBrotherIsWatchingYou

Kogayne: help

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: are you stuck in the snow?

Kogayne: no just minor panic

Kogayne: not minor who am i kidding

Kogayne: nobody’s found him yet and this storm is bad Shiro what if something went wrong or he’s hurt or

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: Keith, I’m sure it’s fine. Remember to breathe, okay?

Kogayne: I’m always breathing Shiro it’s an automatic function

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: aaand you have officially spent too much time with Pidge

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: Lance will be fine, Keith

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: somebody’s gonna find him in the next ten minutes just watch

Kogayne:....

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: any better?

Kogayne: a little

Kogayne: thanks

 

 

6:21pm- Princess-Alluring to Nobody Here Is Straight

Princess-Alluring: anything?

move-I’m-gay: no

Pidgeotto: speaking for myself and Hunk- nope

ShiroDad: unfortunately, no

SugarSweet: where is that boy???

Princess-Alluring: I’m gonna try something hold on

[Princess-Alluring added WisestMcclain to the chat]

Princess-Alluring: we need your help

WisestMcclain: what the heck is this and why did you add me?

Matthematics: Sorry, but who’s this?

WisestMcclain: Veronica, and who are you?

Pidgeotto: Oh hey you’re in my Advanced Physics class 

Pidgeotto: I’m Pidge

Pidgeotto: Allura why’d you add her?

CinnamonRoll: probs because she’s Lance’s sister 

CinnamonRoll: OH DEAR GOD I AM AN IDIOT WHY DIDN’T I CALL YOU RIGHT AWAY

Pidgeotto: YOURE LANCE’S SISTER?? L A N C E ‘ S SISTER? 

WisestMcclain: what don’t you get?

Pidgeotto: idk I just never made the connection and now I’m facepalming big time

Pidgeotto: I know your friggin last name how did I not figure this out

move-I’m-gay: yeah yeah whatever family drama have you seen Lance?

WisestMcclain: uh yeah he’s eating all my food and moping

WisestMcclain: I mean I’m upset about the snow-in too but he ate all my cherry garcia ice cream so now he must die

ShiroDad: maybe go back and explain that

Matthematics: are you telling me Lance has been in your dorm this entire time?

Pidgeotto: Veronica don’t kill him yet I’m calling dibs because hE MADE ME WORRY

WisestMcclain: fill me in on the background of this conversation and maybe I won’t kill him yet

move-I’m-gay: we’ve been looking for Lance since we realized he was missing 

CinnamonRoll: yeah and now I’m gonna beat his hide but also hug him can you put him on the phone?

WisestMcclain: I’ll pass it over gimme a sec

WisestMcclain: you guys were looking for me? 

Pidgeotto: I AM GOING TO MURDER YOU WITH A BENT PLASTIC FORK

Pidgeotto: HOW DARE YOU RUN OFF AND LEAVE YOUR PHONE 

Pidgeotto: I COULDN’T EVEN TRACK YOU MAN THAT’S JUST RUDE

CinnamonRoll: what she’s trying to say is: we’re glad you're okay but don’t do that again Jesus Lance

move-I’m-gay: what Hunk said

Matthematics: ditto

Matthematics: wait wait does Pidge have a tracker in Lance’s phone?

Pidgeotto: I have a tracker in everybody’s phone dork keep up

Matthematics: >:0

SugarSweet: You gave everyone quite the scare

WisestMcclain: I’m waiting for the Dad Talk now

ShiroDad: honestly everybody else covered it for me but

ShiroDad: I get that you’re upset- God knows I’m not happy about being stuck here over break either- but maybe tell somebody next time you decide to go eat all your sister’s ice cream

WisestMcclain: I feel like my papi is ghostwriting that

WisestMcclain: and/or Veronica

WisestMcclain: I swear I didn’t mean to leave my phone and I’m really sorry for scaring you guys but I just needed to be with some kind of family rn

WisestMcclain: we good?

move-I’m-gay: It’s fine now

move-I’m-gay: but if i get hypothermia because of you you’re going down, homesick or not

WisestMcclain: BRING IT ON, MULLET

move-I’m-gay: OH YEAH? YOU WANNA GO??

ShiroDad: if we’re all free for the next hour or so the rendezvous back at the dorm to warm up

ShiroDad: and you two- knock. it. off.

WisestMcclain: it’s Veronica again and I’ll make sure Lance actually goes back to your guys’ dorm

Princess-Alluring: headed back now

 

 

7:32pm- WisestMcclain to Princess-Alluring

WisestMcclain: was is just me or was the gay tension in that chat (and your dorm) overwhelming?

Princess-Alluring: Matt and Shiro are a tad obvious about their crushes on each other 

WisestMcclain: lmao no I was talking about my brother and Keith

Princess-Alluring: wait a minute

Princess-Alluring: Lance and Keith?

Princess-Alluring: Lance and Keith….

WisestMcclain: I can HEAR the gears turning in your head 

Princess-Alluring: well it does make sense in hindsight and I‘m going to have to revisit this when I have time

WisestMcclain: If I can help, I will. Lance needs to learn how to actually make a move without pining harder than a pine tree

Princess-Alluring: LMAO

 

7:34- Pidgeon to BiDisaster#1

Pidgeon: wait a minute

Pidgeon: you and Shiro were at Starbucks together earlier?

Pidgeon: what’s THAT about, bro

BiDisaster#1: we just happened to be in the same place at the same time no biggie

Pidgeon: lies

BiDisaster#1: okay fine I might have been subtly trying to ask him what he’d like for Christmas

Pidgeon: you wouldn’t know “subtle” if it burst through your window wearing a hot pink tutu and a clown wig

BiDisaster#1: Okay I did not need that image and I was VERY subtle, I’ll have you know!

Pidgeon: sure

Pidgeon: keep telling yourself that

 

 

9:08pm- SugarSweet to Nobody Here Is Straight

SugarSweet: Keith

move-I’m-gay: ?

SugarSweet: [image sent] [image sent] I BLAME YOU FOR THIS

LoverboyLance: 1) did Shay just start yelling I’m shook and 2) WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED TO YOUR LOBBY?

Pidgeotto: it looks like a Christmas tree had a fight with herd of bears

Matthematics: herd of bears?

Pidgeotto: I’m tired

SugarSweet: Kosmo happened

Princess-Alluring: dear god what did he do

move-I’m-gay: he REALLY doesn’t like being cooped up okay

SugarSweet: he knocked over literally all of our decorations!

LoverboyLance: oof I love that wolf but that’s cold

WisestMcclain: aaaand I’m still on this chat wow

WisestMcclain: wolf?

ShiroDad: it’s a long story 

LoverboyLance: Keith found a wolf, thought it was a dog, and illegally brought him into the dorm 

move-I’m-gay: you thought he was a dog too!

ShiroDad: guess it wasn’t that long after all I’m just extremely tired

Matthematics: that’s a mood

Pidgeotto: no that’s my assignments 

CinnamonRoll: Pidge if you leave your window open again in an attempt to get carried off by Mothman or something so you don’t have to finish that essay I will personally duct tape it shut for you

move-I’m-gay: Hunk no that’s a valid strategy

WisestMcclain: Lance your friends are weird as heck

LoverboyLance: lay off hermana 

WisestMcclain: I love ‘em

LoverboyLance: better

 

9:13pm- LoverboyLance to move-I’m-gay

LoverboyLance: Dude I can hear you sneezing from down the hall

LoverboyLance: you didn’t actually get hypothermia because of me, did you?

move-I’m-gay: not hypothermia but I might have caught something 

LoverboyLance: crap

LovebroyLance: sorry dude

move-I’m-gay: Lance it’s fine I always power through colds

move-I’m-gay: believe me I’ve had worse

LoverboyLance: I still feel bad 

LoverboyLance: I even got Pidge to leave her cave for nothing

Move-I’m-gay: you mean that nest of stolen pillows that everyone’s scared to go near? And it wasn’t no reason Lance we were worried about you

LoverboyLance: we, huh?

Move-I’m-gay: uh

Move-I’m-gay: bye

LoverboyLance: no no no get back here you just admitted you cared about something 

LoverboyLance: the mullet can’t fool me you’re not all emo

LoverboyLance: I CAN HEAR YOU SNEEZING I KNOW YOU HAVEN’T LEFT THE DORM

LoverboyLance: ugh I’m just bribing Hunk to make soup for you 

LoverboyLance: and don’t even try to refuse it

 

 

9:23pm- Pidgeon to Older Brothers Being Stupid

Pidgeon: I think I found a bright side to all this

Second-Mom: do tell

Pidgeon: Shiro and Matt HAVE to do something about their stupid mutual pining now

Pidgeon: we’re stuck in a confined space for much longer than we thought we’d be during the holidays and they drew each other in Secret Santa

Pidgeon: I’ve read enough fanfics to know where this goes

BiDisaster#2: lmao you have a point

 

 

11:47pm- KnifeBoi to Pidgeon 

KnifeBoi: help

Pidgeon: dude what the heck are you doing up

KnifeBoi: this stupid cold is making it impossible to sleep so now I’m awake and worrying

Pidgeon: Shiro did mention you had a panic attack earlier

KnifeBoi: what?

Pidgeon: purely out of concern, pal

Pidgeon: are you okay?

Pidgeon: other than the cold i mean

KnifeBoi: haha very funny

KnifeBoi: I STILL don’t know what to do about Lance’s gift

Pidgeon: I have an idea

Pidgeon: text Veronica

KnifeBoi: we don’t really know each other though and that might be awkward

Pidgeon: do it coward

Pidgeon: look that’s probably your best chance other than going to Hunk and that guy can’t keep a secret to save his life

KnifeBoi:....

Pidgeon: you can do this

Pidgeon: I’m only recommending because I finally had an epiphany and just texted Shay to ask what Allura likes

KnifeBoi: so you gave up

Pidgeon: go be a gay disaster somewhere else I’m trying to beat this level of Candy Crush

KnifeBoi: fine I’ll text her

Pidgeon: Keith it’s middle of the freaking night and Veronica actually has her life together so she’ll be sleeping 

KnifeBoi: I meant in the morning 

Pidgeon: ah gotcha

Pidgeon: and also I stg if you infect me with your plague I’m taking you down with me

KnifeBoi: goodnight Pidge

Pidgeon: night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so real talk Veronica McClain could stab me and I would probably thank her so I hope I’ve done her justice in this lmao
> 
> You guys have no idea how happy seeing comments and kudos on this makes me! Every new notification I get with one of those adds like ten years to my life seriously 
> 
> See y’all next time!


	7. Awkward Gays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Exactly what the title says lmao there’s some gay, some pining, some sick!Keith, some anime references, and somebody gets asked out? Maybe? Read to know more ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry about the delay on this but the past week has kicked my butt with such events as running a 5k in the rain and three (3) consecutive panic attacks in one night so yeah that kinda drained my ability to write *shrugs*
> 
> Enjoy!

6:58am- move-I’m-gay to WisestMcclain

move-I’m-gay: hey this is Keith

WisestMcclain: I know dude 

WisestMcclain: your username is a little hard to forget lol

move-I’m-gay: right

move-I’m-gay: sorry

WisestMcclain: you need something? It’s pretty early by most people’s standards

move-I’m-gay: erm

move-I’m-gay: I need a favor? It’s about Lance

WisestMcclain: hold on one second

 

7:00am- WisestMcclain to Queen A

WisestMcclain: [image sent] lmao Allura he is so awkward it hurts

WisestMcclain: I’m definitely setting him up with Lance this is gonna be hilarious 

Queen A: I was going to go off on you for waking me up and then i read it

Queen A: Keep me posted!!!

 

7:01am- WisestMcclain to move-I’m-gay

WisestMcclain: fire away

move-I’m-gay: well we have this Secret Santa thing and I drew Lance and I have no idea what to get him and you’re his sister so I figured you’d know

move-I’m-gay: well actually someone told me to ask you but yeah

move-I’m-gay: any suggestions?

 

7:02am- WisestMcclain to Queen A

WisestMcclain: [image sent] that’s lucky

Queen A: Pidge did it

WisestMcclain: I like her already

 

7:03am- WisestMcclain to move-I’m-gay

WisestMcclain: tbh Lance isn’t that hard of a person to buy for but if you really want him to like it then I do have a couple tips

move-I’m-gay: ..okay

move-I’m-gay: so what should I do?

WisestMcclain: I got a few ideas but you have to listen carefully :)

move-I’m-gay: ….

move-I’m-gay: you sound like you’re up to something

WisestMcclain: you want my help or no?

move-I’m-gay: help

WisestMcclain: that’s what I thought

WisestMcclain: you might need a pen

 

7:06am- Pidgeon to KnifeBoi 

Pidgeon: haven’t heard from you since last night

Pidgeon: did you ask her?

KnifeBoi: yeah and I need help

Pidgeon: I can smell the rainbows already

KnifeBoi: Stop 

Pidgeon: no

Pidgeon: what do you need?

KnifeBoi: pretty sure this is more down Allura’s aisle tbh

Pidgeon: then stop being a pining gay disaster at me and go subject her to that instead

KnifeBoi: you texted me first! This one’s on you!

Pidgeon: you have no proof

KnifeBoi: have no idea how to deal with you and I honestly don’t care anymore

Pidgeon: I am an enigma that cannot be solved now go get yourself a man

 

7:20am- Matthematics to Nobody Here Is Straight

Matthematics: I need to know everybody’s favorite anime this is important mine’s Naruto

Princess-Alluring: of course it would be

Princess-Alluring: I enjoy Your Lie in April every now and then and I got Shay to watch it

Pidgeotto: not everybody has a favorite anime

Matthematics: says the Dragon Ball Z watcher 

Pidgeotto: one time. That was ONE TIME

CinnamonRoll: can someone recommend a good anime? All my shows are on hiatus and we’re stuck inside so

Matthematics: NARUTO

move-I’m-gay: don’t listen to him FMA (the first one) is way better

LoverboyLance: why am I not surprised that you watch anime

move-I’m-gay: I watch good anime

Matthematics: oh, you wanna go?

Pidgeotto: Matt be careful all Keith has to do is cough on you and you’ll die

move-I’m-gay: pretty sure I’m dead anyway I got 0 hours of sleep and my lungs are actively trying to kill me

ShiroDad: at least tell me you took some medicine 

move-I’m-gay: you are fully aware of what meds do to me, right?

ShiroDad: why do you think I’m encouraging you to take them? ;)

move-I’m-gay: get that winky face out of my face

LoverboyLance: someone explain??

Pidgeotto: lmao he gets LOOPY

Pidgeotto: check it [video sent]

move-I’m-gay: Pidge if I could get out of bed rn you’d regret that

CinnamonRoll: “Hippos, man. They’re so big… and like…. hippo-y” Keith seriously you shouldn’t be allowed to take medicine ever what does that even mean

move-I’m-gay: it means I like hippos back off

LoverboyLance: lmao that’s actually adorable but what happened to your face? It looks like you wrestled a train

ShiroDad: that was the time he started a fight at the park and ran into a tree

move-I’m-gay: okay that squirrel was asking to get chased 

move-I’m-gay: it stole my sandwich 

LoverboyLance: you picked a fight with a squirrel because it stole your sandwich? I get it

LoverboyLance: not saying it’s right but I get it

Princess-Alluring: back to the original question- Matt, why did you want to know?

Matthematics: I wanted to see who actually likes quality animes in this chat

Matthematics: Your Lie is pretty good so you get a free pass but Keith insulted Naruto so he does not

Pidgeotto: you’re so unnecessarily dramatic

move-I’m-gay: pot, meet kettle

ShiroDad: get some rest, Keith

 

7:48am- LoverboyLance to move-I’m-gay

LoverboyLance: so what makes FMA so good anyway 

move-I’m-gay: Rabbit. Now

LoverboyLance: wut

move-I’m-gay: or Netflix

move-I’m-gay: either way you're watching it

LoverboyLance: alright alright calm down Mullet I’ll watch

LoverboyLance: … can we watch together? I got nothing to do and you’re laid up anyways so

move-I’m-gay: sure

 

7:55am- Hunky to LoverboyLance

Hunky: Lance I reread some of the chat and- correct me if I’m wrong- but did you actually call Keith adorable?

LoverboyLance: not now watching anime this is INTENSE

Hunky: Lance

LoverboyLance: LIKE ONE MINUTE IN AND THIS GUY LOST A LEG AND THERE’S AN INHUMAN BLOB OF HORROR

Hunky: LANCE

LoverboyLance: WHAT

Hunky: you got it BAD

LoverboyLance: gtg this got really good BYE

Hunky: stop running away from your feelings!

Hunky: did you just block me [message could not be sent]

 

9:35am- TallerGremlin to Shirogayne

TallerGremlin: hey

Shirogayne: you need something?

TallerGremlin: you haven’t had a chance to see TLJ yet, right?

Shirogayne: I’ve been meaning to but I’ve just been swamped lately

Shirogayne: why?

TallerGremlin: well see I was gonna go with another friend this weekend but they bailed so now I have a free ticket and uhhh

TallerGremlin: you wanna go with me?

Shirogayne: Sounds good! I’ll set the date

TallerGremlin: k

 

9:36am- BiDisaster#1 to Pidgeon

BiDisaster#1: KATIE HELP I ACTUALLY ASKED HIM OUT OH GOD [image sent]

BiDisaster#1: DO YOU THINK HE MEANT LIKE A DATE DATE OR JUST THE GENERIC DATE HE’S LIKE THIRTY ON THE INSIDE HE MIGHT MEAN THAT

Pidgeon: I am in a lecture you dork 

Pidgeon: and honestly? Who knows what goes through Shiro’s head he could have meant it either way

Pidgeon: my vote’s for the latter 

BiDisaster#1: you 

BiDisaster#1: aren’t

BiDisaster#1: helping

 

9:36am- BigBrotherIsWatchingYou to Kogayne

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: WHAT HAVE I DONE [image sent]

Kogayne: you accepted a date

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: BUT IS THAT HOW HE MEANT IT THIS COULD BE MATT HAVING BAD FRIENDS WHO BAIL

Kogayne: I give up

 

9:38am- KnifeBoi to Older Brothers Being Stupid

KnifeBoi: [image sent] what just happened this is idiotic

Pidgeon: [image sent] yeah Matt came running to me too

BiDisaster#2: oh my god how can they both be that dense

BiDisaster#2: this seems humanly impossible

SunshineChild: I agree, being that dense seems impossible and yet here we are

BiDisaster#2: ??

Second-Mom: dear god this hurts

Pidgeon: I know Allura

Pidgeon: I know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Arrested Development Narrator voice* And they were both very gay and very wrong 
> 
> Fun Fact: last Sunday a good friend of mine got me hooked on FMA and Lance’s reactions in this were the same as mine as a homage to her
> 
> Also it’s a very good show so I put it in bc why not it’s my fic


	8. One Word: Oof

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keef is still sick and Lance blames himself, with a side order of embarrassing stories and gayness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *rises from the depths of the earth with a Slurpee* I’m baaaaack, did ya miss me? :P

3:45pm- Pidgeon to BiDisaster#1

Pidgeon: so

BiDisaster#1: ??

Pidgeon: how’d it go

BiDisaster#1: Well the movie had its faults but there were also some REALLY great points and I have to get Lance to watch it so we can all debate some stuff

Pidgeon: not the movie you idiot THE DATE

BiDisaster#1: NOTHING

Pidgeon: Matt do I have to break open the blackmail folder

Pidgeon: Just tell me! WHAT HAPPENED ON THE DATE

Pidgeon: Matthew Holt I am going to break down your door

BiDisaster#1: I told you! Nothing! He bought us popcorn and drinks (thank god bc I am Poor) and we saw the movie and we went back here! Nothing! I’m not even sure he considered it a date tbh

Pidgeon: [image sent]

BiDisaster#1: you don’t need to send me the “suspicious” meme bc there is nothing suspicious going on here

BiDisaster#1: Was that you I just heard scream in frustration down the hall?

BiDisaster#1: Pidge???

Pidgeon: actually no I think that was Keith

Pidgeon: hold on

 

3:47pm- Pidgeon to KnifeBoi

Pidgeon: dude what the heck

KnifeBoi: SHIRO’S BEING A STUPID PINING IDIOT A G A I N AND I HAVE TOO MUCH OF A HEADACHE TO DEAL WITH THIS

Pidgeon: lemme guess

Pidgeon: he’s not sure if Matt considered it a date

KnifeBoi: Y E S

Pidgeon: [image sent] [image sent] yeah Matt’s doing the same thing Lord help us all

KnifeBoi: I’m starting to reconsider getting them together 

KnifeBoi: this is too much effort

Pidgeon: stay strong 

Pidgeon: speaking of disaster gays, how are things with Lance?

KnifeBoi: Idk I can’t really think straight lately 

Pidgeon: lmao

KnifeBoi: pun not intended

KnifeBoi: but he’s kinda… withdrawn? Am I the only one he’s not talking to?

Pidgeon: come to think of it he hasn’t sent me a stupid meme in exactly 24 hours

Pidgeon: not even a picture of a pigeon with glasses Photoshopped on with the caption “this is u”

Pidgeon: yeah something’s up

KnifeBoi: Not agaifnc

Pidgeon: what the heck

KnifeBoi: sneezed in the middle of texting

Pidgeon: this is not your average cold

Pidgeon: this is,,, ADVANCED cold

KnifeBoi: yeah yeah make fun

KnifeBoi: I seriously think I might have the flu though

Pidgeon: oof

Pidgeon: need anything? I can chuck some saltines through your door

KnifeBoi: I can live without that thanks

KnifeBoi: maybe see if you can grab some of my assignments no way I can go to class like this

Pidgeon: okay got it

Pidgeon: now to interrogate Matt once more

KnifeBoi: go easy on him

Pidgeon: no

 

4:23pm- move-I’m-gay to Nobody Here Is Straight

move-I’m-gay: Okay it’s official I’m going crazy

Pidgeotto: what gave you that idea?

Matthematics: Katie hush he isn’t wrong 

move-I’m-gay: I tried to go outside my room and tripped on a Tupperware full of pasta

move-I’m-gay: how did it get there and did I hallucinate that whole thing bc next thing I knew I was back in bed

CinnamonRoll: oh the pasta definitely existed that was me

CinnamonRoll: sorry dude I kinda figured you’d notice it 

ShiroDad: is that why the hallway smells like marinara sauce? I thought I was hallucinating 

WisestMcclain: I clearly need to spend more time around you guys this is hilarious 

Princess-Alluring: I still want to know how he got back into bed

Pidgeotto: Keith can do a lot of stuff without remembering it when he’s sick

LoverboyLance: oh that was me

LoverboyLance: he was really super loopy so I kinda just guided him back inside

WisestMcclain: That was nice of you bro but what happened to the pasta

LoverboyLance: the plague carrier spilled like all of it so I cleaned it up

CinnamonRoll: ;_;

Pidgeotto: you made Hunk cry how dare you

ShiroDad: Keith you need to see a doctor or something 

move-I’m-gay: no

ShiroDad: Keith

move-I’m-gay: nO

ShiroDad: Keith come on you’re seriously out of it and have been for the past several days

move-I’m-gay: I don’t need a doctor!

Pidgeotto: is this the needle fear thing again

move-I’m-gay: I’m not afraid of needles I just don’t like hospitals back off

WisestMcclain: hard relate

CinnamonRoll: then at least let somebody take care of you bro

move-I’m-gay: … 

move-I’m-gay: fine

LoverboyLance: I got it

[LoverboyLance has left the chat]

WisestMcclain: and there he goes, the Disaster Bi

Matthematics: hey I’m the reigning Disaster Bi here

ShiroDad: did Lance just volunteer to take care of Keith or am I sleep-deprived

Pidgeotto: yes

ShiroDad: I deserve that

 

4:26pm- LoverboyLance to move-I’m-gay

LoverboyLance: dude open your door I have Gatorade and cold medicine

move-I’m-gay: no I don’t want you to get sick too

move-I’m-gay: this’ll pass

LoverboyLance: that’s what you said when you got this cold and here you are, loopy and bedridden still

move-I’m-gay: why are you so hung up on this?

LoverboyLance: ….

LoverboyLance: because it was my fault you got sick

LoverboyLance: if I hadn’t been an idiot and run off without telling everyone where I was going, you wouldn’t have caught whatever plague you’re carrying

move-I’m-gay: pretty sure I would have gotten sick anyway

move-I’m-gay: have you SEEN the campus gym? Nasty

LoverboyLance: that’s not the point, Keith!

move-I’m-gay: oh you’re serious 

LoverboyLance: no duh

move-I’m-gay: THAT CAME OUT WRONG 

move-I’m-gay: I’m trying to say I don’t blame you! I suck at communication!

LoverboyLance: ….

move-I’m-gay: okay yes it was a little dumb to just run off like that

move-I’m-gay: but people do dumb stuff all the time

move-I’m-gay: I can personally attest to that

LoverboyLance: probably not on the same level of dumb as what I did

move-I’m-gay: you know what? Gimme a sec

 

4:47pm- move-I’m-gay to Nobody Here Is Straight

move-I’m-gay: this is urgent

ShiroDad: are you finally admitting you need a hospital?

move-I’m-gay: 1) never and 2) no I have a question for the game

Matthematics: I thought Lance was taking care of you

Pidgeotto: let the man ask

move-I’m-gay: what’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever done?

ShiroDad: what is the purpose of this? 

move-I’m-gay: Do it.

Matthematics: you know that “hungry gaana squash banana” vine? I tried to mimic that at age 15 and broke three bones 

Matthematics: The nurse thought I was crazy when I told him why my bones were broken

Pidgeotto: once I tripped over a teacher’s computer cord and managed to break the screen

Pidgeotto: that was a fun visit to the principal’s office

WisestMcclain: probably the time I tried to bodyboard a wave twice my height when I was a little kid and ended up eating sand

CinnamonRoll: I once put a thermos in the microwave

CinnamonRoll: ...with a metal spoon

CinnamonRoll: ...at school

CinnamonRoll: suffice to say it lit on fire and I was banned from the microwave for the rest of the year

Pidgeotto: dude

CinnamonRoll: My soup was cold and nobody ever told me not to put metal in a microwave! I was like 11!

ShiroDad: you know the scar on my nose

ShiroDad: I ran directly into a wall when I was a kid while chasing a paper airplane and… yeah

Princess-Alluring: I threw a bottle of nail polish at a classmate in fourth year because she annoyed me and I didn’t think about what I was holding

Princess-Alluring: the teacher didn’t particularly like me after that

SugarSweet: I almost burnt the house down when I was 12 by overdoing a cinnamon bun in the microwave 

Matthematics: why are the two best cooks in this meme chat the only ones with cooking-related disasters?

Pidgeotto: irony

Pidgeotto: and Keith…..

Pidgeotto: you better tell your story I KNOW WHAT IT IS

Matthematics: oooooooh me too

move-I’m-gay: fine but only because of the situation

move-I’m-gay: basically when I was in the tenth grade I got a crush on this guy (first actual crush where I like…. knew the person and it wasn’t a celebrity or something) so I decided to try and impress him

move-I’m-gay: god I can’t finish this Matt you do it

Matthematics: I was a witness and when Keith tried to act on it… OOF

Matthematics: he was trying to show off for the guy but it was Chemistry and he accidentally knocked a lit Bunsen burner over onto the ONE rug that the neat freak teacher made students wipe their shoes on

Matthematics: at the time the door was open so the fire spread to the hallway and the teacher had to a) calm a bunch of panicking tenth graders b) put out the fire with a very old fire extinguisher and c) literally drag Keith to the principal’s office it was a MESS the fire department got called and there was an evacuation and everything

LoverboyLance: wow

LoverboyLance: that… that is something

ShiroDad: “something” is one word for that incident

ShiroDad: Keith, what even prompted this?

[move-I’m-gay has left the chat]

Pidgeotto: GET BACK HERE YOU DISASTER GAY

LoverboyLance: ...I think he did that for me

WisestMcclain: wait what

[LoverboyLance has left the chat]

WisestMcclain: alright I’m gonna go interrogate my brother who’s with me

Pidgeotto: I got the truth serum

CinnamonRoll: I’m sorry you have WHAT

ShiroDad: no interrogations! I mean it!

Pidgeotto: you’re not my real dad and Keith and Lance need to figure out whatever it is they’ve got going on

Matthematics: wow is it just me or are those two a wee bit oblivious

Matthematics: HUNK JUST AMBUSHED ME WITH A PILLOW GOOD GOD DUDE

CinnamonRoll: you deserve it

Matthematics: WHY

CinnamonRoll: you know why

Matthematics: no…?

Pidgeotto: just give up Hunk

Pidgeotto: just give up

 

4:50pm- TallerGremlin to Shirogayne

TallerGremlin: I think I figured out why Hunk decided to chuck a pillow at my head

Shirogayne: Yeah? 

TallerGremlin: uhm

TallerGremlin: well

TallerGremlin: see the movie thing was sorta 

TallerGremlin: like

TallerGremlin: I ASKED YOU OUT ON A DATE THAT’S WHAT THAT WAS 

TallerGremlin: Shiro?

TallerGremlin: Shiro???

 

4:50pm- BigBrotherIsWatchingYou to Kogayne

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: [image sent] oh god oh gOD

Kogayne: I’m having my own crisis go away

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: FINE I’ll deal on my OWN

 

4:51pm- Shirogayne to TallerGremlin

Shirogayne: sorry for the no response I had something to deal with 

Shirogayne: you mean you actually meant that as a date? Like as in romantically?

TallerGremlin:....yes?

Shirogayne: oh thank god I thought maybe you didn’t

TallerGremlin: wait WHAT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun Fact: All but two of the stories described by the gang when Keith asks are fake. The rest actually happened to myself, my family, or my friends. I dare you to guess which ones are fake lmao
> 
> ALSO: IN CASE YOU HAVEN’T HEARD, SEASON 8 IS COMING FOR US ON DECEMBER 14 AND I AM GONNA DIE WHO’S WITH ME


	9. Nvm This Is the OOF Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Read the title... there is angst... i’m so sorry*
> 
> Also Lance gets a cat bc I wanted there to be a cat
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> *no i’m not but I felt it should be said

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: *writes half of this chapter on Tuesday* Wow! Maybe I’ll be able to post early! :D
> 
> Also Me: *posts late Sunday*
> 
> Sorry about the delay guys but I had important business to take care of (coughcoughplayingGodontheSimscoughcough) and I just never got around to editing and contacting my beta
> 
> Enjoy the angst! Mwahahahaaaa

7:52am- Pidgeotto to Nobody Here Is Straight

Pidgeotto: [image sent] can somebody please explain this

CinnamonRoll: it’s a cat

Matthematics: looks like a kitten to me

SugarSweet: I don’t think you should be holding it by its back like that Pidge

Pidgeotto: haha very funny I meant why the /heck/ was it making a nest on my pillow

LoverboyLance: Oh good you found my cat I’ve been looking for her

Pidgeotto: I’m sorry

Pidgeotto: YOUR cat? First Kosmo and now this 

LoverboyLance: excuse you I found her in front on King Soopers not on the side of a street this is a CLASSY stray

Pidgeotto: idc where you found her get this thing out of my room

LoverboyLance: omw

ShiroDad: what just happened?

CinnamonRoll: ohhhh so that’s why Lance was awkwardly smuggling in his jacket at like 3 am 

CinnamonRoll: it’s because he found a cat

 

SugarSweet: well I’m glad he saved it 

Pidgeotto: of course, the only logical solution- wrap it in his jacket and illegally smuggle it into our dorm

Pidgeotto: if I find cat puke on my pillow you’re dead Lance

LoverboyLance: noted

WisestMcclain: so we’re just going with this? Lance has a cat now?

Matthematics: it is our cat now

Princess-Alluring: same 

CinnamonRoll: tbh I thought that was a fever dream

move-I’m-gay: anything Lance does counts as a fever dream

LoverboyLance: Shut up, Keith

move-I’m-gay: whatever

[move-I’m-gay has left the chat]

LoverboyLance: Fine

[LoverboyLance has left the chat]

CinnamonRoll: uhhhh

CinnamonRoll: What just happened?

Pidgeotto: Lance stomped in, grabbed the cat, and stomped out of my room just now what the frik

ShiroDad: what is going on with those two?

Princess-Alluring: which reminds me

Princess-Alluring: [image sent] do you have something you would like to tell us?

Matthematics: HAHSJEJ

Matthematics: I CAN EXPLAIN 

WisestMcclain: It doesn’t look like there’s much of an explanation beyond “Matt and Shiro are literally snuggling on the couch”

Pidgeotto: DID YOU TWO FINALLY GET YOURSELVES SORTED OUT AND START DATING

CinnamonRoll: please say yes I can’t take much more of this

ShiroDad: yes

SugarSweet: oh good you’ve stopped dancing around one another at last

Matthematics: ??????

Princess-Alluring: All of the gay tension in this chat has finally died thank God

Matthematics: ?!????

Matthematics: have you guys been betting on this or something?

Pidgeotto: oh I knew I forgot to do something 

Pidgeotto: no bets but 

Pidgeotto: We’ve been trying to fix this for a while 

ShiroDad: of course 

ShiroDad: that sounds a little invasive, don’t you think? 

CinnamonRoll: oh boy here’s the Dad Talk

ShiroDad: okay, yes, we were a little oblivious, but playing matchmaker literally never ends well and I’m not sure why you thought it would 

Pidgeotto: because we already tried to let Jesus take the wheel but He apparently drives like a blind granny and that was too slow to deal with your pining 

WisestMcclain: That may be the best sentence I have ever read in my life thank you Pidge 

Pidgeotto: *bows*

Matthematics: you know what I’m not even mad this should have been expected 

Matthematics: now I got Shiro anyway so who’s the REAL winner here (it’s me)

ShiroDad: Matt oml 

Princess-Alluring: I regret everything 

Matthematics: [image sent] he’s BRIGHT RED

Pidgeotto: Wait are you two hanging out in Shiro’s room

Matthematics: ...yes?

CinnamonRoll: where’s Keith?

ShiroDad: idk probably at the gym again his fever broke overnight so he got up early to go get stuff done

Pidgeotto: heathen 

WisestMcclain: I wonder what was up with him and Lance earlier 

CinnamonRoll: come to think of it Lance only came back to our room to drop the cat on my head and then he walked out again

 

CinnmonRoll: this is my cat now

SugarSweet: what a mood

WisestMcclain: hold on a sec

 

7:56am- Ronnie to BiBro

Ronnie: Lance where you at

BiBro: uhhh my room

Ronnie: Hunk says that isn’t true 

BiBro: why did I ever introduce you two 

BiBro: Fine I’m on my way to the convenience store down the road since the snow cleared a little and we need snacks

Ronnie: is something up? You seem off somehow 

Ronnie: At least we got each other here for Christmas if that’s what you’re sad about 

BiBro: it’s not that 

Ronnie: then tell me you dork I’m your sister and I’m here for you <3

Ronnie: ALEJANDRO CHARLES ESPINOSA MCCLAIN YOU BETTER NOT HAVE JUST BLOCKED ME YOU HALF-PRICED ALMOND [message could not be sent]

 

7:57am- WisestMcclain to Nobody Here Is Straight

WisestMcclain: alright who wants to go slide tackle my brother I’m taking volunteers 

Princess-Alluring: what did he do?

WisestMcclain: HE WON’T TALK TO ME AND I JUST KNOW HE’S TRYING TO DEAL WITH STUFF ON HIS OWN AGAIN 

Pidgeotto: [image sent]

Matthematics: you’re too short to be Katniss Everdeen therefore you’re not allowed to volunteer as tribute BUT I SURE WILL

 

SugarSweet: I’d love to help but my break’s about to end ¯\\_(ツ)/¯ see you all later!

[SugarSweet has left the chat]

ShiroDad: something’s definitely up let me text Keith

 

7:57am- BigBrotherIsWatchingYou to Kogayne

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: is something wrong? 

Kogayne: no??

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: you haven’t even groaned at me for finally getting over myself and dating Matt

Kogayne: good for you

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: Okay wow 

Kogayne: what? I’m just tired 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: No you’re not I’ve seen Tired Keith and this isn’t it 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: at least you’re finally not sick, right?

Kogayne: like I said, I’m just tired

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: Keith come on nothing good ever came from bottling up your feelings 

Kogayne: since when can you talk? It took you literal months to say something to Matt and you’re so dense that you DIDN’T REALIZE HE WAS ASKING YOU OUT 

Kogayne: You’re an idiot

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: Hey

Kogayne: just leave me alone

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: Keith!

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: You can’t just say things like that and then run off! [message could not be sent]

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: KEITH [message could not be sent]

 

7:58am- ShiroDad to Nobody Here Is Straight 

ShiroDad: Veronica I’m joining you on the slide-tackle-your-little-brother mission

WisestMcclain: Nice I get the guy built like a linebacker now LET’S GO

Princess-Alluring: can you two just wait and explain a little better before doing anything rash?

ShiroDad: here’s a screenshot of my “conversation” with Keith [image sent]

 

ShiroDad: note the quotation marks 

ShiroDad: It wasn’t much of a conversation

WisestMcclain: here’s mine and Lance’s [image sent]

Pidgeotto: okay calling it now they fought 

Pidgeotto: Wait Lance’s middle name is Charles?

Matthematics: lmao

ShiroDad: not the time, you two

Pidgeotto: right sorry

SugarSweet: they do both seem upset by something 

CinnamonRoll: Lance NEVER blocks his sister so yeah he’s upset

WisestMcclain: oh he’s gonna be a little more than upset when I get my hands on him

Princess-Alluring: no murder

WisestMcclain: but Allura he’s being stupid 

Princess-Alluring: that’s fair but nobody’s getting arrested today on my watch 

CinnamonRoll: Is Allura the only- uh- only child in this chat?

Pidgeotto: Yep 

 

WisestMcclain: oh yeah she is

Matthematics: then I better explain that siblings are allowed to kill each other by law and neither Veronica nor Shiro would actually get arrested for doing so according to the International Statute of Sibling Rivalries 

Pidgeotto: That’s true 

Princess-Alluring: good lord can we PLEASE focus on the matter at hand

CinnamonRoll: I AGREE WITH ALLURA

Matthematics: well what are we supposed to do? Have everybody spam both of them? We’ll all end up blocked that way 

ShiroDad: Matt is right. Any other ideas?

Pidgeotto: I got one

ShiroDad: any ideas that don’t involve kidnapping and/or illegal means of gaining information?

Pidgeotto: I don’t got one

WisestMcclain: Wait I got something

Princess-Alluring: ah, the sane one rises

Princess-Alluring: speak

WisestMcclain: okay so we need an ambush

Pidgeotto: I stan a legend already

Matthematics: what’s the plan?

WisestMcclain: somebody create a new chat without Keith and Lance and I’ll tell you

 

 

8:05am- Hunky to LoverboyLance

Hunky: dude I need a favor 

LoverboyLance: chill Hunk I already got your favorite chips and I’m on my way back

LoverboyLance: like three minutes, tops

Hunky: no no it’s not the chips (although thanks for that)

LoverboyLance: okay??? Spill??

Hunky: It’s easier to explain in person just get back to the dorm pls

LoverboyLance: Is Keith there?

Hunky: no??? Just get back here

LoverboyLance: sounds serious I’m Naruto running

Hunky: please don’t it’s icy

LoverboyLance: oh fine

 

8:06am- SunshineChild to Fix the Keith and Lance Situation

SunshineChild: He took the bait

Evil-Genius: Nice. Pidge, your turn

Pidgeon: on it

BiDisaster#1: is this plan entirely 

BiDisaster#1: idk

BiDisaster#1: logical???

Pidgeon: shhh don’t question Veronica she’s been dealing with Lance the longest out of all of us

Evil-Genius: why thank you

BiDisaster#1: but this kind of stuff legit only works in cheesy Disney Channel Originals

SunshineChild: don’t speak of those

My-Other-Dad: We’re out of ideas Matt

My-Other-Dad: Pidge?

Pidgeon: Matt distracted me but I’m on it now

 

8:06am- Pidgeon to KnifeBoi

Pidgeon: red alert I need a favor

KnifeBoi: how many bones did Matt break this time and are we going to need an ambulance

Pidgeon: it actually wasn’t Matt this time (go figure) but it’s kinda hard to explain over text

KnifeBoi: so??

Pidgeon: back to the dorm buddy 

Pidgeon: pls

Pidgeon: it’s urgent

KnifeBoi: Lance isn’t there is he?

Pidgeon: nope he’s off getting snacks or something

KnifeBoi: okay I’m coming

 

8:07am- Pidgeon to Fix the Keith and Lance Situation

Pidgeon: he took the bait but something’s off [image sent]

Pidgeon: they really must have fought 

BiDisaster#1: I’m really starting to think locking them in the same room is a bad plan now

BiDisaster#1: I mean if they did fight and Lance says something antagonistic 

BiDisaster#1: Keith literally always has a knife on him

BiDisaster#1: just saying 

My-Other-Dad: well if they did fight and we don’t get them to make up then the dorm will just be full of tension all over again

SunshineChild: I still can’t believe that Shiro is condoning this

Evil-Genius: That just makes him cooler in my book tbh

Evil-Genius: Hunk, you and Pidge are the only ones in your dorm right now, right?

SunshineChild: yep

Evil-Genius: then get ready 

SunshineChild: [image sent] Pidge has a scary look on her face remind me never to cross her

 

8:22am- Kogayne to BigBrotherIsWatchingYou

Kogayne: I HATE YOU WITH EVERY BONE IN MY BODY THIS WAS YOUR IDEA WASN’T IT

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: oh I’m sorry, I thought I was too much of an idiot to come up with anything like this

Kogayne: fine I’m sorry now LET ME OUT OF THIS CLOSET IMMEDIATELY 

Kogayne: I don’t want to be stuck in here with Lance!

Kogayne: SHIRO

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: you two aren’t getting out until you make up

Kogayne: you have no idea what happened okay

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: then tell me and I’ll tell you how to fix it

Kogayne: your advice literally never works

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: Keith

Kogayne: ….

 

8:22am- LoverboyLance to Hunky

LoverboyLance: you

LoverboyLance: absolute 

LoverboyLance: traitor

Hunky: hmm??

LoverboyLance: YOU JUMPED ME AND LOCKED ME IN A CLOSET WITH KEITH

LoverboyLance: we’re stuck sitting back-to-back so we don’t have to look at each other!

LoverboyLance: That’s not cool, Hunk!

Hunky: IT WASN’T EVEN MY IDEA IT WAS VERONICA’S GO BLAME HER

LoverboyLance: oh that is IT

 

8:23am- BiBro to Ronnie

BiBro: as soon as I figure out how to pick locks from the inside you are dead

BiBro: DEAD

BiBro: I have a lecture in an hour!

Ronnie: Lance you were clearly hurting and the problem was Keith and you WEREN’T TALKING TO ANY OF US so you better make up quick

BiBro: well you should have done something else to try to force us to make up!!!

Ronnie: such as? You blocked me when I offered a helping hand and actively avoided anyone else

BiBro: uh

BiBro: you could have

BiBro: um

Ronnie: exactly 

Ronnie: now talk to the boy!

BiBro: no!

Ronnie: hmph

Ronnie: then I guess I’ll just try to guess what caused this

Ronnie: you disappeared from the chat last night after Keith asked about the stupid stories thing and said- I quote- “I think he did that for me”

Ronnie: now idk what you two have been talking about between yourselves but that sounds like there was something deep going on

BiBro: stop

Ronnie: did you spill your insecurities and get burned?

BiBro: sort of…?

Ronnie: I’m gonna kill Keith now this isn’t your fault

BiBro: WAIT STOP I SAID SORT OF

Ronnie: explanation???

BiBro: …..

 

8:23am- Kogayne to BigBrotherIsWatchingYou

Kogayne: He came to my room last night after I asked you guys about the stupid stories thing

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: I was kind of wondering what brought that on

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: I mean the first time I tried to tell someone that story you threw a knife so close to my hand I felt the breeze 

Kogayne: I set the high school on fire because I thought somebody was cute, and you seriously think I’d be ready for people to know that story within a month of it happening?

Kogayne: but anyway Lance came in and he was acting kinda off

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: “off” how?

Kogayne: idk kind of skittish 

Kogayne: I thought he was gonna tease me or something 

 

8:23am-BiBro to Ronnie

BiBro: I went to his room to thank him for making me feel better

Ronnie: And???

BiBro: I stammered for a solid minute and then I shut up

Ronnie: wow

BiBro: shut up I was nervous!

Ronnie: about thanking Keith?

Ronnie: HMMMM

BiBro: shut up

Ronnie: what next?

 

8:24am- Kogayne to BigBrotherIsWatchingYou

Kogayne: I’m not sure what he was trying to say

Kogayne: I think it was a thank you

Kogayne: but the stammering was actually really cute

Kogayne: I MEANT TO HIT DELETE

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: ohhh???? Feelings????

Kogayne: please don’t tease me about this

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: you deserve it after all the flack I got from you about Matt

Kogayne: Shiro I will block you again

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: okay, okay, I’m shutting up

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: what happened next?

Kogayne: I was actually gonna say something to him

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: about what?

 

8:24am- BiBro to Ronnie

BiBro: I sat down next to him after turning about three shades of red

Ronnie: so Firetruck Lance made an appearance

Ronnie: nice

BiBro: you want to hear this or not?

BiBro: and I actually managed to get a coherent “thanks for that” out

Ronnie: AND?

BiBro: and then I told him he didn’t have to do that for me

BiBro: and that I was grateful, but he didn’t have to keep doing stuff for me because we’re just friends

Ronnie: oh por la mierda

Ronnie: ¡ERES UN IDIOTA ABSOLUTO!

Ronnie: ¿CÓMO ESTÁS RELACIONADO CONMIGO?

BiBro: calm down, Ronnie! Geez it’s been a while since you forgot how to English 

Ronnie: and I say again, YOU ARE A COMPLETE IDIOT

BiBro: WHAT DID I DO?

Ronnie: YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON THIS BOY AND YOU BASICALLY TOLD HIM TO JUST STAY FRIENDS???

BiBro: ….

 

8:24am- Kogayne to BigBrotherIsWatchingYou

Kogayne: I was gonna confess

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: holy crap

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: seriously?

Kogayne: yeah I was actually gonna do it

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: “Was”?

Kogayne: then he spouted off some crap about me “not having to do anything for him” because we’re “just friends” and

Kogayne: yeah

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: oof

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: I’m a little scared to ask, but what exactly did you do next?

Kogayne: ummmmmmm

 

8:24am- BiBro to Ronnie

BiBro: it doesn’t matter anyway 

BiBro: as soon as I got done talking, he got all sour and made a couple comments 

Ronnie: comments about??

BiBro: “I didn’t have to do that for you” and “well maybe if you hadn’t moped instead of getting over yourself” were among them

Ronnie: I’m sorry he said WHAT

 

8:25am- BigBrotherIsWatchingYou to Kogayne

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: you said WHAT?

Kogayne: I snapped! He was being stupid!

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: I know rejection hurts but you shouldn’t purposefully target someone’s weak spot like that!

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: I’m starting to wonder who the hopeless one is here

Kogayne: He hit me where it hurt too

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: You’re both at fault

Kogayne: ...I know

Kogayne: I regretted what I said as soon as it left my mouth but Lance ran out before I could take it back

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: Yeah this plan wasn’t the best idea

Kogayne: SO WILL YOU LET US OUT NOW?

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: I’ll text the others 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: and Keith?

Kogayne: ?

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: Just try to forgive him

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: can you do that?

Kogayne: I can try but no promises as to results

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: that’ll work 

 

8:25am- BiBro to Ronnie

BiBro: so I ran out

Ronnie: I don’t blame you

Ronnie: Sorry for locking you two in a closet but I thought the fight was pettier than that

BiBro: so can I come out now

Ronnie: yeah hold on 

Ronnie: ...Shiro just texted saying Keith really needs out too

BiBro: I’m still not talking to him

Ronnie: alright that’s fair but promise me you’ll give him a chance later?

BiBro:.... 

BiBro: alright I will

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y’all I’m not sorry about this but you should know this fic was created with nothing but memes and fluff in mind so idk how this happened but I hope it was good 
> 
> As always, feedback is loved and appreciated! Every new comment and kudos is roughly three years added to my life <3 <3 <3


	10. Merry Chrysler

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas is here and so is some fluff before the storm >:)))
> 
> Also: never give Pidge coffee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright as I have said before I’m not sorry for the angst last chapter BUT I’m still making up for it now anyways :P
> 
> Enjoy!

3:47pm- Pidgeotto to Nobody Here Is Straight 

Pidgeotto: alright you useless memes listen up

Matthematics: while I do agree with the meme assessment I am FAR from useless

Princess-Alluring: Oh please it took you forever to ask Shiro out and even then you didn’t even tell him it was a date 

Matthematics: what was I supposed to do? Not panic? HAVE YOU SEEN HIS BICEPS

Pidgeotto: really? Right in front of my salad?

SugarSweet: everybody stop fighting and look at this [image sent] [image sent]

LoverboyLance: aaaaAAAAA A A A A A

Princess-Alluring: IS THAT KOSMO IN A SANTA HAT????

Matthematics: fdjnfjfdhfd I WOULD DIE FOR HIM

CinnamonRoll: I have no words that is toO ADORABLE

move-I’m-gay: oh my god

ShiroDad: Shay you broke them

move-I’m-gay: [image sent] Shiro is a hypocrite and he is crying because of those pics

ShiroDad: KEITH

Matthematics: awww Shiro you big softie 

ShiroDad: ….

move-I’m-gay: [image sent] stop blushing you idiot 

Pidgeotto: right 

Pidgeotto: in front

Pidgeotto: of my 

Pidgeotto: SALAD???

LoverboyLance: current mood: Shiro lying facedown on his bed because he saw a cute puppy

SugarSweet: Kosmo is a wolf not a puppy?

LoverboyLance: PUPPY

Princess-Alluring: you’re not gonna win this one babe

LoverboyLance: to extend the theme of cute animals [image sent]

WisestMcclain: LANCE I’M STEALING YOUR CAT

LoverboyLance: nO

WisestMcclain: YES

LoverboyLance: MY cat

WisestMcclain: give me the cat

LoverboyLance: don’t even try it hermana I would die for Blue

Pidgeotto: mood

Princess-Alluring: wait has anyone actually checked the date today??

Matthematics: I no longer think in actual dates I think in test dates

Pidgeotto: MOOD

CinnamonRoll: It’s the 21st

CinnamonRoll: wait

CinnamonRoll: IT’S THE 21ST

Matthematics: oH CRUD

ShiroDad: okay who here actually bought Secret Santa gifts already say aye

ShiroDad: aye

move-I’m-gay: aye

Pidgeotto: you got soap didn’t you? Also aye

Move-I’m-gay: NO I DID NOT

SugarSweet: I knew i forgot to do something

CinnamonRoll: ^^^SAME^^^

LoverboyLance: the most considerate people in this chat both forgot to Christmas shop

LoverboyLance: unbelievable

LoverboyLance: also aye

SugarSweet: in my defense the roads were only recently cleared up over here and I got stuck doing most of the chores

SugarSweet: one of these days I’m getting Rax back for this

Princess-Alluring: I will help 

Princess-Alluring: also aye

Matthematics: yeah I didn’t either

LoverboyLance: most considerate people in this chat + Matt

Matthematics: I AM HURT SHIRO DEFEND ME

ShiroDad: Lance.

LoverboyLance: oh come on 

CinnamonRoll: wait so if Shiro is the Dad Friend™ in this squad and Matt is dating Shiro then what does that make Matt

Pidgeotto: he isn’t mature enough to be the other dad

WisestMcclain: Shiro strikes me as more of a vodka aunt 

LoverboyLance: PFFT

SugarSweet: Shiro is the vodka aunt and Matt is now that One Gay Uncle

ShiroDad: what now

Princess-Alluring: Shay you are so perfect 

move-I’m-gay: you know what I can get behind this

ShiroDad: Keith

move-I’m-gay: what?

CinnamonRoll: Pidge 

CinnamonRoll: your time has come 

Pidgeotto: mwahaha yes it has

[Pidgeotto has changed ShiroDad’s name to VodkaAunt]

[Pidgeotto has changed Matthematics’ name to TheGayUncle]

TheGayUncle: ya know what? I’m gonna own this

VodkaAunt: fine i like it

WisestMcclain: this is perfection right here

WisestMcclain: wait wasn’t Pidge trying to say something earlier?

Pidgeotto: I was actually gonna call attention to the date but Shay broke me with that stupid picture of Kosmo

Pidgeotto: at least Allura has her life together and remembered for us

SugarSweet: looks like I hold some power [image sent] [image sent]

Pidgeotto: sTOP

CinnamonRoll: HHHH HE’S SNUGGLING WITH THE RABBITS I CAN’T

LoverboyLance: I can’t beat that but I can try [image sent] [image sent]

TheGayUncle: HOW DID YOU GET BLUE TO CURL UP ON YOUR HEAD LIKE THAT???

LoverboyLance: idk she’s just very cuddly

SugarSweet: oh you want to go?? [image sent] [image sent]

LoverboyLance: IT’S ON [image sent]

SugarSweet: SNAPCHAT FILTERS ARE CHEATING

LoverboyLance: I CAN’T HEAR YOU OVER HOW CUTE SHE LOOKS WITH A SPARKLY BACKGROUND [image sent]

move-I’m-gay: what is going on

Pidgeotto: Keith shhhhh it’s a cuteness war

Princess-Alluring: WRECK HIM BABE

SugarSweet: [image sent] 

LoverboyLance: HOW COME YOU’RE ALLOWED TO USE FILTERS NOW?

SugarSweet: that’s not a filter he got into my mother’s flowers (and my art supplies) and got covered in petals and glitter

SugarSweet: she wasn’t even mad tbh

CinnamonRoll: I’M GONNA GO INTO CARDIAC ARREST FROM THIS

TheGayUncle: I’m dead now

move-I’m-gay: can you please stop fighting over whose animal is cuter

move-I’m-gay: it’s Kosmo anyways

Pidgeotto: them’s fightin’ words, Kogane

move-I’m-gay: can you please stop making Texan jokes around me?

LoverboyLance: TEAM BLUE WHO’S WITH ME

Pidgeotto: TEAM BLUE

WisestMcclain: TEAM KOSMO

LoverboyLance: BETRAYAL FROM MY OWN FLESH AND BLOOD

Princess-Alluring: Team Kosmo

SugarSweet: Team Kosmo <3

TheGayUncle: TEAM BLUE

LoverboyLance: Veronica you have been replaced with Matt

VodkaAunt: team Blue

move-I’m-gay: stop siding with your boyfriend and side with your brother dammit!

VodkaAunt: you’ve called me too gay to function too many times before this for me to buckle now

TheGayUncle: Blue: 4 Kosmo: 4

Pidgeotto: it seems we have reached a stalemate 

LoverboyLance: Huuuuuuuunk

LoverboyLance: tiebreak this

CinnamonRoll: oh god

CinnamonRoll: I CAN’T CHOOSE

CinnamonRoll: THIS IS ANXIETY-INDUCING

CinnamonRoll: UHHHHHH BOTH

[CinnamonRoll has left that chat]

Pidgeotto: whoops we scared Hunk away

LoverboyLance: we all know the real winner anyways

move-I’m-gay: Kosmo

LoverboyLance: I love that wolf but Blue is smol so

SugarSweet: yes but Kosmo has floof

TheGayUncle: this was the mood boost I needed today

SugarSweet: HAHAHA GUYS LOOK [image sent]

Pidgeotto: I think that’s a calendar but I can’t read a word?

SugarSweet: ohh sorry that’s my mom’s handwriting, which can best be described as “drunk chicken-scratch”

SugarSweet: Rax got caught pawning all his chores on me so now I’m free for the next couple days 

SugarSweet: if anybody else who forgot to get gifts wants to come with they can

TheGayUncle: Meet you at Starbucks?

SugarSweet: twenty minutes?

TheGayUncle: Cool and I’ll grab Hunk 

[TheGayUncle has left the chat]

[SugarSweet has left the chat]

 

4:02pm- BigBrotherIsWatchingYou to Kogayne

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: so

Kogayne: how dare you not side with me

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: gotta go with my boyfriend on this one

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: anyways

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: you and Lance seemed a little friendlier 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: did you make up?

Kogayne: ….

Kogayne: not really

Kogayne: we’re just not actively arguing atm it’s an uneasy truce I guess

Kogayne: BUT I DREW HIM FOR SECRET SANTA WHAT AM I GONNA DO

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: what’d you get him?

Kogayne: not telling

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: *gasp* you won’t tell your own brother

Kogayne: stop being dramatic I just don’t wanna say anything in case Pidge gets bored and hacks your phone

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: what

Kogayne: did you not know she does that?

Kogayne: that’s literally how she has so much stuff in that stupid blackmail folder

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: wow

Kogayne: I’ve just learned not to cross her

Kogayne: also to hide my phone when I leave it to charge 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: why are you the one giving me useful tips now?? Who are you and what have you done with my disaster of a brother 

Kogayne: you got demoted from dad to vodka aunt 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: one of these days I’ll figure out how to get past that firewall Pidge made to stop us changing our own names in the chats

Kogayne: no you won’t

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: I’ll get Matt to do it just watch me

Kogayne: you like the nickname

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou:...well you're not wrong

Kogayne: oy vey

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: well you know what you’re getting advice from me now

Kogayne: shiro

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: Talk. To. Lance. At least explain why you lashed out

Kogayne: …

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: and if you block me i will personally cover your entire bed in glitter

Kogayne: seriously?

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: I have Allura on speed dial

Kogayne: fine I’ll talk to Lance but only after Christmas

Kogayne: I have to gear myself up to actually do it bc social anxiety

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: good

 

—CHRISTMAS DAY—

 

12:01am- LoverboyLance to Nobody Here Is Straight

LoverboyLance: WAKE UP ALREADY GUYS IT’S CHRISTMAAAAS

CinnamonRoll: HE STOLE MY BLANKETS TO WAKE ME UP

Pidgeotto: I LOVE THIS HOLIDAY TOO BUT WHY WAS GETTING UP THIS EARLY NECESSARY

SugarSweet: why is everybody screaming

TheGayUncle: uhhhh bc they’re excited 

Princess-Alluring: it’s too early for this

VodkaAunt: agreed

move-I’m-gay: if y’all don’t shut up in the next five minutes I will not be responsible for lives lost

LoverboyLance: Y’ALL

VodkaAunt: you made Texan Keith make an appearance that takes skill

move-I’m-gay: shut up and cuddle your stupid boyfriend 

TheGayUncle: !!!! Hey!!!!

WisestMcclain: Lance if Mamá didn’t let this kind of stuff fly at home you’re not getting away with it here

WisestMcclain: wait what did Keith mean exactly Shiro

VodkaAunt: he meant nothing 

move-I’m-gay: I meant that i have mine and Shiro’s room to myself bc those two are hopeless

Pidgeotto: i regret every matchmaking attempt I ever made for you two

TheGayUncle: WE’RE JUST SLEEPING IN THE SAME BED BC KEITH KEPT COMPLAINING ABOUT SHIRO’S SNORES AND WANTED HIS OWN ROOM SO I INVITED SHIRO OVER THAT’S LITERALLY IT

SugarSweet: *Doubt*

LoverboyLance: lmao sure

Princess-Alluring: Lance i stg if don’t let us sleep for at least another five hours you will not survive to see the rest of Christmas, let alone the new year

LoverboyLance: but it’s gonna be 20gayteen

Princess-Alluring: THEN GO TO SLEEP

CinnamonRoll: and pls give my blanket back

LoverboyLance: fine but everybody be ready to get festive in exactly 5 hours

 

5:02am- LoverboyLance to Nobody Here Is Straight

LoverboyLance: GUESS WHAT SUCKERS

Pidgeotto: coffee

LoverboyLance: that too

WisestMcclain: Lance don’t forget to come by my dorm later to FaceTime the fam

LoverboyLance: I’m insulted you think I would forget I’m just dragging all the Grinches out of bed first

VodkaAunt: alright he’s not gonna let this one go everybody up

TheGayUncle: PRESENTS

LoverboyLance: YESSS

move-I’m-gay: I need food before processing gifts today

VodkaAunt: you’re stalling just get out of bed

TheGayUncle: [image sent] you hypocrite you’re still refusing to sit up 

Princess-Alluring: shiro I’m sorry but I can’t stop laughing at that bedhead

Pidgeotto: the ENTIRE FLOOF is sticking up this is glorious

WisestMcclain: how’d you manage to flip off the camera with your prosthetic?

VodkaAunt: IF YOU’RE DONE BULLYING ME

TheGayUncle: yeah everybody stop bullying him he’s only six

CinnamonRoll: I’m making coffee who wants it

Pidgeotto: I bow down to you O lord of caffeine 

CinnamonRoll: I’ll take that as a yes from Pidge 

CinnamonRoll: hey can we tell everybody who we drew now?

TheGayUncle: Shiro

VodkaAunt: Matt

TheGayUncle: WAIT A MINUTE PIDGE WAS THAT YOUR DOING

Pidgeotto: Allura I’ll give you your present after I’ve had the God Juice

TheGayUncle: PIDGE

Pidgeotto: possibly 

VodkaAunt: Katie.

LoverboyLance: hey you’re the one who left her alone with the names idek how she rigged it

CinnamonRoll: Pidge gets her gift with coffee

Pidgeotto: aw yissss Hunk drew me that means food

CinnamonRoll: am I that predictable?

LoverboyLance: yes but in a good way

SugarSweet: I drew Hunk 

SugarSweet: I’ll drop by this afternoon

Princess-Alluring: good, that’s when you get your gift from me then ;)

Pidgeotto: It’s too early for this much gay

TheGayUncle: it is never too early to taste the rainbow Pidgeon

move-I’m-gay: isn’t that the Skittles thing?

TheGayUncle: not anymore the gays have claimed it

move-I’m-gay: you’re bi though?

WisestMcclain: I think Keith needs some coffee too 

TheGayUncle: wait so I drew Shiro, Shiro drew me, Pidge drew Allura, Allura drew Shay, Shay drew Hunk, and Hunk drew Pidge

TheGayUncle: that leaves exactly two people

LoverboyLance: ???

LoverboyLance: wait did Keith draw me??

move-I’m-gay: did you draw me??

LoverboyLance: ..yep

move-I’m-gay: ...I drew you

Pidgeotto: I HAVE HAD THE GOD JUICE AND NOW I AM AWAKE

Pidgeotto: PLUS I THINK I CAN HEAR COLORS

CinnamonRoll: I should not have given her the big mug with whipped cream and sprinkles

Princess-Alluring: good lord

WisestMcclain: she’s too powerful

Pidgeotto: HE ALSO GAVE ME A G I A N T TIN OF PEANUT BUTTER COOKIES HAPPY CRIMMUS TO ME

TheGayUncle: merry Chrysler 

TheGayUncle: wait Hunk is this why you refused my invite to Christmas shop with me and Shay the other day

CinnamonRoll: yeah I decided to just make something from the heart instead of buying something

SugarSweet: you ran out of ideas

CinnamonRoll: ...I ran out of ideas but what I said still stands

Pidgeotto: HUNK I’M SOBBING

CinnamonRoll: we’re in the same room I know

CinnamonRoll: IDK HOW IT WAS POSSIBLE BUT SHE KNOCKED ME OVER WITH A HUG

VodkaAunt: I was wondering what that bang from the kitchen was

Princess-Alluring: Pidge knocked YOU over? I’m calling BS you’re built like a strongman and she’s built like a twig

CinnamonRoll: NO IM SERIOUS 

TheGayUncle: Pidge is smol but very powerful when hopped up on sugar and caffeine 

CinnamonRoll: noted

Pidgeotto: HEY NOODLE

TheGayUncle: oh crap that’s me

Pidgeotto: WHAT’D YOU GET YOUR BOO

WisestMcclain: Hunk what the heck did you put in that coffee???

CinnamonRoll: too much 

WisestMcclain: of???

CinnamonRoll: everything, apparently 

TheGayUncle: I’ll show you gimme a sec

Princess-Alluring: so I want to know why Shiro just yelled “DON’T YOU DARE TAKE A PICTURE MATT”

TheGayUncle: [image sent]

Princess-Alluring: understood

Pidgeotto: THAT IS PERFECT

VodkaAunt: what possessed you to give me a sweater that reads “I’m the gay friend AND the dad friend” and where did you even get this

TheGayUncle: you don’t have to wear it

VodkaAunt: no I love it back off

Pidgeotto: SO SHIRO WHAT’D YOU GET MATT

TheGayUncle: BWAHAHA

VodkaAunt: Matt please don’t 

TheGayUncle: HE GOT ME A FRIGGIN STARBUCKS GIFT CARD

TheGayUncle: But hey there’s a lot of money on here so I like it

CinnamonRoll: Shiro oh my god

VodkaAunt: I PANICKED AND RAN OUT OF TIME OKAY

SugarSweet: dear lord Shiro 

VodkaAunt: I tried 

Pidgeotto: LMAO YOU GAY DISASTER

TheGayUncle: dON’T YELL AT THE BABY

WisestMcclain: hey Lance you’re noticeably quiet about this fiasco

WisestMcclain: please tell me you didn’t get Keith a gift card too

WisestMcclain: Lance?

TheGayUncle: everybody remembers what happened the last time they both ghosted this chat right

CinnamonRoll: oh boy not again

Pidgeotto: INTERCEPTION

VodkaAunt: Hunk please stop Pidge from doing anything

Princess-Alluring: [image sent] she has been stopped

SugarSweet: that’s effective

TheGayUncle: Bear Hug of Doom. Nice 

VodkaAunt: is think we learned our interfering lesson let’s just leave them alone

WisestMcclain: I agree with Shiro

VodkaAunt: finally SOMEBODY does yeesh

 

5:12am- LoverboyLance to move-I’m-gay

LoverboyLance: can I come in?

move-I’m-gay: what for?

LoverboyLance: … well I assume you want your gift right?

move-I’m-gay: … 

move-I’m-gay: sure. I need to talk to you anyway

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaaand cliffhanger mwahaha 
> 
> Tbh I wrote Shay in this chapter way more than I originally intended to and you know what? I like it
> 
> Hope you enjoyed and as always, feedback is loved and appreciated! 
> 
> Ps who here is Team Kosmo and who here is Team Blue I’m curious


	11. Reconciliation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Read the title mwahaha

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter feels a little shorter than normal to me? Idk I never check the word count I just kinda write until I’m done
> 
> Enjoy!

6:55am- SugarSweet to Nobody Here Is Straight

SugarSweet: hmhmhmhfhhf

Pidgeotto: dare I ask

SugarSweet: I WOULD JUST LIKE EVERYONE TO KNOW THAT I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND

WisestMcclain: oh boy here we go

Princess-Alluring: allow the woman to finish

SugarSweet: [image sent] NEW CRYSTALS AWWW BABE

SugarSweet: EVERYONE LOOK HOW PRETTY THEY ARE

TheGayUncle: yes those are nice but you can’t beat hopelessly disaster gay gifts when it comes to cute

WisestMcclain: the gay energy in this chat is astounding 

Princess-Alluring: I’m just glad to be back with her tbh

Princess-Alluring: HHJHJHJHH

CinnamonRoll: this is epic to watch go down from the couch Shay literally just pecked Allura on the cheek and she DIED hdslhsj I’m gonna pass out from cuteness overload

Pidgeotto: that’s mushy and I am now glad I went outside to jog off that crack coffee 

CinnamonRoll: DON’T INSULT MY COFFEE JUST BECAUSE YOU SHOULDN’T BE DRINKING CAFFEINATED BEVERAGES TOO EARLY 

Princess-Alluring: PIDGE I CAN’T HELP IT SHE’S JUST SO PRETTY OKAY I AAAHAHG

Pidgeotto: Jesus take the PRNDL

SugarSweet: what

Pidgeotto: “Jesus take the wheel” is clearly no longer working 

TheGayUncle: dude that show was my CHILDHOOD

Pidgeotto: I know you nerd I’m your sister I WAS THERE

VodkaAunt: okay before Matt goes on a Suite Life of Zack and Cody tangent can I ask what Hunk got for Secret Santa

CinnamonRoll: OH YEAH Shay is awesome and she got me new cooking utensils 

CinnamonRoll: Still not sure how she knew the specific ones I was keeping an eye one but I’m not gonna look a gift horse in the mouth

Pidgeotto: OH THAT REMINDS ME I forgot to give Allura her gift oof gimme a sec and I’ll be back in the dorm

WisestMcclain: wait has anyone seen the resident red and blue disasters

SugarSweet: if you mean Keith and Lance neither of them has come into the common room since I arrived

Pidgeotto: oh boy

CinnamonRoll: well we haven’t heard yelling from down the hall 

TheGayUncle: yet

VodkaAunt: Matt

TheGayUncle: WHAT? You know as well as I do that there’s a risk whenever they’re in the same room

TheGayUncle: It’s either arguing or just extreme tension and there is no in between

LoverboyLance: I NEVER LEFT THIS CHAT YOU JERKS

Pidgeotto: YOU’VE BEEN LURKING??!?! *inhales* BOI

LoverboyLance: yes I have but I’m not sure what’s going on

LoverboyLance: I’m gonna choose to be insulted

CinnamonRoll: dude what happened with you and Keith?? I hate it when my friends fight please tell me you two made up 

TheGayUncle: or made out

[LoverboyLance has left the chat]

VodkaAunt: I’m gonna go get Keith and make him explain

Pidgeotto: no you’re gonna snuggle with Matt

TheGayUncle: Pidge he doesn’t take well to being called out like this

Pidgeotto: I meant you should probably leave Keith alone he’s not really the type to talk 

Pidgeotto: LANCE, however, IS A CHATTERBOX

WisestMcclain: I can handle Lance

WisestMcclain: WAI TNO 

Princess-Alluring: ??

WisestMcclain: MAMÁ IS CALLING I GOTTA PICK UP SOMEONE ELSE HANDLE LANCE BYE

SugarSweet: oh lord

CinnamonRoll: I got this

WisestMcclain: THANK

 

7:03am- Hunky to LoverboyLance

Hunky: alright explain this you bi disaster 

LoverboyLance: hmm?

Hunky: Lance

LoverboyLance: what?

Hunky: LANCE COME ON

Lance:(•_•) ( •_•)>⌐■-■ (⌐■_■) 

Hunky: WHAT DID YOU DO???

Hunky: WHAT HAPPENED WITH KEITH

LoverboyLance: oh him

LoverboyLance: yah we made up

Hunky: S P I L L 

Hunky: PLEASEEEEEE

LoverboyLance: apologize

Hunky: what did i do???

LoverboyLance: U CALLED ME A DISASTER MULTIPLE TIMES BC OF THIS WHOLE THING SO IF YOU WANT THE TEA YOU HAVE TO APOLOGIZE

Hunky: I’m sorry I called u a disaster and I’m sorry I teased you

Hunky: nOW GIVE ME THE TEA

LoverboyLance: okay okay okay 

LoverboyLance: so first of all i got him a giant Mothman plushie 

Hunky: no you didn’t

LoverboyLance: fine no I didn’t but I wanted to see if you’d believe it

Hunky: oh please I can see through you like a pane of glass 

LoverboyLance: YOU DON’T HAVE TO DO ME LIKE THAT

LoverboyLance: anyways 

Hunky: yes tell me more what did he get you

LoverboyLance: new face masks!! :D I have no clue how he remembered which ones I prefer but he did 

LoverboyLance: I actually got him a DVD collection of old conspiracy shows via discreetly asking Pidge

Hunky: “discreetly”

LoverboyLance: it’s not like I told her who drew who!

Hunky: SHE SABOTAGED IT SHE ALREADY KNEW

LoverboyLance: well it is Pidge I don’t blame her 

LoverboyLance: looking back I was kinda an idiot

Hunky: you both were tbh now PLEASE KEEP GOING

LoverboyLance: …

Hunky: wait a minute this gets serious doesn’t it

LoverboyLance: well there is a reason I pushed him away at first

Hunky: hmph this has to do with she-who-must-not-be-named doesn’t it

LoverboyLance: ...yeah

Hunky: I could have sworn you got over that like a year ago?? STOP HIDING YOUR PAIN

LoverboyLance: IT HIDES ITSELF AND RESURFACES WHEN IT FEELS LIKE BIG GUY

Hunky: Aww, Lance…

Hunky: Anyone who treats you like a disposable camera to use and toss does NOT deserve to consume your mind like that 

LoverboyLance: that doesn’t stop it from scarring man what she did hurt

Hunky: ...this lowkey explains why you kept rejecting anybody who flirted back HOW DID I NOT NOTICE THIS

LoverboyLance: not your fault, Hunk 

LoverboyLance: anyways I explained that whole thing,,, which hurt,,, but he understood

Hunky: and what about what Keith said to you tho???

LoverboyLance: ….

LoverboyLance: Okay I’m only telling you this because you know how to keep the important secrets and also Keith said it would be okay if i told you because he trusts you

Hunky: ohhh boy

LoverboyLance: So you know that Keith has been through a lot of crap right

Hunky: I’ve had a few conversations with Shiro on the topic, yeah

LoverboyLance: Well he’s also had REALLY bad luck with relationships 

LoverboyLance: not even just romantic ones either

LoverboyLance: His dad’s gone, nobody’s really sure what happened to his mom since she left when he was a baby, and then he was moved through a lot of foster homes (none of which were abusive per se but they weren’t great either) and then he was on the streets for a while

Hunky: oh geez

Hunky: how come he trusts me enough to know this???

LoverboyLance: who wouldn’t? You’re a trustworthy guy

Hunky: aww thanks

LoverboyLance: Anyways

LoverboyLance: That’s literally just covering familial relationships he’s had some bad exes too

LoverboyLance: I get the feeling he was holding back a little but… it was still really bad, Hunk

Hunky: so this is a “scarred-for-life” type situation huh

LoverboyLance: He said he got so used to having bad relationships with people he just kinda… gave up on trying to read them and he apparently misjudged what I was trying to say and got scared and lashed out

LoverboyLance: tbh I was mad at Keith for what he said before but then he told me he was scared of rejection and I suddenly understood

Hunky: It makes sense actually

Hunky: hnnnnn I’M GONNA MAKE HIM COOKIES HE DESERVES THEM

LoverboyLance: you see this is why people trust and like you 

LoverboyLance: Anyway after we said everything there was this awkward silence for a second

LoverboyLance: and reflecting back on what we did next WOW we really are disasters 

LoverboyLance: I was like “BY THE WAY I LIKE YOU”

Hunky: !??!?!?

LoverboyLance: ...at the exact same time he said it

Hunky: …

Hunky: PFFFT 

Hunky: WHAT EVEN

Hunky: how are you two like this

LoverboyLance: I legitimately don’t know

Hunky: PERMISSION TO TELL PIDGE??

Hunky: wait are you still with Keith

LoverboyLance: ...possibly

Hunky: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) what are you doing 

LoverboyLance: you have officially spent wayyy too much time with Pidge and Matt

Hunky: you say that like you haven’t been an influence 

LoverboyLance: relax we got tired and now he’s asleep and [image sent]

Hunky: FIRST I WITNESSED SHAY LITERALLY PICK ALLURA UP IN A HUG AFTER NOT SEEING HER FOR SEVERAL DAYS, THEN EVERYTHING WITH MATT AND SHIRO BEING DORKS THIS MORNING, AND NOW YOU’RE CUDDLING WITH KEITH

Hunky: my heart can’t take this for much longer Lance you gotta stop

LoverboyLance: no [image sent]

Hunky: HNNNNN

Hunky: why does “we got tired” sound like a really flimsy excuse

LoverboyLance: ...because it kinda is?

Hunky: hmmmmmmmmmmm??????

LoverboyLance: there was crying leave the topic alone

Hunky: ohhh okay I’ll leave it alone then

Hunky: just

Hunky: CAN I TELL PIDGE

LoverboyLance: absolutely not I want to see the look on her face in person as she realizes that her meddling led to the sappiest conversation ever and r e g r e t s e v e r y t h i n g

LoverboyLance: the days of teasing me and Keith shall have their revenge 

Hunky: that’s fair 

Hunky: so,, uh,,,

Hunky: when are you actually going to tell everybody you made up

LoverboyLance: whenever Keith wakes up

LoverboyLance: tbh that might be a while this boy sleeps like a sack of potatoes 

LoverboyLance: well a very adorable sack of potatoes but you get the point

Hunky: hrdhdh stop being so cute about him

Hunky: at least you’re finally dating so I dont have to listen to you pining anymore but this may be worse 

LoverboyLance: actually we aren’t really dating as of now

Hunky: I’m sorry could you repeat that

LoverboyLance: okay let me clarify

LoverboyLance: I don’t really feel ready for an actual relationship right now

LoverboyLance: neither does he

LoverboyLance: there’s this kinda agreement that yes, we like each other, but we’re not dating until we’re both ready

LoverboyLance: at which point I am going to date him so hard

Hunky: that is

Hunky: so sweet? I

Hunky: I’M CRYING???

LoverboyLance: NO DON’T CRY

Hunky: tOO LATE

LoverboyLance: just go tell the main chat that we made up and that’s it I know you’re their spy

Hunky: SUCH ACCUSATIONS

LoverboyLance: I read through the chat you liar

Hunky: yeah okay I’ll tell them

 

7:11am- CinnamonRoll to Nobody Here Is Straight 

CinnamonRoll: they made up

Pidgeotto: there’s more to this isn’t there

TheGayUncle: gET THE TRUTH SERUM PIDGEON

VodkaAunt: do NOT

CinnamonRoll: that’s literally it they made up

Pidgeotto: LIES 

CinnamonRoll: WHY DOES NOBODY BELIEVE ME

SugarSweet: I believe you actually

Princess-Alluring: Shay you left the room so you don’t know this but Hunk was gasping wayyy to much during his conversation with Lance for the “they just made up” explanation to be plausible

CinnamonRoll: Allura why you’re supposed to be on my side

Princess-Alluring: not when I smell dramaaaaa

SugarSweet: honey just let it be

Princess-Alluring: … 

Princess-Alluring: oh alright then

Pidgeotto: sdhsdhs THIS IS VERY GAY

TheGayUncle: read the chat name Pidge

move-I’m-gay: hey guys

Pidgeotto: KEITH YOU’RE BACK

move-I’m-gay: everything’s good again

VodkaAunt: you sure?

move-I’m-gay: positive

TheGayUncle: THEN WHERE’S LANCE

LoverboyLance: I was getting dressed you walking meme

LoverboyLance: AND BEFORE YOU INSINUATE ANYTHING, I’M BACK IN MY OWN ROOM

TheGayUncle: suspicious but okay fine have it your way

WisestMcclain: LANCE YOU’RE BACK ONLINE THANK GOD

LoverboyLance: I don’t need a lecture Ronnie everything’s good

WisestMcclain: ¡MAMÁ ESTÁ LLAMANDO Y NECESITAS VENIR AHORA!

LoverboyLance: MIERDA

LoverboyLance: I’LL BE RIGHT OVER PLEASE STALL FOR ME

[LoverboyLance has left the chat]

Princess-Alluring: LMAO HE JUST RAN OUT THE DOOR WEARING SLIPPERS, SWEATS, AND AN OLD T-SHIRT 

Pidgeotto: DANG IT I’M STILL OUTSIDE AND I MISSED THIS

Princess-Alluring: [video sent]

Pidgeotto: Lance swearing in Spanish as he trips over a coffee table for some unknown reason is a mood

move-I’m-gay: lmao

TheGayUncle: 0.o

SugarSweet: did Keith just laugh at something? Out loud? For real?

TheGayUncle: Shiro it’s official your little bro has been replaced by an alien

VodkaAunt: well this way we know they weren’t lying about making up

move-I’m-gay: can you stop talking about me like I’m not listening?

Princess-Alluring: so what did Veronica even say to freak him out so bad?

Pidgeotto: lemme google it

Pidgeotto: “MOM IS CALLING AND YOU NEED TO GET OVER HERE NOW” apparently

CinnamonRoll: OH CRAP NO WONDER LANCE WAS RUNNING

CinnamonRoll: his family has this thing where no matter how far any of them are from each other, there will ALWAYS be a big communal Skype or FaceTime or whatever on big holidays and God help the person who misses it

CinnamonRoll: I’m about 90% sure Lance’s mom can freaking TELEPORT when her kids act up in any way so yeah of course he tripped over a coffee table 

Pidgeotto: I would like to meet this woman

 

7:12am- Ronnie to ‘Clain Fam

Ronnie: okay Lance is coming we can start the call soon

MarcOMG: What was he even doing?

Ronnie: idk but I’ll get it out of him later

Mamá: you better, your father is going to have to get to work soon and we don’t have much time

Ronnie: I’m fairly sure Lance might have gotten himself a man at long last but nobody call him out bc I’m not COMPLETELY sure

Rachella: WHAAAAT

MarcOMG: at least tell me the guy is hot

Luigi: Marco why

MarcOMG: don’t question me Luis 

Ronnie: I’ve met the guy in question and the answer is yes but they’re both complete disasters so who knows how it went

Ronnie: update: Lance is a few minutes away everybody lurking sound off

Rachella: I am here and that felt targeted 

Papí: I’m ready 

Luigi: oh and I’ve got Lisa and the kids with me too I forgot that

Ronnie: aww yisss

Ronnie: AHA HE’S HERE

MarcOMG: alright finally now I can interrogate him

BiBro: DO NOT

MarcOMG: WHAT’S THIS ABOUT A MAN, LITTLE BROTHER?? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

BiBro: WHATEVER VERONICA SAID IS A LIE

Mamá: no arguing on the family group chat!

BiBro: ...yes Mamá

Papí: everybody ready to start the call?

Bibro: yes

Ronnie: I am

MarcOMG: born ready

Luigi: stop being extra Marco and let’s go

Rachella: START THE CALL

Mamá: Alright give me a moment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so for the Mcclain family group chat just assume they are all speaking Spanish despite me writing it in English :P
> 
> Also Heith, while not the main focus of this fic, is vERY GOOD and those scenes were some of the best parts of s7
> 
> Coming up: New Year’s celebrations and a new character??? Maybe?? ;)))) stay tuned to find out!


	12. Dreams and Dares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Never allow Matt to give dares. Seriously. Don’t

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me last chapter: hmm this seems a tad short
> 
> Me this chapter: OH GOD I’VE WRITTEN TOO MUCH
> 
> This likely isn’t longer than my average chapter tbh but it feels longer idk
> 
> Enjoy!

4:58am- LoverboyLance to Nobody Here Is Straight

LoverboyLance: do you guys ever get these super weird dreams and then you just think “The me in my past lives had fun and I’m over here being sleep-deprived and walking into class wearing pjs”

TheGayUncle: yeah actually 

Pidgeotto: why are you doing this at five am

LoverboyLance: because I’m pretty sure one of my past lives was a gay covert ops sniper who got shot in the neck by a comrade as part of a conspiracy to get his job 

CinnamonRoll: what the h e c k 

LoverboyLance: it was weird 

VodkaAunt: I feel like I’m gonna regret asking this but what /exactly/ did you dream about

LoverboyLance: It’s kinda fuzzy but I distinctly remember telling someone I was “definitely gay” so who knows what that was about and then I was in a tree holding a sniper rifle for no apparent reason and there was a Jeep driving on the road below me and I heard the driver say to his passenger “I don’t have room for you” and then they drove underneath my tree and the driver said “Okay, if you can shoot this guy you get the job” and for some reason I tried to jump to the next tree and I heard a shot go off and I got hit in the neck and then I heard “Well great, now I gotta replace him” and then I DIED

Pidgeotto: what the heck is this 

LoverboyLance: I SWEAR I COULD FEEL THE BLOOD POURING OUT OF MY NECK IT WAS SURREAL

VodkaAunt: That sounds really disturbing are you okay 

LoverboyLance: am I ever

move-I’m-gay: that dream is nothing one time I had a dream where a sentient blob of slime ate everybody except for a woman I somehow knew was my great-aunt idk why we both survived but we did

Pidgeotto: you don’t even have a great-aunt

move-I’m-gay: yeah but I did in the dream it was creepy

LoverboyLance: pfft mine tops yours no problem

LoverboyLance: AND MATT DON’T YOU DARE SAY A WORD

TheGayUncle: :))) I was just gonna ask the whole group chat for their weirdest dreams to contest yours :)))) nothing else :))))) how dare you suspect me :))))

VodkaAunt: Matt just answer your own question already

TheGayUncle: mine’s probably the time there was a murderer who killed twenty people every night for ten nights and he somehow kept missing me and then on the tenth night he said to me “I give up” and I stopped having those dreams 

VodkaAunt: the whole group chat isn’t even awake 

TheGayUncle: I’m asking for anyone who is now spill

VodkaAunt: well a dodo bird tried to eat my soul in a dream once but that’s about it

Pidgeotto: what the HECK

VodkaAunt: I don’t know but I was this weird purple octopus alien thing and this dodo bird shows up flanked by a pair of sentient cacti (don’t ask) and it tells me to hold still while it eats me and the weirdest thing was that I actually felt something nibble my stomach before I woke up 

TheGayUncle: okay Shiro I love you but there’s something wrong with your psyche if you’re dreaming about being eaten by a dodo bird

VodkaAunt: says the guy whose dream murderer got so frustrated he gave up

Pidgeotto: I don’t get weird dreams 

TheGayUncle: that is a Lie you came into my room in the middle of the night once panicking because you had a dream about a friggin packrat

Pidgeotto: I did NOT

LoverboyLance: no you have to explain this now

Pidgeotto: okay first of all I had no idea how big packrats actually were at the time since I was like ten so the dream rat was roughly the size of a pony and it didn’t have a face it had a BARE SKULL and it was about to eat my whole family so yes I was a little freaked out

move-I’m-gay: yeesh 

Pidgeotto: now Keith has to go

move-I’m-gay: I already went remember that was my weirdest dream 

 

Pidgeotto: ugh 

VodkaAunt: hey keith 

move-I’m-gay: Shiro you better not

VodkaAunt: clown town....

move-I’m-gay: WE AGREED NEVER TO SPEAK OF THAT AGAIN

LoverboyLance: ???

move-I’m-gay: Do. Not. Ask. 

LoverboyLance: Yeah ok 

Pidgeotto: did Lance just back down from Keith

LoverboyLance: yOU KNOW WHAT KEITH YOU SHOULD TELL ME THAT STORY

move-I’m-gay: SUFFICE TO SAY THERE WAS A CLOWN, A LAUGHING OLD GUY, AND A BUZZSAW INVOLVED

LoverboyLance: Yeah nvm I don’t want to hear it

LoverboyLance: Wait a minute so I’m awake bc that dream freaked me out but why are you guys awake

TheGayUncle: I wanted a snack so I’m trying to find where Hunk hid the brownies

TheGayUncle: AHA FOUND THEM HE THINKS HE’S SLICK HIDING THEM INSIDE AN EMPTY CEREAL BOX 

LoverboyLance: DUDE YOU FOUND THE LEGENDARY BROWNIES I AM COMING 

Pidgeotto: I’m pulling an all-nighter

VodkaAunt: Katie. 

Pidgeotto: DON’T USE THE DAD VOICE ON ME NOW YOU HYPOCRITE

TheGayUncle: Yeah Shiro you really can’t say anything 

move-I’m-gay: this is giving me flashbacks to the time he stayed up for 72 hours straight and started hallucinating vividly and thought I was a cryptid

move-I’m-gay: as much as I appreciate Mothman I do not appreciate being mistaken for him and having a shoe tHROWN AT MY HEAD WHILE SHIRO SCREAMS LIKE A MANIAC

LoverboyLance: Shiro you’re the most responsible one in this chat so w h y

VodkaAunt: finals week

LoverboyLance: that’s fair

VodkaAunt: I’m actually awake because SOMEBODY set multiple alarms on my phone for ungodly hours of the morning KEITH

move-I’m-gay: WE SHARE A ROOM AND IT WOKE ME UP TOO WHY WOULD I DO THAT

TheGayUncle: oh that was me you beat me at UNO so naturally I had to get revenge 

VodkaAunt: *deep sigh*

Pidgeotto: it was a draw 4 wasn’t it

TheGayUncle: LIKE THREE OF THEM IN A ROW

Pidgeotto: Shiro you deserved it

move-I’m-gay: I got the collateral damage from this so Matt watch your back

TheGayUncle: oh god what have I done

 

7:37am- TheGayUncle to Nobody Here Is Straight

TheGayUncle: WHO WANTS TO PLAY TRUTH OR DARE IM BORED

Princess-Alluring: what is it about the limbo between Christmas and New Years that makes people act strange 

Pidgeotto: eh probably just like the calm before the storm or something why you ask

Princess-Alluring: Matt is asking to play truth or dare and I have my suspicions about him that’s why

TheGayUncle: PLEASEEEEEE IM BORED

move-I’m-gay: no

TheGayUncle: TAKASHIIIIIII

VodkaAunt: nope

TheGayUncle: WHY NOT

VodkaAunt: I’m too tired. For some reason, I DIDN’T GET MUCH SLEEP. GEE, I WONDER WHY.

LoverboyLance: the sarcasm

LoverboyLance: IT BURNS

LoverboyLance: I’ll play dude

TheGayUncle: LANCE IS NOW MY ONLY TRUE FRIEND

CinnamonRoll: eh why not I’m bored too

TheGayUncle: I have now added Hunk to that list of my Only True Friends 

SugarSweet: Hunk, did you make that crack coffee again? Matt’s acting like his sister

CinnamonRoll: PLEASE STOP INSULTING MY COFFEE JUST BECAUSE PIDGE CAN’T HANDLE IT

Princess-Alluring: you know what I’ll play too just to see this play out 

SugarSweet: I’ll just watch from the sidelines

LoverboyLance: Keiiiiiith you gotta play too

move-I’m-gay: ugh fine

WisestMcclain: I just woke up

WisestMcclain: Truth or Dare, eh? >:)))))

LoverboyLance: oh god IS IT TOO LATE TO BACK OUT

TheGayUncle: YES YES IT IS

Pidgeotto: you know what I’ll play too

Pidgeotto: ...I have some ideas >:))))))))))))

Princess-Alluring: this will either be very fun or highkey terrifying and I’m not sure which

WisestMcclain: both

Princess-Alluring: That sounds about right

LoverboyLance: hey wait a sec

LoverboyLance: I lost track so if you’re playing sound off

LoverboyLance: aye

Pidgeotto: aye

move-I’m-gay: aye

CinnamonRoll: aye

TheGayUncle: AYO

WisestMcclain: sí

Princess-Alluring: why yes, of course, darling 

SugarSweet: what is going on

LoverboyLance: hmmmmmmmm

LoverboyLance: Shirooooooo you're the only available one leeeeeeft

VodkaAunt: no

Pidgeotto: Shiroooooooooooooooooooooooo

VodkaAunt: I’m not getting out of this am I

TheGayUncle: you absolutely are Not

VodkaAunt: I don’t have work to do anyway so fine

TheGayUncle: I knew I could convince this whole chat ME FIRST

TheGayUncle: KEITH

move-I’m-gay: oh boy here we go

TheGayUncle: TRUTH OR DARE

move-I’m-gay: uhhhh dare

Pidgeotto: KEITH NO 

TheGayUncle: just how good are you at throwing that knife of yours

move-I’m-gay: better than anyone else on this chat that’s for sure 

LoverboyLance: WOW THAT’S SALTY

move-I’m-gay: why do you ask

TheGayUncle: >:))) everybody over to the common room

 

8:13am- VodkaAunt to Nobody Here Is Straight

VodkaAunt: let it be noted that 1) Matt is no longer allowed to use dares that involve sharp weapons being thrown 

TheGayUncle: YOU AND I BOTH KNOW SANDA HAD IT COMING

VodkaAunt: 2) Lance is no longer allowed to access glitter

LoverboyLance: how dARE

VodkaAunt: 3) Pidge is no longer allowed to hack stuff

Pidgeotto: meet me in the pit Shiro

VodkaAunt: and 4) Keith is no longer allowed to throw any sharp weapons

move-I’m-gay: oh come on

WisestMcclain: so I take it the truth or dare didn’t go well after I left then?

SugarSweet: DID KEITH ACTUALLY TRY AND SEE HOW ACCURATELY HE COULD THROW A KNIFE FROM THE ROOF I THOUGHT YOU MADE THAT UP TO SCREW WITH ME

VodkaAunt: YES HE DID AND HE ALMOST HIT AN ADMINISTRATOR

Pidgeotto: [video sent] probs illegal or something to record what happened but idc

SugarSweet: ALLURA I THOUGHT YOU MADE THIS UP

Princess-Alluring: WHY WOULD I DO THAT THIS IS GOLD

move-I’m-gay: well Matt has a point Sanda had it coming

move-I’m-gay: besides, it didn’t ACTUALLY hit her

VodkaAunt: STOP BEING NONCHALANT ABOUT ALMOST-MURDER

LoverboyLance: that’s just Keith being Keith 

SugarSweet: I’m guessing Hunk and Allura are fairly innocent

VodkaAunt: they’re the ones who chose Truth so

SugarSweet: that’s my pals

 

 

9:07am- TheGayUncle to Nobody Here Is Straight

TheGayUncle: HEY GUYS

VodkaAunt: ooooh no. You’re no longer allowed to try and convince this chat to do anything 

WisestMcclain: how many times is Shiro going to ban stuff from your guys’ dorm

VodkaAunt: AS MANY TIMES AS I HAVE TO

TheGayUncle: one knife dare and nobody trusts you anymore smh

Pidgeotto: You are the reason I am covered in glitter NEVER AGAIN

SugarSweet: good lord how many dares were made 

LoverboyLance: too many

TheGayUncle: I’m not trying to do anything anyway I actually have good news

move-I’m-gay: okay? And?

TheGayUncle: you know those really annoying punk rockers across the hall who are always playing death metal really loudly and stuff

Princess-Alluring: UGH THEM

Pidgeotto: I’m pretty sure they’ve caused more “disturbances” than us but who gets written up??? Not those little

VodkaAunt: Katie

Pidgeotto: suckers

VodkaAunt: mmmhmmm

TheGayUncle: the taller guy- Morvok, I think his name is?- finally got caught doing something, idk what, but him and his buddies are no longer our neighbors

LoverboyLance: OH THANK GOD

WisestMcclain: what kind of name is “Morvok”

TheGayUncle: his surname i think but anyways the guy was a jerk and I am glad that we don’t have to be his neighbors anymore

TheGayUncle: more news: apparently there’s someone else moving into their old dorm

CinnamonRoll: in the middle of the school year?

TheGayUncle: something about special circumstances idk

WisestMcclain: where are you getting this info?

TheGayUncle: I have sources

Pidgeotto: he means our dad is a teacher here

Pidgeotto: smh i can’t believe Dad told you first and not me

TheGayUncle: IM THE FAVORITE CHILD

Pidgeotto: Lies that honor belongs to Bae-Bae

TheGayUncle: truuu

WisestMcclain: ohhhh you mean Prof. Holt? He’s cool

TheGayUncle: Thanks I’ll tell him

Princess-Alluring: I hope the new person is nice

move-I’m-gay: if they don’t play death metal at midnight then I’m good

LoverboyLance: ^^^^^^^

CinnamonRoll: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

 

Two Days Later….

 

3:45pm- Princess-Alluring to Nobody Here Is Straight

Princess-Alluring: MATTHEW HOLT

TheGayUncle: IDK WHAT’S GOING ON BUT YOU SEEM MAD SHIRO HELP ME

VodkaAunt: have you ever tried to stop Allura when she’s mad??? You’re on your own

TheGayUncle: NO

Princess-Alluring: reLAX I’m not mad I’m happy

Princess-Alluring: well i am a tad irritated but otherwise you’re good

Pidgeotto: what did he do this time 

Princess-Alluring: did you somehow fail to get our new neighbor’s NAME while you were talking to your father 

Princess-Alluring: I KNOW HER

LoverboyLance: the plot thICKENS

CinnamonRoll: really?? How??? WHO????

Princess-Alluring: well it’s been a while since I saw her last but we went to primary school together until I had to move

Princess-Alluring: her name is Romelle and she’s very sweet 

SugarSweet: *coughs*

Princess-Alluring: not as sweet as you babe <3<3<3

Pidgeotto: how’d you find this out?

Princess-Alluring: oh I read back through the gc, found out where Hunk hid the brownies, and decided to take some over to her to be nice

CinnamonRoll: wait what 

Princess-Alluring: imagine my surprise when she opened the door good god I almost screamed

CinnamonRoll: SOMEBODY RAIDED MY BROWNIE STASH

LoverboyLance: ya snooze ya lose buddy

LoverboyLance: by which I mean “this is what you get when you ignore the chat”

CinnamonRoll: it was like 5 am and your early-morning texts literally never end well so no, i did not read them

Pidgeotto: so Allura

Princess-Alluring: ??

Pidgeotto: u should add her to the group chat

Princess-Alluring: ohhhh of course I was just about to hold on one moment 

[Princess-Alluring added Rom-Com to the chat]

Rom-Com: what on Earth is this 

Princess-Alluring: it’s the squad group chat I told you about 

Rom-Com: I already love it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enter Romelle! She is my queen so i hope i can do her character justice in this lmao
> 
> As always, comments and kudos are my lifeblood and greatly appreciated!


	13. NEW YEAR’S EVE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Introductions are made, twentygayteen arrives, and maybe??? And new crush??? Stay tuned to find out!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anybody got some weird notifications about this fic that aren’t this chapter, let me apologize since I’ve been editing a little bit due to formatting issues BUT it’s all good now
> 
> Enjoy!”

3:46pm- Princess-Alluring to Nobody Here Is Straight

Princess-Alluring: I suppose introductions are in order

Pidgeotto: hiya my name’s Katie but call me Pidge

LoverboyLance: quick tip for dealing with Pidge: DO NOT MAKE BETS WITH HER YOU WILL LOSE

Pidgeotto: LANCE I SWEAR

Rom-Com: ..noted 

Rom-Com: lol

LoverboyLance: Yeah anyway you probably guessed but my name’s Lance, resident Distinguished Bi

Pidgeotto: don’t let him lie to you Lance is a disaster

CinnamonRoll: My name’s Hunk, nice to meet you!

Rom-Com: and you as well!! :DDD

SugarSweet: I’m Shay

TheGayUncle: and my name’s Matt, wassup? 

Rom-Com: a pleasure!

VodkaAunt: You can call me Shiro

VodkaAunt: ...please ignore the username Pidge won’t change it

Rom-Com: I like her already

move-I’m-gay: Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die. 

move-I’m-gay: Wh 

move-I’m-gay: Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die. 

move-I’m-gay: THAT’S NOT WHAT IM TRYING TO SAY

move-I’m-gay: OKAY WHOEVER MESSED WITH MY PHONE IS THE ONE WHO’S GONNA DIE

LoverboyLance: [image sent]

move-I’m-gay: OH YOU ARE GONNA HAVE REGRETS ALL RIGHT

Rom-Com: is this… normal?

Princess-Alluring: unfortunately, yes

WisestMcclain: and I’m Veronica, Lance is my (late) little brother

LoverboyLance: you traitrndf

Pidgeotto: Keith freaking killed him

VodkaAunt: I’m hearing screaming from down the hall… should I intervene…. nah

Pidgeotto: it’s official Matt has corrupted you

TheGayUncle: we’re dating deal with it Pidgeon 

Rom-Com: should I be glad you lot are fairly far down the way????

Pidgeotto: probably. Stick with me and I’ll show you where Hunk hides his baking

CinnamonRoll: joke’s on you I’m changing the spots now

Pidgeotto: I WILL NOT BE DETERRED

CinnamonRoll: mmmkay so while Keith is committing murder what’s everybody’s New Years resolutions?

VodkaAunt: WHAT HAVE I SAID ABOUT BEING CASUAL ABOUT THIS KIND OF STUFF

Rom-Com: you’ve had to address murder before?!?!?

SugarSweet: you don’t want to know

Rom-Com: yes I do though????

CinnamonRoll: NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS EVERYBODY 

CinnamonRoll: I’m gonna make more of an effort to hide my cooking from you ungrateful heathens

TheGayUncle: >:O

Pidgeotto: what have you done with the real Hunk

CinnamonRoll: okay no that’s not my real one I actually want to make an effort to learn more recipes outside of my own culture and the very few Cuban dishes I learned from Lance

Pidgeotto: there he is

CinnamonRoll: I’m still hiding the cookies 

TheGayUncle: that’s fair

TheGayUncle: uhhhh lemme see

TheGayUncle: I have never followed one of these in my entire life so idk

Princess-Alluring: while Matt’s thinking I’ll go

Princess-Alluring: I’m going to work harder to get top marks across the board and get along with the trying people in my life

Pidgeotto: that one class, huh

Princess-Alluring: i will not badmouth my professors….i will not badmouth my professors…. I WILL NO-

SugarSweet: it’s ok you’re being the bigger person

Princess-Alluring: but there are people I want to punch in the mouth why do i have to be the nice one

WisestMcclain: that’s a mood

SugarSweet: babe please do not punch anybody in the mouth 

Princess-Alluring: but

SugarSweet: Resolution: stop my girlfriend from getting arrested for assault

Princess-Alluring: oh fine

VodkaAunt: why are we like this

Pidgeotto: I’m gonna invent super A.I.

VodkaAunt: Pidge no

TheGayUncle: Pidge YES

Pidgeotto: this isn’t actually for mischief reasons 

Pidgeotto: I’m planning to do some good in the world and clean energy robots who can do their work without humans screwing stuff up could be the key

Pidgeotto: plus I’m already really far along on Rover

Pidgeotto: CRAP THAT WAS A SURPRISE

TheGayUncle: YOU MADE A BREAKTHROUGH ON ROVER AND DIDN’T TELL ME?? I’M DISOWNING YOU

Pidgeotto: NOT IF I DISOWN YOU FIRST

TheGayUncle: BET

Rom-Com: what’s Rover?

Pidgeotto: Oh I’m working on my own robot 

VodkaAunt: that’s a very good resolution, Pidge

SugarSweet: i agree!

CinnamonRoll: can i help with Rover?

Pidgeotto: yeah of course!

TheGayUncle: I’m piggybacking on that resolution mine is now to help create AI

VodkaAunt: if we face the robot apocalypse I’m sacrificing you first

Pidgeotto: destruction 100

TheGayUncle: oh please you wouldn’t survive without me

LoverboyLance: restoration 100

CinnamonRoll: hey, Lance is alive!

LoverboyLance: ok wow where was your faith in me

CinnamonRoll: eh

Princess-Alluring: so where’s Keith?

move-I’m-gay: i gave up chasing him once we got outside have fun slipping on the ice Lance

LoverboyLance: joke’s on you I climbed back in through a window

Princess-Alluring: what

move-I’m-gay: HE CHEATED

LoverboyLance: IT IS NOT MY FAULT THAT I HAVE LONGER LEGS THAN YOU

WisestMcclain: i don’t even want to know

LoverboyLance: anyways i heard resolutions!

LoverboyLance: I’m gonna get my act together for once and really crack down on the tough classes

Princess-Alluring: copycat

LoverboyLance: okay wow we’re allowed to have similar goals to other people

LoverboyLance: for all you know I’ve had that ready since October 

CinnamonRoll: sigh 

WisestMcclain: if i think of one, I’ll tell you guys

WisestMcclain: it’s vacation i don’t have to think

TheGayUncle: MOOD

Pidgeotto: hey the Brogaynes haven’t gone yet

VodkaAunt: I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say you mean me and Keith

Rom-Com: Pidge what was your train of thought leading up to that name??

Pidgeotto: bros…. both surnames end in -gane… which with an American accent, is pronounced GAYne…. And they are both Disaster Gays

Pidgeotto: oh I brought out the sarcasm before I remembered you don’t actually know all that stuff whoops

Rom-Com: no no, it was very informative 

VodkaAunt: I’ll argue for myself but you’re not wrong about Keith 

move-I’m-gay: HEY

VodkaAunt: anyways I never really have resolutions since it seems a little counterproductive to only make an official “improvement” attempt each New Year’s instead of improving yourself as you go along to me

CinnamonRoll: Keith wbu

move-I’m-gay: same as Shiro

 

3:57pm- move-I’m-gay to LoverboyLance

move-I’m-gay: i lied but it’s private

LoverboyLance: so what /is/ your resolution then

move-I’m-gay: ….

move-I’m-gay: I’m gonna try and get over it

LoverboyLance: ???

LoverboyLance: what do you m

LoverboyLance: OH WAIT NO I’M AN IDIOT 

LoverboyLance: your fear of relationships, right?

move-I’m-gay: ...yeah

LoverboyLance: I’m changing mine now

LoverboyLance: think maybe we could

LoverboyLance: work on it together?

move-I’m-gay: ….

move-I’m-gay: yeah, that sound like a good idea, actually

LoverboyLance: :D

move-I’m-gay: :)

LoverboyLance: HE USED AN EMOJI

move-I’m-gay: and now i never will again

LoverboyLance: WAIT NO I LIKED IT 

move-I’m-gay: bye

LoverboyLance: KEEEEEITH

 

4:00pm- Princess-Alluring to Nobody Here Is Straight

Princess-Alluring: omg wait we’ve forgotten someone

Princess-Alluring: Romelle!

VodkaAunt: Allura you’re the only one she actually knows, and that was years ago

VodkaAunt: you don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to, Romelle

Rom-Com: I actually do have a resolution in mind, it’s alright!

Rom-Com: I’m making more of an effort to be proud of who i am openly（＾ω＾）

LoverboyLance: oh you’re not straight? 

Rom-Com: full-on lesbian my new friends 

LoverboyLance: nice we don’t have to change the chat name

VodkaAunt: Lance.

LoverboyLance: WHAAAAT??? 

Rom-Com: ….and I’m also trans

Pidgeotto: cool 

TheGayUncle: FULLY SUPPORT (☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞ (☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞ (☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞ 

Pidgeotto: don’t scare her away you idiot 

CinnamonRoll: nobody in here is gonna give you any crap for that, don’t worry 

WisestMcclain: wait Allura i have a question

Rom-Com: if you’re going to ask if she already knew, the answer is yes, I figured it out as a kid and Allura was my best friend so I told her

WisestMcclain: ah that explains it

move-I’m-gay: wait so we clarified that Romelle isn’t straight and so “the gc can keep its name” and all that or whatever but what about you?

WisestMcclain: biromantic ace

WisestMcclain: i could have sworn i mentioned that???

LoverboyLance: apparently you did not 

SugarSweet: the wlw power in this chat is astounding 

Pidgeotto: I HAVE ANOTHER ACE ON MY SIDE MWAHAHAA

TheGayUncle: oh god she’s too powerful 

Pidgeotto: fear me

Rom-Com: I fear for your enemies Pidge

Pidgeotto: if I wasn’t aro/ace i would kiss you 

LoverboyLance: hold on let’s tally up the sides here

LoverboyLance: under homosexual/romantic there’s: Keith, Shiro, Allura, Shay, and Romelle

LoverboyLance: me and Matt are the Bis along with Ronnie

TheGayUncle: awww yissss

LoverboyLance: Hunk buddy you’re all alone

CinnamonRoll: IM PAN-TASTIC SO IT’S OKAY

LoverboyLance: NO NO DON’T CRY 

CinnamonRoll: I’M NOT

LoverboyLance: Pidge is also the only one on the aro spectrum but she and Ronnie are both on the ace side hmmm

Rom-Com: so the gays win, then?

Princess-Alluring: t h e g a y s w i n 

WisestMcclain: what do they win

Pidgeotto: uhhhhhh

CinnamonRoll: the unconditional love and support of everybody else

Rom-Com: ...I’ll take that prize tbh

LoverboyLance: nice

LoverboyLance: SO WHO’S GOING DOWNTOWN WITH ME TONIGHT FOR FIREWORKS

Pidgeotto: too loud and cold I’ll be inside watching a recording of the Times Square ball drop who’s with me

Rom-Com: if it’s not too much trouble, I’ll watch with you!

Pidgeotto: nice you get the popcorn I’m too lazy

VodkaAunt: no, don’t, I can grab some popcorn

LoverboyLance: WHO IS ACTUALLY GOING TO BE GOING OUT

Princess-Alluring: I was planning on going with Shay anyways, we can go as a group!

LoverboyLance: ok who else 

WisestMcclain: no

WisestMcclain: cold

LoverboyLance: I have the same blood as you and I’m going out suck it up

WisestMcclain: nO

WisestMcclain: COLD

LoverboyLance: okay so Shay and Allura got it who else

CinnamonRoll: sure why not

move-I’m-gay: I’ll go

LoverboyLance: HAHA KEITH’S NOT A TRAITOR

 

4:03pm- Hunky to LoverboyLance

Hunky: is that the real reason you’re happy he’s going??? Hmmm????

LoverboyLance: wut

Hunky: New Year’s traditions being what they are and all that

LoverboyLance: ?????

LoverboyLance: oh midnight kisses

LoverboyLance: no actually

Hunky: ok?

LoverboyLance: we’re working on our respective relationship fears so i guess this is kind of a date?? Idk

Hunky: AWW BUDDY

Hunky: i support you two 

LoverboyLance: ghfhkf

LoverboyLance: STOP BEING ALL SWEET AND SUPPORTIVE BRO

Hunky: but we’re bros

LoverboyLance: then why don’t you tell the world bro

Hunky: *Whispers to you* bro

LoverboyLance: but why just me bro

Hunky: because you’re my world bro

LoverboyLance: bro

Hunky: okay wow Pidge just read over my shoulder and gave me the weirdest look 

Hunky: “you two are ridiculous”

Hunky: “tell Lance that he should reconsider pining for Keith if he’s gonna keep this up”

LoverboyLance: @Pidge fight me

Hunky: DUDE RUN SHE JUST GOT UP AND SHE HAS THE MURDER FACE

LoverboyLance: ILUHFRLER BYE

 

12:08am- LoverboyLance to Nobody Here Is Straight

LoverboyLance: HAPPY NEW YEARS EVERYBODY 

TheGayUncle: IT’S TWENTY-GAY-TEEN YALL

move-I’m-gay: who let Matt near the drinks 

TheGayUncle: IM NOT EVEN AT THE PARTY DUDE THATS UNFAIR

WisestMcclain: oh so this is what the gays win

Pidgeotto: EVERYBODY WINS 

VodkaAunt: we survived 2017 (by some miracle) so let’s make THIS one our year going forward 

SugarSweet: I thought you didn’t like resolutions

VodkaAunt: I don’t like making them merely for the sake of a new year and then never making any at any other time

SugarSweet: ah ok 

Pidgeotto: are we just gonna ignore the fact that Shiro is using fatalistic humor 

LoverboyLance: one of us

Pidgeotto: OnE oF uS

TheGayUncle: O N E O F U S 

VodkaAunt: oh no

LoverboyLance: oh yes

 

12:09am- Pidgeon to SunshineChild

Pidgeon: Okay what happened to Lance

SunshineChild: uhhhh Nothing what are you talking about 

Pidgeon: he missed midnight by a good eight minutes

Pidgeon: consider the fact that this is the guy who literally sets alarms for midnight on the night before any and all important events purely so he can blow up his friend’s phones and he somehow managed to miss the event marked by a crap ton of screaming and fireworks by EIGHT WHOLE MINUTES

SunshineChild: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Pidgeon: what are you hiding Hunk

SunshineChild: NOTHING?? WHY ARE YOU ATTACKING ME????

Pidgeon: Hunk

SunshineChild: HNNNN FINE HE AND KEITH 

Pidgeon: WHAT

SunshineChild: THIS DOESN’T LEAVE THIS CHAT OKAY

Pidgeon: well

SunshineChild: OKAY

Pidgeon: yeah okay

SunshineChild: they might have kissed BUT YOU DIDN’T HEAR IT FROM ME 

Pidgeon: ….

Pidgeon: WHAT

SunshineChild: well I was trying not to get trampled by the mob when I lost track of Lance and when I finally found him… uh… yeah

Pidgeon: ASDFGHJKL

 

1:03am- Ronnie to Queen A

Ronnie: I have a bone to pick with you

Queen A: why must it be this early in the morning i just got to sleep

Ronnie: YOU DID NOT TELL ME ROMELLE WAS SO CUTE

Queen A: aND NOW I’M AWAKE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do not trust Hunk to keep secrets that boy canonically reads diaries and goes through people’s stuff okay :P also Romelle/Veronica was a ship i spotted in some fanart originally and thought “hey, that’s cute”
> 
> Now i’m stanning it and idk how i got here but i did 
> 
> Let me just say that my past week was wild- there was a breakup (not mine but my friend, who proceeded to eat ALL of my ice cream), some random death threats due to said breakup, one day where i almost fell asleep standing up, and the day after that, which was spent on a perpetual caffeine high, SO I NEEDED TO WRITE SOME MORE SO BADLY YOU GUYS it is very therapeutic when i’m not yelling at my screen due to writer’s block 
> 
> As always, comments and kudos are greatly appreciated! See y’all next week!
> 
> PS this is far from over, just because Klance is more or less a relationship now does not mean i’m out of stories to tell lmao just in case anybody was wondering <3<3<3
> 
> There shall always be.... drama...


	14. Sledding is Now Illegal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beginnings of a new year and new shenanigans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me level with y’all i am tired and somewhat jetlagged BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS i’m back in one of my favorite states for the week so my mental state ought to stabilize lmao
> 
> Also this chapter might seem a but random/ scatterbrained so my apologies, it was written on a plane and I’ve been awake since 4 am 
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> PS- I forgot to warn about this kind of thing the one (1) time it happened before, but Keith has a minor panic attack near the end of this chapter just in case anyone would get triggered by that (you can just skip the bit where he texts Shiro directly and you’ll be good)

7:32am- LoverboyLance to Nobody Here Is Straight

LoverboyLance: ALRIGHT SUCKERS SQUARE UP

CinnamonRoll: I THOUGHT YOU FORGOT TO DO THIS 

LoverboyLance: NOT ON YOUR LIFE, BUDDY

move-I’m-gay: what is going on

LoverboyLance: UPON THE THIRTEENTH OF THIS MONTH, A VERY SPECIAL EVENT OCCURS

Pidgeotto: pls tell me Killbot Phantasm 5 is coming out early

LoverboyLance: NOPE IT’S HUNK’S BIRTHDAY

LoverboyLance: JANUARY IS HUNK MONTH

CinnamonRoll: every year. Every year he does this

LoverboyLance: you love it

CinnamonRoll: yeah i do <3<3 thanks bud

Pidgeotto: WAIT WHAT

Pidgeotto: this is gonna be interesting

CinnamonRoll: interesting how?

Pidgeotto: you’re the only person here who can cook decently WHO’S GONNA MAKE THE CAKE

SugarSweet: I am Insulted

Pidgeotto: oh yeah

VodkaAunt: or i could

move-I’m-gay: DO NOT LET SHIRO DO ANYTHING KITCHEN-RELATED HE CAN AND HAS BURNT W A T E R

VodkaAunt: I’ve gotten better!

move-I’m-gay: the last time you tried to make microwave mac’n’cheese you somehow made a cheesy charcoal brick

move-I’m-gay: that was last week

TheGayUncle: yep okay I’m doing all the cooking in our future 

VodkaAunt: gnmgnmg

Princess-Alluring: Matt i think you broke him by talking about “your future”

TheGayUncle: WE’RE IN LOVE, SO SUE ME

VodkaAunt: fhfjfj

Pidgeotto: Jesus Christ you two are hopeless

Pidgeotto: can we please just focus on the birthday boy

Rom-Com: I just woke up- what’s this about a birthday?

WisestMcclain: oh hi Romelle! Yeah Hunk’s birthday is this month and Lance always makes a huge deal out of it lmao

WisestMcclain: I mean Hunk deserves it but still

CinnamonRoll: aww thanks Veronica

Rom-Com: glad I have some time to prepare then

WisestMcclain: yeah me too!

 

7:35am- BiBro to Ronnie

BiBro: okay what’s going on

Ronnie: ??

BiBro: you and Romelle

BiBro: you’re acting really weird and chipper

BiBro: what’s up

Ronnie: nothing

Ronnie: go away

BiBro: OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH RONNIE’S GOT A CRUSH

Ronnie: shUT UP

BiBro: AHGAHAHA

BiBro: ignore the random g

Ronnie: that’s what you call karma

BiBro: no, karma is you teasing me relentlessly about Keith and then getting a big ol gay crush that can be spotted from miles away now SPILL

Ronnie: fine yes okay maybe a little bit now SHUT YOUR MOUTH

BiBro: absolutely not

BiBro: this is so CUTE and you two are gonna be so sweet together-

Ronnie: mmmkay you’re gonna pay for that

BiBro: wait what 

BiBro: VERONICA NO

 

7:38am- Ronnie to ‘Clain Fam

Ronnie: LANCE FINALLY GOT HIMSELF A MAN EVERYBODY WHO’S ONLINE CAN TEASE HIM NOW

BiBro: VERONICAAAA

MarcOMG: oh??? He did???? Really?????

Luigi: okay no offense but how

BiBro: hey wait a minute

Luigi: this wouldn’t happen to be the same guy Ronnie mentioned on Christmas would it

BiBro: fhjfrj

Ronnie: YES IT IS

Rachella: SPILL SPILL SPILL SPILL

BiBro: GUYS STOOOOOP

MarcOMG: absolutely not

MarcOMG: Veronica I need pictures

Ronnie: oh hold on i know i have one 

Ronnie: [image sent] viola

Luigi: isn’t it spelled “voila”

Ronnie: you shut your dirty mouth Luis

Luigi: you’re lucky our parents are both busy or I’d be TELLING

Ronnie: you wouldn’t dare

Luigi: TRY ME, SISTER

MarcOMG: oh he is hot nice one Lance

BiBro: fufhhfhfhfhf STOP

Rachella: okay this is unfair I’m coming to visit purely to meet him now

BiBro: 1) He’s gay so don’t even try 2) he’s MINE

BiBro: more or less

BiBro: it’s still really early 

MarcOMG: still getting over that girl from Miami huh

BiBro: ….

Luigi: okay give me a second I’ll be right back

Rachella: while Luis is doing whatever weird thing he’s doing- TELL ME EVERYTHING

BiBro: THERE’S NOT A LOT TO TELL

Rachella: oh really????

Ronnie: he’s actually not lying they literally JUST got together 

MarcOMG: OKAY YEESH I’M SORRY I BROUGHT UP YOUR EX LANCE

BiBro: ??? It’s okay dude

BiBro: what’s with the sudden apology

Luigi: he has Atoned

BiBro: ah the protective brother shtick 

MarcOMG: IM TELLING MAMÁ

Luigi: what, you’re gonna tell her i made you apologize to our littlest brother?

MarcOMG: IM TELLING HER YOU PUT ME IN A HEADLOCK

Ronnie: YOU ARE ALL ADULTS JESUS CHRIST

Rachella: yeah guys be more mature

Rachella: now Lance,,,, tell me everything about him,,,,

BiBro: uhhhh VERONICA HAS A CRUSH ON OUR NEW NEIGHBOR 

Rachella: OHHH???

Ronnie: YOU’RE DEAD MEAT LANCE

MarcOMG: Lance you need to run 

MarcOMG: anyways- SO WHAT’S YOUR NEW NEIGHBOR LIKE, RONNIE???

Ronnie: I AM GOING TO CUT YOU 

Mamá: why are you all arguing at such a time

Ronnie: we’re not arguing i swear

Mamá: mmm-hmmm.

Mamá: wait a moment

Mamá: Lance is dating someone? 

BiBro: ..yes?

Mamá: honey is that a question or an answer

BiBro: yes okay I’m dating someone

Mamá: the INSTANT you get a chance bring them back home i want to meet them 

MarcOMG: translation: she wants to interrogate your bf

Mamá: of course not!

MarcOMG: Mamá please you do this with every significant other in this family

Mamá: well i suppose i do but i have high standards for my children now where is this mysterious boyfriend and what does he look like

BiBro: kill me now

BiBro: why is everybody skating over Ronnie and her crush situation anyways?? You’re supposed to be distracted from me???

Mamá: BOTH OF MY TRAVELING CHILDREN HAVE FOUND LOVE

Ronnie: MAMÁ STOP

Mamá: absolutely not

 

7:44am- Pidgeotto to Nobody Here Is Straight

Pidgeotto: anybody know what happened to Lance and Veronica???

CinnamonRoll: I think they switched chats on us

Rom-Com: hi, Romelle here,

Rom-Com: in the hallway,

Rom-Com: [image sent] WITH A CAT,

Rom-Com: OUTSIDE MY DORM ROOM!!

Pidgeotto: I love that vine

Rom-Com: can someone please explain the cat???

TheGayUncle: that’s Lance’s gutter kitten

LoverboyLance: EXUCSE YOU

LoverboyLance: *excuse

LoverboyLance: yeah sorry Romelle that’s Blue and she’s my baby 

LoverboyLance: I’ll come get her

Rom-Com: mmmm i want to keep Blue now

Rom-Com: she clearly likes me [image sent] [image sent]

WisestMcclain: hnnnnnn sO CUTE

VodkaAunt: we are not getting into another Kosmo vs Blue cuteness battle

Rom-Com: 1) who’s Kosmo 2) ANOTHER??

SugarSweet: this is Kosmo [image sent] [image sent] the wolf that Keith thought was a dog and smuggled into the dorm

move-I’m-gay: okay first of all he was dirty, hurt, and cold so even if i knew he was a baby wolf i would have still helped him

LoverboyLance: <3<3<3

Rom-Com: awww

move-I’m-gay: second of all y’all love him so stop dragging me for it

Pidgeotto: y’all 

move-I’m-gay: you’re on thin ice Pidge

LoverboyLance: okay who here actually has pets? Like, currently? (Other than me and Keith)

Pidgeotto: I have a dog [image sent]

TheGayUncle: WE have a dog

Pidgeotto: Bae-Bae is MINE

TheGayUncle: agree to disagree

Princess-Alluring: I actually have some mice currently in the care of my uncle [image sent] aren’t they adorable??

SugarSweet: almost as cute as you

Princess-Alluring: FEJREJJ

Pidgeotto: Shay you broke her

CinnamonRoll: is that all the pets in this chat?

VodkaAunt: i think so

Rom-Com: clearly we need more

TheGayUncle: WE’RE ROBBING THE PET STORE LET’S GO

Rom-Com: dear god

WisestMcclain: these guys are extremely dysfunctional you get used to it

TheGayUncle: we put the “fun” in “dysfunctional” is what she meant to say I’m sure

TheGayUncle: NOW WHO WANTS TO GO SLEDDING WITH CAFETERIA TRAYS DOWN THE ROOF

LoverboyLance: YES

Pidgeotto: BETS ON WHO CAN GO THE FASTEST

VodkaAunt: I’m gonna stop you right there

TheGayUncle: YOU CANNOT DEFEAT ME

VodkaAunt: The report you have due in 3 hours can though

TheGayUncle: ...FRICK

VodkaAunt: you haven’t even started have you

TheGayUncle: you have no proof 

VodkaAunt: Matt

TheGayUncle: fine I’ll go do that

[TheGayUncle has left the chat]

Pidgeotto: ..well he’s out but LANCE ARE YOU STILL GAME

LoverboyLance: ABSOLUTELY

move-I’m-gay: no, do not, 

Princess-Alluring: is Keith actually being a voice of reason? Dear god

move-I’m-gay: hey wait a minute 

LoverboyLance: HEY MULLET TEN BUCKS SAYS I WIN BEST 2 OUT 3 RACES

move-I’m-gay: TWENTY AND IM IN

LoverboyLance: BET

VodkaAunt: NO

CinnamonRoll: I’m coming too but only to make sure nobody dies or gets arrested you hear me

VodkaAunt: GUYS NO

WisestMcclain: Shiro this is honestly just natural selection at this point 

Princess-Alluring: Hunk tell me you’ll be recording 

CinnamonRoll: do you take me for a Fool

Princess-Alluring: that’s a yes

Rom-Com: OOHHH I WANT TO GO TOO

VodkaAunt: why am i stuck being the only sane one

CinnamonRoll: I’m sane too

CinnamonRoll: I’m just sane enough to realize that this is unstoppable and i should really just roll with it

VodkaAunt: if anyone gets hurt I reserve the right to say “I told you so” 

VodkaAunt: everybody listen to Hunk and I’m gonna take a nap

VodkaAunt: AND IF YOU’RE GONNA SLED DO NOT SLED ON THE ROOF

VodkaAunt: I’m out

[VodkaAunt has left the chat]

Pidgeotto: the dad is gone LET’S GO

WisestMcclain: hold on let me get over there

SugarSweet: this is… not going to end well

Princess-Alluring: meet me at Starbucks?

SugarSweet: fifteen minutes see you there

 

8:32am- CinnamonRoll to Nobody Here Is Straight 

CinnamonRoll: funny story [video sent] [image sent]

TheGayUncle: damn that’s some nice air Lance got

Princess-Alluring: good lord is everyone all right

CinnamonRoll: unfortunately, no

VodkaAunt: I told you so, but did you listen? Nooooo

VodkaAunt: but seriously, what happened???

LoverboyLance: Lance says “keep rubbing it in, Shiro, we get it”

VodkaAunt: ???

LoverboyLance: oh this is Keith

LoverboyLance: he,, uhh,, broke his wrist and can’t type properly with just one hand so i have his phone

VodkaAunt: WHAT

SugarSweet: OH GOD IS HE ALL RIGHT

Princess-Alluring: ^^^SECONDED

LoverboyLance: “Nothing some painkillers and time won’t fix”

Pidgeotto: DID YOU NOT EXPECT THIS? Also all of you, cough up, i won the race

CinnamonRoll: Pidge!

Pidgeotto: IM WORRIED ABOUT LANCE YES BUT THE DOCTOR SAID HE’S FINE EXCEPT FOR THE WRIST THING

WisestMcclain: Mamá is going to bury me alive

Rom-Com: on the upside Lance is the only one who got hurt everyone else is fine

Rom-Com: we didn’t even get caught

CinnamonRoll: YOU ALMOST RAN ME OVER

Rom-Com: but you weren’t hurt is the important thing

WisestMcclain: it’s not like she meant to after all

Rom-Com: HA, Veronica’s on my side

LoverboyLance: Lance says “Gee, I wonder why”

LoverboyLance: can someone explain that?

WisestMcclain: ….

WisestMcclain: it means I’m gonna break his other wrist

LoverboyLance: “YOU WOULDN’T DARE”

WisestMcclain: fight me

VodkaAunt: at least tell me nothing else happened

CinnamonRoll: just like Romelle said, we’re all good

VodkaAunt: nobody is allowed to do anything ever again

LoverboyLance: “You break one bone and all of a sudden nobody trusts you anymore”

LoverboyLance: yeah he’s a bit loopy from pain meds 

VodkaAunt: sometimes I legitimately wonder how all of us have survived to be our respective ages

WisestMcclain: me too tbh

 

8:34am- Kogayne to BigBrotherIsWatchingYou

Kogayne: i swear everything's okay I’m just kinda edging on panic 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: understandable 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: he’s really okay though?

Kogayne: yeah it’s just a minor fracture 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: why’d you even go with them

Kogayne: well Lance dared me so

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: sigh

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: next time I’m stopping you from making any reckless decisions 

Kogayne: that’s fair

Kogayne: ….

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: is there something else?

Kogayne: That absolute idiot I got so worried and he’s making jokes I just

Kogayne: this was stupid why did i go along with it i could have stopped him and now

Kogayne: stupid capitalism the hospital bill’s probably gonna be big and this was partially my fault now what what if something else goes wrong i 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: Keith you’re spiraling 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: Everybody makes dumb mistakes in college, it’s part of life

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: i probably should have tried harder to stop them too, but i didn’t think something like this would actually happen 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: best thing you can do here is take care of Lance and make sure you mention that him being all joky about it isn’t helping 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: I know Lance, he’ll definitely stop as soon as he knows it’s messing with you negatively 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: better?

Kogayne: ..yeah actually 

Kogayne: thanks

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: anytime lil bro

Kogayne: pleas never refer to me like that again

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: why not 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: you’re my lil baby bro

Kogayne: Shiro no

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: Shiro yes

 

12:23pm- Pidgeotto to Nobody Here Is Straight

Pidgeotto: @all the extroverts in this chat i have a question 

Pidgeotto: HOW IN THE WORLD ARE LOUD ENVIRONMENTS PACKED WITH PEOPLE “FUN” FOR YOU

WisestMcclain: you made the mistake of attempting to get food in the middle of the day didn’t you

Pidgeotto: WHY IS EVERYBODY YELLING, YOU DON’T NEED TO SCREAM AT YOUR FRIENDS TO LET THEM KNOW YOU’RE HAPPY TO SEE THEM

LoverboyLance: idk its just fun

LoverboyLance: sry if my typings weird I’m not used to one-handed 

VodkaAunt: wow that must be so hard

LoverboyLance: whoops 

TheGayUncle: salty Shiro has returned, I see

TheGayUncle: also, Pidge: not everybody sees being around other people as a drain

Rom-Com: people are enjoyable to be around

Pidgeotto: no

CinnamonRoll: not an extrovert but I have an answer: they’re aliens draining other people’s life force to survive 

LoverboyLance: >:O

move-I’m-gay: I can get behind that actually 

move-I’m-gay: people in general are,,, not fun

LoverboyLance: >>>:O

move-I’m-gay: you aren’t a “people”

VodkaAunt: take that as a compliment, Lance, i swear that’s what he meant

LoverboyLance: weird flex but ok

CinnamonRoll: pfft

Pidgeotto: all i want is to eat my cafeteria muffin in peace and two people have already tried to start a conversation with me 

Pidgeotto: I DON’T KNOW THESE PEOPLE AND I DO NOT LOOK FRIENDLY, WHY, 

TheGayUncle: it’s called making friends spontaneously because you want to, Pidge 

Pidgeotto: ew is it contagious

SugarSweet: fortunately, no

Pidgeotto: thank god

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As my friends and i say, it’s been... a Week. One of those. I had what was easily my worst panic attack ever Tuesday and no energy for the rest of the week but luckily i live in America so we get Thanksgiving week off and now my brain can rest a little :)))))
> 
> @my anxiety MEET ME IN THE FRIGGIN PIT
> 
> See y’all next week!


	15. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY SON

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hunk’s birthday plus some background awkward gayness for y’all’s enjoyment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What’s this? I’m posting on a Friday?? Whoa 
> 
> Like I mentioned I’m on vacation so i had more time to write and my beta offered to read out of the blue so yeah I’m done early, go figure!
> 
> Also: Hunk is my son and if anything happened to him i would kill everyone in the room and then myself

6:45am- TheGayUncle to Nobody Here Is Straight

TheGayUncle: I HAVE AN EXTREMELY IMPORTANT QUESTION

Pidgeotto: can it wait until I’ve gotten more than one hour of sleep

TheGayUncle: no

TheGayUncle: wait why aren’t you sleeping

Pidgeotto: Keith started a cryptid debate at like 10:30 and I hAD TO WIN

move-I’m-gay: she didn’t win, ghosts are real, 

Pidgeotto: I’M TELLING YOU THAT GHOSTS ARE SCIENTIFICALLY IMPOSSIBLE 

move-I’m-gay: give me an explanation that isn’t just “sCiEnCe” and I’ll consider

Pidgeotto: aliens

move-I’m-gay: that is UNRELATED TO THIS ARGUMENT

VodkaAunt: guys, please, i can’t handle this crap before seven am, 

LoverboyLance: no I’m listening

LoverboyLance: ghosts are definitely real my great-grandfather used to blow out all the candles in our kitchen after he died for no reason

LoverboyLance: oh and he broke some plates

move-I’m-gay: how’d you know it was him?

LoverboyLance: bc he carved his name on the inside of a cupboard it was TERRIFYING to see that as a little kid

WisestMcclain: ohhhh i remember that Lance was like five

WisestMcclain: I think it was Mamá who called a priest and after that the problems stopped 

Pidgeotto: this is not proof

move-I’m-gay: idk it sounds pretty convincing to me

Pidgeotto: nO

Rom-Com: I had a friend growing up who saw ghosts 

Rom-Com: He used to talk to the air all the time and his parents assumed it was an imaginary friend, like most kids have, until they went on holiday to a WW1 museum and my friend pointed at a uniform saying “Hey, that’s what John wears!”

Rom-Com: the parents didn’t know anybody named John and neither did he

Rom-Com: tl;dr my friend had a WW1 ghost for a childhood playmate

SugarSweet: ghost stories. This would be what i wake up to

LoverboyLance: THAT IS FREAKY AS CRAP MAN

WisestMcclain: Pidge how are you, the ultimate cryptid hunter, denying this

Pidgeotto: because aliens and Bigfoot and stuff like that is potentially within the boundaries of science! Ghosts are not! That’s just “magic” and belief

move-I’m-gay: anyways, moving on

Pidgeotto: YOU CAN’T ESCAPE THIS, KEITH

move-I’m-gay: didn’t Matt say he had a question?

TheGayUncle: THANK you, Keith

TheGayUncle: I was gonna ask everybody who their favorite Marvel superhero is

Pidgeotto: THAT’S WHAT YOU WOKE ME UP FOR??!!?

Princess-Alluring: mmm he has a point Pidge

Pidgeotto: WHY IS EVERYONE ATTACKING ME TODAY

LoverboyLance: MCU or Marvel in general?

TheGayUncle: yes

TheGayUncle: anyways my favorite has to be Deadpool

Princess-Alluring: naturally

Princess-Alluring: i love Captain Marvel

SugarSweet: hmmm

SugarSweet: I never really got into Marvel but Black Widow is cool

LoverboyLance: SPIDER-MAN 

move-I’m-gay: i think Gamora might be my favorite 

LoverboyLance: is it the swords 

LoverboyLance: it’s the swords isn’t it

move-I’m-gay: SOMEBODY ELSE GO

LoverboyLance: I KNEW IT

VodkaAunt: Captain America

CinnamonRoll: Bruce Banner

TheGayUncle: don’t you mean the Hulk?

CinnamonRoll: no, i mean Bruce Banner

Pidgeotto: give me Iron Man or gIVE ME DEATH

WisestMcclain: THOR

Rom-Com: oh, me too!

 

6:53am- Ronnie to BiBro

Ronnie: HSDFUUSDFIUSDV

BiBro: why did i see this coming 

Ronnie: !!!!!!!!!!

BiBro: YOU CAN’T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT ME AND KEITH NOW

Ronnie: mmm debatable

BiBro: okay then i guess i can just mention this little conversation in the main chat-

Ronnie: NO WAIT FINE I’LL STOP

BiBro: THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT HERMANA

 

6:54am- WisestMcclain to Nobody Here Is Straight

WisestMcclain: so anyways Matt why’d you ask

TheGayUncle: uhhhhh because we’ve got Black Panther and Infinity War coming up and i had to be prepared

LoverboyLance: OH YEAH

Pidgeotto: dude it’s still January and BP comes out in February 

TheGayUncle: i need to focus on something good bc this country is currently a dumpster fire 

Rom-Com: ...no offense to all the Americans in this chat but Matt really isn’t wrong 

Pidgeotto: no argument there

CinnamonRoll: anyways, moving on,

LoverboyLance: hold on there’s still something we have to do before we can go full geek okay

LoverboyLance: [image sent]

Pidgeotto: Lance that calendar is written in Spanish 

LoverboyLance: oh yeah whoops

WisestMcclain: what he’s trying to point out is Hunk’s birthday lmao

CinnamonRoll: guys you don’t have to do anything big i swear

CinnamonRoll: it’s nice enough to know you love me enough to try

CinnamonRoll: guys??

CinnamonRoll: helloooo

CinnamonRoll: you switched chats on me didn’t you

CinnamonRoll: i stg y’all

CinnamonRoll: wow Keith didn’t even show up to defend himself

CinnamonRoll: fine, do what you like

[CinnamonRoll has left the chat]

 

6:56am- Pidgeon added BiDisaster#1, BiDisaster#2, Second-Mom, Rom-Com, Evil-Genius, My-Other-Dad, SugarSweet, and KnifeBoi to the chat

[Pidgeon renamed the chat Hunk’s Birthday 2018]

BiDisaster#2: weak 

Pidgeon: I’m not letting you change it

Second-Mom: alright, so there’s four things we need to focus on for the ideal party:

Evil-Genius: wow she already started planning

SugarSweet: that’s my girlfriend 

Second-Mom: 1) food

SugarSweet: DIBS

BiDisaster#1: I want to help with that too

Second-Mom: okay so that’s Matt and Shay on food

Second-Mom: 2) decorations 

Pidgeon: I got this one

Rom-Com: OOOOH ME TOO

Evil-Genius: I’ll help!

BiDisaster#2: mmmm-hmmm

Evil-Genius: I am going to break your other wrist

KnifeBoi: please don’t 

Rom-Com: ????

Second-Mom: ANYWAYS MOVING ON

Rom-Com: that was such a random threat though???

Second-Mom: 3) setting up the time+place

BiDisaster#2: MINE

My-Other-Dad: I’ll help Lance

KnifeBoi: same

Second-Mom: 4) gifts

Second-Mom: If anyone needs help on what to get, ask me or Lance

SugarSweet: that came together surprisingly quickly?

KnifeBoi: we have ten days this should be fine

 

Ten days later….

 

12:36pm- Rom-Com to Hunk’s Birthday 2018

Rom-Com: so who here has gotten a gift AND done their job

Rom-Com: I’ve got,,, erm,,, one of those down

BiDisaster#2: I got both

BiDisaster#2: Shiro wasn’t much help tho

My-Other-Dad: okay you took over and didn’t let me have any input

KnifeBoi: weird. He didn’t say anything when i tried to help

BiDisaster#2: ;)

My-Other-Dad: this is what i have to deal with 

Pidgeon: oh god we have less than a day and I FORGOT TO GO GIFT SHOPPING-

KnifeBoi: oh crap that’s what I forgot to do

My-Other-Dad: ...oh 

My-Other-Dad: whoops

Second-Mom: really, everyone? Really?

KnifeBoi: DO YOU WANT TO TAKE MY CLASSES?!?!

KnifeBoi: I WILL GLADLY LET YOU DO MY HOMEWORK FOR ME

BiDisaster#2: Keith calm down

KnifeBoi: absolutely not, have you SEEN my workload 

Pidgeon: i feel that

BiDisaster#1: yeah me too

BiDisaster#2: okay fair but don’t flip out, i got your back

KnifeBoi: ...okay

Pidgeon: guys please this is about Hunk not your mutual pining

Second-Mom: is it pining if they’re already in a tentative relationship?

Pidgeon: yes

KnifeBoi: hey wait a minute

Pidgeon: Hold on a sec, I wrote down what you were complaining about the other day-

KnifeBoi: PIDGE I STG IF YOU SEND THAT

Pidgeon: “Why does he have to be so stupid and pretty” “Pidge help he’s trying to write off BREAKING A BONE so that i don’t worry” “pIDGE HE KEEPS OFFERING TO HELP ME WITH MY WORK LIKE HE DOESN’T HAVE A BOATLOAD TO DO”

Pidgeon: there’s more

Evil-Genius: lmao seriously?

Pidgeon: oh yeah

KnifeBoi: PIDGE YOU BETTER NOT

My-Other-Dad: so this would be a bad time to pull up some of my screenshots then-

KnifeBoi: Shiro i am armed and not afraid of retribution 

BiDisaster#2: i have no idea how to respond to this except

BiDisaster#2: THANKS BABE

SugarSweet: so now that the exposé is over, 

Rom-Com: pfft

SugarSweet: I got my gift and i know that Lance and Allura did too

SugarSweet: everyone else? I can offer to distract him if you guys need and excuse or something 

Pidgeon: I already said that i didn’t get any so I’ll take you up on that

KnifeBoi: same

Evil-Genius: foolish mortals, I got mine a week ago

Rom-Com: I, eh, forgot as well

Evil-Genius: can I rescind the foolish mortals comment because that doesn’t apply to Romelle

Rom-Com: how sweet of you!

 

12:42pm- Rom-Com to Queen A

Rom-Com: oh dear

Rom-Com: Allura I’m having iSSUES

Queen A: need help getting a gift? I got you

Rom-Com: NO

Queen A: okay? What is it then?

Rom-Com: she’s being too NICE and

Rom-Com: and SWEET and

Rom-Com: AAAAAAA I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE

Queen A: well you can’t possibly mean salty little Pidge so- VERONICA??

Rom-Com: LAST WEEK SHE BOUGHT ME COFFEE AND SHE HELPED ME RESEARCH AN ASSIGNMENT I WAS STRUGGLING WITH FOR NO PARTICULAR REASON 

Rom-Com: and at first i just?? Took it in stride???? I was a little oblivious????

Rom-Com: AND THEN ONE DAY SHE WALKED IN ADJUSTING HER GLASSES AND SHE SMILED AT ME I WAS LIKE “oh NO she’s cute”

Queen A: i was not prepared for this but I LIKE IT

Rom-Com: pls help

Queen A: I’ll do my best

Queen A: no promises that this conversation won’t end up as blackmail tho

Rom-Com: okay wow

 

5:02pm- CinnamonRoll to Nobody Here Is Straight

CinnamonRoll: IM STILL CRYING YOU GUYS DIDN’T HAVE TO DO ALL THAT FOR ME

LoverboyLance: TOO BAD YOU’RE OUR FRIEND AND WE ALL LOVE YOU

Pidgeotto: suck it up and accept the affection

CinnamonRoll: ihkjlhklhkj

VodkaAunt: it’s the least we could do

SugarSweet: Shiro’s right!

Princess-Alluring: you deserve it

WisestMcclain: ^^^^^^^

Rom-Com: i haven’t even known you for that long and i agree completely

CinnamonRoll: asdfghjkl STAHP

move-I’m-gay: no

TheGayUncle: once again, happy birthday

CinnamonRoll: Okay Shiro’s birthday is next and then Pidge’s so I’m getting y’all back 

move-I’m-gay: have you just started saying that unironically

CinnamonRoll: it’s contagious!

CinnamonRoll: but thanks and i love you guys too

Pidgeotto: hhnnnnnn

TheGayUncle: Pidge are you crying

Pidgeotto: NO

TheGayUncle: [image sent] those look like tears

Pidgeotto: N O

CinnamonRoll: AWW PIDGE STOP CRYING

Pidgeotto: IM NOT CRYIGN I SWEAR

WisestMcclain: LIES

LoverboyLance: hey turns out pigeons DO have feelings after all

Pidgeotto: Lance i am going to cut you

move-I’m-gay: absolutely not 

Pidgeotto: you’re no fun

 

6:23pm- Pidgeotto to Nobody Here Is Straight

Pidgeotto: I’M TRYING TO SETTLE AN ARGUMENT WITH MATT EVERYBODY WITH SIBLINGS TELL YOUR CRAZIEST SIBLING STORY

TheGayUncle: YOU WILL NOT WIN 

TheGayUncle: I’M TELLING YOU THE TIME YOU SET THE KITCHEN TABLE ON FIRE IS CRAZIER THAN ANYTHING THEY CAN COME UP WITH

Pidgeotto: SOMEONE GO

CinnamonRoll: let’s see

CinnamonRoll: probably the time my little sister accidentally covered the entire kitchen in flour while attempting to make cookies

CinnamonRoll: GUESS WHO HAD TO CLEAN IT UP

VodkaAunt: well you all know the story of how Keith set his school on fire so

Move-I’m-gay: Shiro tried to make pancakes for his mom on Mother’s Day once and lit the ENTIRE OVEN on fire so

VodkaAunt: KEITH

CinnamonRoll: I think that’s worse oh my god

SugarSweet: what is it with the chat and fire? Also i don’t really have anything 

LoverboyLance: well one time my brother Marco threw an entire trash can at my other brother Luis 

SugarSweet: why?!!?

LoverboyLance: it was his birthday and Luis stole his dulce de leche

LoverboyLance: you don’t mess with Marco’s dulce de leche 

LoverboyLance: Veronica, you still have that video?

WisestMcclain: one sec

 

 

6:24pm- Ronnie to Mamá

Ronnie: hey you remember Marco’s birthday a few years back? 

Mamá: vividly 

Ronnie: can you send me the video please

Mamá: [video sent] do I even want to know?

Ronnie: Not really. Thanks!

 

6:25pm- WisestMcclain to Nobody Here Is Straight 

WisestMcclain: [video sent] voila

Pidgeotto: oh my god

VodkaAunt: do I want a translation for the yelling?

LoverboyLance: it’s basically a whole lot of insults 

move-I’m-gay: your brother has a dirty mouth geez

LoverboyLance: YOU SPEAK SPANISH

move-I’m-gay: uhhh

move-I’m-gay: “speak” is a stretch

move-I’m-gay: I understand a little bit 

VodkaAunt: he’s been trying to learn to surprise you Lance

move-I’m-gay: SHIRO YOU ARE DEAD MEAT

LoverboyLance: awww Keith!!! U do care

move-I’m-gay: IM ORDERING A HIT ON SHIRO WHO WANTS TO TAKE IT

Pidgeotto: $200 and I’ll do it

TheGayUncle: Pidge no that’s my boyfriend 

WisestMcclain: Keith you don’t have to be ashamed this is adorable 

 

 

6:25pm- Rom-Com to Queen A

Rom-Com: I’ve decided to learn Spanish 

Queen A: wow what a random and completely coincidental whim you have suggested here

Rom-Com: you don’t have to assume things!!! Being bilingual is useful!!!

Queen A: so this has nothing to do with a certain Cuban girl hmmmm

Queen A: ROMELLE YOU BETTER NOT HAVE JUST BLOCKED ME I SWEAR [message could not be sent]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah the trash can incident is based on that one vine (“I go to church now and am in love with Jesus” “JESUS! *angry Spanish while yeeting a trashcan*”) and the flour incident was my brother’s fault a few years ago lmao
> 
> Real talk here: I DON’T WANNA GO HOOOOME I’m currently in Colorado (I used to live here but that was almost four years ago) which has always and forever been my favorite place to be so going back home is gonna be... interesting (you cannot possibly live farther from a Colorado climate than my house)
> 
> See y’all next week!
> 
> PS: Lance’s ghost story never actually happened that i know of, but my neighbor actually did have a WW1 ghost as a childhood playmate. Also his brother is psychic. And I’m about 90% sure their sister gets possessed sometimes. And they lived in a legit haunted house once. MY NEIGHBORS SCARE ME THEY’RE SO CHILL ABOUT GHOSTS


	16. Never Shop Hungry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A filler chapter of humor and like 1 teaspoon of fluff bc i got bored on a 3 hour plane trip and didn’t want to wait

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me to me: you should probably wait to post this unti-
> 
> Me: nO
> 
> Me: I WANNA POST
> 
> yes i am aware that it’s Monday but a) why not start the week off with some gay fluff and b) I had this ready so why not
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> ALSO IF ANY OF Y’ALL HAVE SEEN THE SHE-RA REBOOT, PLS SCREAM ABOUT IT IN THE COMMENTS WITH ME I LOVE IT SO SO SO MUCH IT’S VERY GAY*
> 
> *I MEANT GOOD BUT SAME THING

12:29pm- SugarSweet to Nobody Here Is Straight

SugarSweet: Allura got me caught up on every Marvel movie to date and now I’m motivated to organize as many of you guys as possible to go see Black Panther

Pidgeotto: If you’re buying the popcorn I’m game

Princess-Alluring: Pidge!

Pidgeotto: WHAT???

SugarSweet: if everyone buys their own tickets i don’t mind chipping in for snacks 

Princess-Alluring: that’s why i love you <3<3<3

SugarSweet: only chipping in tho because movie theater prices 

Pidgeotto: I can respect that

LoverboyLance: ooof sorry Keith and I already made plans

move-I’m-gay: Lance oh my god you said you wouldn’t tell the gc 

LoverboyLance: did I? Whoops :)))))

move-I’m-gay: oy 

LoverboyLance: IM JUST HAPPY I HAVE YOU AS A DATE OKAY

move-I’m-gay: ...me too :)

Pidgeotto: guys this is still the group chat

VodkaAunt: no let them finish 

move-I’m-gay: Shiro you are on thin ice

SugarSweet: right so Allura already agreed to come, and then there’s Pidge, any other takers?

TheGayUncle: go with Shiro…. go as a group…. go with Shiro… goat as a group….

TheGayUncle: THAT WAS AUTOCORRECT I DIDN’T MEAN TO TYPE GOAT

Pidgeotto: goat

WisestMcclain: goat

CinnamonRoll: goat

Rom-Com: goat 

LoverboyLance: goat

move-I’m-gay: goat

Princess-Alluring: goat

SugarSweet: goat

TheGayUncle: STOP BULLYING ME

TheGayUncle: at least Shiro is on my side

VodkaAunt: goat

TheGayUncle: ELRIGHVCENFJ

TheGayUncle: BETRAYAL

SugarSweet: so that’ll be two seats on the opposite sides of the theater for Shiro and Matt,

Princess-Alluring: lmao

VodkaAunt: I don’t have a preference for tagging along or going separately. Matt?

TheGayUncle: you must have come to the wrong apartment

TheGayUncle: i didn’t order any BETRAYAL

Pidgeotto: are you done?

TheGayUncle: yeah I’m done

TheGayUncle: we’ll go with Shay’s group 

SugarSweet: nice. Romelle? Veronica? Hunk?

Rom-Com: I’ll go with you

WisestMcclain: same

CinnamonRoll: sounds like fun! Especially if i can escape Keith and Lance being mushy

LoverboyLance: >>>:O

CinnnamonRoll: you two were cuddling on the couch this morning, don’t even try 

move-I’m-gay: ...oh so you saw that

CinnamonRoll: I SEE ALL

LoverboyLance: oh yeah? When? We didn’t see anybody

CinnamonRoll: 1) you just admitted it, 2) I walked into the common room and walked right back out

LoverboyLance: ..oh

CinnamonRoll: it was too early to deal with that

SugarSweet: ANYWAYS, now we just gotta set the date

Princess-Alluring: with this disaster chat, that’ll take until release day

Pidgeotto: well she isn’t wrong 

 

9:34pm- move-I’m-gay to LoverboyLance

move-I’m-gay: hey i need an opinion

LoverboyLance: yeah sure what’s up?

move-I’m-gay: [image sent] I know we already have dark chocolate hot cocoa K cups or whatever but i saw peppermint flavor at the store so should I get it

LoverboyLance: what are you doing at the store this late

move-I’m-gay: Lance answer the question 

LoverboyLance: GET THE PEPPERMINT

move-I’m-gay: [image sent] it’s in the cart

LoverboyLance: Wait is anything you’re buying remotely healthy 

LoverboyLance: okay I just zoomed in and the answer is no come on Keith

LoverboyLance: [image sent] [image sent] Candy, coffee, and hot chocolate KEITH

move-I’m-gay: [image sent] so I shouldn’t buy this then

move-I’m-gay: I’ll get some healthy stuff when i see it

LoverboyLance: I’m having a hard time arguing with a microwave caramel brownie but please get something healthy 

LoverboyLance: you need protein

move-I’m-gay: [image sent] cheese and yogurts. Healthy

 

9:35pm- BiBro to Ronnie

BiBro: [image sent] [image sent] WHY IS HE LIKE THIS

Ronnie: JESUS CHRIST THAT CART IS HORRIBLE

BiBro: well i mean he is a college student so

Ronnie: WHY IS THERE SO MUCH CHOCOLATE

BiBro: can you blame him?

Ronnie: yeah well he’s gonna get diabetes regardless 

BiBro: Keith’s tough he’ll be fine

 

9:37pm- move-I’m-gay to LoverboyLance

move-I’m-gay: [image sent] salami. Also healthy 

LoverboyLance: I’ll take it

move-I’m-gay: [image sent] oh and breakfast stuff

LoverboyLance: sigh

 

9:38pm- BiBro to Ronnie 

BiBro: [image sent] update

Ronnie: beautiful 

Ronnie: j i m m y d e a n

BiBro: it’s healthier than most of that death cart so I’m accepting it

Ronnie: that Girl Scout cookie yogurt looks disgusting

Ronnie: Thin Mints don’t belong on yoplait 

BiBro: ehh I’d eat that for money 

Ronnie: congratulations 

Ronnie: would you like a Girl Scout cookie for that

BiBro: very funny

 

9:56pm- move-I’m-gay to LoverboyLance

move-I’m-gay: the lines are really long so I’m gonna wander around some

LoverboyLance: Keith no that’s how you end up with $10 worth of gum

 

9:57pm- BiBro to Ronnie

BiBro: [image sent] update

Ronnie: there’s literally no way he’s gonna listen to you

BiBro: you’re probably right

BriBro: WAIT WHEN DID HE BUY DONUTS I STG-

Ronnie: they were in the first picture

Ronnie: kinda hard to see but still there

BiBro: oy vey

 

10:01pm- LoverboyLance to move-I’m-gay

LoverboyLance: [image sent] why did you get donuts on top of everything else

move-I’m-gay: I wanted donuts

move-I’m-gay: I’m surprised you didn’t see them sooner tbh

LoverboyLance: why are you like this

move-I’m-gay: I have no idea but I’m gonna blame growing up around Shiro and Matt

 

10:01pm- BiBro to Ronnie

BiBro: [image sent] why does he do this to me-

 

10:02pm- move-I’m-gay to LoverboyLance

move-I’m-gay: I found some T-shirts 

LoverboyLance: Keith no

move-I’m-gay: [image sent] [image sent]

LoverboyLance: ...well they’re funny

move-I’m-gay: there’s also Pikachu hats

move-I’m-gay: [image sent]

LoverboyLance: I mean it’s cute but why tho

move-I’m-gay: I felt like it

LoverboyLance: this is why we don’t make decisions past ten pm Keith-

move-I’m-gay: fair enough but I’m buying it

 

10:03pm- BiBro to Ronnie

BiBro: He’s looking at T-shirts and hats now and I can’t stop him [image sent]

BiBro: what even

Ronnie: you tried

 

10:24pm- LoverboyLance to move-I’m-gay

LoverboyLance: please tell me you’re done by now

move-I’m-gay: yeah I’m in line

move-I’m-gay: it’s long and boring though

LoverboyLance: Keith do not go wandering again i swear

move-I’m-gay: I’m so close now that going back would be pointless 

LoverboyLance: thank god

move-I’m-gay: [image sent] but i did find some Cheetos

LoverboyLance: KEITH

move-I’m-gay: relax I’m not getting them

move-I’m-gay: it doesn’t help that I’m hungry though

LoverboyLance: THAT EXPLAINS IT

LoverboyLance: Never shop hungry EVER oh my god

move-I’m-gay: yeah I forgot that rule

move-I’m-gay: I’ve been hungry this whole time

 

10:25pm- BiBro to Ronnie

BiBro: [image sent] w h y

Ronnie: both you and him are giving me secondhand anxiety on a major scale

 

10:30pm- LoverboyLance to Shirogayne

LoverboyLance: just so you know your brother is going to die of a caffeine-induced heart attack and he’s giving me anxiety 

Shirogayne: this isn’t even the strangest text I’ve ever gotten from you

Shirogayne: I never should have let him go grocery shopping without questioning why he was volunteering to out of the blue, huh

LoverboyLance: yep pretty much 

Shirogayne: just how bad is it?

LoverboyLance: [image sent] [image sent]

Shirogayne: please tell me that’s not his cart

LoverboyLance: I’d hate to lie to the most upstanding guy i know so i can’t

Shirogayne: Jesus Christ this is why Keith’s not allowed to grocery shop anymore 

Shirogayne: He’s already done isn’t he

LoverboyLance: yep

Shirogayne: sigh

 

3:23pm- Pidgeotto to Nobody Here Is Straight

Pidgeotto: who here did a sport in high school and what’s your wackiest story 

Princess-Alluring: why?

Pidgeotto: I want to see if Matt accidentally breaking a window with a basketball is the worst sports-related thing anyone’s done or witnessed in this dumpster fire of a chat

TheGayUncle: FOR THE RECORD I ACTUALLY GOT IT THROUGH THE HOOP, IT JUST BOUNCED WEIRD AND NEXT THING I KNEW I WAS IN THE PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE

VodkaAunt: i remember that 

VodkaAunt: let’s see- I was on the football team and the running back at the time tried to catch a long bomb and apparently forgot to watch for the other team since both him and an opposing guy went flying into the ref from the tackle

VodkaAunt: all parties went to the hospital 

VodkaAunt: it was dramatic 

SugarSweet: I used to be on the powerlifting team and somebody accidentally broke the coach’s foot by dropping a weight

LoverboyLance: OOF

SugarSweet: yeah the guilty party got a suspension, there was blood, people screamed

SugarSweet: it was honestly really gross

move-I’m-gay: I ran cross country in my freshman year

LoverboyLance: seriously?

move-I’m-gay: ONLY in my freshman year since Shiro was like “yOu HaVe To Do A sPoRt” so i chose one randomly

move-I’m-gay: anyways one time we were on the team bus on the way to a meet and this one guy, let’s call him Eddie, got cold bc that bus had literally no heating 

CinnamonRoll: American public school system at its best

move-I’m-gay: so Eddie yells over to one of his friends, let’s call him Jack, saying “Yo dude, come snuggle, I’m cold”

WisestMcclain: oh my god

move-I’m-gay: I’m not done- “but NO HOMO, bro”

VodkaAunt: I REMEMBER YOU TELLING ME ABOUT THIS NOW

CinnamonRoll: how does it end

VodkaAunt: well enough to make me proud of my little bro

move-I’m-gay: next thing i knew there’s about five boys in one seat, all sitting on top of each other with like two blankets and they’re all cuddling but the entire time they were all saying “No homo” like a broken record and i had had enough

LoverboyLance: I’m kinda scared to ask what you did

move-I’m-gay: you know the song “Everyone is Gay” by A Great Big World

Princess-Alluring: I’m VERY scared to ask what you did

move-I’m-gay: pulled it up on my phone and set the speakers to top volume 

move-I’m-gay: they scattered so fast it was the funniest thing

Pidgeotto: EVERYONE ELSE GO HOME THIS IS HANDS DOWN THE BEST STORY I’VE EVER GOTTEN FROM THIS CHAT

LoverboyLance: Keith that was the best reaction you could have possibly had and i love you

move-I’m-gay: lrfjhferkljhelkrh

VodkaAunt: Lance i think you broke him

LoverboyLance: i regret nothing 

WisestMcclain: i think Keith wins that whole thing 

Pidgeotto: yep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the whole shopping thing did actually happen, Lance is me and Keith is a friend of mine who dOESN’T KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF THEMSELF I KNOW YOU ARE READING THIS, PAL-  
> *coughs* anyways
> 
> And Keith’s cross country incident did happen, also to me, and you have never seen six high school boys run so fast in a MOVING BUS it was amazing and I remain proud of myself and the friend who encouraged me and laughed with me to this day
> 
> As always, comments and kudos make my entire day
> 
> See y’all on the weekend as a return to my actual posting schedule!
> 
> PS look up the song “Everyone is Gay” it’s very good (listen to the whole thing tho bc the lyrics start out as mostly humor)


	17. Happy Fluff Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valentine’s Day arrives and so does someone else.... hehehe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***WARNING: SPOILERS FOR BLACK PANTHER AT THE END OF THIS CHAPTER. ONCE THE GROUP CHAT STARTS UP AGAIN STOP READING IF YOU DON’T WANT TO SEE***
> 
> Alright SO- I know i said Saturday last update sorry guys I got busy seeing Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them: The Crimes of Grindelwald and subsequently flipping my lid so yeah i was a little distracted lol
> 
> Enjoy!

4:32am- Kogayne to BigBrotherIsWatchingYou 

Kogayne: help

Kogayne: help

Kogayne: help

Kogayne: help

Kogayne: SHIRO YOU’RE ALWAYS GETTING UP AT UNHOLY HOURS OF THE MORNING WHY AREN’T YOU RESPONDING 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: because I’m torn between planning how to kill you for spamming my phone this early and asking what's wrong

Kogayne: oh

Kogayne: uhhh

Kogayne: I have literally no idea what to do for Lance on Valentine’s Day Shiro h e l p

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: oh my god

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: why are you even asking me

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: don’t you usually complain at Pidge?

Kogayne: yeah, go to the person who never has and never will have any interest in a romantic relationship for dating advice as opposed to the guy who’s in a relationship and seems to be doing well

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: this is all a false front 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: do you even know me?

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: all my panic is internal

Kogayne: that settles it I’m gonna die

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: Keith, no, 

Kogayne: I lucked out Christmas bc i could ask Veronica but she’s not in a relationship and you are so

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: ...that does seem like a good plan so far

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: honestly Lance seems more like a “grand gesture” kind of guy than a material gifts kind of guy but both could work 

Kogayne: I AM NOT GOOD AT GIFT GIVING OR GRAND GESTURES SHIRO

Kogayne: IT’S CALLED ANXIETY AND BAD SOCIAL SKILLS

Kogayne: VALENTINES IS IN 2 DAYS. 2. DAYS.

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: Keith please calm down

Kogayne: NO

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: okay how about this: you help me figure out what to do for Matt and I’ll help you figure out what to do for Lance and hopefully neither of us screws up

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: you can meet me at the cafe later and we’ll chat, sound good?

Kogayne: …

Kogayne: I’ll take it

 

7:56am- Pidgeon added SunshineChild, Evil-Genius, and Rom-Com to the chat

[Pidgeon named the chat All The Single Ladies (Plus Hunk)]

Pidgeon: alright we are the only singles left time to band together against the cheesy couples who approach in 2 days 

Evil-Genius: lmao Pidge i love the choice of chat name

SunshineChild: does this mean we’re expanding Team Punk

Pidgeon: uh no that’s just us two 

Pidgeon: this is so we can avoid all the inevitable mushiness that’s gonna be in the main chat just watch

Rom-Com: I’ve only been here just over a month but is it really gonna be that bad?

Pidgeon: I’ve done some math hold on-

SunshineChild: aaaaaand she brought out the math 

Pidgeon: aaaaaaand he brought out the saltiness wow

SunshineChild: who, me??? Salty??? Never :)))

Pidgeon: Hunk your middle name is Salty

SunshineChild: if anyone around here has the middle name “Salty” it’s you

Evil-Genius: watching this go down is the best thing I’ve seen since my mom found out Lance got a boyfriend 

Pidgeon: we do not mention Relationships in the singles chat

Rom-Com: [image sent]

Pidgeon: Romelle you were cool before but sending memes has made you cooler

SunshineChild: agreed

Evil-Genius: agreed x10

SunshineChild: aGREED x100

Evil-Genius: aGREED x10000000 HA

Rom-Com: what is going on

Pidgeon: glorious mushy-couple-free shenanigans 

Pidgeon: no awkward gayness here

Pidgeon: i am Free

 

10:24am- Queen A to SugarSweet

Queen A: you’re going to laugh so hard at the customer i just served

SugarSweet: is it another one of those moms in her 30s who ordered an unholy amount of espresso?

Queen A: I’ve had about 3 of those today so far but no

SugarSweet: dear god

Queen A: (don’t get mad) so this one guy walked up and he started hitting on me

SugarSweet: hnnn you said don’t get mad but-

Queen A: I know I know wait for the punchline 

Queen A: I was like “sorry I’m gay” and do you know how idiotic his response was I’m still laughing 

Queen A: “don’t you know that’s a real turn off for guys”

Queen A: “You’ll never get a boyfriend at that rate”

SugarSweet: oh my gO-

SugarSweet: I somehow feel bad for him???

SugarSweet: how do you go through life being that stupid????

Queen A: no idea

Queen A: I’m so glad my real partner is much more intelligent and attractive <3<3<3

SugarSweet: …

SugarSweet: stOP TRYING TO BREAK ME ALLURA I SWEAR

Queen A: neee-verrrr <3<3<3<3

SugarSweet: fhgjjgfjkfg

SugarSweet: alright that’s it meet me at your dorm

Queen A: what

Queen A: I thought you were out until tomor

Queen A: wait

Queen A: THAT WAS A RUSE WASN’T IT

Queen A: SHAYYY

SugarSweet: I said meet me at your dorm and you’ll find out ;)

Queen A: hnnnnn I DON’T GET OFF WORK FOR ANOTHER THREE HOURS

SugarSweet: ...I forgot about that

Queen A: oh just you wait until i get out of work

Queen A: I still can’t believe you pretended to visit your out-of-town aunt for a whole day longer just to mess with me

SugarSweet: it was a surprise for Valentine’s Day!

Queen A: I know, I’m not mad!

Queen A: well I mean

Queen A: I’m irked I didn’t figure it out

Queen A: but you’re very sweet :D

SugarSweet: I stg you’re going to give me a heart attack one of these days

 

2:32pm- TallerGremlin to Shirogayne

TallerGremlin: sup

Shirogayne: okay what are you plotting

TallerGremlin: whaaaaaat? I can’t text my S.O. without being accused of ulterior motives? Shiro I’m disappointed in you

Shirogayne: 1) when are you NOT plotting something, 2) it’s the day before Valentine’s you dork

TallerGremlin: ...you know me well

TallerGremlin: okay so you are going to need some stuff ready for tomorrow 

Shirogayne: you’re not the only one who’s gonna be giving gifts you got that

TallerGremlin: I expected you would say something along those lines lmao

TallerGremlin: but I gotcha

TallerGremlin: can I send u the list now

Shirogayne: sure go ahead

 

3:12pm- Ronnie to Rom-Com

Ronnie: hey

Rom-Com: what’s up?

Ronnie: are you free tomorrow afternoon? Like 4 or so?

Rom-Com: uhh let me check hold on

Rom-Com: yep I'm free

Rom-Com: why?

Ronnie: okay

Ronnie: um

Ronnie: would you like to go out for a late lunch or something?

Ronnie: like

Ronnie: together?

Rom-Com: jhjfjhlj

Rom-Com: IGNORE THAT

Rom-Com: I mean uh 

Rom-Com: yeah! Sure! I’d love to!

Ronnie: great! Does 4:30 @ the cafe downtown work?

Rom-Com: of course!

Ronnie: see you then?

Rom-Com: yeah!

 

3:13pm- Rom-Com to Queen A

Rom-Com: [image sent] I AM ABOUT TO LITERALLY DIE

Queen A: SHE MADE HER MOVE AT LAST

Rom-Com: wat

Queen A: I uh

Queen A: might have encouraged/known about this from the start

Rom-Com: i have no idea how to feel about that

Queen A: mmm fair

 

3:13pm- Ronnie to BiBro

Ronnie: [image sent] FHHFBDJFDJEFEFBHJ

BiBro: damn sis you actually did it

Ronnie: I CAN’T BELIEVE I ACTUALLY MANAGED TO ASK HER OUT

BiBro: NICE GOING NOW DON’T MESS UP

Ronnie: oh god what have i done

 

6:00am- TallerGremlin to Shirogayne

TallerGremlin: RISE AND SHINE TAKASHI

Shirogayne: what

TallerGremlin: WE’RE GOING HIKING

Shirogayne: Matt I haven’t had coffee yet

Shirogayne: wait where even are you

TallerGremlin: FOLLOW THE STRING

Shirogayne: wh

Shirogayne: oh my god did you actually do the string thing from that Frozen short

Shirogayne: I THOUGHT YOU WERE JOKING WHEN YOU MENTIONED THAT

TallerGremlin: happy valentine’s day boo <3<3<3<3

Shirogayne: you too but just you wait until later 

Shirogayne: I’m getting you back

TallerGremlin: U CAN TRY BUT I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH

Shirogayne: NOW YOU LISTEN HERE,

TallerGremlin: I WILL NOT LISTEN

Shirogayne: MATT I SWEAR

TallerGremlin: JUST FOLLOW THE STRING

Shirogayne: FINE SEE YOU THERE

TallerGremlin: I LOVE YOU

Shirogayne: I LOVE YOU TOO

 

7:03am- move-I’m-gay to LoverboyLance 

move-I’m-gay: LANCE

LoverboyLance: ya

move-I’m-gay: [image sent] DID YOU SERIOUSLY PUT FLOWER PETALS ALL OVER MY BED

LoverboyLance: possibly :))))))

move-I’m-gay: how did you manage to not wake me up???

LoverboyLance: clearly you didn’t grow up in a house full of kids I learned early on how to not wake people up while messing with them

LoverboyLance: anyways GUESS WHAT WE’RE DOING TODAY

move-I’m-gay: uhhhh

move-I’m-gay: idk

move-I’m-gay: wait where are you

LoverboyLance: okay wow 

LoverboyLance: first of all I’m treating you to dinner tonight, no arguments,

move-I’m-gay: but

LoverboyLance: I sAID NO ARGUMENTS KEITH

LoverboyLance: LET ME LOVE YOU

LoverboyLance: second of all I’m just in the common room

move-I’m-gay: hnnnnn fine

move-I’m-gay: but i actually have a surprise for you too

LoverboyLance: ohh you do huh? ;))

move-I’m-gay: get your head out of the gutter

LoverboyLance: WHAA-AAT?

move-I’m-gay: why are you like this

LoverboyLance: only around you <3<3

move-I’m-gay: oh my god sTOP

LoverboyLance: nEVER

move-I’m-gay: do you want to hear about your surprise or not?

LoverboyLance: okay okay I’ll shut up pls tell meee

move-I’m-gay: so uh

move-I’m-gay: i knew you were really disappointed when you didn’t get to go home for the holidays and it’s still a while until spring break so

LoverboyLance: Keith what did you do

LoverboyLance: DON’T GO SILENT ON ME NOW I’M CURIOUS

move-I’m-gay: Wait for the knock

LoverboyLance: what kno

LoverboyLance: nvm there’s someone knocking did you hire a bard or something

move-I’m-gay: Lance i love you but what even OPEN THE DOOR and I’ll be out once I get dressed

LoverboyLance: okayyy okayyy

LoverboyLance: UYO THGOUTHFUL LITTLE PIECE OF 

LoverboyLance: IM DAED

LoverboyLance: *DEAD

LoverboyLance: TOO MANY TYPOS IM NOT FIXING EM COME OUTISDE ALREADY

move-I’m-gay: happy valentines 

LoverboyLance: DSHJSDBHJSDHBJ

 

7:17am- Pidgeon to KnifeBoi

Pidgeon: who was the lady i saw walking into the dorm earlier

Pidgeon: I had to go to the library otherwise I’d be investigating

KnifeBoi: Lance’s mom

Pidgeon: WHAT

KnifeBoi: that was my doing

Pidgeon: LMAOOO DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD HE’S GONNA TRY TO UPSTAGE YOU NOW

KnifeBoi: I don’t even care bc he looks so happy [image sent]

Pidgeon: NOPE NOPE STOP PINING AT ME I GOT ENOUGH FROM BOTH HALVES OF SHATT IN THE PAST COUPLE DAYS

KnifeBoi: Pidge we agreed not to call it that

Pidgeon: you did

Pidgeon: I didn’t

KnifeBoi: fair

Pidgeon: so anyways how long is she staying? Lance’s mom?

KnifeBoi: two days

Pidgeon: good i wanna meet her

Pidgeon: if she needs a place my parent’s apartment should work 

KnifeBoi: I think she already got a hotel but thanks for the offer

KnifeBoi: I got her number from Veronica and called and it snowballed from there

Pidgeon: You? Calling a complete stranger? Wow you really are gone for Lance geez

KnifeBoi: hey

Pidgeon: I just mean you would never do this kind of thing back when I met you

Pidgeon: you probably would have thought of it but you would have gotten me or Shiro to actually carry it out

KnifeBoi: probably Shiro since I’d have to bribe you 

Pidgeon: YOU SEE YOU EVEN MASTERED IT

KnifeBoi: ...okay yeah

KnifeBoi: I’m in love, so sue me

Pidgeon: I WILL SUE YOU

KnifeBoi: TRY IT PIDGE

Pidgeon: OH YEAH MEET ME IN THE DENNY’S PARKING LOT SUCKER

KnifeBoi: who here is the one who knows how to use a knife

Pidgeon: who here is the one with attack robots

KnifeBoi: what

Pidgeon: uhhh bye

 

2 Days Later… 

 

10:03am- LoverboyLance to Nobody Here Is Straight

LoverboyLance: GUESS WHO JUST GOT OUT OF BLACK PANTHER SUCKERS

move-I’m-gay: me and Lance

Pidgeon: wh- HOW’D YOU TWO SEE IT THIS EARLY

LoverboyLance: since we both have evening classes we just went for the earliest possible screening

move-I’m-gay: no regrets

VodkaAunt: if either of you spoils anything i swear

TheGayUncle: yEAH YOU BETTER NOT

move-I’m-gay: I won’t spoil and I’ll stop Lance from saying anything 

LoverboyLance: HEY

move-I’m-gay: YOU WOULDN’T STOP JABBERING ON THE WAY OUT OF THE THEATER

move-I’m-gay: I HAD TO CLAP A HAND OVER YOUR MOUTH

WisestMcclain: lmao I’m not surprised

LoverboyLance: sTOP GANGING UP ON ME

WisestMcclain: but it’s so fun

SugarSweet: no

SugarSweet: spoilers 

SugarSweet: or else :))))

LoverboyLance: …I’m somehow absolutely terrified what

Princess-Alluring: deal with it

CinnamonRoll: okay no spoilers but how was it

LoverboyLance: hhhhhh AWWEESOOOOME 

move-I’m-gay: yeah it was REALLY good

Rom-Com: ughhhhhh i can't wait until tonight 

Pidgeon: me neitherrrrrr

 

9:35pm- TheGayUncle to Nobody Here Is Straight

TheGayUncle: IF SHURI DIES IN INFINITY WAR I AM SUING MARVEL FOR EMOTIONAL DAMAGES

LoverboyLance: oh hey you guys saw it 

TheGayUncle: SHURI FOR NEW BEST DISNEY PRINCESS

Rom-Com: ABSOLUTELY SECONDED

WisestMcclain: THIRDED

move-I’m-gay: Killmonger tho

VodkaAunt: he was one of the best-made villains i have ever seen

Pidgeon: ya and he’s DEAD

Princess-Alluring: what was everyone’s favorite part? Mine has to be the ancestral plane scenes. They’re so well made

SugarSweet: how about that museum scene with Killmonger and that British lady? DAMNNN

Pidgeon: WHAT ARE THOOOOOSE

TheGayUncle: I WAS GONNA SAY THAT

CinnamonRoll: you meme-loving Holts

Pidgeon: it’s funny how you say that as an insult 

CinnamonRoll: a well-meant insult

CinnamonRoll: anyways I’m in love with the casino fight

SugarSweet: is it bc of Okoye

CinnamonRoll: IT ABSOLUTELY IS 

LoverboyLance: that’s valid but whoever wrote the jokes for this movie clearly has siblings 

LoverboyLance: I would 1000% trick my siblings into flying across the room

WisestMcclain: you act like I wouldn’t be the one tricking you guys

LoverboyLance: ROOD

Rom-Com: My favorite part was probably when we first saw Nakia

WisestMcclain: “don’t freeze” “pffft why would i” *freezes*

move-I’m-gay: I just liked the movie in general

LoverboyLance: don’t act like you didn’t think Killmonger was hot

move-I’m-gay: uhhh

move-I’m-gay: bye

[move-I’m-gay has left the chat]

LoverboyLance: KEITH WAIT NO

VodkaAunt: why are you two like this

LoverboyLance: I honestly don’t know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHOEVER HAS SEEN THE TRAILER PLS SCREAM WITH ME ABOUT IT I SAW A LINK AND IMMEDIATELY HAD A HEART ATTACK, OH MY GOD, IS DREAMWORKS ACTIVELY TRYING TO KILL THE FANS-
> 
> Also, Happy Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/end-of-the-year-approaching to everyone! December completely blindsided me like i woke up and our Elf on the Shelf was here and people had Christmas trees up in their windows on my block and I’m over here like “what the frick happened to November”
> 
> SEASON 8 IS COMING FOR OUR SOULS AND I AM NOT READY-


	18. Bring the Gays Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a filler chapter (again) with the required dose of memes and gay :)
> 
> Also Pidge gets a bird because reasons DEAL WITH IT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stuff I have found necessary to say to my friends this past week completely out of context:
> 
> “DON’T MAKE GRANDMA CRY”
> 
> “Stop drinking coffee for breakfast before i force-feed you toast”
> 
> “STOP ROASTING MY OTHER FRIENDS IN THE GROUP CHAT”
> 
> “WHY DO YOU KNOW HOW TO HIDE A KNIFE FROM A METAL DETECTOR I DO NOT CARE IF YOU WERE BORN IN THE SOUTH SO WAS I AND I DON’T KNOW HOW TO DO THAT”
> 
> “Chocolate-covered grapes may seem like a good idea, but trust me, they aren’t”
> 
> “Don’t tease the cinnamon roll please”
> 
> “STOP BINDING WITH ACE BANDAGES BEFORE I KILL YOU THAT IS SO UNHEALTHY PLEASE JUST USE SPORTS BRAS”
> 
> I CAN NEVER RETIRE AS THE MOM FRIEND YOU GUYS
> 
> Anyways, enjoy the chapter! Also, if anyone has any suggestions for questions you want the gang to ask in the gc or for where the plot could go feel free to hit the comments!

8:12am- LoverboyLance to Nobody Here Is Straight

LoverboyLance: WE HAVE A CRISIS

WisestMcclain: please tell me Mamá didn’t figure out about me and Romelle dating 

WisestMcclain: OH GOD I FORGOT THIS IS THE MAIN CHAT

Rom-Com: Veronica I swear!!! Allura teasing me is bad enough I’m not dealing with Pidge!!!

CinnamonRoll: you act like Pidge’ll be the only one doing the teasing 

Pidgeotto: DANG IT YOU TWO NOW I GOTTA KICK YALL OUT OF THE GROUP CHAT

Pidgeotto: ...y’all

Pidgeotto: KEITH YOU INFECTED ME

move-I’m-gay: not my fault

Pidgeotto: YES IT IS

VodkaAunt: Lance, what’s your crisis

LoverboyLance: [image sent] SOMEBODY STOLE MY CREAM CHEESE DIP IT’S NOT IN THE MINIFRIDGE WHERE I PUT IT

TheGayUncle: oh wow that is bad

LoverboyLance: DON’T GIVE ME YOUR SASS, HOLT

LoverboyLance: SOMEBODY FESS UP

Princess-Alluring: Lance this isn’t that serious 

LoverboyLance: YOU DON’T STEAL A MAN’S CREAM CHEESE DIP

move-I’m-gay: ...in my defense i had no idea it was yours and mixed it up with mine

LoverboyLance: KEEEEEEITH

SugarSweet: oof trouble in paradise

LoverboyLance: okay wow

move-I’m-gay: I’ll replace the dip calm down

LoverboyLance: oh fine

TheGayUncle: now that that’s over can we go back to what Veronica said? :))))))

WisestMcclain: Matt you’re dead

Rom-Com: please don’t kill anyone I’m not allowed to date criminals

LoverboyLance: lmao she passes the test 

Rom-Com: what

LoverboyLance: nobody dates anybody in the McClain clan without vetting from every available sibling and at least one parent

LoverboyLance: there’s a contract somewhere i know it

WisestMcclain: no there isn’t 

LoverboyLance: yES THERE IS

move-I’m-gay: YOU NEVER TOLD ME THAT

LoverboyLance: uh

LoverboyLance: well look at it this way my mom loves you so it’s fine

move-I’m-gay: I’ll drop this 

move-I’m-gay: for now

LoverboyLance: Shiro please I’m begging you sTOP YOUR BROTHER

VodkaAunt: you’re on your own

LoverboyLance: sHIRO NO

TheGayUncle: RIP Lance, he will be missed

WisestMcclain: nah if he’s gonna die it’ll be death by la chancla

LoverboyLance: VERONICA NO DON’T SUMMON LA CHANCLA 

WisestMcclain: Mamá left like half an hour ago

LoverboyLance: YOU KNOW THAT WOMAN HAS A SIXTH SENSE 

LoverboyLance: MAMÁ KNOWS ALL

WisestMcclain: well

WisestMcclain: you're not wrong 

TheGayUncle: hate to be the token white guy over here but what’s la chancla

WisestMcclain: we don’t talk about la chancla

 

8:15am- move-I’m-gay to LoverboyLance

move-I’m-gay: are you really sure your mom likes me?

LoverboyLance: what kind of question is that? Of course she does!

move-I’m-gay: idk i just

move-I’m-gay: idk

LoverboyLance: anxiety getting to you huh

move-I’m-gay: ...little bit

LoverboyLance: i swear she was completely sincere around you 

LoverboyLance: my mom practically adopted you before you two even met face-to-face bc Ronnie eXPOSED ME IN THE FAMILY GROUP CHAT-

LoverboyLance: I’m not salty

move-I’m-gay: sure you aren’t

LoverboyLance: don’t call me out like this

LoverboyLance: why wouldn’t she like you?

move-I’m-gay: i don’t know something like “overprotective mother instincts” taking one look at the guy with ripped jeans and long hair and a questionable background and

LoverboyLance: I’m gonna stop you right there

move-I’m-gay: but

LoverboyLance: i see you typing and i raise you this: my mom doesn’t give a crap about your background or your clothes or whatever

LoverboyLance: she cares about character 

LoverboyLance: and You. Are. A. Good. Person.

move-I’m-gay: …

LoverboyLance: okay look i was gonna surprise you later on but she literally pulled me aside and said “if you don’t bring that boy home for spring break I’ll come get him myself” so uh

LoverboyLance: you’re invited back home with me if you want to come

move-I’m-gay: seriously? She said that?

LoverboyLance: yep!

move-I’m-gay: wow

move-I’m-gay: she really does like me

LoverboyLance: no duh Mullet

move-I’m-gay: okay wow

LoverboyLance: so what do you say?

move-I’m-gay: uh

LoverboyLance: you don’t have to tell me right away if you don’t want to

LoverboyLance: i mean you could already have plans with Shiro or something idk

move-I’m-gay: I’ll think about it

LoverboyLance: :DDD

move-I’m-gay: :)

LoverboyLance: EMOJI

move-I’m-gay: i would use them more if you didn’t make a big deal out of it every time!

LoverboyLance: but it’s cute 

move-I’m-gay: hmgmhgf

move-I’m-gay: sTOP

LoverboyLance: absolutely Not

 

12:32pm- Rom-Com to Nobody Here Is Straight

Rom-Com: does anyone think that guy from Dorm C looks a little familiar 

Pidgeotto: Romelle there are a lot of guys in Dorm C

Rom-Com: whoops I forgot the picture hold on

Rom-Com: [image sent]

LoverboyLance: oh that’s Ryan he’s in one of my classes but he’s never said a word to me or anyone else

LoverboyLance: guy’s a little weird 

Rom-Com: no i swear I’ve seen someone who looks like him somewhere else

Rom-Com: I feel like it was a movie??

Rom-Com: WAIT I GOT IT DOESN’T HE LOOK KINDA LIKE KILLMONGER

WisestMcclain: oh my gOD YOU’RE RIGHT

TheGayUncle: HOLY CRAP HE DOES

VodkaAunt: i can see that

move-I’m-gay: oh i know him

move-I’m-gay: and unfortunately, his roommate 

Rom-Com: ?

Princess-Alluring: I think I’ve met that guy

Princess-Alluring: John? Jack?

move-I’m-gay: James

VodkaAunt: oh you have got to be kidding me

Princess-Alluring: JAMES YES THAT WAS IT

move-I’m-gay: who cares? He’s the worst 

LoverboyLance: never met him so what’s so bad

move-I’m-gay: HE’S A COMPLETE JERK

VodkaAunt: maybe you should drop this, Lance

LoverboyLance: Yeah ok

TheGayUncle: NEW TOPIC

TheGayUncle: WE NEED TO MAKE PLANS TO SEE INFINITY WAR ASAP IT COMES OUT ON THE 27TH

SugarSweet: Who’s in charge of theatergoing this time 

Princess-Alluring: I’m probably the only one who can corral them all

CinnamonRoll: *dramatic gasp* you wound me

SugarSweet: you know she meant Lance, Pidge, Matt, and Romelle right

CinnamonRoll: mmmm I can get into trouble too 

CinnamonRoll: it happens

WisestMcclain: *flashes back to the cafeteria tray sledding incident*

CinnamonRoll: that was Lance

LoverboyLance: ya that was Lance and I’m rIGHT HERE

Princess-Alluring: anyway

Princess-Alluring: are all the couples going together or are we going as a group or what

TheGayUncle: go as a group maybe?

Pidgeotto: Matt you fool do you know how hard it’ll be to get seating for THE CROSSOVER EVENT OF THE DECADE with all of us!?!

Pidgeotto: let’s tally: Romelle, Veronica, Allura, Lance, Keith, Hunk, me, Matt, Shiro, and Shay

Pidgeotto: that’s TEN PEOPLE in the dinky little theater downtown and basically everyone is gonna be there so no

Princess-Alluring: hmmm 

Princess-Alluring: guess that means all the couples are going separately then and Hunk and Pidge can go together if you so please

CinnamonRoll: Fine by me if Pidge is cool with it

Pidgeotto: yissss

LoverboyLance: KEITH

move-I’m-gay: uhhh what

LoverboyLance: YOU WOULDN’T LET ME PAY FOR SNACKS LAST TIME BUT THIS TIME I GOT IT OKAY

move-I’m-gay: mmmmm nah

LoverboyLance: KEITH I SWEAR

move-I’m-gay: nO

LoverboyLance: BOI 

move-I’m-gay: Fine we can take turns 

CinnamonRoll: only these two could start an argument over chivalry 

TheGayUncle: So uncivilized, me and Shiro just play Rock-Paper-Scissors

VodkaAunt: no we don’t 

TheGayUncle: we do now

WisestMcclain: So does that make this a date for me and Romelle?

Rom-Com: I think so!

Pidgeotto: do I have to call you a useless lesbian 

Rom-Com: :O

WisestMcclain: Pidge no

Pidgeotto: oh fine

Rom-Com: :D

VodkaAunt: wasn’t this a little early? We still have spring break and stuff before April rolls around 

TheGayUncle: ya but it’s never too soon to make plans 

Princess-Alluring: well he’s not wrong

SugarSweet: what’s everybody doing once you get kicked out of the dorms for break?

LoverboyLance: THIS TIME IM GOING HOME AND ONLY GOD CAN STOP ME

WisestMcclain: pfft like God could stop ME 

SugarSweet: I’m having a staycation 

Rom-Com: oh I’ll be staying here too, just nearby in town

VodkaAunt: i have an apartment in Denver that Keith and i stay at so 

Pidgeotto: you guys already know that my parents live nearby so that’s where Matt and i will be until they inevitably drag us out to go places

CinnamonRoll: going places can be fun Pidge

Pidgeotto: for you maybe 

CinnamonRoll: granted I’m probably not going to leave my parents’ house, like, at all bc i missed them 

LoverboyLance: I FEEL THAT

Princess-Alluring: I live in Denver too- looks like I’ll be seeing the Brogaynes this break lol

move-I’m-gay: not that pun again

TheGayUncle: aCCEPT THE PUNS

move-I’m-gay: I will not

VodkaAunt: oh come on Keith it’s not that bad

move-I’m-gay: I wILL NOT

VodkaAunt: oy

 

12:35pm- Kogayne to BigBrotherIsWatchingYou 

Kogayne: oh I forgot to tell you something

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: sure, what’s up?

Kogayne: I’ll just spend you the screenshots [image sent] [image sent]

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: oh my god

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: if this is you asking permission then you have it, duh, you’re an adult

Kogayne: no 

Kogayne: I’m just not sure if i should go with Lance or not I mean we’ve only been dating like two and some months 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: if you ask me the whole “meeting the parents” thing should have gone down way before this but given the circumstances 

Kogayne: WHAT

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: all I’m saying is two-and-some-months is PLENTY of time to be dating for

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: hmmm

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: I’m having trouble phrasing this hold on uhhh

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: you’ve definitely been dating long enough to go stay at his place, especially if you’ve been invited by Rosa

Kogayne: mmmm

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: okay here’s something i should have asked right away: do you WANT to go or are you trying to think of ways to not insult your boyfriend

Kogayne: no i want to go i just can’t stop overthinking about what could go wrong

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: mood

Kogayne: SHIRO YOU’RE NOT HELPING

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: at the risk of sounding like a soccer mom in her 40s,

Kogayne: oh my god

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: you just have to step back and clear your head, stop overthinking for five seconds,

Kogayne: oh wow. My anxiety’s gone. Amazing.

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: stop being sarcastic

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: I’m trying to say that you really are worrying for nothing and if you want to go with Lance, you should

Kogayne: what about you though?

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: what, you mean getting abandoned by my precious little brother during the first vacation where we can actually go somewhere-

Kogayne: Shiro I swear

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: I’m kidding

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: GO WITH LANCE YOU DISASTER GAY

Kogayne: you can’t call me a disaster look who’s talking

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: well i mean- yeah okay that’s fair

Kogayne: exactly

Kogayne: ...i think I’ll go with him for sure

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: good this means i get the apartment to myself

Kogayne: stop acting like you’re not just gonna spend as much time as possible with Matt 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: Keith stop calling me out like this

Kogayne: somebody has to

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: OKAY ANYWAY break’s in like a week so we should both start packing

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: how much you wanna bet that Veronica and Allura are the only ones who’ve started already?

Kogayne: $5 if you add Hunk to that list

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: deal

 

12:40pm- move-I’m-gay to LoverboyLance

move-I’m-gay: hey

LoverboyLance: sup

move-I’m-gay: I’m taking you up on your offer

LoverboyLance: YESSSSSSSSSS

move-I’m-gay: i do wanna know exactly what I’m signing up for

LoverboyLance: oh geez i need to pull out my spreadsheet again

move-I’m-gay: what

LoverboyLance: you’ve already met Veronica and my mom but there’s still Marco, Luis, Rachel, my dad, Lisa, and Nadia and Sylvio (my niece and nephew) not to mention my Abuela and Abuelo and maybe my uncle if he has time to visit

move-I’m-gay: that’s

move-I’m-gay: that’s a lot of people in one place

LoverboyLance: yeah it gets a little hectic but we’re all really close 

move-I’m-gay: anything i should know in particular?

LoverboyLance: uhhhhhh nothing i can think of right off the bat

LoverboyLance: oh yeah they’re gonna make a LOT of jokes at my expense bc we’re dating so be prepared

move-I’m-gay: jokes…?

LoverboyLance: not like cruel jokes i swear nobody’s like that except this one cousin that we all avoid and make fun of

LoverboyLance: but stuff like “so where’s the wedding ring” is probably gonna happen on a regular basis

move-I’m-gay: oh that I can deal with

move-I’m-gay: ...I think

LoverboyLance: lmao

LoverboyLance: they’re gonna love you so much but fair warning if Nadia or Sylvio decides you’re cool they will NEVER leave you alone

move-I’m-gay: what am I getting myself into 

LoverboyLance: so much

LoverboyLance: oh and thanks for deciding to come!

move-I’m-gay: thanks for inviting me

move-I’m-gay: although I guess i should be thanking your mom

LoverboyLance: you can thank her when you see her :DD

move-I’m-gay: :)

LoverboyLance: EMOJI-

move-I’m-gay: oh my god

 

 

4:32pm- SunshineChild to Pidgeon

SunshineChild: Pidge i have a puzzle for you

Pidgeon: ooh a puzzle

SunshineChild: well it’s more of a question

Pidgeon: fire away buddy

SunshineChild: [image sent] I went to your room to find you- so why did i find FEATHERS ALL OVER THE FLOOR

Pidgeon: I… left the window open

Pidgeon: :))

SunshineChild: Pidge why did i just hear hooting from below your windowsill

Pidgeon: DON’T GO BY THE WINDOW

SunshineChild: [image sent] PIDGE WHY IS THERE A SCREECH OWL JUST CHILLING IN A CLEARLY HUMAN-MADE NEST RIGHT OUTSIDE YOUR WINDOW

Pidgeon: I TOLD YOU NOT TO GO BY THE WINDOW HUNK COME ON

SunshineChild: PIDGE WHY DO YOU HAVE AN OWL

Pidgeon: I FOUND HIM IN THE COMMON ROOM OKAY

SunshineChild: ????????

Pidgeon: he was soaking wet and freezing and there was something up with his foot so i picked him up with a towel and put him in my room last night and stayed up to make him an artificial nest and checked his foot (there was a thorn stuck to his leg) and now he isn’t leaving

Pidgeon: idk but i think he likes it here

SunshineChild: oh my god 

SunshineChild: well good job for helping him but PIDGE STOP ADOPTING WILD ANIMALS IT MIGHT NOT END WELL

Pidgeon: I’ll just call Shay!

SunshineChild: well at least you’ll call an actual expert geez

Pidgeon: I’m not Keith

SunshineChild: pfft

SunshineChild: are you gonna name the owl?

Pidgeon: uhhh

Pidgeon: SOCRATES

SunshineChild: wat

Pidgeon: well he gave you enough questions didn’t he

SunshineChild: Socrates the owl it is

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *IMPORTANT NOTE TO ALL MY READERS*  
> We’re in the home stretch folks. This Friday, season 8’s gonna come out and most likely give about half of us heart attacks (I know the trailer already sent me into cardiac arrest) and stuff’s gonna happen. Klance? Maybe. Allurance? Who knows. God knows i’d PREFER for Klance to be canon, I love Them, but i want anybody reading this to make a promise right now. Repeat after me:
> 
> WE ARE NOT GOING TO BE VIOLENT OR NEGATIVE ANTIS SHOULD KLANCE END UP BEING ONLY FANON WE ARE JUST GONNA FIX IT ALL WITH FANFICS INSTEAD
> 
> POSITIVITY ONLY IN MY HOUSE YOU GOT IT
> 
> I know that the anti side of the Klance fandom has died down considerably since 2016 (thank god) but i for one got sick of it early on and i want Voltron to end on a happy note since it’s such an important show to me and so many other people. 
> 
> Oh, and one more thing- I’m definitely not ending this as the show ends, in fact, I fully intend to keep this fic going for a long time and I have another fic in the works right now that should be going up soon so thE MEMES SHALL CONTINUE
> 
> See y’all after s8 drops, good luck and i hope all your favorites survive! :D


	19. Spring Break Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance and Veronica go home with Keith in tow and the rest of the group heads to their own spots- but not without shenanigans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Croissant: dropped  
> Wig: snatched  
> My mood: snapped out of existence in Infinity War  
> hotel? Trivago
> 
> So Voltron really did that huh
> 
> They really destroyed my emotional state hUH
> 
> *”disappointed but not surprised” meme*
> 
> i normally take about a day, maybe a day and a half to write an average chapter but I took THREE DAYS on this one bc i use this fic as a coping mechanism and after s8 dropped and I watched it i just didn’t stop writing until i was like “yeah that’s probably plenty”
> 
> Enjoy the fluff and gayness (bc Voltron hurt us cough cough)
> 
> (Oh, and I’ll put a semi-spoiler-free review in the end notes, but y’all feel free to spoil in the comments i don’t care anymore ahaha)
> 
> (OH ALSO- if anyone remembers me mentioning a new fic in the works from me, it’s up now- “Magic and Flames” if anyone’s interested)

7:12pm- Ronnie to ‘Clain Fam

Ronnie: alright so night before the trip, please tell me you haven’t packed yet either so i feel better

Ronnie: … this is not Lance

BiBro: well it is but you also got everybody else lmao

MarcOMG: Veronica oh my god don’t you leave in like seven hours

Ronnie: that is PLENTY of time

Mama: is it?

Ronnie: oh god

BiBro: hey at least you don’t have to wrangle Romelle too

Ronnie: if you don’t shut up right this second

BiBro: mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Ronnie: LANCE

Rachella: is she hiding something

Luigi: she’s trying to 

MarcOMG: What’s going on over there exactly? Hmmm? 

Ronnie: Lance is just excited that he gets to bring Keith lol

Luigi: no, who’s Romelle, I must know

BiBro: oh just her new-ish girlfriend

Ronnie: THAT’S IT YOU’RE DEAD FOR REAL THIS TIME

Mama: Romelle? AS IN THAT SWEET NEIGHBOR GIRL YOU INTRODUCED ME TO WITHOUT MENTIONING THIS? I THOUGHT YOUR CRUSH FROM BEFORE WAS SOMEONE ELSE

Ronnie: uh

Ronnie: maybe?

 

7:13pm- Ronnie to BiBro

Ronnie: when i get my hands on you you’ll regret that

BiBro: joke’s on you, my boyfriend owns a knife

Ronnie: yOU CAN’T HIDE BEHIND KEITH FOREVER 

BiBro: I CAN TRY

 

7:14pm- Ronnie to ‘Clain Fam

Ronnie: sorry i didn’t say anything, we just couldn’t really find the right time to

Mama: I’ll accept it

Mama: for now anyway

Ronnie: i’m not in the clear yet, am i

Mama: nope!

MarcOMG: judging by the radio silence just now I’m going to assume that Lance has been murdered

BiBr: where’s your faith in me? BETRAYAL

MarcOMG: ah, he lives

BiBro: just you wait until I see you in person, you’re going dOWN

MarcOMG: COME AT ME, I DARE YOU

BiBro: CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

Luigi: I got dibs on manning the camera

Rachella: popcorn

Ronnie: I’ll just keep Keith from stepping in

BiBro: bold of you to assume you could stop him

MarcOMG: who’s taking charge of the “hurt my little brother and die” talk

MarcOMG: any takers? Going once

Luigi: DIBS

Rachella: hA I GOT THIS

BiBro: guys no

Luigi: what, no broken caps?

Luigi: oh that means something’s up

BiBro: no, seriously, don’t do that, he understands anyway

Rachella: yeah fine

Luigi: okay, i won’t

MarcOMG: I’ll hold off but i make no promises

Ronnie: uh, Marco, you might wanna make that promise

MarcOMG: consider it done

 

7:16pm- BiBro to Ronnie

BiBro: thanks for the backup

Ronnie: not a problem! You’re still dead tho :)

BiBro: how are you threatening me with a smiley face and succeeding oh my god

Ronnie: i took a leaf out of Shay’s book :) :) :)

BiBro: that’s straight up witchcraft I’m out

Ronnie: yOU CAN RUN

Ronnie: BUT YOU CAN’T HIDE

BiBro: oh go pack you procrastinator

Ronnie: don’t act like you’ve actually packed

BiBro: uhhhhh bye

Ronnie: that’s what i thought

 

7:30pm- CinnamonRoll to Nobody Here Is Straight

CinnamonRoll: Lance is currently throwing half his stuff around the room wildly under the guise of “packing” so how’s everybody else’s night going

LoverboyLance: it is NOT my fault that time caught up with me

move-I’m-gay: I’m already packed what the heck

move-I’m-gay: Lance you told me you were ready

LoverboyLance: ready… to start packing :)

VodkaAunt: ...Veronica please tell me you’re the adult supervision on that flight

LoverboyLance: pfft “adult supervision” she hasn’t packed yet either Shiro

WisestMcclain: actually I just finished

WisestMcclain: deal with it

Princess-Alluring: who wants to bet on how much of a mess her suitcase is?

WisestMcclain: I AM PERFECTLY CAPABLE OF PACKING EFFECTIVELY AND NEATLY, THANK YOU,

Pidgeotto: lmao sure

WisestMcclain: says the girl who doesn’t even have to pack that much your parents live like a block away

SugarSweet: glad i can stand here and laugh at everyone who actually has to move 

Princess-Alluring: oh my god

TheGayUncle: yo i got a quick question

SugarSweet: spill

TheGayUncle: [image sent] who left feathers on my pillow is this a new meme that i somehow missed bc if so then i have fAILED

Pidgeotto: uhhhhhhh i got no clue

CinnamonRoll: me neither

VodkaAunt: one day. One day until break. That’s all you guys had to go through without doing something and you DID SOMETHING, DIDN’T YOU

Pidgeotto: ...no?

move-I’m-gay: before accusations start flying I’d like to say that i had nothing to do with whatever’s happening

LoverboyLance: DITTO

VodkaAunt: Pidge what’d you do

Pidgeotto: I DID NOTHING

VodkaAunt: Hunk, what’d she do

CinnamonRoll: I AM NOT A SNITCH

TheGayUncle: which insinuates that there’s something to snitch ABOUT in this situation

TheGayUncle: HMMMMM

LoverboyLance: calm down, Sherlock

LoverboyLance: wait i recognize those feathers

LoverboyLance: Blue dropped some on my face while i was sleeping this morning

CinnamonRoll: who needs an alarm clock when you have Lance shrieking at the top of his lungs

Rom-Com: is THAT what i heard i thought there was an ambulance outside

TheGayUncle: an ambuLANCE

LoverboyLance: okay wow can we please focus on the original mystery

TheGayUncle: who’s Sherlock Holmes now?!!?

SugarSweet: Matt, can you send a better picture?

TheGayUncle: [image sent]

SugarSweet: not of yourself, Narcissus 

TheGayUncle: I AM WOUNDED

VodkaAunt: Matt

TheGayUncle: i got it [image sent]

SugarSweet: owl feathers

SugarSweet: i think that’s from a screech owl but i can’t quite tell 

SugarSweet: must have been shed in the lawn or something? Maybe Blue found them

TheGayUncle: or they blew in i did leave my window open by mistake this morning

Princess-Alluring: you’re such a genius boo

SugarSweet: why thank you

TheGayUncle: oh man i thought you meant me for a sec

Princess-Alluring: nope, just my gf <3<3<3

SugarSweet: :DDD

Pidgeotto: tOO MUCH GAY

Rom-Com: stop trying to distract us what do you have to do with those feathers

Pidgeotto: NOTHING STOP ACCUSING ME

Rom-Com: if it’s nothing then why are you overreacting? HMMMM?

Pidgeotto: BECAUSE I AM BEING ACCUSED FOR NO REASON

TheGayUncle: she’s not cracking

VodkaAunt: Hunk, you seem to know something about this

CinnamonRoll: oh god

LoverboyLance: [image sent] THAT LOOKS LIKE A GUILTY FACE TO ME BUDDY

move-I’m-gay: mmmm it does

VodkaAunt: somebody tell me what’s going on please

CinnamonRoll: PIDGE FOUND AN OWL, BUILT IT A NEST, AND NAMED IT SOCRATES

Pidgeotto: HUNK

TheGayUncle: does anybody in this chat have a, you know, LEGAL pet???

move-I’m-gay: Kosmo is legal there’s no law against rescuing a dog

SugarSweet: WOLFDOG

move-I’m-gay: yeah anyway he’s legal

SugarSweet: no??? Keith you need specific permits and stuff for that

SugarSweet: granted no experts have showed up yet like we were told they would so i guess he’s staying for the time being

CinnamonRoll: good ol’ bureaucracy 

WisestMcclain: can’t make much of an argument for Blue tho

LoverboyLance: I RESENT THAT

move-I’m-gay: both our pets are perfectly fine but Pidge and her OWL, 

Pidgeotto: LANCE FOUND BLUE IN FRONT OF KING SOOPERS IN WHAT WORLD IS THAT A NORMAL OR LEGAL WAY TO GET A PET

Pidgeotto: KEITH ILLEGALLY SMUGGLED KOSMO INTO THE DORM

Pidgeotto: IF SOCRATES IS ILLEGAL SO ARE BLUE AND KOSMO

SugarSweet: I can’t keep surreptitiously giving random animals checkups you guys whoever wants a pet next has GOT to go to a shelter or SOMETHING 

CinnamonRoll: y’all made Shay snap that’s a bad sign

VodkaAunt: weren’t you a part of this

CinnamonRoll: uhhh

VodkaAunt: anyways, Pidge, the owl

Pidgeotto: pleeeeeeeease can I keep him

VodkaAunt: I’m not even the person to ask about that

Pidgeotto: if I ask my mom she’ll say no… heeheeheeheehee 

VodkaAunt: Pidge no you have got to stop manipulating Sam

TheGayUncle: he’s WEAK to her puppy-dog eyes that owl is as good as hers

SugarSweet: I suppose I can take care of him over break if you need me to

LoverboyLance: oh that reminds me I’ve been meaning to ask you to take care of Blue while I’m gone

SugarSweet: absolutely!

LoverboyLance: you want more pictures of her don’t you

SugarSweet: duh

LoverboyLance: that’s fair

move-I’m-gay: our flight’s really early right 

LoverboyLance: oh yeah we should probably go to bed or something it’s a 5 and a half hour trip

CinnamonRoll: GEEZ make sure you drink coffee

LoverboyLance: goodnight everybody 

[LoverboyLance has left the chat]

WisestMcclain: goodnight guys 

[WisestMcclain has left the chat]

move-I’m-gay: night

[move-I’m-gay has left the chat]

Pidgeotto: should I go to bed at a decent hour since I actually don’t have anything to do or should I stay up to play video games

VodkaAunt: GO TO BED FOR ONCE

CinnamonRoll: Shiro that’s not gonna work

Pidgeotto: @Matt I CHALLENGE THEE

TheGayUncle: YOU’RE ON

VodkaAunt: GUYS NO

CinnamonRoll: I told you so

SugarSweet: lmao you guys are on your own 

[SugarSweet has left the chat]

Princess-Alluring: I’m going to watch the gaming battle

Princess-Alluring: (the smart money’s on Pidge)

Pidgeotto: AHA SUPPORT

Rom-Com: I honestly don’t know who to back here

TheGayUncle: ME 

TheGayUncle: I HAVE SENIORITY 

Pidgeotto: YOU’RE GOING DOWN SUCKER

VodkaAunt: oh god

Rom-Com: if I’m being honest, Shiro, you should really just give in

Rom-Com: at least it’s at a decent time for once 

CinnamonRoll: she isn’t wrong 

VodkaAunt: Fine

VodkaAunt: my money's on Matt

Pidgeotto: eh you’re biased IT’S ON

 

1:12am- Kogayne to BigBrotherIsWatchingYou

Kogayne: I would have woken you up to say goodbye but you looked pretty comfortable on the couch so I’ll just send this for you to open later 

Kogayne: and before you get mad at me for texting and driving, a friend of Veronica’s (I think her name is Rizavi or something but idk I’m tired) is at the wheel so we’re fine 

Kogayne: I’ll text you once we land I swear 

Kogayne: see you in a week

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: gee it’s not like my phone buzzing loudly right in my ear would wake me up or anything you SAP

Kogayne: you can’t call me a sap when you fell asleep hugging Matt you hypocrite 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: it’s too early for this

Kogayne: don’t I know it

Kogayne: I can’t even MOVE and I’m stuck under a COLD VENT

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: uh why can’t you just move

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: god I’m tired my brain’s not working 

Kogayne: [image sent] this idiot fell asleep on me and I don’t want to wake him up so I’m stuck but my seat’s getting uncomfortable bUT I’M STUCK and Veronica’s just taking pictures and laughing at me

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: and I’m supposed to help how exactly 

Kogayne: Shirooo

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: Keith this is absolutely adorable and you’re not allowed to move until you get to the airport

Kogayne: why’s I even text you

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: because I’m your big bro 

Kogayne: go back to sleep Shiro

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: I can’t move either [image sent] Matt’s on my arm and Pidge is on my leg I’m stuck

Kogayne: you really are the dad

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: nah I’m the vodka aunt let me have this

Kogayne: you pretended to hate that I knew it

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: eh whatever it’s grown on me

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: seriously though I should probably try to move to my own bed and get everybody else to a decent spot before their backs get damaged

Kogayne: you are such a DAD 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: GO MEET YOUR BOYFRIEND’s FAMILY GEEZ

Kogayne: FINE GO TO SLEEP OLD MAN

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: YOU CAN’T KEEP ALTERNATING BETWEEN CALLING ME OLD AND CALLING ME A TODDLER IT’S GETTING OLD

Kogayne: GOODBYE I’LL MISS YOU

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: YOU TOO SEE YOU IN A WEEK

 

9:30am CO- 11:30amCuba- Kogayne to BigBrotherIsWatchingYou

Kogayne: we landed alright and we’re about to go get our bags 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: good

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: what’s the time difference again?

Kogayne: I’m two hours ahead of you

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: please remember that before texting me early in the morning I beg of you

Kogayne: no promises

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: oh my god

Kogayne: woifiabdjwi oh god 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: what?!!?

Kogayne: Lance just spotted his family and they’re coming over wHAT AM I GONNA SAY

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: did he give you any kind of rundown?

Kogayne: just like a who’s who and some random advice about what they’ll probably do

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: knowing Lance he’s probably hyped you up a lot so they’ll already have a high opinion of y

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: I meant to delete that that was the wrong thing to say

Kogayne: ohgodohgod

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: give me a second 

 

9:31am CO- 11:31am CUBA- Shirogayne to LoverboyLance 

Shirogayne: you might want to keep ahold of Keith alright he’s panicking at me

LoverboyLance: I thought he looked a little too focused on his phone

LoverboyLance: I got it

Shirogayne: thanks 

 

9:55am AZ- 11:55am CUBA- Hunky to LoverboyLance

Hunky: how’s it going with your family and Keith?

LoverboyLance: I LOVE THESE GUYS SO MUCH MAN

Hunky: I’m glad you’re back home! 

LoverboyLance: and your folks?

Hunky: BANANA BREAD FOR DAYS

LoverboyLance: LUCKYYYYY

Hunky: So where are you now?

LoverboyLance: resting up in my old room after the flight 

LoverboyLance: the time difference isn’t really enough for real jet lag but I think I’m feeling it regardless and Keith practically passed out as soon as he saw a bed so he’s got it worse lmao

Hunky: oof

Hunky: So I assume your siblings and dad like him

LoverboyLance: no duh buddy

LoverboyLance: my dad gave him the Approving Glare

Hunky: oh my god the Approving Glare

Hunky: dude it took him like a day to give ME that smh what did Keith do

LoverboyLance: that’s just because he was really tired that day buddy otherwise he would have done it right away

LoverboyLance: anyways Keith was kinda freaked out by all the attention tho (I think being jet lagged might have made him a little tetchy) so I suggested naps before anybody does anything else 

Hunky: awwwww you’re such a good boyfriend 

LoverboyLance: oh sTOP

LoverboyLance: oh hold on Marco wants to talk to me and now I gotta untangle myself talk to you later Hunk

Hunky: untangle yourself?

Hunky: LANCE ARE YOU SNUGGLING WITH KEITH

Hunky: ANSWER MEEEEE

Hunky: LAAANCE [message could not be sent]

Hunky: oh my god [message could not be sent]

 

3:20pm CO/AZ- 5:20pm CUBA- TheGayUncle to Nobody Here Is Straight

TheGayUncle: y’all I got a question

LoverboyLance: fire away

TheGayUncle: what’s the most sleep-deprived thing you’ve ever done

TheGayUncle: for instance, this morning, I accidentally made cereal with coffee instead of milk and I really want to know if it’s that bad

VodkaAunt: you woke up at ten that’s not early

TheGayUncle: you didn’t even sTOP ME so you can’t say anything 

VodkaAunt: I was too busy filming [video sent]

Pidgeotto: glorious 

move-I’m-gay: uhhh most sleep-deprived thing I’ve ever done

move-I’m-gay: tried to blow on soup that was already cold bc for whatever reason I thought it was hot

LoverboyLance: Keith I love you but why

move-I’m-gay: oh yeah well how about you go then

LoverboyLance: well there was that time I couldn’t remember the word “nativity” so I called a nativity scene a “Jesus diorama” and my mom just gave me this look like “son no”

Pidgeotto: you know what that isn’t even wrong technically a nativity scene IS a Jesus diorama 

WisestMcclain: I hate long plane rides

Rom-Com: she’s awake at last!

WisestMcclain: “awake” is a stretch

WisestMcclain: I’m gonna raid the pantry and make the strongest coffee we own

WisestMcclain: but yes I’m here

Princess-Alluring: did your flight go well? I forgot to text and ask

WisestMcclain: if you take out the three crying babies and weird guy who watched Avatar (the blue people one) at full volume without headphones yeah

move-I’m-gay: this is why I sleep through long trips whenever I can 

SugarSweet: sleep deprived actions? Oh wow I have a lot of those

CinnamonRoll: you???

SugarSweet: starting with the time I accidentally dyed a chicken blue 

SugarSweet: that was a long day please don’t ask

CinnamonRoll: one time I made the mistake of drinking a crap ton of coffee while I was already sleep-deprived and it somehow made me both extremely hyper and incredibly exhausted 

LoverboyLance: I REMEMBER THAT 

LoverboyLance: you spent the entire day laughing like a drunk hyena and everybody who knew you asked me “is he okay” and i was like “yeah he’s fine” and the amount of people (teachers included) who gave me skeptical looks after that is HIGH

VodkaAunt: I think Keith has already told the story but there was this one time during finals

move-I’m-gay: I STILL CAN’T BELIEVE YOU THOUGHT I WAS A CRYPTID AND ATTACKED ME

VodkaAunt: good memories 

Rom-Com: I’ve never gotten sleep-deprived enough to do something crazy are you guys okay??

WisestMcclain: honestly no 

Rom-Com: awww let me help

WisestMcclain: of all the times to leave you behind smh

Rom-Com: so I’m invited next time? ;)

WisestMcclain: gdghghsd UH

Pidgeotto: I ALREADY HAD TO DISBAND THE SINGLES CHAT BC OF Y’ALL DON’T DO THIS RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY SALAD

TheGayUncle: Pidge loves this she’s just being salty

Pidgeotto: salty is my middle name Matt what are you trying to say

Princess-Alluring: I once accidentally got up, showered, made breakfast, packed a lunch for the day, and attempted to wake up my family because i thought it was normal morning time

Princess-Alluring: it was 4 am

Princess-Alluring: that was… a long day

LoverboyLance: oh my GOD

TheGayUncle: I think Allura wins

VodkaAunt: eh your face when you tried to eat the coffee cereal was awesome

LoverboyLance: Wait a second

LoverboyLance: wouldn’t everybody be out of the dorms now?

Princess-Alluring: yep, got kicked out this morning lol

LoverboyLance: then why was Shiro in Matt’s house 

LoverboyLance: dude aren’t you supposed to be driving to Denver

Princess-Alluring: wAIT 

TheGayUncle: WE’VE BEEN DISCOVERED TIME TO RUN

VodkaAunt: I didn’t want to drive to Denver bc i didn’t sleep well so Sam and Colleen offered to let me stay for a night! No biggie!

move-I’m-gay: did you seriously just use the phrase “no biggie” 

VodkaAunt: uh

move-I’m-gay: if i wasn’t still exhausted i stg THIS IS LITERALLY JUST AN EXCUSE TO STAY WITH MATT ISN’T IT

VodkaAunt: ..maybe\

WisestMcclain: you slept the entire flight and then for like 2 hours how are you sleepy???

move-I’m-gay: i have no idea i just am

move-I’m-gay: so tired

CinnamonRoll: ain’t that a mood

LoverboyLance: seconded

 

9:13pm CO- 11:13pm CUBA- BigBrotherIsWatchingYou to Kogayne

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: so how’d the first day go?

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: wait no it’s late there i forgot never mind

Kogayne: nah I’m awake

Kogayne: I think it went well??

Kogayne: I don’t think Lance told his siblings i speak Spanish though 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: no insult behind you back or anything right bc then I’d have to go there and kick some butts

Kogayne: Shiro nO

Kogayne: I’m bad with spoken Spanish still but from what i gathered they all like me

Kogayne: I did hear Lance talking to his brother Marco about something I didn’t quite catch though

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: were you eavesdropping??

Kogayne: no i woke up and those two were talking outside the door in Spanish it’s not like i PURPOSEFULLY eavesdropped

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: oh my god

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: what’d you hear

Kogayne: weren’t you ready to tell me off like 3 seconds ago

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: ...yeah

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: spill

Kogayne: alright fine i didn’t understand everything but I caught “anxiety” and for some reason the word “shovel” (?)

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: are you sure you understood those

Kogayne: no I’m not actually

Kogayne: I’m glad I came here but idk i feel off

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: that’s called jet lag

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: Keith, I’m sure it’s fine 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: I’m pretty sure they might have meant shovel talk though

Kogayne: oh god

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: Lance loves you

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: if he knew something here would probably hurt you, he wouldn’t have extended the invitation

Kogayne: yeah

Kogayne: you’re right :)

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou:... did you just

Kogayne: oh my god you’re worse than Lance 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: mm-hmm

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: you should go to sleep you know

Kogayne: yeah I know i was about to

Kogayne: goodnight

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: you too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay SO- that happened. I haven’t cried this hard since reading the Trials of Apollo 3 (Uncle Rick that wASN’T ALLOWED) because... it’s over, isn’t it. God, Voltron’s ended.
> 
> WELL I SAY SCREW THAT. Canon’s complete, but we aren’t, and I’m gonna keep writing fics as long as i have inspiration to do so purely because i want to do these characters justice and bc i love them all
> 
> So, review, from a neutral and opinionated view:  
> the animation and art was BREATHTAKING, somebody get those artists a raise, please, they deserve it so much  
> Honerva? A TERRIFYING villain done right, in my opinion. She had a clear goal and never hesitated to achieve that goal no matter what, unlike the typical cartoon villain who monologues when hey could literally just like press a button and win or something. She was AMAZING in this season after finally being given the spotlight and i was genuinely afraid for the paladins, which really only happened in the s6 battle with Lotor for me, so WELL DONE on Honerva.  
> The plot was fairly straightforward to me and the comedy ep was PURE GOLD and my new favorite all-time Voltron comedy episode like!! Perfection, i love Kinkade and Rizavi, new Brotp
> 
> IM SO GLAD THEY ALL ENDED UP HAPPY FOR THE MOST PART THOUGH, ESPECIALLY HUNK, YOU’RE DOING AMAZING SWEETIE 
> 
> Now from an opinionated standpoint- so Allurance. I always brushed that ship off as something that would be a “thing” in the sense that Lance harbored emotions for Allura but she never returned them, and i never really saw chemistry other than a brother/sisterly kind of thing, so when s7 dropped and started hinting, i was absolutely REELING because that didn’t strike me as a good decision plot-wise. She spent six seasons rolling her eyes at Lance and then for literally no reason was all blushy and awkard after her first boyfriend turned out to be insane. It struck me as doing both of them dirty, and with the way s8 handled it, i still hold that sentiment-
> 
> BUT JESUS CHRIST I NEVER THOUGHT I SHIP I DON’T SHIP COULD HURT ME IN THIS WAY.
> 
> Did they handle character arcs poorly after promising the world? Yes. Were we told stuff would happen that didn’t? Yes. WAS LANCE SHORTCHANGED? Yes. But god, this show, i love it too much. They messed up. They messed up big-time, but I’m not abandoning the characters for that. SHE-RA AND TDP CAN REDEEM US ALL ANYWAY 
> 
> Flashback to good old season 2’s release date, when i was scrolling through Netflix aimlessly. I saw a show with brightly colored robots and the “NEW EPISODES” banner on the thumbnail and thought, “eh, why not? Everything else I’m watching is on hiatus anyway.” So i clicked, and i watched, and right from the start i fell in love. My favorite character never solidified until s3 (Hunk) and i started shipping Klance a few months after s2 dropped once I saw some fanart online. Voltron is and always will be dear to me.
> 
> Now, i made the mistake of hitting Shuffle on my phone and a certain song came up- “Netflix Trip” by AJR. I thought i was done crying yall i really did but-
> 
> “Now the finale’s done and I’m alone.
> 
> I’m on a Netflix trip here on my phone.
> 
> But who i am is in these episodes-
> 
> So don’t you tell me that it’s just a show”
> 
> See y’all next week, i hope the fluff helps you cope (it helped me)


	20. Spring Break Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Memes and gay fluff, as prescribed by ME

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What’s this???? Early update???? From me?????
> 
> Yep
> 
> I’m traveling again this weekend so I decided to post early rather than late (also my beta offered to read out of the blue- I think they got bored lol)
> 
> Enjoy!

7:23am CUBA- move-I’m-gay to LoverboyLance 

move-I’m-gay: your niece won’t let go of me help

LoverboyLance: what the?? When did you get up?? Where even are you 

move-I’m-gay: i went downstairs like ten minutes ago bc i wanted some coffee and found Rachel, Lisa, and the kids already up so i ended up on the couch watching Ducktales with your niece and nephew but now I’m stuck

LoverboyLance: so just like call out to Rachel or Lisa??

move-I’m-gay: I don’t want to wake Nadia up 

LoverboyLance: oh my god she fell asleep on you?!?!

LoverboyLance: I’m not helping I’m taking pictures-

move-I’m-gay: LANCE I SWEAR

LoverboyLance: lemme guess- she got tired while watching cartoons

LoverboyLance: kid can’t keep her eyes open unless it’s Frozen or Moana lol

move-I’m-gay: yeah and next thing I knew she was stuck to my leg hOW DO I GET HER OFF ME

move-I’m-gay: Rachel’s on the other end of the couch laughing at me

LoverboyLance: she’s just salty about being banished to the kids’ table last night lmao

LoverboyLance: she couldn’t join in on any gossip

move-I’m-gay: which reminds me

move-I’m-gay: did Veronica really trick you into drinking water mixed with dirt orrr

LoverboyLance: THAT WAS A LIE

move-I’m-gay: oh so she did

LoverboyLance: I WAS REALLY LITTLE

move-I’m-gay: mmmmm still 

LoverboyLance: that’s it you can stay there have fun getting Nadia off your leg

move-I’m-gay: WAIT NO

move-I’m-gay: oh my god now Sylvio’s hugging my arm where did this kid even come from

LoverboyLance: come on Keith you’re an adult do I have to have that conversation with you

move-I’m-gay: LANCE

LoverboyLance: kidding, kidding! And yeah he’s a little ninja with a grip of steel you’re not gonna be able to move him

move-I’m-gay: don’t they practically worship you

LoverboyLance: HA yes and I rub it in Luis’ face all the time why

move-I’m-gay: doesn’t that mean they’d listen if you told them to get off

LoverboyLance: lmao NOPE

LoverboyLance: they don’t listen to me they just love me

move-I’m-gay: so basically I’m stuck until everyone gets moving for the day

LoverboyLance: Yep 

move-I’m-gay: pls tell me the rest of your family gets up early

LoverboyLance: Keith,

LoverboyLance: my dear Mullet,

LoverboyLance: no,

LoverboyLance: it’s practically GENETIC to sleep in when you’re a McClain 

move-I’m-gay: Rachel, Lisa, and the kids are up 

LoverboyLance: Lisa isn’t related by blood since she married my brother, Rachel is weird, and the kids are kids they don’t have a concept of time so no you’re stuck until someone decides to help you

move-I’m-gay: you’re up

LoverboyLance: yeah but i was thinking a few more minutes… half an hour…

move-I’m-gay: Lance 

LoverboyLance: then maybe I’ll take a shower 

move-I’m-gay: Lance

LoverboyLance: skin routine, breakfast, say good morning to everyone before i go downstairs

move-I’m-gay: LANCE

LoverboyLance: okay I’ll take a shower and then come downstairs but if my mom starts saying stuff like “what have you done with my son” you’ll know it’s because you forced me into out-of-character activities bc you couldn’t handle being pinned by a couple of children-

move-I’m-gay: fine take your time you drama queen

move-I’m-gay: at least it isn’t Teen Titans Go on the TV

LoverboyLance: as if we would allow that garbage in the house smh

 

7:25am CUBA- BiBro to Ronnie

BiBro: I know you’re downstairs pls take pictures 

Ronnie: what, of Nadia using Keith as a pillow and Sylvio attempting to claim Keith’s arm for himself? Ehhh doesn’t seem to be much to take pictures of 

BiBro: RONNIEEEEEEE

Ronnie: [image sent] [image sent] you act like I wouldn’t have already taken pictures bro

BiBro: AHAHAHA HIS FACE

Ronnie: I know he’s so “What is going on someone pls help” it’s hilarious 

Ronnie: you sure this is the same guy who nearly skewered an administrator with a knife and has literally had to be held back from fights?

BiBro: yep, same guy who realizes when I’m having a bad mental health day/week/month whatever, willingly told his most embarrassing story to make me feel better, and knew I was homesick so found a way to bring home to me and whom i would trust with my life HMMM

Ronnie: are you loopy? You never wake up at this time in the morning so 

BiBro: not loopy just in love

Ronnie: i feel that 

Ronnie: half my time around Romelle is spent like “oH NO she’s hot”

BiBro: so can I just send screenshots of this to a certain British girl with blond hair-

Ronnie: do it and you're dead

BiBro: you two are already dating-

Ronnie: LANCE

BiBro: idk i just think it would be cute-

Ronnie: LANCE YOU’RE DEAD

BiBro: sent

Ronnie: YOU

 

5:26am CO- 7:26am CUBA- Ronnie to Rom-Com

Ronnie: you haven’t gotten any texts from Lance recently have you haha

Rom-Com: darling i think you forgot about the time difference it’s too early here

Rom-Com: but no, why?

Rom-Com: wAIT DID I JUST CALL YOU DARLING

Ronnie: y e p

Rom-Com: it slipped out I’m tired my bad if i flustered you 

Ronnie: i m g o o d

Rom-Com: ...are you sure about that?

Ronnie: t o t a l l y 

 

5:26am CO- Rom-Com to Queen A

Rom-Com: [image sent] i think i broke her

Queen A: oh mood

Rom-Com: unHELPFUL

Queen A: and to think, you still have to wait the rest of the week to see her in person….

Rom-Com: why am i friends with you 

Queen A: must be my shining personality

Rom-Com: it’s for your gf 

Rom-Com: Shay rocks 

Queen A: well I can’t argue with that point can I

 

7:27am CUBA- Ronnie to BiBro

Ronnie: i just checked with her you liar

BiBro: agh I figured you’d remember the time difference and avoid it 

Ronnie: that’s what you get for forgetting I haven’t had time for my coffee to sink in yet

BiBro: fair

Ronnie: so are you gonna get up and see the cuteness in person or

BiBro: shower first

Ronnie: so about 3 hours, got it,

BiBro: you dON’T HAVE TO DO ME LIKE THIS 

Ronnie: but it’s my job as your older sister

BiBro: smh why you do you take your “job” seriously and not like, actual responsibilities 

Ronnie: my GPA is better than yours

BiBro: by HALF A POINT

Ronnie: still

 

5:45am CO- 7:45am CUBA- BigBrotherIsWatchingYou to Kogayne 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: good morning

Kogayne: what are you doing up

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: oh hi Shiro! How nice to hear from you, Shiro! How are you today, Shiro!

Kogayne: Matt woke you up early and you’re taking it out on me aren’t you 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: actually it was Pidge making a racket in the kitchen 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: I think she forgot this isn’t the dorms and Colleen is currently chewing her out 

Kogayne: that’s Pidge all right 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: any idea what your plans are for today?

Kogayne: tbh I’m not sure since Lance is very insistent on surprises but I do know his grandma is coming this afternoon 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: another family member huh

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: you got this

Kogayne: I’m not sure since I distinctly heard Rachel say “oooooohhhhh Abuelita is coming” in very dramatic Spanish behind me when Lance mentioned it 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: dramatic? Sounds like she takes after Lance

Kogayne: actually she’s older

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: then we know where he got it

Kogayne: but other than his grandma coming over idk what we’re doing today and I’m not even sure if I’ll be able to escape to do that 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: what

Kogayne: Lance’s niece and nephew decided that I’m their new pillow and I cAN’T MOVE

Kogayne: Veronica thinks she’s slick but I saw her take pictures

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: you have extremely bad luck with people falling asleep on you this trip huh

Kogayne: you’re laughing at me aren’t you

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: whaaaaaat noooooo

Kogayne: SHIRO

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: well it’s not like I’m showing these texts to Pidge or anything I’m just enjoying this 

 

5:46am CO- 7:46am CUBA- Pidgeon to Knifeboi 

Pidgeon: why in the world is everybody snuggling with you of all people 

Knifeboi: THAT RAT

 

5:47am CO- 7:47am CUBA- Kogayne to BigBrotherIsWatchingYou 

Kogayne: you liar

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: she texted you didn’t she

Kogayne: WHAT DID YOU EXPECT

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: that’s fair

 

6:12am CO/AZ- 8:12am CUBA- SugarSweet to Nobody Here Is Straight

SugarSweet: I’m sure you’ll all be happy to see that the animals are doing just fine [image sent] [image sent] [image sent]

SugarSweet: coming up with an explanation for Socrates was interesting though 

LoverboyLance: THIS IS UNFAIR I WANNA CUDDLE BLUE

SugarSweet: oh my god

CinnamonRoll: awwww look at Kosmo and Blue they’re so cute

WisestMcclain: He’s surprisingly chill with a kitten climbing on him??

Rom-Com: don’t question the cuteness 

WisestMcclain: I wasn’t!!

VodkaAunt: looks like Kosmo is stuck with Blue on his back

VodkaAunt: now who does that remind you of, Keith 

move-I’m-gay: Shiro you’re dead as soon as I get back in the states 

move-I’m-day: DEAD

CinnamonRoll: I’m missing something here

Pidgeotto: I got these pictures from Shiro [image sent] [image sent]

CinnamonRoll: is that Nadia and Sylvio??? OMG

Princess-Alluring: aww they got so big

LoverboyLance: I KNOW IT’S CRAZY 

Pidgeotto: y’all stop ignoring that Keith got pinned by a couple of kids

TheGayUncle: PRECIOUS

TheGayUncle: Lance can pls adopt them

LoverboyLance: absolutely not they’re mine

move-I’m-gay: technically they aren’t since you’re the uncle not the dad

LoverboyLance: WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON

move-I’m-gay: my own

Pidgeotto: SAVAGE

TheGayUncle: we need some ice over here

LoverboyLance: DON’T MAKE ME REGRET HELPING YOU ESCAPE THE COUCH

move-I’m-gay: too late, I’m out, deal with it

TheGayUncle: is Keith still sleep-deprived 

move-I’m-gay: okay wow 

VodkaAunt: guys no fighting 

Pidgeotto: yo I got a question for the chat

Rom-Com: fire away!

Pidgeotto: what’s the weirdest thing you guys ever overheard in school

VodkaAunt: what brought this up?

Pidgeotto: the two dudes walking by me in the quad talking and one guy said “if you were any skinnier, I’d worry about you” to which the other one said “I KNOW I’M BUILT LIKE A STICK STOP RUBBING IT IN”

TheGayUncle: one time a kid in my homeroom brought cookies and walked around saying “cookies! One human soul!”

LoverboyLance: probably the girl in my English class who was talking to the teacher and when the teacher told her that all she had to do was try the girl said “I gave up in the eighth grade ma’am”

VodkaAunt: hold on I’m trying to remember 

move-I’m-gay: well it was a long time ago when you were in high school

VodkaAunt: you’re about to get strangled long-distance 

VodkaAunt: anyways- some kid on the bus seat behind me one time said to his phone “Siri, how does nature work” and to this day I’m not sure if he was kidding

CinnamonRoll: my story’s probably the kid who hit a door by mistake in front of the whole class, prompting this conversation: “how did you hit a DOOR” “accide-“ “he means all doors fight back”

WisestMcclain: there was a guy in my math class talking to his friend and all I overheard was “you’re making me stupider. That’s not a word, I’m just proving my point” 

SugarSweet: somebody in my math class once described the polygon on the board as a “round square” 

Pidgeotto: ...people are so weird 

Princess-Alluring: good lord what kind of schools did you lot go to???

Rom-Com: I was about to ask the same thing 

Pidgeotto: public school

LoverboyLance: yeah that about sums it up

Princess-Alluring: ...Americans

WisestMcclain: my thoughts exactly 

CinnamonRoll: should I be insulted 

Pidgeotto: no they have a point we’re really weird 

Rom-Com: especially about Black Friday

Rom-Com: you spend a whole day saying how thankful you are for what you have and then trample people over a half-off toaster oven????? What?????

Princess-Alluring: plus your version of football

move-I’m-gay: I can’t tell if you mean soccer or actual football

Princess-Alluring: “soccer” is the “actual football” and I will accept nothing else 

SugarSweet: honey it’s soccer here not football

Princess-Alluring: Americans. Honestly 

Rom-Com: I’ll honestly never get over the lack of actual kettles in people’s houses 

CinnamonRoll: Romelle we had this conversation two weeks ago most Americans just microwave tea if we actually want it

Princess-Alluring: Jesus Christ 

VodkaAunt: we’re NOT getting into another Britain-vs-America argument 

VodkaAunt: NOT happening 

TheGayUncle: flashing back to the last incident?

VodkaAunt: more like attempting to erase it from my mind 

VodkaAunt: did you absolutely HAVE to paint yourself flag colors and go rollerblading outside in boxers

TheGayUncle: yes

VodkaAunt: IT’S EARLY SPRING IN COLORADO 

TheGayUncle: it's not like you STOPPED me

Pidgeotto: ...guys I still have that video

CinnamonRoll: Pidge no 

Pidgeotto: Pidge Yes [video attached]

SugarSweet: Jesus Shiro how’d you survive keeping track of these guys up until break

VodkaAunt: erm

VodkaAunt: ….coffee

WisestMcclain: it’s in his username 

VodkaAunt: NO

LoverboyLance: oh Keith, Ronnie, and I gotta go we’re about to

move-I’m-gay: finish that sentence you’ve been tight-lipped about today’s plans for long enough 

LoverboyLance: about to go do the super-secret thing BYE

[LoverboyLance has left the chat]

WisestMcclain: nice save 

[WisestMcclain has left the chat]

move-I’m-gay: wish me luck guys I might need it 

Pidgeotto: whatever it is record everything 

move-I’m-gay: no

[move-I’m-gay has left the chat]

Pidgeotto: that traitor he’s lucky to be on an island far away from me

 

5:23pm CO- 7:23pm CUBA- BigBrotherIsWatchingYou to Kogayne

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: so what’d you end up doing?

Kogayne: that sappy idiot tried to teach me how to surf and he looks so good in swim trunks hELP

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: oh my god

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: wait, “tried”?

Kogayne: i am

Kogayne: i am not a surfer

Kogayne: let’s just say it was an epic wipeout 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: PLEASE tell me someone was recording 

Kogayne: why would i ever let you get access to that? Seriously what’s your logic here 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: so someone WAS recording-

Kogayne: SHIRO NO

 

5:24pm CO/AZ- 7:24pm CUBA- VodkaAunt to Nobody Here Is Straight

VodkaAunt: Lance, Veronica, I’m trusting one of you to have a video of Keith trying to surf

LoverboyLance: like i would betray my boyfriend like that

WisestMcclain: [video attached] [video attached]

LoverboyLance: RONNIE I SWEAR

WisestMcclain: revenge is sweet

LoverboyLance: FOR WH

LoverboyLance: oh this morning 

LoverboyLance: DON’T TAKE IT OUT ON KEITH smh

WisestMcclain: i do what i want

move-I’m-gay: hey friendly reminder: i own a knife

WisestMcclain: did

WisestMcclain: did you get that past airport security 

VodkaAunt: he knows how to hide knives from metal detectors, please don't ask me how that happened bc I honestly don’t know

Rom-Com: why am i not surprised anymore??? I really should be 

SugarSweet: you get used to them

Princess-Alluring: you just have to roll with it

CinnamonRoll: yeah and just remember to pack a camera around us

CinnamonRoll: there’s usually something worth redoing 

TheGayUncle: yeah anyway Keith’s gonna be coughing up salt for like the rest of the WEEK that was truly epic

Pidgeotto: hA your face as you went into the water

move-I’m-gay: Pidge I swear to god

Pidgeotto: anyways Lance what possessed you Keith is like a cat

LoverboyLance: what

Pidgeotto: not a water person 

move-I’m-gay: i am RIGHT HERE 

move-I’m-gay: and i actually had fun so there

LoverboyLance: I KNEW IT WOULD WORK

WisestMcclain: this was my idea

LoverboyLance: it was NOT

move-I’m-gay: “Veronica had this great idea you’re gonna love it we’re going surfing”

LoverboyLance: beTRAYAL

CinnamonRoll: nice touch, V

WisestMcclain: it’s all in the username ;)

LoverboyLance: why are you like this

WisestMcclain: because i can be

 

5:26pm CO- 7:26pm CUBA- BigBrotherIsWatchingYou to Kogayne

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: i forgot to ask if Lance’s grandma showed up yet

Kogayne: oh yep that happened

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: did something go wrong?

Kogayne: no I’m just a little thrown for a loop i guess

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: let’s just start with: what’s she like and doe she seem to like you

Kogayne: she seems sweet

Kogayne: Lance had to translate a lot since she doesn’t really speak English and i don’t trust my Spanish enough for this but i do think she likes me

Kogayne: she did throw her shoe at Luis when he made a dirty joke without realizing she was in earshot though 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: i like this woman

Kogayne: oh my god

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: well if you guys insist on calling me the dad then I’m gonna act like it now continue spilling pls

Kogayne: there’s not really anything else to tell? Dinner’s starting prep pretty soon and i

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: you what?

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: Keith?

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: did your phone get stolen by a small child

Kogayne: no i had to put it down for a sec she was talking to me 

Kogayne: ah Veronica just helped me translate 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: what even was the pint off learning Spanish if you’re just gonna lean on translators?

Kogayne: EVERYONE HERE HAS AN ACCENT THAT I DIDN’T LEARN

Kogayne: do you even want to know what Lance’s grandma said or no

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: spill the tea

Kogayne: 1) never use that phrase again 2) she asked me if i knew how to cook and if I’d help?? 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: this is probably a test 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: say yes

Kogayne: oh i did

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: then go cook!

Kogayne: i would

Kogayne: SOMEONE keeps texting me

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: fine I’ll go bother Matt instead

Kogayne: i feel bad for Matt

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: JUST GO HELP WITH DINNER

Kogayne: WHATEVER TEXT YOU LATER

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: YOU TOO BYE

 

5:55pm CO- 7:55pm CUBA- Ronnie to Rom-Com

Ronnie: hey

Rom-Com: heyyy!

Ronnie: that was the pickup i needed today 

Rom-Com: bad day?

Ronnie: not really just tiring 

Ronnie: beach days are fun but the entire day??? Oof

Rom-Com: aww boo

Rom-Com: hold on

Rom-Com: [image sent]

Ronnie: WHERE DID YOU GET A PUPPY

Ronnie: this is adorable but pls tell me you didn’t join the Illegal Pet Club

Rom-Com: ha no i had some spare time so I visited the Balmeras’ clinic to spend time with everyone else’s illegal pets 

Rom-Com: there were also Golden Retriever puppies

Rom-Com: so naturally, i took selfies

Ronnie: normally I’d say you’re the cutest one there but Golden Retrievers 

Rom-Com: no that’s fair lol

Rom-Com: so you feel a little better?

Ronnie: yep!

Ronnie: ...kinda

Rom-Com: you can tell me

Ronnie: I’m happy for Lance, duh, he finally got himself a man and stopped pining at me over not being with Keith and now he’s obviously happy 

Ronnie: but now i miss you

Rom-Com: sTOP MAKING ME CRY IN TARGET

Ronnie: why are you in Target

Rom-Com: at this point I’m no longer sure

Rom-Com: bUT I MISS YOU TOO

Ronnie: ...do you have any more puppy selfies 

Rom-Com: do you take me for a fool [image sent] [image sent]

Ronnie: aww thanks 

Rom-Com: did you take any beach selfies? ;)

Ronnie: [image sent] [image sent] 

Rom-Com: you look so cute!!

Ronnie: awwwww thanks 

Rom-Com: oof checkout line’s coming up i got to go

Ronnie: i have to make sure nothing blows up in the kitchen anyway 

Rom-Com: what

Ronnie: Abuelita decided to test Keith and invited him to help cook 

Ronnie: idk if he learned how to cook from Shiro or not but if he did then there should be someone with a fire extinguisher handy

Rom-Com: oh my

Rom-Com: well good luck then lol

Rom-Com: bye!! <3<3<3

Ronnie: <3<3<3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All the stuff overheard in school is stuff I have actually overheard- high school is wild y’all 
> 
> See you whenever the frick I can get the next chapter out lmao
> 
> (Hint: Abuelita is here but there’s more coming.....)
> 
> Kudos and comments, as always, are greatly appreciated!
> 
>  
> 
> Oh, and there is now art for this fic made by @Jadapeng1425 if y’all want to check it out the link’s right here:  
> https://eclipxez-tumbleweed.tumblr.com/post/181286872611/how-many-questions-again-by


	21. Spring Break: Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some more gay antics bc i said so AND some new characters!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This... this is rlly short isn’t it
> 
> My bad yall 
> 
> It’s the hiatus between Christmas and New Years so time is a meaningless construct made by man hA i don’t even know what day it is anymore and i dONT CARE
> 
> I hope everyone reading had a great holiday season and survived 2018 okay! Let’s go into 2019 with... not optimism at this point, but like, a will to live lmao
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> Oh and for whatever reason Rizavi and Lance’s niece have the same official first name (nice one, Dreamworks) so Rizavi’s just gonna go by her surname in this as much as possible

7:23am AZ/CO- 9:23am CUBA- TheGayUncle to Nobody Here Is Straight 

TheGayUncle: I sneezed so hard my glasses fell off

TheGayUncle: how’s everybody else doing on this fine day

LoverboyLance: mmm qué dices

TheGayUncle: Lance I don’t speak Spa

TheGayUncle: WAIT IS THAT THE SPANISH VERSION OF MMM WHATCHA SAY

LoverboyLance: yup

VodkaAunt: one normal conversation on this chat

VodkaAunt: just one

VodkaAunt: that’s ALL I ASK

WisestMcclain: you ask but you shall not receive 

Pidgeotto: normal conversation?? Not in this house

CinnamonRoll: speaking of houses, is Shiro still at Matt and Pidge’s place orrr

VodkaAunt: uh

TheGayUncle: ...yeah he’s still here why

CinnamonRoll: you two are hopeless

SugarSweet: at this point he might as well just hang around all spring break

Pidgeotto: i think he’s gonna

VodkaAunt: it’s not my fault Sam keeps asking me to stay for dinner! 

TheGayUncle: and then Mom shouts “WOULD YOU LIKE TO STAY FOREVER” from wherever she happens to be 

LoverboyLance: welp nobody can argue with a Mulan reference

Rom-Com: what’s everybody doing today?

WisestMcclain: sightseeing since Keith doesn’t live here

LoverboyLance: YO MULLET I GET TO SHOW YOU MY FAVORITE PLACES

move-I’m-gay: I’m not sure if I should be apprehensive or not

LoverboyLance: uhhhh NOT this is gonna be great 

Pidgeotto: Mario Party marathon suckers

TheGayUncle: smart money’s on me

SugarSweet: is it though

Princess-Alluring: that sounds fun I wish I was in town

Princess-Alluring: Shay and I are doing a spa date <3

CinnamonRoll: awwww

Pidgeotto: right in front of my salad

SugarSweet: stop being salty 

Pidgeotto: I can’t it’s part of me

CinnamonRoll: I don’t really have plans today 

CinnamonRoll: it’s a chill day

Rom-Com: same 

VodkaAunt: I want a chill day

TheGayUncle: then let’s do a chill day

Pidgeotto: what happened to Mario Party you TRAITOR

VodkaAunt: you know what i think I’ll just destroy both of you

LoverboyLance: sounds therapeutic 

Pidgeotto: YOU CAN TRY 

TheGayUncle: EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF

Pidgeotto: I AM NO MAN

move-I’m-gay: somebody’s gonna have to record this

move-I’m-gay: my money’s on Pidge 

Pidgeotto: i knew you cared

LoverboyLance: oh we gotta go guys 

[LoverboyLance had left the chat] 

move-I’m-gay: bye

[move-I’m-gay has left the chat]

WisestMcclain: Pidge, try not to murder Matt and Shiro

Pidgeotto: no promises whatsoever 

WisestMcclain: worth a shot. Bye guys!

[WisestMcclain has left the chat]

 

7:32am CO- 9:32am CUBA- BigBrotherIsWatchingYou to Kogayne 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: oh I forgot to ask how cooking dinner with Lance’s grandma last night went

Kogayne: I think it went well

Kogayne: I’ve been ordered to call her Abuelita now so

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: do you mean allowed?

Kogayne: no it was definitely an order 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: oh that’s very good

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: and you were worried they wouldn’t like you hmmmm

Kogayne: oh my god shut up

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: no

Kogayne: sHIRO

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: nO

Kogayne: go lose to Matt and Pidge already

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: oh please I’m not gonna lose

Kogayne: yeah whatever I gotta go

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: mmhmm

 

7:33am CO- 9:33am CUBA- KnifeBoi to Pidgeon

KnifeBoi: hey 

Pidgeon: sup

KnifeBoi: i need you to destroy Shiro at Mario Party

KnifeBoi: no mercy

Pidgeon: oh absolutely 

 

11:22am CUBA- BiBro to Ronnie

BiBro: hcfhjdhjdhds

Ronnie: why are you texting me we are in the sAME CAR

BiBro: bc Keith’s also in here

Ronnie: oh so this is about him

BiBro: him and his SKETCHBOOK

Ronnie: what?

BiBro: I peeked over his shoulder bc i was curious and he was drawing mE and it was AWESOME

BiBro: SINCE WHEN IS HE THAT GOOD AT ART LIKE

BiBro: ?!?!!?!?

BiBro: HE’S GIVING ME A HEART ATTACK

BiBro: PUT IT ON MY GRAVESTONE, “killed by boyfriend being adorable”

Ronnie: your gravestone will probably say “his last words were ‘my bad’”

Ronnie: or “death by la chancla”

BiBro: we don’t talk about la chancla 

Ronnie: does Keith even know you saw his art?

BiBro: ...no 

Ronnie: Lance!

BiBro: WHAT

BiBro: IM TOO BUSY HAVING A HEART ATTACK TO TELL HIM

BiBro: besides i figure he’d get embarrassed 

BiBro: he’s cute like that

Ronnie: stop pining at me before i show these texts to Keith

BiBro: OKAY BYE SHUTTING UP NOW

 

9:23am CO- 11:23am Cuba- LoverboyLance to Shirogayne

LoverboyLance: hi yes why didn’t you tELL ME THAT KEITH CAN DRAW

Shirogayne: Keith can draw???

LoverboyLance: Jesus Christ how did you not know this

Shirogayne: he’s really secretive when he wants to be

Shirogayne: now if you’ll excuse me Matt and Pidge are teaming up against me for NO REASON so i gotta focus 

LoverboyLance: SHIRO IM HAVING A CRISIS [message could not be sent]

LoverboyLance: your dad status has oFFICIALLY been revoked for this [message could not be sent]

 

10:45am- Leif-Me-Alone to Mother(flippin) Enchiladas

Leif-Me-Alone: Has anyone seen my notebook?

Leif-Me-Alone: Oh I think someone changed the chat name again

Leif-Me-Alone: and apparently, our usernames as well

FearTheGriffin: RIZAVI NOT AGAIN

KINKade: stop complaining at least you got a cool username i got the short end of the stick

KINKade: and you know she’s just gonna change it back if I try to put in anything else

FearTheGriffin: you have a point but I’m still annoyed wHERE IS SHE

Leif-Me-Alone: either Nadia isn’t online or she’s purposefully ignoring us. There really aren’t any other options

KINKade: I get the feeling it’s that second one

Leif-Me-Alone: Have you seen her recently? I know she left to go “run some errands” earlier so you two may have crossed paths while at the store 

KINKade: haven’t seen her 

FearTheGriffin: I’m going looking see you guys later 

Leif-Me-Alone: you can’t see us this is a text conversation

FearTheGriffin: it’s an EXPRESSION, Ina

[FearTheGriffin has left the chat]

Leif-Me-Alone: sarcasm is hard to detect over text so i really can’t be blamed here

KINKade: he’s just annoyed, Leif

JazziRizavi: hA he’s gone i can emerge now

KINKade: Nadia please let me change my username

JazziRizavi: ABSOLUTELY NOT IT TOOK ME WAY TOO LONG TO COME UP WITH THAT ONE

Leif-Me-Alone: judging by your sense of humor and general personality it really should have taken you a matter of minutes 

JazziRizavi: it fits

KINKade: i do not need a bad pun for a username

JazziRizavi: we all need bad puns your name is just wayyyyy easier to use

JazziRizavi: oh and i need a hand 

JazziRizavi: who’s that British “friend” of Veronica’s again

KINKade: i don’t know Veronica that well she’s really your friend 

Leif-Me-Alone: Romelle Summers or Allura Altea

JazziRizavi: the one she’s pretty obviously in love with lmao

Leif-Me-Alone: um

JazziRizavi: ROMELLE

KINKade: why are you asking?

JazziRizavi: oh i ran into her earlier today and we ended up hanging out for a while at the mall she’s really cool

KINKade: Veronica’s back in Cuba for the break right 

JazziRizavi: yep, her, her brother, and her brother’s bf 

JazziRizavi: the gay energy in my car was off the cHARTS

Leif-Me-Alone: isn’t her brother’s name Lance?

JazziRizavi: ya why

Leif-Me-Alone: that would mean he’s dating Keith Kogane

KINKade: how do you know this

Leif-Me-Alone: I spend a lot of time of social media but that isn’t my point

JazziRizavi: k…?

Leif-Me-Alone: James and his old grudge

JazziRizavi: CRAP IS THAT THE SAME KEITH

KINKade: seriously?? I thought that guy moved away or something, what are the chances?

JazziRizavi: dude trusting James’ version of the story is probably a bad idea without more background 

KINKade: you have a point

Leif-Me-Alone: I’m just surprised they haven’t started something already since we’re more than halfway through the year

JazziRizavi: tru but they’re probably avoiding each other

KINKade: i don’t like when people hold grudges for literal years

KINKade: there’s no point 

JazziRizavi: oooOOOHHH I HAVE AN IDEA

Leif-Me-Alone: should i be apprehensive of this idea?

KINKade: judging by her track record, yes

JazziRizavi: NO NO NO IT’S A GOOD IDEA I SWEAR

JazziRizavi: we’re FIXING THE FEUD

KINKade: Nadia is that really a good idea

Leif-Me-Alone: it might actually work. We would just need more information to pull it off, really

JazziRizavi: RYAN YOU’RE OUTVOTED

KINKade: Jesus Christ 

KINKade: fine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep. Short. It’ll be longer next time around (everyone’s coming back from break perhaps?? Gay reunion of Romelle and Veronica?? Read to find out lmao) 
> 
> In case anybody’s wondering, Kinkade’s username is an homage to my beta, everybody thank them for that terrible/brilliant pun
> 
> I’m honestly just tired of this flippin year i mean we had an OLYMPICS back in the beginning and nobody remembers it. That whole Tide Pod ridiculousness happened in JANUARY. Plus this year kinda killed off people left and right. That’s how long 2018 has been and I’m ready for this year to be over dear god
> 
> I’M COUNTING ON THE BISEXUALS TO SAVE US ALL IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORD TWENTY-BI-TEEN GOT IT
> 
> SEE YALL NEXT CHAPTER AND NEXT YEAR


	22. Homecoming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the title says with some added gay and sleep deprivation aHA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote roughly half of this while in pain (nothing serious it’s ok i swear) so if it’s a tad incoherent my bad yall 
> 
> Enjoy!

5:30am AZ-7:30am CUBA- LoverboyLance to Hunky 

LoverboyLance: how do you get out of a chokehold

Hunky: i was gonna ignore this because it’s early but EXCUSE ME

LoverboyLance: you read that text now give me advice 

Hunky: I NEED MORE OF AN EXPLANATION

LoverboyLance: Keith sleeps like a log

LoverboyLance: a log with a grip of STEEL

Hunky: wh

Hunky: are you telling me you’re stuck because you refuse to wake up your boyfriend??? Lance this is both adorable and ridiculous 

LoverboyLance: this isn’t funny my right arm is practically dead bc it’s stuck under me and Keith’s stuck to my back like a very cuddly koala

Hunky: awwww

LoverboyLance: HUNK

Hunky: AWWWWW

LoverboyLance: IS THIS BECAUSE I WOKE YOU UP EARLY 

Hunky: oh absolutely 

LoverboyLance: I guess I deserve that 

Hunky: the easiest way would be to just wake him up and deal with it

LoverboyLance: noooooo I can’t do that 

Hunky: why not

LoverboyLance: bc if I wake Keith up when he’s sleeping he’ll either get mad at me, which sucks, or he’ll give me the big sad puppy dog eyes and I won’t be able to get up and go eat breakfast or do anYTHING

Hunky: ~somebody’s whipped~

LoverboyLance: I AM NOT

Hunky: I invite you to read the previous text about why you don’t want to get up HMMMM

LoverboyLance: ...yeah okay but I’m still stuck

Hunky: RIP Lance Mcclain 

Hunky: he will be remembered

LoverboyLance: didn’t you take wrestling in your sophomore year

LoverboyLance: you should know how to get out of holds

Hunky: just wake him up and deal with it

LoverboyLance: blegh

Hunky: fine stay there you won’t have to come back to college

LoverboyLance: man I wish i could stay here longer 

LoverboyLance: what happened to break?? There’s two days left and that’s not counting the whole DAY it’s gonna take to fly back to Colorado (I’m gonna pass out at the end of that btw so be ready to catch me)

Hunky: i got ya buddy

Hunky: but hey at least you got almost the whole break with your family right? And now we’re that much closer to Infinity War

LoverboyLance: bro that’s not comforting I’m SO scared for that movie

Hunky: ...me too

Hunky: that sounded more comforting in my head tbh

LoverboyLance: oy

Hunky: have you at least had a good time?

LoverboyLance: I’ve had a GREAT time are you kidding

LoverboyLance: THAT’S WHY I DON’T WANNA LEAVE 

Hunky: awww Lance 

LoverboyLance: but ya know college and junk

LoverboyLance: that’s kinda important

Hunky: “kinda”

LoverboyLance: besides, it’s gonna be awesome to see Veronica reunite with Romelle lmao

LoverboyLance: she tries to hide it but she’s pINING hard

Hunky: you can say literally nothing about pining you disaster bi i have screenshots

LoverboyLance: beTRAYAL from my BEST FRIEND

Hunky: don’t even try it you know you’re a disaster

LoverboyLance: nO

Hunky: the first step is admitting you have a problem you know

LoverboyLance: I REFUSE

Hunky: of course you do 

LoverboyLance: we’re gonna drive Shiro’s blood pressure through the roof once break is over lmao

Hunky: I’m pretty sure he’s either immune to your antics at this point or he just recovers quickly he’ll be fine

LoverboyLance: MY antics?!!? BOI DON’T ACT LIKE YOU’RE COMPLETELY INNOCENT

Hunky: what have i ever done??

LoverboyLance: *ahem* OWL

Hunky: oh yeah i was part of that

LoverboyLance: MMMHHMMM

LoverboyLance: granted you could barely keep that a secret for a five minutes after pressed so

Hunky: I’m the good child deal with it

LoverboyLance: if anyone’s the good child it’s Kosmo

Hunky: didn’t he wreck a bunch of Christmas decorations

LoverboyLance: then it’s Blue

Hunky: …

Hunky: you know what you’re right Blue has done nothing wrong

LoverboyLance: bet you’re JEALOUS 

Hunky: OH THAT REMINDS ME 

LoverboyLance: WHAT

Hunky: mmmkay so i blocked your number the other night since Veronica texted me saying you were fanboying hard to anyone who would listen over Keith’s art and I was too tired for that

LoverboyLance: exCUSE ME

Hunky: ya anyway so my mom legit found a stray dog on the streets, took him to the vet, found out he had no owner, and now we’ve legally adopted him

LoverboyLance: HHHHHHH

Hunky: meet Bowser the bulldog [image sent]

LoverboyLance: IM COMING TO YOUR HOUSE TO PET YOUR DOG

Hunky: THAT’S FAIR HE’S VERY CUDDLY

LoverboyLance: AAAAAAAA

Hunky: but i gotta leave him and i think he knows since he keeps curling up in my suitcase [image sent]

LoverboyLance: dON’T DO THIS TO ME

Hunky: deal with it [image sent] [image sent]

LoverboyLance: HA KEITH FINALLY MOVED I’M GETTIN BREAKFAST SEE YOU LATER DUDE

Hunky: SEE YA

 

6:55am CO- 8:55am CUBA- Pidgeon to KnifeBoi

Pidgeon: i heard you kept your bf captive this morning 

KnifeBoi: what

Pidgeon: Lance texted Hunk, who texted ME 

KnifeBoi: oh he’s gonna get it as soon as I see him

Pidgeon: Lance or Hunk?

KnifeBoi: yes

Pidgeon: lmao

Pidgeon: oh man that’s right you’re coming back in like two days

Pidgeon: I’m sad that break’s over soon but I’m also glad to gET SHIRO OUT OF MY HOUSE

KnifeBoi: what, did he try to cook?

Pidgeon: HA no my mom banned him from the kitchen

KnifeBoi: good

Pidgeon: he and Matt are just being ridiculously mushy and DRIVING ME INSANE

Pidgeon: i swear to god i can't go anywhere in my own home without SOMETHING happening

KnifeBoi: ...what exactly happened

Pidgeon: geez get your head out of the gutter

KnifeBoi: look who’s talking!

Pidgeon: nah they just keep cuddling?? Everywhere?? IT’S ANNOYING

KnifeBoi: don’t act like you’re not taking pictures for the blackmail folder

Pidgeon: ah, the blackmail folder

Pidgeon: it needs more storage

KnifeBoi: great, I’m gonna be in range of that again

Pidgeon: but you’re my partner in crime

KnifeBoi: i thought that was Hunk?

Pidgeon: he’s my machines partner in crime

KnifeBoi: alright I KNOW that’s Matt you liar

Pidgeon: no no Lance and Hunk are both who i go to for general shenanigans, sometimes Matt, and Matt and Hunk are who I hang out with when building sentient robots, you’re my cryptids partner in crime, and Allura’s the surprisingly vindictive one so if i need creative revenge ideas she’s my girl

Pidgeon: everyone else in the squad varies

KnifeBoi: are you telling me that you sort your friends into groups of different interests

Pidgeon: you don’t?

KnifeBoi: oh my god

Pidgeon: IT MAKES FOR BETTER MENTAL ORGANIZATION

Pidgeon: besides I hang out with everyone for a lot of reasons but what I just listed is how I organize who would be interested in doing what

KnifeBoi: that’s

KnifeBoi: wait I think I actually see your point here

Pidgeon: never doubt my genius 

KnifeBoi: yeah sure

KnifeBoi: oh i gotta go Sylvio wants to play cards

Pidgeon: with you???

Pidgeon: like, specifically???

Pidgeon: what

KnifeBoi: he calls me “Tio Keef” there’s no stopping this kid

Pidgeon: WHAT 

Pidgeon: KEITH DID YOU ACTUALLY GET A KID TO LIKE YOU

Pidgeon: WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MY EMO BUDDY [message could not be sent]

Pidgeon: oh my god [message could not be sent]

 

1:23pm CO/AZ- 3:23pm CUBA- TheGayUncle to Nobody Here Is Straight 

TheGayUncle: question: who here has a plan for the apocalypse and if so, spill it

VodkaAunt: Matt what even

TheGayUncle: you heard me

Princess-Alluring: what kind of apocalypse are we talking here? Zombies? Ultron? Plague? I need specifics

TheGayUncle: ZOMBIES

Pidgeotto: alright first i grab every piece of denim clothing i can get my hands on plus duct tape, suit up, then find the nearest farm, steal a harvester and food, and go find a high-tech lab and make a cure OR a bioweapon I’m not fussy

CinnamonRoll: the speed at which you came up with that was TERRIFYING Pidge

Pidgeotto: who says I came up with it on the spot?

LoverboyLance: why a harvester

Pidgeotto: have you SEEN those things? Any zombie in my way would be mowed down in 2 seconds 

Pidgeotto: [image sent] voila

TheGayUncle: no that’s actually a great plan can i piggyback

Pidgeotto: absolutely not you’re all on your own

Pidgeotto: THE PIDGEON REIGNS SUPREME

CinnamonRoll: :O

Pidgeotto: fine I’ll bring Hunk but only because he can cook

CinnamonRoll: I’ll take that as a compliment but i actually have my own plan 

WisestMcclain: why am I not surprised 

CinnamonRoll: go to Antarctica 

WisestMcclain: now I’m surprised

Rom-Com: Antarctica???? Why on Earth would you do that

CinnamonRoll: no no see I could get my hands on some big fluffy huskies, live in a greenhouse-type setup, and rely on the local wildlife to drive off any zombies who actually did manage to get there

SugarSweet: Okay I understand that

SugarSweet: i don’t see a rotting corpse standing up to a elephant seal successfully 

CinnamonRoll: YOU SEE??

LoverboyLance: mine’s easy 

LoverboyLance: stick with Keith

LoverboyLance: we can roam the country together as rogues, get some horses maybe

move-I’m-gay: Lance oh my god

LoverboyLance: what????

move-I’m-gay:.... nah I can actually get behind that

Pidgeotto: i can see Keith surviving just fine but not Lance

move-I’m-gay: HEY

LoverboyLance: I’ll have you know I’m a great marksman!

Rom-Com: you are?

Princess-Alluring: he’s actually not lying 

WisestMcclain: yeah no Lance can shoot like nobody’s business

WisestMcclain: only person who hits dead center on a target more is ME

LoverboyLance: LIES 

WisestMcclain: YOU KNOW THE TRUTH

LoverboyLance: LIES AND SLANDER

WisestMcclain: anyways if i was in the zombie apocalypse I’d probably just gather all the food I could carry, a melee weapon, and then run

Rom-Com: i got one

Rom-Com: for starters I would make sure I had a bow and arrows or a gun, then I would take stock of food and water that I have with me already. If the cellular data is still up I’d send a mass text and make sure my friends are ok. If i happened to be in a house I’d probably stay there and board up all the windows and possibly doors. I’d grab some walkie talkies I have in my room and possibly see if anyone else is still out there or nearby. Oh and I’d see what kind of first aid stuff we have. And medicine

WisestMcclain: someone’s prepared

Rom-Com: i may or may not have had about 95% of that already written down on my phone

WisestMcclain: yeah guys I’m changing my plan now I’m sticking to Romelle

CinnamonRoll: of course you are

SugarSweet: save the animals with me first lol

SugarSweet: Besides, part of vet training is “not getting bitten by patients” so I think I’d be an excellent medic if someone needed it

Princess-Alluring: I’m with Shay 

SugarSweet: no duh

TheGayUncle: catch me in my own personal bunker with a delivery service 

Pidgeotto: I think Shiro’s the only one here without some type of plan in the chat

VodkaAunt: just die tbh

VodkaAunt: there’s no real point in lengthening your own life if the surest way you die is joining the zombies so why not just make sure they won’t get you alive OR dead and

VodkaAunt: uh

VodkaAunt: ..I’m having a hard time phrasing this in a way that doesn’t sound REALLY wrong

move-I’m-gay: no I get it

Pidgeotto: actually that does make sense if you like, cremate yourself then you def won’t add to their ranks

LoverboyLance: YOU GUYS WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL

Rom-Com: I SECOND LANCE’S SENTIMENT

WisestMcclain: Lance who exactly did you make friends with

LoverboyLance: idek anymore

Pidgeotto: oh stop being dramatic it makes SENSE

TheGayUncle: Pidge, Shiro, I’m both impressed and terrified

Pidgeotto: does this mean you’ll stop snuggling with Shiro every chance you get 

TheGayUncle: um?? Absolutely not??

VodkaAunt: Pidge

Pidgeotto: I CAN’T HANDLE THE MUSHINESS FOR MUCH LONGER GUYS 

VodkaAunt: if it’s really making you uncomfortable we’ll hold off until everyone’s back in the dorms

VodkaAunt: right, Matt?

TheGayUncle: ...fine

TheGayUncle: only for my lil sis

Pidgeotto: stop

TheGayUncle: mY FAVORITE BABY SISTER

Pidgeotto: oh my gOD

TheGayUncle: SWEET LIL PIDGEY

Pidgeotto: do you want me to get the water guns? I WILL GET THE WATER GUNS

CinnamonRoll: i wish i was back already this sounds too good to miss

LoverboyLance: me too bro

move-I’m-gay: let’s just hope nothing goes wrong with the flight 

move-I’m-gay: we’re not leaving at an ungodly hour again right?

WisestMcclain: nah just around 4:30

move-I’m-gay: ...good i guess

LoverboyLance: OH COME ONNN THAT’S STILL TOO EARLYYYYY

CinnamonRoll: it’s better than one in the morning isn’t it

LoverboyLance: not by MUCH

Pidgeotto: welp at least I’m not the guy who has to deal with Tired Lance in person 

move-I’m-gay: that would be me and i am NOT being used as a pillow again 

LoverboyLance: pot, meet kettle

VodkaAunt: yeah ok unless everyone who needs to pack has packed we should stop this conversation

WisestMcclain: I’m gonna go now for completely unrelated reasons to what Shiro just said BYE

[WisestMcclain has left the chat]

LoverboyLance: uhhhhhhh same

[LoverboyLance has left the chat]

[CinnamonRoll has left the chat]

[move-I’m-gay has left the chat]

TheGayUncle: Jesus they cleared out fast

VodkaAunt: that worked better than expected actually 

Pidgeotto: nice 

 

2:28pm- Rizavi to Chat for Repairing Kogane-Griffin Feud

Rizavi: Ina you’re my bestie and all but can i pLEASE change the chat name

Leifsdottir: no

Kinkade: yeah, no, you’d end up changing usernames as well and that’s a bad plan for my sanity

Rizavi: you guys are no FUN

Leifsdottir: this chat isn’t FOR fun. It’s for trying to “fix the feud”, as you said, without James

Kinkade: speaking of, we should probably make a plan

Rizavi: FINE but I’m gonna change these eventually

Kinkade: we’ve officially been warned

Rizavi: alright so probs gonna need a better source than James for what actually happened

Rizavi: i mean

Rizavi: it’s James

Leifsdottir: it’s illogical for Kogane to have punched him right out of the blue as James insists

Rizavi: yes but I wanna know what the real reason was 

Kinkade: right but it’s not like we can keep pressing James or he’ll get all grumpy like he always does

Rizavi: well then we need to ask Keith straight up but I’m pretty sure nobody here has his number 

Leifsdottir: why would he even talk to us?

Kinkade: so we add some other people and try to piece it together 

Rizavi: like Veronica?

Kinkade: yeah this is gonna end well

Rizavi: don’t bring out your sarcasm right now Ryan I’m trying to add a number

[Rizavi added Ra-Ra Mcclain to the chat]

Kinkade: i knew you were a little crazy with usernames but this is a whole new level 

Rizavi: she likes it!!

Ra-Ra Mcclain: it’s an inside joke now what is going on

Ra-Ra Mcclain: who are the other two people in here and what feud?

Leifsdottir: my name is Ina and the other guy is Ryan

Leifsdottir: as for the feud, it’s our friend James Griffin vs. your brother’s boyfriend 

Ra-Ra Mcclain: I KNEW KEITH WAS BEING SUSPICIOUSLY TOUCHY ABOUT JAMES

Kinkade: James’ story is Keith punched him out of nowhere in

Kinkade: someone help me was it middle school

Leifsdottir: freshman year of high school

Kinkade: That was it- they fought, got suspended, it was a big thing 

Rizavi: we’re pretty sure that’s not the full story tho

Ra-Ra Mcclain: …

Ra-Ra Mcclain: this is a lot right now I’m tired

Rizavi: oh yeah you’re on your way back from Cuba, right? Good thing we caught you off airplane mode lmao

Ra-Ra Mcclain: actually no we leave early tomorrow I’m tired bc I JUST got back from herding my niece and nephew 

Ra-Ra Mcclain: … and i still have to pack

Ra-Ra Mcclain: ANYWAYS, Keith doesn’t strike me as the type of guy who starts something without a reason, even before he mellowed out

Rizavi: well none of us know him so good to know 

Kinkade: could you ask him directly?

Ra-Ra Mcclain: guy carries a knife wherever he goes I’m not asking about a touchy subject out of the blue

Kinkade: he what

Ra-Ra Mcclain: that’s just Keith you get used to it

Ra-Ra Mcclain: i swear he’s actually sweet once he warms up to someone

Rizavi: chillax I figured that :P

Rizavi: you’d never let an actually dangerous person date Lance

Ra-Ra Mcclain: exactly

Ra-Ra Mcclain: I actually gotta go since my mom’s calling but I’d be happy to help you guys out with this

Kinkade: thanks 

 

4:15am CO-6:15am CUBA- Kogayne to BigBrotherIsWatchingYou 

Kogayne: yeah just so you know you don’t have to pick us up at 9:50 like we planned our plane’s delayed

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: Keith. TIME DIFFERENCE

Kogayne: i didn’t think it would wake you up!

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: nah it’s fine I’m awake now you can talk to me while you wait

Kogayne: yeah that’s gonna be about an hour

Kogayne: at best 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: Jesus

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: what caused the delay? Do you know?

Kogayne: idk all the announcement said was “inclement weather” so probably a storm

Kogayne: should be fine but we’ll be stuck in this airport a while

Kogayne: Lance is basically a zombie so we’re gonna get coffee

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: keep me posted but for the love of god make sure you check Colorado time 

Kogayne: again, I didn’t think I’d wake you up!

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: yeah, yeah

 

6:03am CO-8:03am CUBA- Kogayne to BigBrotherIsWatchingYou 

Kogayne: Hour 3 in this stupid airport and they’re just NOW boarding people we’re gonna be awhile

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: isn’t it a 5 ½ hour flight 

Kogayne: unfortunately, yes

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: geez good luck

Kogayne: we’re gonna need it

 

6:24am CO-8:03am CUBA- Kogayne to BigBrotherIsWatchingYou

Kogayne: WE’RE STUCK ON THE FREAKING TARMAC 

Kogayne: it would have been faster to take a boat across the Gulf of Mexico and hitchhike to Colorado at this point 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: Jesus Christ 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: Pidge is stuck between laughing at you and being sympathetic for you

Kogayne: hooray 

Kogayne: THE PILOT FINALLY SAID WE’RE TAKING OFF THANK GOD I’ll text once we land

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: good luck getting there

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: THIS IS PIDGE GOOD LUCK IN THE SKIES MCEMO

Kogayne: I’m switching to airplane mode

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: sorry she jumped me and stole my phone [message could not be sent]

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: good luck again i guess [message could not be sent]

 

 

11:36am- Kogayne to BigBrotherIsWatchingYou 

Kogayne: we landed but we got stuck on the tarmac AGAIN

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: planes hate you it’s official 

Kogayne: Lance insists it’s a sign that we never should have left

Kogayne: I’m about 90% he’s straight up delirious since nobody could sleep on the flight

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: why not?

Kogayne: crying children whose parents apparently don’t give a crap 

Kogayne: I haven’t been this tired in a long time

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: well we’re almost at the airport 

Kogayne: “we”? Are you texting and driving

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: oh my bad this is Pidge

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: Shiro’s driving and i tagged along for messaging purposes 

Kogayne: good to know

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: aHA i see the airport 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: you still on the tarmac?

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: Keith

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: where’d you go

Kogayne: sorry I had to get off the plane

Kogayne: we’re going to baggage claim now

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: cool see you outside it

 

12:15pm- Ronnie to Rom-Com

Ronnie: I’m baaaaack and about to die how’s it going 

Rom-Com: I heard from Pidge that you guys had a lot of plane trouble, you alright?

Ronnie: I repeat 

Ronnie: I’m about to DIE

Rom-Com: aw honey

Ronnie: but hey I get to see you tomorrow so that’s nice

Rom-Com: :DDD

Ronnie: :’DDD

Rom-Com: is that a crying grinning face

Ronnie: no that’s the tired lines under my eyes

Ronnie: god I’m so exhausted 

Ronnie: I tried downing a large coffee and a cinnamon roll but now I think I’m just crashing 

Rom-Com: i can guarantee you’ll feel better once you get ba

Rom-Com: wait you’re crashing at the Holts’ for the night, right?

Ronnie: can’t go back to the dorms yet so yeah

Rom-Com: good, good 

Ronnie: wait a minute

Rom-Com: what? :))))

Ronnie: are you planning something 

Rom-Com: of course not :)) What makes you say that :)))

Ronnie: oh god

Rom-Com: just try to sleep in the car and you’ll find out ;))

Ronnie: now THAT sounds like a plan

 

1:30pm- LoverboyLance to Hunky

LoverboyLance: [video attached] DUDE ROMELLE SURPRISED VERONICA BY SHOWING UP AT PIDGE’S A WHOLE DAY EARLY AND RONNIE WAS SO SHOCKED SHE TACKLED HER OWN GF OH MY GOD

Hunky: AWESOME

Hunky: i hope those bushes they crashed into didn’t have any bugs tho

LoverboyLance: they’re fine I’m just glad Pidge warned me beforehand so I could record lmao

Hunky: you and Keith doing alright?

LoverboyLance: I’m about to pass out like for real and he’s practically snarling at anyone who gets too close so idk but I’LL SURVIVE

Hunky: yeah you’re not ok

LoverboyLance: i need SLEEP

Hunky: yeah go get some sleep Jesus

Hunky: and before you ask, I’m not infringing on the Holts’ hospitality like you heathens Shay said they had a spare bedroom and Allura was already staying there so

LoverboyLance: slep

LoverboyLance: sloop

Hunky: take your time

LoverboyLance: goodnight

Hunky: it’s literally early afternoon

LoverboyLance: goodNIGHT

Hunky: ..yeah go take a nap bro

Hunky: see you tomorrow!

LoverboyLance: bYe

Hunky: Christ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANNOUNCEMENT- if anyone reads the updated tags, which i doubt bc who does that, you’ll notice I’ve changed a ship to Hunk/Kinkade (Ryunk? Help me) just bc I thought it would fit better and it was too cute and pure of a ship to pass up tbh
> 
> And, note, the zombie apocalypse planning thing was me texting as many friends as i thought would answer and writing down what they said. Matt’s plan belonged to my beta. Idek what kind of friends i have anymore but two of those plans were mine so see if you can guess which lmao
> 
> As always, comments and kudos make my day and see y’all next week! Oh, and happy new year!
> 
> PS i have legit no idea how college works in real life don’t @ me about that stuff in the comments but for now let’s just say that they have to be back on campus fairly early in the morning so they all did their best get back the day before and since they’re all broke they’re staying with friends


	23. Let the Gaymes Begin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Got some uhhh excessive memes, lil bit of drama, and another cat because i said so

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *title is a botched version of “Let the Games Begin” by AJR bc i was listening to it while posting this*
> 
> Enjoy!

8:02am- Princess-Alluring to Nobody Here Is Straight

Princess-Alluring: right so I have somewhat of a layout for the next few weeks in case anyone’s interested in getting their life back on track

TheGayUncle: “back” i have never been ON track what are you talking about 

Pidgeotto: he’s not wrong

LoverboyLance: INFINITY WAAAAR

Princess-Alluring: that too but we also have a birthday approaching

CinnamonRoll: OH YEAH 

Rom-Com: whose birthday? 

Pidgeotto: YEET SUCKERS

Rom-Com: OH

move-I’m-gay: before you ask I’m not getting you soap this time

LoverboyLance: pfft like I would let you do that to anyone, let alone the resident gremlin

move-I’m-gay: I’m not sure how to take that tbh

Pidgeotto: Lance I am begging you work your magic and stop him from getting something terrible 

LoverboyLance: I can try but no promises

move-I’m-gay: I swear to god you guys 

VodkaAunt: stop being mean to Keith you two

Pidgeotto: for $8000, I will stop 

CinnamonRoll: Pidge we’re all broke 

WisestMcclain: mmmm she drives a hard bargain for quoting a meme

Princess-Alluring: ANYWAYS

Princess-Alluring: yes, Pidge’s birthday, then Infinity War 

SugarSweet: and?

Princess-Alluring: that’s it

Princess-Alluring: I’m tired

CinnamonRoll: what a mood

Pidgeotto: this is going to be EPIC

LoverboyLance: that trailer was straight up terrifying who else agrees

CinnamonRoll: ME

VodkaAunt: nobody psych themselves out before the movie even drops

TheGayUncle: TOO LATE I’M SCARED FOR MY FAVES

SugarSweet: You can’t stop us Shiro

Rom-Com: right, bets on who dies

move-I’m-gay: $5 says Tony dies 

LoverboyLance: WHAT HERESY IS THIS

move-I’m-gay: I’m just saying it could happen!

Pidgeotto: mmmm throw in Cap and double it

move-I’m-gay: deal

Rom-Com: same

WisestMcclain: Christ

VodkaAunt: don’t most of you have classes soon?

LoverboyLance: UHHHHH 

[LoverboyLance has left the chat]

[Pidgeotto has left the chat]

[move-I’m-gay has left the chat]

[Princess-Alluring has left the chat]

[WisestMcclain has left the chat]

VodkaAunt: unbelievable 

 

8:52am- Ronnie to BiBro

Ronnie: 2 things

Ronnie: 1) I saw two dudes fight over a single waffle in the dining hall about five minutes ago

BiBro: relatable

Ronnie: 2) it reminded me that I’ve been meaning to recruit you in something

BiBro: am i gonna regret this?

Ronnie: nah Keith would never stab you you’re probably good

BiBro: WHAT

Ronnie: remember when the chat had that whole convo about how that guy from Building C who looks like Killmonger?

BiBro: that reminds me I owe Ryan money

Ronnie: ….not gonna ask why but ANYWAYS remember how Keith got all prickly when Allura mentioned James Griffin

BiBro: you want me to ask about that bc you don’t wanna get stabbed huh

Ronnie: you know me well but it’s actually for Ryan, my friend Nadia, and their friend Ina

BiBro: why

Ronnie: they’re trying to “fix the feud” and they want more than just James’ side of the story apparently (guy says Keith punched him for no reason and started a fight that got them both suspended in middle school or something)

BiBRo: JKDSHJKDJK EXCUSE ME

BiBro: KEITH WOULD NEVER

Ronnie: CALM DOWN I NEVER SAID I BELIEVED THAT STORY

BiBro: U BETTER NOT

Ronnie: so would you ask him and get back to me?

BiBro: eh I’ll try but if he won’t answer then that’s it I won’t press

Ronnie: cool 

 

8:54am- Ra-Ra Mcclain to MAKE THE DISASTER GAYS STOP FIGHTING

Ra-Ra Mcclain: k i was gonna update with some new progress but I think Nadia got to the chat name

KINKade: oh no

KINKade: Rizavi I swear to GOD not this again

Ra-Ra Mcclain: lmao that was definitely her

Leif-Me-Alone: my bad everyone i forgot to ensure no one other than me could change the names

KINKade: this is gonna be the death of me

JazziRizavi: suck it

JazziRizavi: wait what progress??? SPILL THE TEA

Ra-Ra Mcclain: Lance is gonna ask Keith for the full story as soon as he gets the chance

Ra-Ra Mcclain: I think they always meet up for lunch at like 11:30? So around then maybe

JazziRizavi: the plot THICKENS

KINKade: I apologize for her

Ra-Ra Mcclain: you have no idea what i deal with on a daily basis pal

Ra-Ra Mcclain: there’s like 2 sane people in my other friend group and one of them is a certified Disaster Gay who burns water 

KINKade: does that one count as a sane one then

Ra-Ra Mcclain: Shiro’s the reason half of those guys aren’t dead so

JazziRiavi: I smell drama

Ra-Ra Mcclain: oh there’s so much drama

Leif-Me-Alone: Shiro? Facial scar, white bangs, prosthetic arm?

Ra-Ra Mcclain: you know him?

Leif-Me-Alone: he’s in Professor Slav’s class with me

Ra-Ra Mcclain: oh cool

KINKade: that professor is a complete nut

JazziRizavi: never met him only heard stories but YEAH that sounds about right 

KINKade: i ran into him in the dining hall once and he asked me what color socks I was wearing and when I said “blue” he had a full on panic attack and ran off screaming about alternate realities (?)

Leif-Me-Alone: I took pictures of your face after that [image sent]

Ra-Ra Mcclain: you look so confused man

KINKade: because I WAS

JazziRizavi: you don’t talk about your other friends much

Ra-Ra Mcclain: i don’t? MAN I HAVE STORIES

Ra-Ra Mcclain: did i ever mention the freaking wolfdog, kitten, and owl those absolute idiots found and adopted

Ra-Ra Mcclain: or that the reason my brother fractured his wrist a few months ago was that they went SLEDDING with CAFETERIA TRAYS

Ra-Ra Mcclain: or maybe the fact that one of them started a singles chat before myself and Romelle got together and is now salty about the fact that it’s just her and one other guy left in it despite the fact that she plays matchmaker about 95% of the time

KINKade: i complain about my friends being wild but honestly you have it worse

Ra-Ra Mcclain: tbh it’s giving me plenty of blackmail fuel so I’m fine

JazziRizavi: now i wanna meet your other friends 

KINKade: ohhhh no. I’m not letting you meet people who would up your chaos factor 

Leif-Me-Alone: she’s going to try regardless you know

Ra-Ra Mcclain: Nadia nO

JazziRizavi: NADIA YES

[JazziRizavi has left the chat]

Ra-Ra Mcclain: if she and Pidge hit it off we’re all doomed

KINKade: and Pidge is…?

Ra-Ra Mcclain: resident gremlin

KINKade: this won’t end well

 

12:45pm- Shirogayne to TallerGremlin

Shirogayne: is it hypocritical to be annoyed at Lance, Keith, and Pidge for finding and adopting random animals and then finding a cat myself 

TallerGremlin: wh

TallerGremlin: wHAT

TallerGremlin: CAT???

Shirogayne: [image sent]

TallerGremlin: you??? The resident Dad Friend?? Found a cat and adopted it??? HA I’VE FINALLY INFECTED YOU

TallerGremlin: wait wait

TallerGremlin: are you sure that’s a stray cat and not a lost cat

Shirogayne: I was gonna stop by the clinic to find out

TallerGremlin: I’LL MEET YOU THERE I WANNA PET THE CAT

 

1:13pm- SugarSweet to Nobody Here Is Straight

SugarSweet: DO I NEED TO INSTILL A “NO STRAY ANIMALS” BAN

SugarSweet: ARE YOU GUYS GONNA MAKE ME DO THAT

LoverboyLance: i said I’d come get Blue at 3!!! 

SugarSweet: Blue is not the problem

move-I’m-gay: don’t tell me Kosmo knocked over a bunch of stuff again

VodkaAunt: she’s uh

VodkaAunt: she’s not talking about Kosmo or Blue

SugarSweet: GUESS WHO ELSE FOUND A CAT

SugarSweet: AND FOUND OUT IT WASN’T MICROCHIPPED OR ANYTHING

SugarSweet: AND DECIDED TO KEEP IT

TheGayUncle: let!! Shiro!! Have!!! A cat!!!

Princess-Alluring: god not this again

SugarSweet: et tu, Shiro?

CinnamonRoll: i must know what you named the cat

LoverboyLance: PICTURES

VodkaAunt: [image sent] [image sent] before and after a bath and some food

Rom-Com: that poor kitty!!! So skinny awww

WisestMcclain: how the heck do you guys just attract animals

Princess-Alluring: Shiro is a Disney princess confirmed

move-I’m-gay: wait a minute 

LoverboyLance: YES

CinnamonRoll: this makes you a Disney princess too Lance since Blue came to you

CinnamonRoll: and Keith bc Kosmo

LoverboyLance: no we are the gay Disney princes everyone needs 

Pidgeotto: all hail PRINCESS SHIRO

TheGayUncle: that makes me a Disney prince yeaaaas

Rom-Com: your highness, Shiro, what did you name the cat

VodkaAunt: I didn’t sign up for this

WisestMcclain: that’s a fun name

VodkaAunt: oh my god i haven’t even named her yet guys

TheGayUncle: OHHH LET ME LET ME

Pidgeotto: DON’T LET MATT NAME IT HE’LL NAME IT SOMETHING OBVIOUS LIKE “Blackie”

TheGayUncle: I was gonna say Shadow you salty lil Pidgeon

CinnamonRoll: that’s basic but ok

TheGayUncle: yOU KNOW WHAT HUNK

TheGayUncle: YOU WANNA GO

LoverboyLance: YOU CAN’T CHALLENGE HUNK WITHOUT CHALLENGING ME

Pidgeotto: AND ME

TheGayUncle: BRING IT ON SUCKERS

VodkaAunt: IM NAMING HER SHADOW NOW EVERYBODY STOP FIGHTING

Princess-Alluring: you’re so whipped

VodkaAunt: right everybody start fighting again

WisestMcclain: all of this conversation is being screenshotted btw guys

Pidgeotto: ...partners in crime??

WisestMcclain: partners in crime 

LoverboyLance: we’re all gonna DIE

 

1:15pm- Ronnie to BiBro

Ronnie: so did u ask Keith for the James story 

BiBRo: he walked away from me and got all prickly when I tried to follow

Ronnie: well crud

BiBro: he doesn’t seem ““upset”” just like REALLY grumpy

BiBro: how much you wanna bet James started it?

Ronnie: I’m not even gonna bet on that it seems too likely

 

1:32pm- LoverboyLance to Nobody Here Is Straight

LoverboyLance: everybody tell me your favorite rare vine mine’s “they following me, ma!” “WHO-“ “the bugs” “the BUGS?” 

LoverboyLance: although if i did that to my mom I would be six feet under in 2 seconds flat lmao

WisestMcclain: the whole “STUPID” “bet you won’t say it to my FACE” thing

CinnamonRoll: that one where it’s just multiple lines from songs called “hello” like “hellooo” “Hel-o” “hellow” “hELLO FROM THE OTHER SIIIIIIDE-“

Pidgeotto: wOuLdN’t yOu LiKe tO kNoW, wEaThErBoY

move-I’m-gay: anything with “Sail” playing in the background those vines don’t get enough attention

VodkaAunt: gotta be the “have you been to church recently” one

Pidgeotto: what

VodkaAunt: [link attached]

CinnamonRoll: what the heck

Rom-Com: hmmmm I think mine’s the one weigh the guy who yells “HEY” and then holds up a goat that screams 

TheGayUncle: “everybody say COLORADO-“ “I’M A GIRAFFE”

SugarSweet: you know that one where there’s a guy singing the Mission Impossible theme song while the security camera zooms in on him 

Pidgeotto: “da-da-da-dana-da-da-DANANAAA”

SugarSweet: that one

TheGayUncle: Alluraaaaaaaaa

Princess-Alluring: pfft do you people think i spend all my time watching obscure vine compilations???

SugarSweet: don’t make me tell them for you

Princess-Alluring: ….

Princess-Alluring: “I don’t sing in the shower. I perform”

LoverboyLance: amazing

 

5:24pm- Hunky to LoverboyLance

Hunky: I RAN INTO KILLMONGER GUY AT STARBUCKS

LoverboyLance: 1) please tell me you’re not drinking coffee in the afternoon 2) his name is Ryan 3) this is important because???

Hunky: nah i wanted a spot to chill and try to work on some new recipes and the little Starbucks on the east end of campus isn’t usually busy this time of day (it was this time smh but i didn’t leave)

Hunky: plus I don’t feel like sneaking food into the library when i can get it easier at Starbucks

LoverboyLance: well you’re not wrong

LoverboyLance: your point tho?

Hunky: he’s super nice??? Like he asked if he could sit across from me since the other booths were full and we just kinda chilled for a little while and then somehow I started a conversation and next thing I know i think we’re friends

LoverboyLance: how the actual heck

LoverboyLance: I’VE BEEN TRYING TO TALK TO THAT GUY SINCE I MET HIM AND HE’S BARELY SAID TWO COMPLETE SENTENCES TO ME BUT YOU DO /THIS/ IN ONE SITTING

Hunky: well he saw what I was working on and perked up right away it was kinda cute

Hunky: FHLJKFEJKH I MEANT TO DELETE THAT LAST BIT

Hunky: IGNORE THAT

LoverboyLance: OH NO NO NO NO YOU DON’T GET TO ESCAPE MY TEASING AFTER THE STUNTS YOU PULLED TRYING TO GET ME AND KEITH TOGETHER

Hunky: LANCE

LoverboyLance: HUNK

Hunky: I don’t like him like that!! I made ONE offhand comment about attractiveness and you just WHOOSHED right on to your crazy conclusion hahaha

Hunky: nvm I’m screwed 

Hunky: CURSE MY DISASTER PAN SELF

LoverboyLance: mood but with bi

LoverboyLance: don’t worry, you got a PROFESSIONAL matchmaker on your side ;P

Hunky: yep

Hunky: I’m definitely screwed 

LoverboyLance: if all goes well then yeah ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Hunky: OH MY GO-

Hunky: that’s it I’m tracking you down 

LoverboyLance: hjdjkhdhjjb BYE

Hunky: DON’T YOU DARE BLOCK ME [message could not be sent]

Hunky: i swear to GOD Lance [message could not be sent]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before anyone asks, the waffle fight was made up, I’ve never witnessed anything like that lmao
> 
> And the other sane person Veronica was talking about is Shay btw
> 
> Comments and kudos, as always, are greatly appreciated! Luv u all <3<3


	24. Shiro’s Blood Pressure Can’t Handle This Crap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drama, gays, and GAY DRAMA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y’all I am an idiot
> 
> You want to know how much of an idiot? I FORGOT ABOUT HUNK’S BIRTHDAY LAST WEEK I HAVE FAILED MY SON
> 
> I guess anxiety really does damage your brain cells huh
> 
> (Oh, and I think I have more of a concrete posting schedule now- look for new chapters every Sunday!)

7:03AM- LoverboyLance to Pidgeotto

LoverboyLance: do you have any hair ties I could borrow

Pidgeotto: I don’t even touch my hair why would I have hair ties

Pidgeotto: and why are you asking you don’t have long hair

LoverboyLance: bc Keith fell asleep on the couch instead of his bed again and he has now lost a bet so I get to do his hair 

Pidgeotto: oh my god

Pidgeotto: I’m gonna steal some of Matt’s I know he has them

LoverboyLance: nice 

Pidgeotto: I’ll bring my camera

LoverboyLance: what nooo I wanna be the one who takes pictures

Pidgeotto: you want hair ties?? THIS IS THE PRICE

LoverboyLance: you’re the worst but ok

 

7:15am- Pidgeotto to Nobody Here Is Straight

Pidgeotto: [image sent] [image sent] these are the only pictures I got with Keith sitting still enjoy this everyone

Princess-Alluring: awww!!!

WisestMcclain: Keith has a forehead? I’m surprised 

move-I’m-gay: HJKGVJHVHJFG YOU TOOK PICTURES

LoverboyLance: YOU LOOK ADORABLE WITH A FRENCH BRAID, MULLET, DEAL WITH IT

VodkaAunt: why’d he even let you do that? If anyone goes near that mane Keith calls hair they usually get stabbed

move-I’m-gay: SHIRO

LoverboyLance: SOMEBODY isn’t taking proper care of himself so I made a bet with him that if he fell asleep somewhere other than his own bed AGAIN then I get to do his hair and he has to keep it like that all day

move-I’m-gay: i thought you forgot about it

LoverboyLance: ummmm? NO???? I WOULD NEVER FORGET ABOUT SUCH AN OPPORTUNITY

CinnamonRoll: aww he looks so grumpy lmao

move-I’m-gay: this is gonna be a long day 

Rom-Com: on the upside you look fabulous

TheGayUncle: Lance is surprisingly good at doing hair

LoverboyLance: “surprisingly”??? Excuse YOU 

VodkaAunt: this was actually a good idea Lance

VodkaAunt: now maybe he won’t run on black coffee and adrenaline

move-I’m-gay: I resent that 

Pidgeotto: oh so when Keith and Lance make bets it’s “a good idea” but when I make bets it’s “dangerous” and “not allowed”

VodkaAunt: that’s because your bets tend to lead to public humiliation for whoever loses

Pidgeotto: or i get money off that sucker

VodkaAunt: everyone else sees that she’s proving my point, right?

VodkaAunt: have you all ghosted the chat

SugarSweet: nah we’re just afraid of agreeing in the event Pidge takes revenge 

Pidgeotto: muahahaha

VodkaAunt: christ 

Rom-Com: so what’s everyone else doing today?

CinnamonRoll: classes

CinnamonRoll: ugh

 

7:16am- BiBro to Ronnie

BiBro: he means trying to get a hot date with Ryan Kinkade

Ronnie: OOHH TEA

BiBro: this doesn’t leave this chat tho

BiBro: I want to help him out

Ronnie: didn’t Shiro ban matchmaking at some point? I feel like he did

BiBro: ...what Shiro doesn’t know won’t hurt him >:))))))

Ronnie: I like how you think >>:)

Ronnie: but let’s not drive his blood pressure up too much lmao

BiBro: no promises HA

 

7:17am- LoverboyLance to Nobody Here Is Straight

LoverboyLance: that is so sad Alexa play Despacito

WisestMcclain: no-

Pidgeotto: nah play DespaSHIRO

VodkaAunt: GUYS

LoverboyLance: how’s the blood pressure, Shiro?

VodkaAunt: I’ve stopped checking but I’m sure you guys have wrecked it at this point

Princess-Alluring: oh poor Shiro he can’t handle his kids

SugarSweet: single parenting is so hard 

TheGayUncle: are you guys ignoring ME???

move-I’m-gay: you don’t parent you sit around and make vine references at the wrong times

TheGayUncle: ...wELL

LoverboyLance: oof savage

VodkaAunt: no roasting my boyfriend in the chat!

move-I’m-gay: IF I HAVE TO WALK AROUND IN A FRENCH BRAID ALL DAY THEN MATT CAN TAKE A LITTLE ROASTING

LoverboyLance: ...so you don’t like it??

move-I’m-gay: wait uhh

LoverboyLance: :’’’’’(

move-I’m-gay: WAIT NO

CinnamonRoll: uh-oh, Keith’s in trooouble

move-I’m-gay: NO I LIKE IT 

LoverboyLance: mmmmmmm

move-I’m-gay: I REALLY DO

LoverboyLance: do you?

move-I’m-gay: YES NOW PLS STOP BEING UPSET

LoverboyLance: THEN STOP BEING SALTY 

move-I’m-gay: wh

Pidgeotto: OOOOOOO

Rom-Com: that was trippy

LoverboyLance: you still have to wear the braid ALLLLL DAY Keith

move-I’m-gay: but

LoverboyLance: ALLLLLLLLLLL DAY

WisestMcclain: do i speak for the rest of the chat when I say we’ll make sure he does?

CinnamonRoll: oh yeah

Princess-Alluring: definitely

SugarSweet: pffft duh

move-I’m-gay: I’M BEING GANGED UP ON

VodkaAunt: you can’t escape bro

move-I’m-gay: mhmhmh

move-I’m-gay: fiiiiine

LoverboyLance: VICTORY

 

9:17am- LoverboyLance added Hunky, Ronnie, move-I’m-gay, Shirogayne, WalkingMeme, Princess-Alluring, SugarSweet, and Rom-Com to the chat

[LoverboyLance renamed the chat BIRTHDAY PIDGEON 20GAYTEEN]

LoverboyLance: right guys this time we’re not allowed to be disasters we gotta put something together for Pidge’s birthday 

Ronnie: “not allowed to be disasters” said the ultimate disaster

LoverboyLance: i don’t need your snark today

Rom-Com: well SOMEONE has to take over for Pidge right? Since she’s not in the chat and all :)))

Ronnie: *virtually high-fives my gf*

Hunky: oh my god

Princess-Alluring: I was JUST about to make a chat for this smh you beat me to the punch

SugarSweet: next time boo <3

move-I’m-gay: okay who’s covering what

WalkingMeme: if anyone needs gift advice I gotcha

WalkingMeme: ANYONE

WalkingMeme: ANYONE AT ALL

move-I’m-gay: screw you, Matt

Shirogayne: hey wait a minute

Ronnie: WHO’S GONNA MAKE THE JOKE

LoverboyLance: AS MUCH AS I APPRECIATE BAD JOKES WE NEED TO FOCUS

Hunky: don’t even start you hypocrite

Princess-Alluring: Lance is right we should focus

move-I’m-gay: you beat me by 0.2 seconds 

Princess-Alluring: my how the tables have turned

move-I’m-gay: I wasn’t even the one who beat you to making the chat earlier???

Princess-Alluring: no but you’re dating him so close enough

LoverboyLance: y’all

move-I’m-gay: oKAY

Hunky: can somebody please explain what’s going on?

Ronnie: nah I’m just here to spectate

Rom-Com: should I get popcorn?

Ronnie: kettle corn pls?

Rom-Com: oh yeah

LoverboyLance: GUUUUYS

move-I’m-gay: PIDGE’S BIRTHDAY, GOT IT

LoverboyLance: THANKS BABE

Hunky: I can handle the cake and food

SugarSweet: cooking duo?

Hunky: COOKING DUO

Shirogayne: if we want a surprise party then Matt and I can handle distracting her

Princess-Alluring: just don’t get distracted by each other ok

WalkingMeme: HHHHHH

Princess-Alluring: anyways I can handle decorations and the like

LoverboyLance: I’m on the “Stop Keith From Getting Soap” team who’s with me

move-I’m-gay: one time. ONE TIME I GOT HER SOAP

Shirogayne: now I’m having flashbacks to the time you gave me cheap cologne for my birthday

Hunky: Keith what even

move-I’m-gay: I PANICKED

LoverboyLance: NOBODY BULLY HIM

Ronnie: ok Mr. “I’m on the ‘stop Keith from getting soap’ team”

LoverboyLance: only I can tease him everybody else go away

WalkingMeme: whiiiiiipped

LoverboyLance: CAN YOU NOT

Ronnie: anyways I’ll join you we can all get Pidge gifts together

Rom-Com: ooh same!

Hunky: not all at once guys she’ll get suspicious and start looking for where you hid the presents

LoverboyLance: hmmm you’re right

move-I’m-gay: we can disguise it as a double date?

Rom-Com: I LIKE IT

Ronnie: DOUBLE SHOPPING DATE

LoverboyLance: Keith you GENIUS

Hunky: my single hide

Princess-Alluring: awwww Hunk

LoverboyLance: oh don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll find SOMEONE

Hunky: hey Keith? i need permission to strangle your boyfriend

move-I’m-gay: no

Princess-Alluring: OHH? DOES HUNK HAVE A CRUSH ON SOMEONE

WalkingMeme: if he’s threatening to strangle Lance then probably 

Hunky: THIS CHAT IS FOR PIDGE

Hunky: NOT ME

Rom-Com: hmmmm but we’re distracted now

Shirogayne: leave him alone guys

Hunky: THANK you, Shiro

SugarSweet: i feel like we should all go back to our day now 

LoverboyLance: hA I’m texting in the middle of Iverson’s boring lecture he still hasn’t caught m

move-I’m-gay: ...I think he just got caught

Hunky: karma in action

 

10:13am- She-Ra to MAKE THE DISASTER GAYS STOP FIGHTING

She-Ra: i have just realized that I’m an idiot who wants to know why

KINKade: i’m more interested in how you managed to change your username, assuming that’s Veronica

JazziRizavi: she bribed me with these absolutely DELICIOUS brownies so 

JazziRizavi: anyways, you’re an idiot because...

She-Ra: because I never realized that we can just ask Shiro for the full story smh

Leif-Me-Alone: oh…

JazziRizavi: OH

KINKade: I’m missing something here

She-Ra: those two are practically adoptive brothers so he probably knows

She-Ra: I’ll ask him when I get the chance

Leif-Me-Alone: in another update, James looked over my shoulder briefly and read some of this conversation

JazziRizavi: CRUD

Leif-Me-Alone: [image sent] I explained briefly what we were trying to do and he is now brooding on the common room couch

JazziRizavi: WHY WOULD YOU EXPLAIN HONESTLY

Leif-Me-Alone: I couldn’t come up with a plausible lie fast enough

JazziRizavi: well

KINKade: now what’s he gonna do?

Leif-Me-Alone: James just got up and left

She-Ra: i get the feeling this won’t end well

KINKade: knowing James, you’re not wrong

Leif-Me-Alone: he says he’s going to go take care of our job for us??

JazziRizavi: oh boy

KINKade: does that mean he’s gonna go try and apologize? Christ 

KINKade: James isn’t the best at apologies

She-Ra: ...should I warn Keith?

JazziRizavi: you act like James knows how to find him

Leif-Me-Alone: I’m pretty sure he does judging by the fact that he just left purposefully

She-Ra: so that’s a yes gimme a sec

 

10:14am- Ronnie to LancesBf

Ronnie: hey bro keep an eye out for James Griffin

LancesBf: why?

Ronnie: he’s uh

Ronnie: looking for you?

LancesBf: alright what do you have to do with this

Ronnie: nothing! Nothing at all!

LancesBf: i don’t believe you

Ronnie: okay I may have been dragged into a plot to get you guys to make up BUT IT WASN’T MY IDEA

LancesBf: WAS THIS WHY LANCE ASKED ME ABOUT IT THE OTHER DAY

Ronnie: possibly

Ronnie: but don’t take it out on Lance I’m the one who roped him into it

LancesBf: I wasn't gonna take it out on Lance!

Ronnie: just making sure you know who to blame in the event something goes wrong idk

LancesBf: oh my god

Ronnie: hey, knowing you, it was a logical precaution!

LancesBf: no that’s not why I reacted [image sent] I just spotted James across the courtyard

Ronnie: weLP 

Ronnie: ..are you gonna talk to him orrr

LancesBf: …

LanceBf: Shiro would probably tell me to hear him out and not hold onto old grudges

Ronnie: true but now I REALLY want to know what happened

LancesBf: …

LancesBf: Shiro was there afterwards ask him

LancesBf: I’m gonna talk to James

 

10:15am- Ronnie to BiBro

Ronnie: FIND KEITH IMMEDIATELY HE’S IN THE NORTH COURTYARD

Ronnie: ALSO TEXT SHIRO AND ASK ABOUT WHATEVER THE JAMES GRIFFIN DRAMA WAS

BiBro: I’m in class what’s going on?? 

Ronnie: DO IT

 

10:15am- Ronnie to LancesBf

Ronnie: good luck 

LancesBf: I’m probably gonna need it

 

10:16am- LoverboyLance to Shirogayne

LoverboyLance: [image sent] do you have any idea why Veronica wants me to ask right now orrr

Shirogayne: drama with James Griffin? I don’t think I

Shirogayne: WAIT BETWEEN JAMES AND KEITH I REMEMBER THIS OH GOD

Shirogayne: Keith’s probably gonna come after me for telling you this but basically James insulted his parents and some other stuff that was never explained to me so Keith flipped out and punched him, there was a fight, they both got suspended but the school never held James accountable for what he said 

Shirogayne: Keith’s actually the one who got a heavier punishment bc “he swung first” or some bull like that

Shirogayne: honestly I think it’s because Keith was The Problem Kid in school so the administrators didn’t like him much but neither of us could do anything about it

LoverboyLance: oh geez

LoverboyLance: time to fake an illness I gotta go find him

Shirogayne: normally I wouldn’t condone this but I’m going to the north courtyard now good luck

LoverboyLance: GOOD THING I HATE THIS PROFESSOR

Shirogayne: oy vey

 

10:17am- BiBro to Ronnie

BiBro: [image sent] HERE’S THE STORY I’M SO MAD

Ronnie: Christ 

 

10:18am- She-Ra to MAKE THE DISASTER GAYS STOP FIGHTING

She-Ra: [image sent] UHHHHH

KINKade: …

JazziRizavi: I’m regretting this plan now

Leif-Me-Alone: James was definitely the one in the wrong 

KINKade: now we know why he always dodged the question 

JazziRizavi: IS ANYBODY IN A GOOD POSITION TO STOP JAMES

She-Ra: TOO LATE HE’S ALREADY TALKING TO KEITH LAST I HEARD

KINKade: oh GOD

Leif-Me-Alone: at this point all we can really do is sit back and watch

KINKade: If I'm late to my Econ class I can go by the courtyard

She-Ra: SEE YOU THERE DUDE

[She-Ra has left the chat]

[KINKade has left the chat]

JazziRizavi: they left before I could say good luck!!! Rude

Leif-Me-Alone: they might need it regardless

JazzirRizavi: “might”

 

10:30am- LoverboyLance to move-I’m-gay

LoverboyLance: are you gonna come out of your room and talk to me or are you gonna be emo and sulk

move-I’m-gay: 2nd option but I’m not sulking 

LoverboyLance: don’t make me get Shiro

LoverboyLance: what even happened with James earlier? I already know what went down back then so I understand why you held a grudge

LoverboyLance: that’s completely understandable

LoverboyLance: but what happened today???

LoverboyLance: Keith??

move-I’m-gay: he apologized

LoverboyLance: ...that’s good right?

move-I’m-gay: it was the kind of apology where you don’t really mean it

LoverboyLance: okay so that’s bad 

move-I’m-gay: you didn’t let me finish

LoverboyLance: continue

move-I’m-gay: it was only like that at first

move-I’m-gay: then he actually sounded sincere?

move-I’m-gay: he actually owned up to it and i think he meant it

LoverboyLance: ...so that IS good?? Right?

move-I’m-gay: yeah I think so

LoverboyLance: SO WHY ARE YOU HOLED UP IN YOUR ROOM 

LoverboyLance: i want victory cuddles smh

move-I’m-gay: you always want cuddles don’t even pretend to call them victory cuddles

move-I’m-gay: anyway it’s something else he said

LoverboyLance: am i gonna have to throw hands? BECAUSE I WILL THROW SOME HANDS

move-I’m-gay: ..um

move-I’m-gay: you know what I probably shouldn’t tell you

LoverboyLance: NOOO I WANNA KNOW

move-I’m-gay: no flipping out

LoverboyLance: i won’t!

move-I’m-gay: James uh

move-I’m-gay: used to be interested in me?

move-I’m-gay: granted from the way he phrased it it might not be “used to” but idk i left about a minute after that

LoverboyLance: ...I’M GONNA GO THROW HANDS

move-I’m-gay: LANCE NO

LoverboyLance: BUT

move-I’m-gay: YEAH I GET IT BUT DON’T GO PUNCHING PEOPLE FOR HAVING AN PAST CRUSH ON ME

LoverboyLance: you said it wasn’t necessarily in the past but fine i won’t

move-I’m-gay: ...you can come in

LoverboyLance: cuddles?

move-I’m-gay: yep

LoverboyLance: YAY I’LL GRAB BLUE

move-I’m-gay: :)

LoverboyLance: <3<3<3

 

11:10am- CinnamonRoll to Nobody Here Is Straight

CinnamonRoll: if you had the chance to travel back in time to any time period when (and where) would you go

Rom-Com: hmmmmm probably Rome 

Pidgeotto: I WANNA VISIT NIKOLA TESLA

TheGayUncle: COME ON PIDGE YOU STOLE MINE

LoverboyLance: you’re all thinking back too far I’d just be in 1990s America tearing it up

CinnamonRoll: I’d hang out with Freddie Mercury

WisestMcclain: now that sounds fun but I’m going back to Greece to meet the OG lesbian

Pidgeotto: Sappho? Wasn’t she actually bi?

Pidgeotto: like there were love letters to men AND women written by her and stuff

WisestMcclain: OH CRUD SHE WAS? Smh why wasn’t I taught this

LoverboyLance: OG BI WOMAN

WisestMcclain: OH YEAH

SugarSweet: 70s America

Princess-Alluring: didn’t everyone do drugs in the 70s?

SugarSweet: ...wait

Princess-Alluring: back to the time of the British Empire’s height for me

VodkaAunt: I feel like Japan before Western contact would be really interesting

VodkaAunt: or the Polynesian islands before white explorers

VodkaAunt: or the Mayas

TheGayUncle: so basically any of the old native societies before Europeans messed everything up? mood

Pidgeotto: actually a lot of them were SUPER advanced and then BAM

move-I’m-gay: Ancient Greece bc then I can still be gay

Rom-Com: WHY DIDN’T I THINK OF THAT

 

12:11am- Hunky to LoverboyLance

Hunky: right as much as I’m probably gonna regret this can you be my wingman

Hunky: I saw Ryan again and tried to talk to him or something but I ended up literally SPRINTING in the opposite direction instead so I think I need help

LoverboyLance: HAAAAAAAAAA YESSS

Hunky: I’m gonna regret this

LoverboyLance: NO NO I’M GONNA HELP YOU GET YOUR MAN

Hunky: I’m definitely gonna regret this

LoverboyLance: we just need Pidge and Veronica

Hunky: ?

LoverboyLance: gremlin and someone who actually knows Ryan

Hunky: fine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> James: *to Keith* and I kinda had a tiny gay crush on y
> 
> Lance: dON’T YOU TOUCH MY QUIZNAKING HUSBAND-
> 
> I’VE HAD SUCH A WEEK YOU GUYS mostly because of another panic attack Tuesday that left me basically incapable of functioning for the next day but also because I had a lot of work to do hA it’s a miracle I didn’t straight up collapse lmao but I’m fine now
> 
> Mostly
> 
> (And before anybody asks, yes I did ask my friends for the time travel answers but only like two of them actually responded to me smh so most of those are mine)
> 
> See y’all next week!


	25. Brownie Caper Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now we see the glory of Hunkade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me last week: Yeah it’s only Sundays now ! I have an actual schedule! Yay!
> 
> Also me: *publishes on a Saturday* hmmm
> 
> I finished early so I figured “why not?” 
> 
> Enjoy!

12:15am- LoverboyLance added Pidgeotto, Ronnie, and Hunky to the chat

[LoverboyLance named the chat OPERATION HUNKADE]

LoverboyLance: LET’S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS

LoverboyLance: wait I forgot a thing

[LoverboyLance changed Pidgeotto’s name to Gremlin]

LoverboyLance: perfect

Gremlin: I approve

Ronnie: Operation Hunkade?

Ronnie: WAIT WAIT

Ronnie: I AM SO ON BOARD

Hunky: why did I ever ask for wingman help

LoverboyLance: because you’re my best buddy and you have no idea how to do this yourself

Hunky: wELL

Gremlin: I’m lost

LoverboyLance: oh I forgot I didn’t tell you

Hunky: DOES THAT MEAN YOU TOLD VERONICA

Ronnie: perhaps he did but that’s not important 

Hunky: LAAAANCE

LoverboyLance: I HAD TO

Gremlin: AHEM

LoverboyLance: Hunk has a CRUUUUSH on Ryan Kinkade

Gremlin: …

Gremlin: DANG IT NOW IM THE ONLY ONE LEFT IN THE SINGLES CHAT

Hunky: I’VE ONLY HAD A COUPLE CONVERSATIONS WITH HIM LET’S NOT GET AHEAD OF OURSELVES 

Ronnie: it’s not even a chat with only two people Pidge

Gremlin: it used to be four

Gremlin: WHOSE FAULT IS THAT

LoverboyLance: mmkay matchmaking time 

Ronnie: I assume they’ve already hit it off?

Hunky: I guess?? Idk I’ve been in like 0.5 relationships

Gremlin: 0.5

Hunky: long story 

Hunky: who even knows if he likes guys

Ronnie: that’s 

Ronnie: ...actually a good question 

Ronnie: I’ve never asked him

LoverboyLance: theeeeeen that’s our first order of business 

Hunky: Christ 

Gremlin: I’m stalking his Insta hold on

Hunky: PIDGE

Gremlin: DON’T YELL AT ME

Hunky: no stalking!

Gremlin: oh there’s a lot of rlly good photography on here

Gremlin: like SUPER good wow

LoverboyLance: link

Gremlin: [link attached] voila, disasters 

Hunky: oh wow

Ronnie: HOW DOES HE MAKE THE FRIGGIN DINING HALL LOOK GOOD

Hunky: wowowow

LoverboyLance: Pidge you broke Hunk

Gremlin: he deserves it for ditching the singles chat

Gremlin: anyways I have found zero (0) information on whether or not he likes guys

Gremlin: Sorry Hunk

Hunky: that’s chill even if he doesn’t 

Hunky: we can be friends 

LoverboyLance: I did not enlist Pidge to back out now 

Hunky: no really this is kinda quick 

Hunky: I have stuff to do anyways 

[Hunky has left the chat]

Gremlin: I think we scared him off

LoverboyLance: yeah me too

Ronnie: Lance, check on him

Ronnie: AND DON’T GET PUSHY

LoverboyLance: WHEN AM I EVER PUSHY

Ronnie: ALL THE TIME NOW CHECK ON YOUR BEST FRIEND

Gremlin: this was the fastest I’ve ever seen an operation collapse

LoverboyLance: don’t give up just yet

[LoverboyLance has left the chat]

 

12:16pm- LoverboyLance to Hunky

LoverboyLance: sorry if we scared you off

Hunky: what? Nahhhhhhh

LoverboyLance: alright what’d I do wrong 

Hunky: …

Hunky: nothing really 

Hunky: you’re just really overexcited and it’s messing with me

Hunky: NOT YOU IN PARTICULAR just everybody in that chat really

LoverboyLance: no I get it

LoverboyLance: Sorry it’s just exciting

LoverboyLance: my best buddy has a crush so I’m over here like “YASSSS”

Hunky: Lance

LoverboyLance: I heard it that time my bad

Hunky: I promise if this gets any more serious then you can enlist Pidge and Veronica and whoever else but 

Hunky: idk

Hunky: it’s weird having a crush

LoverboyLance: don’t I know it

Hunky: bruh

LoverboyLance: I’m trying to say that I get it!! Look at the ridiculousness me and Keith pulled

Hunky: I have successfully erased that dumpster fire from my mind don’t remind me now 

LoverboyLance: >:OOOO

Hunky: you’re a disaster, Lance 

Hunky: deal with it

LoverboyLance: I can accept that 

Hunky: I’m just asking you to hold off a little with the elaborate matchmaking plans, ya? Just slow down a little

Hunky: you know I’m not the type to go rushing headlong into stuff

LoverboyLance: oh absolutely 

Hunky: and I actually did have stuff to do and I know you do too so

LoverboyLance: PROCRASTINATION TIME

Hunky: LANCE NO

LoverboyLance: LANCE YES

Hunky: YOU NEED BETTER STUDY HABITS YOU’RE A COLLEGE SOPHOMORE

LoverboyLance: TO THAT I SAY “BAH”

Hunky: I have never understood Shiro better 

LoverboyLance: you feel better tho?

Hunky: yeah a little 

Hunky: thanks buddy

LoverboyLance: :DDD

Hunky: NOW TAKE CARE OF YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES 

LoverboyLance: I’m hearing “snack break”

Hunky: Christ

 

12:20pm- She-Ra to JazziRizavi

She-Ra: I have tea

JazziRizavi: SPILLLLL

She-Ra: first of all is Ryan into guys

JazziRizavi: ya he’s pan

She-Ra: PERFECT

She-Ra: You know my friend Hunk

JazziRizavi: BROWNIE GUY

She-Ra: yes him

She-Ra: this is completely confidential btw

JazziRizavi: I gotcha now SPILL

She-Ra: he’s kinda into Ryan

JazziRizavi: OOOHHH I CAN GET BEHIND THIS

 

12:21pm- KINKade to JazziRizavi

KINKade: how much food would it take for you to let me pick my own username

 

12:21pm- JazziRizavi to She-Ra

JazziRizavi: [image sent] and now I have a plan 

She-Ra: you go, Chaos Lesbian

JazziRizavi: they’ll be dating in no time >>>:)

 

12:22pm- JazziRizavi to KINKade

JazziRizavi: quality, not quantity

KINKade: oh come on

JazziRizavi: MY STANDARDS ARE NOW AS HIGH AS THOSE BROWNIES VERONICA BRIBED ME WITH

KINKade: did she make those herself?

JazziRizavi: nah her friend made them

JazziRizavi: oh what’s his name uhh

JazziRizavi: I know he’s built like a professional weightlifter but I cAN’T REMEMBER HIS NAME

KINKade: aren’t you gay

JazziRizavi: I can still appreciate the phenomenon of someone with muscles the size of my head who can bake like God

KINKade: a god?

JazziRizavi: no, the God

JazziRizavi: THE NAME THING IS BOTHERING ME

JazziRizavi: ohhh it sounds like a nickname

JazziRizavi: I KNOW IT STARTS WITH AN H

KINKade: wait

KINKade: is it Hunk?

JazziRizavi: YES THAT’S IT AHA

JazziRizavi: how’d you know?

KINKade: we’ve talked a couple times

JazziRizavi: a couple times?

KINKade: okay like once but he seems cool

JazziRizavi: get me some of his brownies and you got a deal

KINKade: you drive a hard bargain but ok

 

1:11pm- Ronnie to Hunky

Ronnie: hey is it chill if I give Ryan your number

Hunky: JSHSH BACK UP A LITTLE WHAT

Ronnie: oh he asked me for your number since he doesn’t have it and he needs your help with something 

Hunky: uhhhhhhhh

Ronnie: you got this 

Hunky: yeah sure go ahead 

Ronnie: nice gimme a sec

 

1:12pm- Hunky to LoverboyLance

Hunky: [image sent] JHFDHJFSHJLSHJLFHJ

LoverboyLance: NICE

Hunky: WHAT DO YOU THINK HE NEEDS

LoverboyLance: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Hunky: you will be the cause of my early death one of these days

LoverboyLance: like I’d do that

Hunky: intentionally

Hunky: I GOT A TEXT

LoverboyLance: ANSWER IT 

Hunky: UHHHH

LoverboyLance: I’M RIGHT BEHIND YOU ON THIS

LoverboyLance: actually I’m in a lecture but ya know

Hunky: WISH ME LUCK

LoverboyLance: GRANTED

 

1:13pm- Unknown Number to Hunky

Unknown Number: hey this is Ryan

Unknown Number: Veronica gave me your number

Hunky: oh I know she told me

Unknown Number: did she also tell you I need a favor?

Hunky: uhhh yep

Hunky: what is it?

Unknown Number: cooking help actually 

Hunky: ...go on

 

2:30pm- LoverboyLance to Hunky

LoverboyLance: BRO I MEANT TO TEXT AND ASK WHAT WENT DOWN BUT I FORGOT I’M TERRIBLE

Hunky: NO NO IT’S FINE

LoverboyLance: SO WHAT HAPPENED TELL ME

Hunky: apparently his friend Nadia is worse than Pidge when it comes to usernames and refuses to let anyone change theirs without bribes

LoverboyLance: i really hope she and Pidge never meet but go on

Hunky: oh same that would be too much chaos

Hunky: anyways said bribes are literally just food but the thing is Veronica stole some of MY brownies stash and used that to bribe Nadia so now that’s all she’s taking

LoverboyLance: LMAOOO

Hunky: I STILL DON’T KNOW HOW SHE FOUND THEM

LoverboyLance: ya know if you just GAVE everyone some instead of HIDING them we wouldn’t have to concoct elaborate retrieval operations 

Hunky: THE ONE TIME I TRIED LEAVING MY BROWNIES OUT FOR EVERYONE PIDGE STOLE THE BOWL AND ATE THEM ALL IN ONE GO

Hunky: SHE COULDN’T MOVE FOR AN HOUR

LoverboyLance: she did say it was worth it and she wasn’t wrong 

Hunky: NONE OF YOU HAVE ENOUGH SELF-CONTROL FOR ME TO LEAVE ANY OF MY COOKING UNGUARDED

LoverboyLance: ...WELL

Hunky: Exactly 

LoverboyLance: WE WERE TALKING ABOUT YOUR CRUSH NEEDING A FAVOR

Hunky: well I offered to teach him the recipe so now he’s coming over to our dorm in like ten minutes to use the kitchen

Hunky: WHAT DID I JUST DO

LoverboyLance: smooth

Hunky: IT’S SINKING IN NOW OH GOD

LoverboyLance: you did good

Hunky: JKFGFGHDHFDG

LoverboyLance: hmmmm I think I have time to stop by-

Hunky: this was a bad idea 

Hunky: this was a terrible idea oh god no

LoverboyLance: i wasn't gonna embarrass you! That’s Pidge’s job

Hunky: no you were just gonna do the protective once-over thing

LoverboyLance: whaaaaaaat i have no idea what you’re talking about 

Hunky: YES YOU DO

Hunky: the few times I think I’m actually interested in somebody I could swear you’re standing behind me holding a sign that says “hurt him and I’ll hurt you” or something you act like my big brother 

LoverboyLance: have you MET my siblings??? that’s how I was raised!!

LoverboyLance: and you’re my best friend so 

Hunky: awwww

Hunky: but seriously if I see you in that kitchen you’re on my list

LoverboyLance: joke’s on you my boyfriend owns a knife

Hunky: I WILL TELL HIM TO KEEP YOU AWAY

LoverboyLance: OH COME ON

Hunky: CHECKMATE 

LoverboyLance: I ALREADY KNOW I’M WHIPPED DON’T RUB IT IN

Hunky: KARMA

 

2:32pm- LoverboyLance to Nobody Here Is Straight

LoverboyLance: guess who’s got a daaaaaate

move-I’m-gay: wait I thought date night was Friday

move-I’m-gay: DID I FORGET AGAIN

LoverboyLance: no not us Mullet

CinnamonRoll: LANCE

LoverboyLance: whaaaat I’m just telling everybody to avoid the kitchen in a few minutes :))))))))

VodkaAunt: ...a date?

Princess-Alluring: HUNK HAS A DATE????

Pidgeotto: what do you mean “avoid the kitchen” THAT MEANS HE’S COOKING SOMETHING

TheGayUncle: OOOOOOHHHH

SugarSweet: good for you Hunk!

Rom-Com: OOH FOOD

WisestMcclain: HUNK’S FOOD

CinnamonRoll: GUYYYYYYYYS

VodkaAunt: everyone stop teasing him we’ve all been there

VodkaAunt: except for Pidge

Pidgeotto: does that mean i get a free pass

VodkaAunt: it does NOT

Pidgeotto: oh come on

CinnamonRoll: IT’S NOT EVEN REALLY A DATE I’M DOING SOMEBODY A FAVOR 

Rom-Com: hmmmmmmmmmmm

CinnamonRoll: THAT’S IT

Rom-Com: HMMMMMMMMMMMM

Princess-Alluring: spill spill sPILL SPILL

CinnamonRoll: well I uh

LoverboyLance: I can say it for you

CinnamonRoll: pls

LoverboyLance: HUNK HAS A CRUSH ON RYAN KINKADE

Princess-Alluring: JDFJDS

Princess-Alluring: NO WAY

TheGayUncle: oof sorry Pidgeon you’re the last single left

Pidgeotto: I’m aro/ace you dipstick

Pidgeotto: THE ONLY REASON I’M TICKED IS BC HUNK HAS ABANDONED THE SINGLES CHAT

CinnamonRoll: I’M STILL TECHNICALLY SINGLE

Pidgeotto: not for much longer 

Pidgeotto: you’re too much of a sweetheart 

Pidgeotto: if he doesn’t fall for you right away I’ll eat my hat

TheGayUncle: I’d bet on that but tbh we all know it’ll happen

SugarSweet: Pidge I hope you can survive all the lovey stuff without Hunk by your side lol

Pidgeotto: WHO KNOWS but if my friends are happy I’m good

LoverboyLance: NEW COUPLE

VodkaAunt: Hunk, I’m sure they’re trying to make you feel better 

CinnamonRoll: it’s working thanks guys :D

Rom-Com: awwww

CinnamonRoll: BUT IF I CATCH ANY OF YOU TRYING TO SPY OR STEAL BROWNIES YOU WILL ALL REGRET IT

TheGayUncle: SIR YES SIT

TheGayUncle: *SIR

LoverboyLance: sit

Pidgeotto: sit

TheGayUncle: DON’T YOU START WITH ME

 

2:33pm- SmallerGremlin to Shirogayne

SmallerGremlin: but we’re allowed to spy right

Shirogayne: NO

SmallerGremlin: you’re no fun

Shirogayne: Katie

SmallerGremlin: Fine

 

2:34pm- TallerGremlin to Shirogayne

TallerGremlin: I have a question

Shirogayne: I already told Pidge no spying and that applies to you too

TallerGremlin: OH COME ON

 

2:40pm- She-Ra to JazziRizavi

She-Ra: having surreptitiously passed by my brother’s dorm and checked the kitchen I’d say this is going well

JazziRizavi: PICS

She-Ra: [image sent] 

JazziRizavi: AJSJSJ HIS FACE

She-Ra: I know Hunk’s nervous so I think he’s handling it we

She-Ra: ASDFGHJKL PRAY FOR ME

JazziRizavi: WHAT WHAT’S GOING ON

She-Ra: oh phew I wasn’t spotted

JazziRizavi: ????

She-Ra: Hunk May or May not have threatened everybody to stay away and not try to intimidate Ryan or anything

She-Ra: I already spotted Pidge in a nearby tree and Matt wearing sunglasses and a babushka trying to sneak into the common room

JazziRizavi: oh my god

JazziRizavi: I LOVE these people 

She-Ra: I’m literally just walking around outside our building and not only have I seen Matt and Pidge but I’m pretty sure it was Keith loitering around the entrance lmao

She-Ra: I’m surprised Lance hasn’t stuck a GoPro to his cat’s collar and sent her in

JazziRizavi: I want in on this action

She-Ra: what

JazziRizavi: hey I gotta watch out for my buddy Ryan!

JazziRizavi: I’m coming over 

She-Ra: if you need me I’ll be at a safe distance recording everything

JazziRizavi: some people are responsible mom friends and then there’s you

She-Ra: oh please, I’m the Older Sibling Friend 

JazziRizavi: perfection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be continued... >:))))
> 
> See y’all next week! Who knows if that’ll stick to my new schedule or what but we’ll be getting some more Disaster Pan action from the Yeast Bois


	26. Brownie Caper Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PSA: if you’re going to spy on your buddy’s not-date with a cute guy, make sure you know what everyone else is doing or CHAOS ENSUES

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m back! This one actually stuck to schedule lmao

2:45pm- Ronnie to Oreo

Ronnie: just so you know about half of the chat is currently sneaking around and spying on the not-date

Oreo: not Pidge and Matt right 

Ronnie: come on, Shiro

Oreo: I SPECIFICALLY TOLD THEM NOT TO

Oreo: I should have predicted this

Ronnie: I may or may not be taking part but only to record and provide evidence in the event there’s a trail

Oreo: ...you mean “trial”?

Ronnie: stupid second language 

Ronnie: BUT my comment stands

Oreo: you get a free pass from me but watch out for Hunk

Ronnie: ...cRUD

Ronnie: i do NOT want to be on his bad side

Oreo: you want decent food?

Ronnie: that too but I’m also having flashbacks to the time Lance bet Hunk that he couldn’t yeet him into the deep end of a pool from the shallow end and Hunk just [video attached]

Oreo: wh 

Oreo: HOW

Ronnie: MY BROTHER MAY BE A BEANPOLE BUT HUNK IS LIKE A GIANT IN TERMS OF STRENGTH even though he’d probably just do the “I’m not mad I’m disappointed” thing

Oreo: okay you grab Pidge I’ll grab Matt and we can all agree this never happened 

Ronnie: Keith’s here too

Oreo: Lance put him up to that I’m sure

Ronnie: he’s the least creative with the spying smh 

Ronnie: your brother needs more flair

Oreo: I’m not arguing with that but is that everyone currently spying?

Ronnie: i think s

Ronnie: wait

Ronnie: Blue just sauntered out of the building with a GoPro on her collar and Keith shooed her back in THAT’S WHY HE’S THERE I KNEW LANCE WOULD PULL THIS

Oreo: I’m not gonna question that 

Oreo: where are you exactly?

Ronnie: chilling on one of the benches close to the pathway but not too far away from the door 

Ronnie: this is the perfect spot to watch it all go down without getting seen

Oreo: didn’t I say to grab Pidge?

Ronnie: she’s in a tree

Oreo: she WHAT

Ronnie: [image sent] 

Oreo: as innovative as the upside-down periscope is somebody really needs to stop her before we chalk up another ER visit

Ronnie: I think she put a mic in the kitchen too

Oreo: what makes you say that?

Ronnie: it’s Pidge

Oreo: that’s fair but PLEASE stop her for me I can’t do this alone

Ronnie: got it

Ronnie: btw last I saw Matt he was in shades and a babushka so 

Oreo: excuse me

Oreo: Veronica?

Oreo: hello???

Oreo: I hate single parenting

 

2:50pm- Ronnie to BiBro

Ronnie: where are you

BiBro: totally NOT spying on my best buddy 

Ronnie: I saw the cat you nimrod

BiBro: KEITH WAS SUPPOSED TO KEEP AN EYE ON HER

Ronnie: oh he did

Ronnie: nice idea btw but Hunk is either gonna refuse to make you garlic knots or straight up yeet you

BiBro: there is nothing ““straight”” about this situation but it’s FINE there’s no way he’ll find out

Ronnie: I just had to get Pidge out of that tree outside the kitchen window and there is no way he didn’t notice her FALLING ON ME AND US RUNNING

BiBro: ...I’ll tell Keith to grab Blue and run

Ronnie: did you bribe him or something

BiBro: he was bored and I’m good at convincing people to do stuff now BYE

 

3:05pm- JazziRizavi to Leif-Me-Alone

JazziRizavi: IF I DIE YOU GET ALL MY STUFFED ANIMALS

Leif-Me-Alone: you’re most likely NOT about to die, but what prompted this anyway

JazziRizavi: I may

JazziRizavi: OR MAY NOT

JazziRizavi: be spying on Ryan’s date

Leif-Me-Alone: why?

JazziRizavi: bc everyone else was doing it and I’m bored

JazziRizavi: don’t judge me

Leif-Me-Alone: oh, I’m judging

Leif-Me-Alone: wait

Leif-Me-Alone: did you get caught or something?

JazziRizavi: no but I DID get steamrollered into by Veronica and Pidge

JazziRizavi: so I am now dYING and hiding behind some bushes 

Leif-Me-Alone: no dying

JazziRizavi: oh come on

Leif-Me-Alone: hold it who’s Ryan on a date with?

Leif-Me-Alone: you said Veronica and Pidge were there so I assume someone from that dorm

JazziRizavi: Hunk Garrett 

Leif-Me-Alone: oh they seem like a good match 

JazziRizavi: I KNOW RIGHT

JazziRizavi: thing is this isn’t technically a date this is an elaborate bribery scheme 

Leif-Me-Alone: it’s always something with you

JazziRizavi: yeah well I’m the reason it happened so 

Leif-Me-Alone: Nadia honestly the fact that you haven’t ended up in jail, the ER, or both yet this school year astounds me

JazziRizavi: I often surprise people 

Leif-Me-Alone: not always in a good way

JazziRizavi: >:OOOO

Leif-Me-Alone: flaming panini incident

JazziRizavi: INAAAAAAAA

Leif-Me-Alone: don’t even start

JazziRizavi: yeah well I’m go

JazziRizavi: I GOTTA RUN SOMETHING’S GOING DOWN BYE

Leif-Me-Alone: I’ll be taking my pick of your stuffed animals 

 

3:16pm- KINKade to Mother(flippin) Enchiladas

KINKade: alright how many of you were in on this

Fear-the-Griffin: in on what?

KINKade: you know EXACTLY what

KINKade: actually I think I know who the mastermind was

Leif-Me-Alone: it was Rizavi I’m just the person she texted to update on the situation 

JazziRizavi: INA

KINKade: WHAT THE HECK WERE YOU DOING SPYING

JazziRizavi: if you must know I was jumping on the bandwagon

Fear-the-Griffin: you guys lost me

KINKade: long story short I still don’t have a bribe because SOMEBODY interrupted us

Fear-the-Griffin: YEAH THAT’S NOT ANY LESS CONFUSING DUDE

JazziRizavi: I REFUSE TO SAY ANYTHING ELSE WITHOUT A LAWYER

KINKade: I WAS SPENDING TIME WITH A CUTE GUY AND YOU PULL THIS

KINKade: wait

JazziRizavi: AHA

KINKade: SHUT UP

Fear-the-Griffin: who?

KINKade: I SAID SHUT UP

JazziRizavi: you’re welcome

KINKade: that’s it

[KINKade has left the chat]

JazziRizavi: ejefjrh

[JazziRizavi has left the chat]

Leif-Me-Alone: that was dramatic

Fear-the-Griffin: yeah I still have no idea what’s going on

Leif-Me-Alone: it would be better to just hole up somewhere far away and wait this out

Fear-the-Griffin: way ahead of you

 

3:25pm- CinnamonRoll to Nobody Here Is Straight

CinnamonRoll: fess up

CinnamonRoll: all of you

VodkaAunt: in my defense I was trying to stop Matt not help him

Princess-Alluring: what did you lot DO?? The common room is a MESS

CinnamonRoll: Allura wasn’t in on this, got it, now WHERE’S LANCE

LoverboyLance: the person you are trying to reach is currently unavailable. Please leave a message

CinnamonRoll: I’m waiting, Lance 

LoverboyLance: OKAY SORRY BUT IT WASN’T SUPPOSED TO END THAT BADLY

move-I’m-gay: I got roped into this

CinnamonRoll: you don’t get a free pass either buddy 

Pidgeotto: i was actually looking for the brownie recipe it’s not my fault Veronica is bad at catching people

WisestMcclain: YOU JUMPED OUT OF THE TREE AND SAID “CATCH ME” /AFTER/ YOU JUMPED

Rom-Com: VERONICA WAS PART OF THIS??

WisestMcclain: crud 

SugarSweet: dear god I muted this chat for less than an hour 

TheGayUncle: IT WAS PURELY FOR JOKE PURPOSES 

TheGayUncle: HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT PIDGE WAS THERE

TheGayUncle: and then Nadia Rizavi came out of NOWHERE

TheGayUncle: and I’m still not sure why Keith had Blue but I crashed into him

TheGayUncle: long story short this got out of hand

Pidgeotto: ...all the spies apologize at the same time?

TheGayUncle: 3, 2, 1 go

TheGayUncle: sorry Hunk

Pidgeotto: I’m sorry

LoverboyLance: sorry buddy 

WisestMcclain: I’m sorry too

move-I’m-gay: me too

WisestMcclain: Keith was coerced it’s not his fault

VodkaAunt: he still did it

LoverboyLance: yeah because of me

LoverboyLance: I take responsibility 

Rom-Com: odd that Hunk’s not saying anything

CinnamonRoll: I’m not mad

Pidgeotto: phew

CinnamonRoll: I’m disappointed is what I am

Pidgeotto: I SHOULD HAVE SEEN THIS COMING

CinnamonRoll: no

CinnamonRoll: more 

CinnamonRoll: spying

CinnamonRoll: I get that you’re all looking out for me in your own ways but this was too much, got it?

LoverboyLance: ...I got it

TheGayUncle: that was the most soul-crushing lecture I’ve ever heard and it come from Hunk of all people 

VodkaAunt: I’m not even in trouble and that messed with me

CinnamonRoll: it wasn’t that mean and they deserve it

 

3:26pm- Rom-Com to Ronnie

Rom-Com: remind me to never get on his bad side

Ronnie: duly noted

Rom-Com: what even did they all do?

Rom-Com: AND YOU

Ronnie: Pidge was in a tree with an upside-down periscope, Matt was in a terrible disguise, Lance stuck a camera on Blue’s collar and left Keith in charge of steering her the right way, Nadia came over because everyone else was doing it, and I was over on the bench 

Rom-Com: and you didn’t stop them???

Ronnie: I WAS OVER ON THE BENCH

Ronnie: but I did text Shiro and then I went to get Pidge, who JUMPED DOWN FROM THE TREE ONTO ME

Ronnie: so then we both ran for it but we crashed into Nadia, who for all I know is still hiding in the bushes and being dramatic

Rom-Com: god what a mood

Ronnie: same

Ronnie: and then (don’t ask me how) there’s suddenly a flying cat and it hit me in the face before I realized it was Blue, who jumped out of Keith’s arms bc Matt crashed into him

Rom-Com: ???????

Ronnie: and Matt’s screeching because Keith automatically went for his knife when they collided

Rom-Com: !?!?!?!

Ronnie: and then Shiro finally gets there and grabs Matt but that’s when Ryan and Hunk came outside and they’re both absolutely covered in flour and cocoa powder and everybody’s yelling and it was VERY LOUD and VERY CONFUSING

Rom-Com: I have a lot of questions but they’re gonna remain unanswered aren’t they

Ronnie: most likely

Rom-Com: do you think the date went well before you lot stepped in orrrr

Ronnie: I didn’t actually ask

Rom-Com: well ask then! A GIRL NEEDS HER TEA

Ronnie: alright alright one second I’ll get Lance to ask

 

3:27pm- LoverboyLance to Hunky

LoverboyLance: just so you know Veronica put me up to this

Hunky: ?

LoverboyLance: did it at least go well?

Hunky: right up until Pidge fell out of a tree right outside the window

LoverboyLance: well you got some new stories out of this 

Hunky: and I think he’s at least SOMEWHAT interested 

LoverboyLance: ohhh???

Hunky: idk I’m terrible at identifying flirting

Hunky: too much time around you and your painfully obvious pickup lines that never work

LoverboyLance: excuse you Keith likes them

Hunky: of course he does

LoverboyLance: but we’re talking about YOU

Hunky: I asked him about tall the photos on his Insta and he says he loves photography (apparently that’s his major) but the science behind cooking is also one of his interests which I can DEFINITELY get behind 

Hunky: only now we’re gonna have to meet up again bc we never actually got done and I am NOT telling the chat where

LoverboyLance: that’s fair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Props to anyone who caught the John Mulaney reference! You get one black coffee from McDonald’s and my love
> 
>  
> 
> Also Hunk being able to just throw his friends is a blessed concept in my mind for some reason i mean LOOK AT HIS BICEPS


	27. >:)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We got some memes and then angst and I’m not sorry for that combo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I put an emoji as the chapter title? Yes i did Y’ALL HEED THE EMOJI’S WARNING
> 
> Also I’m sorry this is later in the day than normal, I’ve been busy this weekend- enjoy!
> 
> *TW for a panic attack at the end of the chapter- it is kind of integral to the plot, but if you really want to skip, then read the lil summary in the end notes. <3

3:40pm- Hunky to Killmonger 

Hunky: sorry again about my friends 

Hunky: they get a little carried away sometimes but never for malicious reasons

Killmonger: mine are exactly like that too no worries 

Hunky: no offense but I HIGHLY doubt your friends are as wild as mine

Killmonger: Nadia almost burnt down the dorms once trying to make a panini for Ina beat that

Hunky: Keith and Lance got caught up in the middle of a robbery and Keith almost stabbed a guy

Killmonger: ????

Hunky: he does that a lot

Killmonger: stab people??

Hunky: ALMOST stab people

Killmonger: never mind you win

Hunky: HA

Hunky: so rain check on the brownies?

Killmonger: sure! Just need to make sure Nadia isn’t in the state

Hunky: you mean the area?

Killmonger: nope i meant the state she’s a certified Chaos Lesbian

Hunky: ...so it’s a bad thing that she and Pidge now know each other

Killmonger: none of my friends are gonna live past thirty and at this point I’ve come to terms with it

Hunky: SAME

Hunky: sometimes I’m sure that they're TRYING to give me a heart attack

Killmonger: god what a mood

Hunky: that wasn’t even all of them today

Killmonger: ...you're kidding

Hunky: unfortunately, no, I’m sure Romelle would have gotten involved if she’d been available and Allura would have tried to stop them

Killmonger: which is what Shiro and Veronica were doing, correct?

Hunky: the operative word being “tried”

Killmonger: well despite the interruptions that was still fun

Hunky: ‘cause I won the flour fight :P

Killmonger: you absolutely did NOT

Killmonger: i actually really enjoyed spending time with you

Killmonger: thanks again for your continued help

Hunky: no problem at all!

Hunky: and for the record, I enjoyed spending time with you just as much :D

Killmonger: :)

 

3:43pm- Hunky to LoverboyLance

Hunky: HOW DO YOU CONSTANTLY FLIRT WITH PEOPLE ALL THE TIME

LoverboyLance: not anymore!! I HAVE A BOYFRIEND YOU KNOW

Hunky: AAAAAAA

LoverboyLance: wait wait wait were you flirting with Ryan

Hunky: THAT WAS STRESSFUL BUT EXHILARATING

Hunky: I HAVE NEW RESPECT FOR Y

Hunky: wait the only reason you don’t panic doing it is bc you’re an extrovert god dANG IT

LoverboyLance: >:OOOO

LoverboyLance: I will suspend my offense 

LoverboyLance: for now

LoverboyLance: BUT ONLY IF YOU SPILL

Hunky: I GUESS I KINDA FLIRTED I DON’T KNOW AND MAYBE HE DID TOO

LoverboyLance: GASP

Hunky: BUT I DON’T KNOW OKAY

LoverboyLance: I think you’re infecting me with the social bug

Hunky: the what

LoverboyLance: the thing where talking and spending time around people makes you tired 

Hunky: “social bug”

LoverboyLance: IDK MAN I’M TIRED

Hunky: do you have any more classes today?

LoverboyLance: nope and none tomorrow

Hunky: I know your schedule that is a Lie

LoverboyLance: not if the professor canceled last minute for a “family emergency”

Hunky: luckyyyyy

Hunky: I mean not for the professor obvi

LoverboyLance: no kidding

Hunky: which one?

LoverboyLance: the one with the word Russian-sounding name uhhhh

LoverboyLance: Professor Kolivan 

Hunky: that guy? He scares me

LoverboyLance: eh he seems pretty chill to me

LoverboyLance: I’m gonna go take a nap

Hunky: fine I’ll go pine at Pidge

LoverboyLance: good luck with that one bro

LoverboyLance: AND GOOD LUCK WITH RYAN ;DDDD

Hunky: one of these days i swear to god you will drive me insane

LoverboyLance: that’s what makes our friendship exciting :P

Hunky: yeah yeah go take a nap Mr. Social Bug

 

5:25pm- Pidgeotto to Nobody Here Is Straight

Pidgeotto: so who’s up for a couple of new additions to this dumpster fire of a chat

VodkaAunt: I can’t take too many more people seeing my username

TheGayUncle: you like it

VodkaAunt: no comment

Princess-Alluring: depends on the new additions 

SugarSweet: this better not be more mischief!

Pidgeotto: who, me? Mischief? Never

CinnamonRoll: Pidge

VodkaAunt: Katie.

Pidgeotto: just Nadia!!

move-I’m-gay: you said “additions” as in more than one

Pidgeotto: ...and Ryan

CinnamonRoll: PIDGE

Pidgeotto: HEY I’M ASKING FIRST AREN’T I

Rom-Com: she’s not wrong

WisestMcclain: when’d you get Nadia’s number??

Pidgeotto: like an hour ago

Rom-Com: of course

move-I’m-gay: and Ryan’s?

Pidgeotto: from Nadia

Princess-Alluring: of course

move-I’m-gay: well I don’t see anything wrong with it but this doesn’t have much to do with me so

Rom-Com: is it just me or is Keith contributing to the conversation an abnormal amount

VodkaAunt: Lance is napping and Keith is lonely

move-I’m-gay: you hypocrite what about when you kept distracting Matt from studying because you didn’t want to leave him alone 

VodkaAunt:... that’s different 

move-I’m-gay: NO IT IS NOT

Pidgeotto: BACK TO THE MATTER AT HAND YOU DISASTERS

CinnamonRoll: ughhhhhh fine but if you or anyone else tries anything you’ll regret it

Pidgeotto: oh yeah?

CinnamonRoll: no baking for a week

Pidgeotto: I SUBMIT I SUBMIT

TheGayUncle: WE WON’T SCREW UP

[Pidgeotto added Chaos-Lesbian to the chat]

[Pidgeotto added KillmongerLookalike to the chat]

VodkaAunt: i don’t know what I expected

Chaos-Lesbian: WHAT’S UP PEASANTS 

WisestMcclain: HEY NADIA

KillmongerLookalike: i don’t look THAT much like Killmonger

Pidgeotto: exhibit A: an image of Killmonger [image sent]

Pidgeotto: exhibit B: an image of you i got from Nadia [image sent]

Chaos-Lesbian: girl’s got a point buddy

KillmongerLookalike: alright fine 

KillmongerLookalike: so who else is in this chat?

CinnamonRoll: this is Hunk :D

KillmongerLookalike: nice

Chaos-Lesbian: yeah, /nice/

TheGayUncle: I like you already

TheGayUncle: and the name’s Matt

Pidgeotto: he’s gonna say that we’re related but I have never seen that disaster bi before in my life 

TheGayUncle: gASP

TheGayUncle: BETRAYAL

VodkaAunt: I’m Shiro

VodkaAunt: please ignore the username

Chaos-Lesbian: Pidge’s handiwork?

Pidgeotto: you know it

Chaos-Lesbian: (☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞(☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞(☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞

Pidgeotto: that’s the most cursed thing I’ve ever seen

Pidgeotto: I LOVE IT

move-I’m-gay: I’m Keith

Chaos-Lesbian: we meet again

Rom-Com: this is Romelle

Princess-Alluring: Allura

SugarSweet: I’m Shay :D

TheGayUncle: hold on we’re missing another disaster bi

CinnamonRoll: Lance is sleeping

TheGayUncle: ohhhh I forgot

Chaos-Lesbian: this is a LEGENDARY chat 

Rom-Com:...Veronica

WisestMcclain: yes boo?

Rom-Com: hghgh

Rom-Com: just how many stories did you tell them about us

WisestMcclain: all of them

Princess-Alluring: oh god

SugarSweet: if you want pictures then Kosmo the wolfdog lives at my clinic

Chaos-Lesbian: PUPPY

move-I’m-gay: she can stay

Pidgeotto: aaaaaand Keith adopted Nadia

SugarSweet: [image sent] [image sent]

Chaos-Lesbian: MAKING FRIENDS WITH PIDGE WAS THE BEST DECISION I HAVE EVER MADE

Pidgeotto: oh no

Pidgeotto: hELP ME

Pidgeotto: I’m FEELING

KillmongerLookalike: don’t get too excited the bar isn’t very high for Nadia’s “great decisions”

Chaos-Lesbian: got you a date, didn’t I?

CinnamonRoll: hhrkkk

KillmongerLookalike: Christ 

TheGayUncle: hey Hunk this one wasn’t on me, Lance, or Pidge sooo

VodkaAunt: really, Matt? Really?

TheGayUncle: I want to survive the next week and that means access to decent food

CinnamonRoll: uhhh WHO WANTS TO INTRODUCE THE NEWBIES TO OUR GAME HUH

Pidgeotto: coward

Rom-Com: OOOH ME

Chaos-Lesbian: a game, you say? >:)))))

KillmongerLookalike: what kind of game?

TheGayUncle: kinda like 20 Questions but it’s Infinity Questions instead

VodkaAunt: you can ask any question you like and everyone available answers 

Rom-Com: I said I wanted to introduce them!!!

WisestMcclain: let my gf do her thing you two

Rom-Com: too late :((

WisestMcclain: MATT YOU BETTER RUN

TheGayUncle: WHY ME

WisestMcclain: BECAUSE YOU’RE BUILT LIKE A NOODLE SO I KNOW I CAN TAKE YOU

VodkaAunt: Everybody STOP FIGHTING

Chaos-Lesbian: ANY question, huh? >:)))))))))))

KillmongerLookalike: you guys are definitely gonna regret this

Chaos-Lesbian: Would you rather be able to see 10 minutes into your own future or 10 minutes into the future of anyone but yourself?

KillmongerLookalike: I’ve been pleasantly surprised

CinnamonRoll: that first one

CinnamonRoll: I already have a sixth sense for when my friends are about to do something stupid so I could use something for myself

Pidgeotto: I’d be offended but you aren’t wrong

Princess-Alluring: the second one because the actions of those around me influence what happens to me so I get the best of both worlds

TheGayUncle: the first one so I can anticipate when someone I’m talking crap about shows up behind me

Chaos-Lesbian: you. I like you

Rom-Com: second one

SugarSweet: first one- that way the animals can’t surprise me anymore 

Princess-Alluring: got tackled by Kosmo again today?

SugarSweet: YES

KillmongerLookalike: second one because I hang out with unpredictable people 

Chaos-Lesbian: you know it!

VodkaAunt: first one

move-I’m-gay: first one for sure 

Chaos-Lesbian: I like this game

 

6:12pm- Kogayne to BigBrotherIsWatchingYou 

Kogayne: I just got a really weird email

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: then text Pidge 

Kogayne: no it’s not one of those spam virus things

Kogayne: at least I think 

Kogayne: it’s from Professor Kolivan

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: well he is kind of a strange man 

Kogayne: i know he acts like we’ve known each other for years

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: but what makes the email so weird?

Kogayne: ...it mentions my mom

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: HKFVJFVDJJHFD

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: YOUR WHAT

Kogayne: I AM JUST AS SURPRISED AS YOU ARE OKAY

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: how would he know your mom??

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: what exactly does it say

Kogayne: I’ll just forward it to you or something gimme a minute

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: check with Pidge to make sure it’s legit while I read it, okay?

Kogayne: I will

 

6:14pm- Pidgeon to KnifeBoi

Pidgeon: holy mother

KnifeBoi: really, Pidge?

Pidgeon: honest reaction i swear!

Pidgeon: that’s definitely from Prof. Kolivan though this is legit

Pidgeon: what’s going on, dude??

KnifeBoi: I DON’T KNOW THIS HAS TO DO WITH MY MOTHER

KnifeBoi: UP UNTIL NOW I THOUGHT SHE WAS DEAD OR SOMETHING AND NOW I HAVE MY COLLEGE PROFESSOR OF ALL PEOPLE TELLING ME SHE WANTS TO SEE ME 

KnifeBoi: HOW WOULD I KNOW WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON

Pidgeon: CALM DOWN A LITTLE

KnifeBoi: i am PERFECTLY CALM

Pidgeon: I’m bringing out the big guns go talk to Shiro

KnifeBoi: what?

Pidgeon: GO

 

6:15pm- BigBrotherIsWatchingYou to Kogayne

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: well that’s something 

Kogayne: “SOMETHING” IS PUTTING IT LIGHTLY

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: Pidge verified it?

Kogayne: “it’s legit”

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: then what do you think?

Kogayne: I HAVE NO IDEA

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: Keith you need to breathe a little

Kogayne: I AM 20 YEARS OLD

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: Keith

Kogayne: SHE LEFT WHEN I WAS LIKE ONE

Kogayne: I FINALLY MANAGED TO DEAL WITH IT ALL, SHIRO

Kogayne: AND NOW THIS HAPPENS

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: KEITH

Kogayne: WHAT

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: that’s it where are you

Kogayne: jfhd

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: Keith????

Kogayne: he’s breaking down on the couch atm 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: WHAT

Kogayne: this is Lance!!

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: oh ok

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: wait not okay you said breaking down????

Kogayne: Pidge barged into my room, threw an empty water bottle at my head to wake me up, and said “Keith needs you” so now I’m in the common room and he’s trying not to lose it

Kogayne: ...it’s not good

Kogayne: I haven’t seen Keith have an attack like this EVER

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: he must have started spiraling this isn’t good

Kogayne: that’s what I said!!

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: I’m on my way

Kogayne: what’s going on, anyway? Do I need to fight somebody because I 100% will

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: here’s a screenshot of the email that started this whole mess [image sent]

Kogayne: HIS MOM????

Kogayne: I GO TO SLEEP FOR A FEW HOURS AND THIS HAPPENS SMH

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: keep an eye on him, okay? I’ll be right there

Kogayne: can-do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Keith got an email from his teacher saying that his mother has resurfaced and wants to see him and starts overthinking so much he panics*
> 
> Oooo what’s gonna happen next? >:)))
> 
> Next chapter might be early (like, Saturday early) bc I have a day off so just look out for that 
> 
> See y’all next week!


	28. Imagine, If You Will, a Giant Cuddle Pile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff, more Pidge and Nadia shenanigans, and furthering of like... actual plot lmao

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *cheery Minecraft YouTuber voice* HELLOOOOO EVERYBODYYYY
> 
> Here’s the chapter on a SATURDAY imagine that (this is purely because I got a day off yesterday lmao)
> 
> I’ve had a crazy week, as evidenced by the stuff I have actually had to tell my nutso friends:
> 
> “DO NOT YEET THE BAT” (referring to the small flying mammal, not the stick)
> 
> “YOU ARE GONNA GET RABIES NO MORE LETTING BATS HANG OUT ON YOUR SHOULDER”
> 
> “No deadlifting your sister I do not care if she’s being annoying”
> 
> “Please don’t exorcise the printer”
> 
> No I will not give context 
> 
> Enjoy!

6:18pm- Pidgeon to Chaos-Lesbian

Pidgeon: you wouldn’t happen to have Professor Kolivan would you

Chaos-Lesbian: yeah actually 

Chaos-Lesbian: why?

Pidgeon: a story in screenshots: [image sent] [image sent] [image sent]

Chaos-Lesbian: I thought Keith was an orphan????

Pidgeon: EVIDENTLY NOT ALL THE WAY

Chaos-Lesbian: it’s not like I know that professor WELL

Pidgeon: I’m just asking if he’s done anything suspicious that you know of

Chaos-Lesbian: me? No

Chaos-Lesbian: however, I may know a guy

Pidgeon: I like where this is going 

Chaos-Lesbian: you know how Ryan does photography

Pidgeon: yeah?

Chaos-Lesbian: he’s also in the business of documentaries 

Chaos-Lesbian: specifically, about college life 

Chaos-Lesbian: and he has an uncanny ability to be in what he calls “the wrong place at the wrong time” but I call it “the RIGHT place at the RIGHT time”

Chaos-Lesbian: his documentaries are where I get all my gossip ;P

Pidgeon: you are speaking my language 

Chaos-Lesbian: I haven’t stolen his camera in a while so it’s entirely possible there’s something new

Pidgeon: I LOVE where this is going 

Pidgeon: but Keith’s kinda breaking right now so this’ll have to wait

Chaos-Lesbian: ROLL BACK

Chaos-Lesbian: EXPLAIN THAT

Pidgeon: not really my place to say 

Pidgeon: just know that anything about his parents usually results in some kind of anxiety attack

Chaos-Lesbian: that explains some stuff actually

Chaos-Lesbian: tell him I hope he feels better soon

Pidgeon: thanks Nadia

Pidgeon: I’ll pass it on

Chaos-Lesbian: spying mission later tho?

Pidgeon: oh absolutely 

Pidgeon: anyone who messes with my favorite emo is gonna CATCH THESE HANDS AND ALSO ANYTHING ELSE I CAN GET MY HANDS ON

Chaos-Lesbian: that’s a level of loyalty I can get behind

Chaos-Lesbian: I’m off to get that camera meet you in half an hour

Pidgeon: sounds like a plan

 

6:19pm- Hunky to Killmonger

Hunky: sorry but I need a rain check on those brownies

Killmonger: something up?

Hunky: I’m not sure but Keith’s not doing so well so I’m gonna focus on helping him out

Killmonger: is there anything I can do?

Hunky: that’s sweet but idek what happened all I know is he’s crying on the common room couch and Lance has him

Hunky: and now Shiro’s here

Hunky: Pidge is making her murder face this can’t be good

Killmonger: oh wow

Hunky: honestly there’s only one thing I can think of that might cause th

Hunky: HLUFHJKEFJK

Hunky: I THINK I KNOW

Killmonger: what???

Killmonger: hello??

Killmonger: HUNK THAT WAS KIND OF A BAD TIME TO GO OFFLINE

Hunky: MOM

Killmonger: uhh

Hunky: no sorry it’s just I was right it’s his mom

Killmonger: oh god

Hunky: EXACTLY GOTTA GO

Killmonger: good luck

Hunky: THANKS

 

7:12pm- Princess-Alluring to Nobody Here Is Straight

Princess-Alluring: can someone please explain what went down with Keith earlier? I’ve only gotten disjointed answers from Lance and Pidge

Pidgeotto: hold on

[Pidgeotto removed move-I’m-gay from the chat]

CinnamonRoll: Pidge!!!

Pidgeotto: I don’t wanna accidentally make him worse

LoverboyLance: I think he’s stable for now we’re watching old BBO episodes in my room and he keeps muttering stuff like “that’s NOT the right RECIPE you IDIOT” and “god that frosting job is terrible” under his breath

LoverboyLance: it’s kind of cute actually he’s doing the “angry burrito” thing with some blankets

CinnamonRoll: focus, Lance

LoverboyLance: right my bad

Rom-Com: I’m missing something what happened to Keith?

VodkaAunt: suffice to say he’s had a bad day with old memories resurfacing

SugarSweet: oh dear

Chaos-Lesbian: does he need more help?

LoverboyLance: tbh I don’t know 

LoverboyLance: I hate to say it guys but I’m not sure we CAN help 

WisestMcclain: oh geez 

VodkaAunt: actually Lance is wrong

TheGayUncle: about what? I mean

VodkaAunt: not the time for roasting Lance

LoverboyLance: YEAH STOP ROASTING LANCE

VodkaAunt: I MEANT that we can’t help with the actual problem, that’s up to him, but I know Keith would appreciate it if we just support him and don’t interfere

Princess-Alluring: I still don’t really know what’s going on but I can do that

Pidgeotto: movie night again?

CinnamonRoll: WE NEED POPCORN STAT

KillmongerLookalike: if he likes furikake I have a giant bag i haven’t opened yet

VodkaAunt: oh Keith likes furikake all right

LoverboyLance: hold on lemme ask if he’s up for it

LoverboyLance: “....okay”

LoverboyLance: GUYS HE’S SO SAD THIS HURTS ME

SugarSweet: hmmm

SugarSweet: I could smuggle Kosmo into the dorms….

Rom-Com: OOH HIJINKS I’LL HELP YOU

Chaos-Lesbian: ME TOO TELL ME WHERE TO GO

KillmongerLookalike: you’re not going anywhere until you return my camera!

Chaos-Lesbian: uhhhh what’s a camera

[Chaos-Lesbian has left the chat]

Pidgeotto: for the record it should be back on your shelf by now fully intact

KillmongerLookalike: you know what? I’m too tired for this I’m not gonna ask

TheGayUncle: good course of action

Princess-Alluring: me and Romelle can help smuggle the wolfdog

Rom-Com: do I smell a LESBIAN POWER SQUAD

SugarSweet: that sounds EXCELLENT

KillmongerLookalike: so that’s a yes on the furikake?

CinnamonRoll: yeah come on over

Princess-Alluring: aren’t we having this at Pidge’s place like usual?

TheGayUncle: too many people for our mother to intimidate 

TheGayUncle: plus it’s late and she hates not getting a heads-up on plans 

Princess-Alluring: ah that makes sense 

KillmongerLookalike: yeah I’ll just be right over 

VodkaAunt: thanks

LoverboyLance: Keith says thanks btw 

LoverboyLance: he also said “tell Pidge to add me back to the chat right this instant”

Pidgeotto: I’ll do it later

LoverboyLance: “close enough”

 

8:25am- Hunky to Killmonger

Hunky: I didn’t get to say thanks in all the chaos this morning 

Killmonger: I still can’t believe every single one of us fell asleep

Hunky: normally Keith, Lance, Matt, and Pidge bicker about stuff really loudly the whole entire time but I guess they weren’t up to it last night 

Hunky: but yeah I wanted to say thanks 

Hunky: I know you don’t know Keith that well so it was really nice of you

Killmonger: well he was pretty clearly in pain and I hate seeing people like that, no matter how well I know them

Hunky: oh my god you’re perfect

Hunky: LKJHFHJKF

Killmonger: ?

Hunky: TYPO TYPO

Hunky: SPELLCHECK AMIRITE

Hunky: BYE I GOT CLASS

Killmonger: ...bye?

 

8:56am- KINKade to JazziRizavi

KINKade: [image sent] so this happened 

JazziRizavi: you’re internally panicking aren’t you

KINKade: LITTLE BIT HE’S REALLY CUTE

 

9:05am- move-I’m-gay to Nobody Here Is Straight

move-I’m-gay: thanks, you guys

move-I’m-gay: you didn’t have to do all that but it means a lot

Princess-Alluring: aww you’re welcome Keith

Princess-Alluring: now I’m sorry but I’M ABOUT TO BE LATE so BYE

WisestMcclain: love you bro 

CinnamonRoll: anytime :DDD

Pidgeotto: look here McEmo you’re a great friend and you mean a lot to all of us so of course we’d do all that for you

LoverboyLance: no roasting Keith!

LoverboyLance: but also we all love you, Mullet

TheGayUncle: mushyyyyyyyyyy

VodkaAunt: but he has a point, Matt

TheGayUncle: HEY

Rom-Com: what was that screech I heard down the hall?

TheGayUncle: HE WHACKED ME UPSIDE THE HEAD WITH HIS PROSTHETIC ARM

Chaos-Lesbian: big oof

TheGayUncle: no you don’t get it we were on opposite ends of the couch so he TOOK IT OFF AND HIT ME WITH IT

VodkaAunt: you were ruining a perfectly gay moment 

Pidgeotto: LMAO

WisestMcclain: screenshotted

SugarSweet: good lord

move-I’m-gay: oh Shay i especially wanted to thank you for bringing Kosmo

Princess-Alluring: this is Lesbian Power Squad erasure 

move-I’m-gay: what

move-I’m-gay: oh my bad thanks to all three of you for that

Rom-Com: is this gay/lesbian solidarity bc I LIKE IT

WisestMcclain: are yall forgetting the Bis?

LoverboyLance: YOU BETTER NOT BE

KillmongerLookalike: what is happening

VodkaAunt: just roll with it

 

9:27am- LoverboyLance to move-I’m-gay

LoverboyLance: I don’t want to accidentally mess you up again so stop me now just in case

move-I’m-gay: nah I know what you’re going to ask

move-I’m-gay: If I’ve made a decision about whether or not to actually respond to that email and/or agree to meet her

LoverboyLance: Christ are you psychic 

move-I’m-gay: no I just know you well

move-I’m-gay: and I am stable now so you’re fine

LoverboyLance: good

LoverboyLance: so…?

move-I’m-gay: honestly i don’t know

move-I’m-gay: I did reply saying I wasn’t sure but there’s been no response 

LoverboyLance: I know her leaving hurt you a lot 

move-I’m-gay: understatement of the year

LoverboyLance: but do you want to at least find out why?

move-I’m-gay: I know why

LoverboyLance: no, you GUESSED why

LoverboyLance: I’m not here to make any decisions for you, but there’s my recommendation 

move-I’m-gay: thanks, Lance

LoverboyLance: hey, anytime 

 

10:03am- Kogayne to BigBrotherIsWatchingYou 

Kogayne: advice please

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: normally I’d tease you mercilessly for this but what’s up

Kogayne: ha, ha, very funny

Kogayne: and you know exactly what’s up

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: again, struggling not to tease you

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: you’re wondering whether or not to actually see her

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: well, you know my philosophy 

Kogayne: “when you argue with someone, you have to try to get their side of the story or it’ll just get worse”

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: that’s oversimplified but yeah 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: closure can help a lot you know

Kogayne: I am kinda morbidly curious as to why

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: I know you’ve made guesses

Kogayne: ….then I think I will see her

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: really??

Kogayne: yeah

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: the email said tomorrow at noon, right?

Kogayne: also yeah

Kogayne: do NOT tell the rest of that chat I don’t want a repeat of Hunk’s not-date incident

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: you and me both

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: how did Lance even manage to convince you to take part in that??

Kogayne: ….

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: do I even want to know

Kogayne: IT’S NOT LIKE THAT YOU HEATHEN

Kogayne: he said he’d do my hair again

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: oh my god

Kogayne: stop

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: you SAP

Kogayne: sTOP

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: I will

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: for a price

Kogayne: lemme guess

Kogayne: pictures 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: and you HAVE to SMILE NICELY

Kogayne: ugh

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: LOOK AT THE SAPPY DISASTER GAY

Kogayne: FINE FINE WHATEVER YOU’LL GET YOUR PICTURES

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: I’m gonna tell Lance myself 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: I know you won’t mess up on purpose if he’s there

Kogayne: and I say again, 

Kogayne: u g h

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: oh deal with it you big baby

Kogayne: said the six-year-old

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: ….

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: you know what I walked into that 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: oh, one more thing

Kogayne: this better not be more teasing

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: no I just

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: I know you don’t want EVERYBODY to be in the area, but do you want me or Lance to come along and just stay nearby?

Kogayne: ….

Kogayne: that sounds good

Kogayne: thanks, Shiro

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: not a problem 

 

10:12am- Chaos-Lesbian to Pidgeon

Chaos-Lesbian: do you want to hear about what I found in the documentary footage

Pidgeon: oh yeah I forgot to ask

Chaos-Lesbian: it’s not a lot but Ryan somehow ended up stuck on the roof of the cafeteria and his camera caught Professor Kolivan leaving campus with somebody wearing a hood

Pidgeon: ooo suspicious 

Pidgeon: wait how did Ryan end up on the roof

Chaos-Lesbian: I’m pretty sure he was avoiding one of those obnoxious PDA couples who make out everywhere 

Pidgeon: I HATE THOSE PEOPLE 

Pidgeon: like come on do they not have places to BE

Chaos-Lesbian: lmao same but anyway that’s about all the camera caught in regards to the Keith situation

Pidgeon: ughhhh that’s not a lot

Chaos-Lesbian: I mean we did get that bit with the mystery hooded person

Pidgeon: this situation is looking reaaaaaally sketchy 

Chaos-Lesbian: what do you say we do some hacking?

Pidgeon: you can hack??

Chaos-Lesbian: no but Ina can

Chaos-Lesbian: and I’m very skilled at social media digging

Pidgeon: oh yeah let’s do this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The bromance I accidentally set up between Pidge and Nadia may be the best decision I ever made lmao
> 
> Also, Keith watches the Great British Baking Show but vehemently denies liking it and no one can tell me otherwise hA
> 
> PS who here watched TDP season 2 because I have MANY FEELINGS 
> 
> See yall next week! (Normal schedule again)


	29. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Debates over food and a smidgen of fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

10:36am- Pidgeon to Chaos-Lesbian

Pidgeon: open your window 

Chaos-Lesbian: Pidge you’re my favorite person and all but w h a t

Chaos-Lesbian: IS THAT YOU THROWING ROCKS OR DO I HAVE TO BRING OUT THE PAINTBALL GUN 

Pidgeon: IT’S ME CALM DOWN

Chaos-Lesbian: oh my god just get up here

Pidgeon: explain the paintball gun first

Chaos-Lesbian: well I’m not dumb enough to have an actual gun on campus this may be America but it’s not Texas

Chaos-Lesbian: technically it’s Ryan’s anyway he’s very good at paintball wars DO NOT CHALLENGE HIM

Pidgeon: oooh

Pidgeon: is Ina ready?

Chaos-Lesbian: she’s got her setup going already

Pidgeon: then I’m coming in

Chaos-Lesbian: through the window? I like you more and more

 

11:12am- Chaos-Lesbian to Nobody Here Is Straight

Chaos-Lesbian: hey yall i got a question

move-I’m-gay: NOT YOU TOO

Chaos-Lesbian: what?

LoverboyLance: Keith is Texan and he hates it when we use the lingo lmao

move-I’m-gay: LANCE

WisestMcclain: what’s your question, Nadia?

Pidgeotto: NO NO NO THIS BETTER NOT BE ABOUT WHAT WE WERE TALKING ABOUT

Chaos-Lesbian: I thought you liked chaos :))))

Pidgeotto: THIS IS TOO FAR

Chaos-Lesbian: my question: pineapple on pizza, yes or no?

Pidgeotto: she’s unstoppable 

Chaos-Lesbian: so are you

LoverboyLance: PINEAPPLE PIZZA IS A DISGRACE

TheGayUncle: I AGREE WITH LANCE

CinnamonRoll: come on guys it’s not that bad

CinnamonRoll: I like it 

TheGayUncle: if i didn’t love you and your cooking so much i stg

VodkaAunt: well i don’t like it but I won’t fight anyone over it

Rom-Com: I’ve never actually had it???

Pidgeotto: I STAND IN DEFENSE OF PINEAPPLE PIZZA

LoverboyLance: I STAND AGAINST YOU

TheGayUncle: Pidge we are ITALIAN

Pidgeotto: NOT THAT ITALIAN I CAN STILL LIKE PINEAPPLE PIZZA

WisestMcclain: eh I’m with Shiro

LoverboyLance: AT LEAST MY SISTER AGREES WITH ME, HUNK

CinnamonRoll: oh come ON 

SugarSweet: I like it too!

LoverboyLance: Shay you’re an angel and all that so w h y 

Princess-Alluring: I’m in Romelle’s boat so idk

KillmongerLookalike: Nadia you just HAD to ask

Chaos-Lesbian: yes I certainly did now answer it

KillmongerLookalike: can I refuse to answer?

VodkaAunt: yes

KillmongerLookalike: then here you go

Chaos-Lesbian: ughhhhhhh you’re no FUN

KillmongerLookalike: at least I don’t purposefully start fights

Chaos-Lesbian: touché 

move-I’m-gay: it’s not bad actually

LoverboyLance: *gasp* BETRAYAL 

move-I’m-gay: Lance

LoverboyLance: BETRAYAL FROM MY BOYFRIEND WHOM I LOVE

move-I’m-gay: LANCE

LoverboyLance: I’M DYING OVER HERE

LoverboyLance: YOU’VE KILLED ME

Chaos-Lesbian: is this gay Shakespeare

SugarSweet: wasn’t Shakespeare already NOT the straightest stick in the Elizabethan bunch?

Chaos-Lesbian: you know what when you’re right you’re right

Princess-Alluring: there’s my gf :DDD

SugarSweet: <3<3<3<3

LoverboyLance: HEY IM STILL BEING BETRAYED OVER HERE

move-I’m-gay: PINEAPPLE PIZZA IS NOT THAT BAD

LoverboyLance: SATAN PIZZA

Pidgeotto: OH NO YOU DID NOT

TheGayUncle: OH YES HE DID

move-I’m-gay: GUYS COME ON

VodkaAunt: OKAY EVERYBODY SHUT IT

VodkaAunt: we are NOT going to argue for an extended period of time over PIZZA

WisestMcclain: Shiro SNAPPED 

Rom-Com: what’s the big deal??? It’s pizza??????

Rom-Com: why are you all like this

VodkaAunt: Romelle please don’t make this worse

KillmongerLookalike: this is why I chose not to answer

Chaos-Lesbian: coward

 

11:16am- BiDisaster#1 to Pidgeon

BiDisaster#1: WHAT PROMPTED THIS YOU ARE TEARING THIS FAMILY APART

Pidgeon: NADIA AND I GOT IN AN ARGUMENT AND INA REFUSED TO SETTLE IT

BiDisaster#1: are you all hanging out together??

Pidgeon: ...possibly 

BiDisaster#1: putting aside the pineapple debate,

Pidgeon: NEVER 

BiDisaster#1: what chaos are you trying to cause and CAN I BE IN IT

Pidgeon: we’re researching the Keith incident

BiDisaster#1: oh so not mischief chaos 

BiDisaster#1: friend-helping chaos 

BiDisaster#1: I LIKE IT

BiDisaster#1: found anything good?

Pidgeon: before the argument? Actually, we found a little bit

Pidgeon: but it uh

Pidgeon: might be illegal to tell you over text

BiDisaster#1: 1) OOOOOHHHHH 2) since when have you cared

Pidgeon: that’s fair

Pidgeon: but like 

Pidgeon: national-security-level illegal

Pidgeon: @my FBI agent you can ignore this

BiDisaster#1: what???? Okay where are you 

Pidgeon: Nadia’s dorm

BiDisaster#1: I’m coming over this is wayyyyyyyy to juicy to miss

Pidgeon: see you soon, pizza hater

BiDisaster#1: you SHUT your DIRTY MOUTH gremlin

 

1:03pm- LoverboyLance to move-I’m-gay

LoverboyLance: KEITH HELP

move-I’m-gay: please tell me you’re not trapped on the roof again

LoverboyLance: I FORGOT A WORD AND VERONICA’S NOT HELPING SHE’S JUST LAUGHING AT ME

move-I’m-gay: okay which word

LoverboyLance: 3D CIRCLE

move-I’m-gay: you mean a sphere?

LoverboyLance: THAT’S IT

move-I’m-gay: did you have coffee this morning?

LoverboyLance: it’s the afternoon??

move-I’m-gay: but did you drink coffee

LoverboyLance: ...no

move-I’m-gay: then it’s withdrawal 

LoverboyLance: or me recovering from the pizza debacle 

move-I’m-gay: oh my god GET OVER THE PIZZA THING

LoverboyLance: NEVER

move-I’m-gay: IT DOESN’T EVEN TASTE THAT BAD WHY DO YOU HATE IT

LoverboyLance: it’s a DISGRACE TO PIZZA

move-I’m-gay: you’re never gonna let this go are you

LoverboyLance: for you? Sure

LoverboyLance: for anyone else? Absolutely NOT

move-I’m-gay: I expected that tbh

LoverboyLance: anything for you Mullet <3

move-I’m-gay: and Shiro calls me a sap

LoverboyLance: you are 100% a sap 

move-I’m-gay: no

LoverboyLance: you just have different ways of showing it

move-I’m-gay: ….well

LoverboyLance: you know I’m right 

move-I’m-gay: fine, maybe you are

LoverboyLance: “maybe” he says

LoverboyLance: oh, I just remembered something

LoverboyLance: i know you already said that Shiro could go with you for meeting your mom and stuff

move-I’m-gay: are you asking to come along?

LoverboyLance: if you want me to

move-I’m-gay: i thought you already were???

LoverboyLance: you never confirmed it??

move-I’m-gay: well then your answer is yes please come along 

LoverboyLance: will do

LoverboyLance: god we’re disasters

move-I’m-gay: I’m used to it at this point

 

7:23am- TallerGremlin to Shirogayne

TallerGremlin: please, PLEASE tell me you didn’t try to cook

Shirogayne: what?

TallerGremlin: THE KITCHEN SMELLS LIKE SMOKE TAKASHI

Shirogayne: I DIDN’T COOK ANYTHING

TallerGremlin: nothing EDIBLE, anyway

Shirogayne: I keep telling you i didn’t use the kitchen this morning!

TallerGremlin: [image sent] then who incinerated these innocent waffles???

Shirogayne: ….I thought I disposed of those well enough 

TallerGremlin: PUTTING A PAPER TOWEL OVER THE EVIDENCE IN THE TRASH CAN DOESN’T COUNT

TallerGremlin: did you MELT the PLATE????

Shirogayne: ….somehow

TallerGremlin: HOW IN THE WORLD DID YOU MELT THE PLATE

TallerGremlin: JUST HOW HOT WERE THOSE WAFFLES????

Shirogayne: I uh

Shirogayne: might have accidentally put the plate in the oven

TallerGremlin: wh

TallerGremlin: 1) you don’t cook waffles in the oven 2) you don’t put PLASTIC in the oven 3) WHY DID YOU EVEN TRY

Shirogayne: Keith likes waffles so i was trying to make him some so he doesn’t get as nervous today!

Shirogayne: and I was tired and overworked 

TallerGremlin: professor Slav on you guys again?

Shirogayne: SO MUCH

Shirogayne: HE WENT ON A RANT ABOUT RAMEN THE OTHER DAY

TallerGremlin: what

Shirogayne: I DON’T EVEN KNOW

TallerGremlin: well I think it’s very sweet that you’re trying to help out your little bro but like 

TallerGremlin: maybe DON’T burn down the entire building in your attempt to do so

Shirogayne: I’m just frazzled

TallerGremlin: wanna talk about it?

Shirogayne: I’m doing the overprotective big brother thing again I know 

TallerGremlin: I feel that

Shirogayne: you didn’t see Keith when he first told me everything it almost broke him

Shirogayne: who ABANDONS their KID 

TallerGremlin: an, uh,

TallerGremlin: FBI agent maybe

Shirogayne: excuse me?

TallerGremlin: let’s just blame it on Pidge that I know this 

Shirogayne: hold it if this about Keith’s backstory 

TallerGremlin: and it is

Shirogayne: then I’ll let him be the one to tell me if he wants to

TallerGremlin: I should have expected that from you tbh

TallerGremlin: keep an eye on Keith for me

Shirogayne: will do

 

11:46am- Pidgeon to KnifeBoi

Pidgeon: good luck Keith

KnifeBoi: thanks Pidge

Pidgeon: and uh

Pidgeon: before you get mad or go off on her

Pidgeon: just know she did have a valid reason 

KnifeBoi: ….

KnifeBoi: how do you know?

Pidgeon: I was NOT snooping

KnifeBoi: I’m not even surprised 

KnifeBoi: I’ll keep that in mind but no promises

Pidgeon: I expected that

 

12:10pm- Hunky to LoverboyLance

Hunky: is it going ok so far?

LoverboyLance: SHE LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE KEITH 

Hunky: wouldn’t it be the other way around??

LoverboyLance: I guess??? But seriously this is nuts

Hunky: is Keith alright?

LoverboyLance: he looks tense from where i am but idk

Hunky: what

LoverboyLance: Shiro and I are a few tables away keeping an eye on things

LoverboyLance: I think Keith will introduce us if stuff goes well

Hunky: “if”?

LoverboyLance: well you know the story 

Hunky: ohhhhh right 

Hunky: I just hope this all turns out alright 

LoverboyLance: hard same for Keith’s sake

Hunky: you ever get the vibe that he didn’t /really/ recover from all that?

Hunky: I mean he broke down pretty fast after the email incident

LoverboyLance: I

LoverboyLance: I guess you're right 

LoverboyLance: KEITH’S WAVING US OVER BYE

Hunky: good luck!

 

12:32pm- KnifeBoi to Pidgeon

KnifeBoi: this is the first and only time I will ever say this

KnifeBoi: but you were right

Pidgeon: I ALWAYS AM

Pidgeon: wait about what

KnifeBoi: my mom

KnifeBoi: she explained everything 

Pidgeon: and? 

KnifeBoi: I don’t know if I forgive her yet

Pidgeon: fair

KnifeBoi: but I understand

Pidgeon: I think that’s what the emotional types call “closure”

KnifeBoi: stop pretending you don’t have emotions 

KnifeBoi: you wouldn’t have hacked what is probably several government servers if you didn’t care

Pidgeon: dON’T CALL ME OUT LIKE THIS

Pidgeon: but yeah I care about you McEmo 

Pidgeon: you’re my best buddy

Pidgeon: deal with it

KnifeBoi: thanks, Pidge

Pidgeon: quick question just how much did your mom tell you

Pidgeon: there’s probably stuff we didn’t find out 

KnifeBoi: “we”?

KnifeBoi: you know what nvm I don’t want to know

Pidgeon: so what’d she say?

KnifeBoi: that she got tracked down by an old rival organization and had to leave?

KnifeBoi: she

KnifeBoi: she didn’t actually know that my dad died

KnifeBoi: she didn’t know where I ended up, either

Pidgeon: Keith….

KnifeBoi: I’m okay i swear!! Lance won’t let go of my waist tho

Pidgeon: bleh, romance

KnifeBoi: oh stop

Pidgeon: so you talked to your mom for half an hour and…. now what?

KnifeBoi: she’s staying in the area 

KnifeBoi: she wants to try and reconnect

Pidgeon: are you gonna let her?

KnifeBoi: ….

KnifeBoi: yes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I’m gonna pull a Ryan and not say which side of the pineapple pizza debate I’m on but I am curious as to what y’all think about it honestly)
> 
> “Krolia was an FBI/CIA agent and that’s why she left Keith” is a thing I’ve seen a lot of in modern AUs and honestly?? I like it (there will be more of an explanation of Kolivan’s role and the mystery hooded person in the next chapter don’t worry)
> 
> Also the waffles thing? Yeah that happened to a friend of mine and the “I FORGOT THE WORD FOR 3D CIRCLE” conversation was.... me, unfortunately XD
> 
> See y’all next week! :DDD


	30. Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kind of a little reprieve before we get into April, which should prove to be a busy month for the disaster gang

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry this was later than normal! I had a busy weekend (AKA I saw Httyd 3 and I’m still emotionally compromised) 
> 
> Stuff I have seen/experienced this past week:
> 
> 1) Had a woman go on a five-minute spiel about the flying squirrels in her walls while I couldn’t escape (she followed me around and it was extremely confusing)
> 
> 2) heard a girl confess to stealing popcorn chicken (?)
> 
> 3) had to parkour up my own wall to kill a bug
> 
> 4) witnessed a 35-40 year-old-woman DAB 
> 
> 5) said “I like pineapple pizza, so sue me” while joking with a friend and someone walked past and said “I WILL sue you”
> 
> My friends always ask me why I rarely leave my home and I always say “because weird crap happens to me when I go outside”
> 
> Enjoy!

4:01pm- LoverboyLance to BIRTHDAY PIDGEON 20GAYTEEN

LoverboyLance: alright I got a question

LoverboyLance: how many of you guys have actually gotten a gift 

move-I’m-gay: it’s not like i didn’t TRY

move-I’m-gay: every time I had a chance you STOPPED me since YOU weren’t free

Ronnie: Keith, my dude, he’s just trying to stop you from getting something terrible 

Ronnie: and Romelle and I already went out :D

LoverboyLance: we get it you’re dating and mushy and cute

Hunky: since when did you turn into Pidge?

LoverboyLance: SOMEBODY HAS TO DO IT

Hunky: anyways for once I got my life together and made a plan 

Rom-Com: what’d you get her?

Hunky: I 

Hunky: uh

WalkingMeme: he’s making peanut butter cookies again

Hunky: possibly

SugarSweet: as much as I’m sure she’ll love it you can’t keep getting Pidge the same thing every time you need a gift for her

Hunky: I can and I will

Shirogayne: ...I knew I forgot something

Princess-Alluring: so did I unfortunately 

SugarSweet: it’s always something with you people 

move-I’m-gay: it’s not even April yet??

LoverboyLance: nah but it’s close enough

WalkingMeme: wait wait wait wait wait

WalkingMeme: WAAAAAAAAIT

Shirogayne: Matt this better not be about what I think it’s about

WalkingMeme: only a few more days until April (☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞(☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞(☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞

Ronnie: what?

Shirogayne: oh god

WalkingMeme: APRIL FIRST

SugarSweet: we’re all gonna die aren’t we

WalkingMeme: nahhhhhhhhh

Shirogayne: Matt you better not cause chaos

WalkingMeme: who, me????

Shirogayne: Matt I swear

WalkingMeme: you act like I’m the only one who would be causing chaos

LoverboyLance: >:))))))

move-I’m-gay: NO

Hunky: DITTO TO WHAT KEITH SAID

Shirogayne: NOBODY IS CAUSING CHAOS

WalkingMeme: so I’m NOT allowed to set up a pie launcher outside of Professor Slav’s office?

Shirogayne: ….

Princess-Alluring: ooooooo that was a low blow, Matt

Shirogayne: I have nothing to say about this

[Shirogayne has left the chat]

LoverboyLance: @Matt I DECLARE AN ALLIANCE

WalkingMeme: I MUST DECLINE

LoverboyLance: ON WHAT GROUNDS?

WalkingMeme: I’M ALREADY ALLIED WITH MY SISTER

LoverboyLance: I ASSUMED YOU TWO WOULD BE AT EACH OTHER’S THROATS 

WalkingMeme: OF COURSE NOT I TAUGHT HER EVERYTHING SHE KNOWS

LoverboyLance: THEN I’LL SEE YOU ON THE BATTLEFIELD

move-I’m-gay: no you won’t

LoverboyLance: ….aw man

move-I’m-gay: not without me, anyways

Hunky: welp we’re all dead

Rom-Com: oh it’s a competition now, is it????

Rom-Com: VERONICAAAAA

Ronnie: I RISE

LoverboyLance: AND YOU’RE GONNA FALL

Rom-Com: NOT ON MY LIFE

SugarSweet: is this the beginning of a prank war???

Princess-Alluring: are you thinking what I’m thinking, sweetheart?

SugarSweet: oh absolutely 

Princess-Alluring: YOU’RE ALL GOING DOWN

LoverboyLance: CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

 

4:13pm- Pidgeotto to Nobody Here Is Straight

Pidgeotto: I’ll interrogate Hunk later on how exactly you fools planned prank war alliances without me but right now I got a question

CinnamonRoll: WHAT WHY ME

Pidgeotto: BECAUSE YOU’RE INCAPABLE OF KEEPING SECRETS UNDER DURESS

Chaos-Lesbian: prank war, eh? OOOOOO

KillmongerLookalike: Pidge we’re friends and all but I will NEVER forgive you for telling her this exists 

TheGayUncle: look April Fool’s Day is already right around the corner she was probably gonna do it anyway

Chaos-Lesbian: true dat

VodkaAunt: 1) let it be noted that if anyone tried to pull a prank on me, the perpetrator will regret it,

move-I’m-gay: you can’t phrase stuff like like and then get mad when we call you old 

VodkaAunt: 1.5) someone within range needs to smack my brother,

Pidgeotto: on it

move-I’m-gay: HEY

VodkaAunt: 2) what was Pidge’s question?

Pidgeotto: this one isn’t actually for the whole chat

LoverboyLance: that’s not how the game works!

Pidgeotto: I’m allowed to directly ask people stuff!!

Pidgeotto: @Nadia PLEASE elaborate on the “theater adventures” I heard you talking to Ina about earlier 

Chaos-Lesbian: oh my god Pidge you angel

KillmongerLookalike: god not more war stories 

Chaos-Lesbian: IT IS NOT MY FAULT THAT THE PEOPLE IN MY CLASSES WERE ALWAYS CRAZY

SugarSweet: ooo I’m interested 

Chaos-Lesbian: okay so I was a theater kid in high school

LoverboyLance: naturally 

Ronnie: i did that too

CinnamonRoll: I did props once in my junior year

TheGayUncle: yeah all the gay kids end up in theater now let the woman finish 

Chaos-Lesbian: why thank you, Matt

TheGayUncle: a pleasure 

move-I’m-gay: Matt we’re not doing this again

Chaos-Lesbian: thing is I was also in choir at the same time 

Princess-Alluring: really?

Chaos-Lesbian: Yep, second soprano 

Chaos-Lesbian: which means I was in the back and I saw EVERYTHING

Chaos-Lesbian: for instance, one time some of the other sopranos broke a riser before a performance 

Chaos-Lesbian: it ended up being fine but we also had to hang out behind a giant curtain for like twenty minutes before performing so naturally people started goofing off and dancing to what the band was playing 

Chaos-Lesbian: it’s a miracle nobody got caught 

Pidgeotto: this is funny and all but what about theater?

Chaos-Lesbian: I got shafted onto spotlight for a lot of reasons that don’t need to be spelled out right now 

KillmongerLookalike: she gets stage fright

Chaos-Lesbian: exCUSE

Chaos-Lesbian: NO I DON’T

KillmongerLookalike: yes you do

Chaos-Lesbian: ANYWAYS

Chaos-Lesbian: I could see everything from up there

Chaos-Lesbian: like the kid who Naruto-ran offstage after a scene bc he thought the curtain covered him

Chaos-Lesbian: or the time they broke a prop ON STAGE in the middle of rehearsal 

Chaos-Lesbian: the director didn’t even flinch and neither did the actors lmao 

Princess-Alluring: that’s admirable composure

Chaos-Lesbian: no it’s because none of them noticed but me

CinnamonRoll: how did they not notice???

Chaos-Lesbian: I have no idea??? You’d think they’d realize that the top of a fake waterfall was peeling off bc some kid caught it with his foot

Chaos-Lesbian: I don’t think anyone ever actually told the director it happened tbh

Chaos-Lesbian: the kids at that school were crazy 

KillmongerLookalike: you think that’s bad? You should hear some of mine

Chaos-Lesbian: not everyone wants to hear the chlorine story Ryan

CinnamonRoll: well now I’m curious

Rom-Com: “chlorine story”?

VodkaAunt: what, did some idiots try to drink it or something?

KillmongerLookalike: that would have been an upgrade

Pidgeotto: SPILLETH 

KillmongerLookalike: okay so when I was in the seventh grade I went to this really tiny private school that did class trips for the seventh-and-eighth graders

KillmongerLookalike: this was like thirty kids in one place and maybe five or six chaperones 

LoverboyLance: they didn’t stand a chance did they

KillmongerLookalike: no amount of adult supervision can contest pure middle school idiocy

VodkaAunt: oh mood

TheGayUncle: stop trying to be hip

VodkaAunt; I am the SAME AGE as you

CinnamonRoll: let Ryan finish already!!

KillmongerLookalike: thanks, Hunk

CinnamonRoll: :D

 

4:15pm- LoverboyLance to Gremlin

LoverboyLance: aaaaaand there he goes

Gremlin: he’s almost as whipped as you

LoverboyLance: now that just hurts

 

4:15pm- KillmongerLookalike to Nobody Here Is Straight

KillmongerLookalike: anyways so one of the hotels we stayed at was actually terrible 

Pidgeotto: how terrible?

KillmongerLookalike: I found cigarette burns on the bedcovers 

move-I’m-gay: oh that’s disgusting 

KillmongerLookalike: yeah that school wasn’t the best at background checks 

KillmongerLookalike: anyways at some point a teacher suggested that we all go swimming in the hotel’s pool to blow off steam or whatever 

KillmongerLookalike: only one student was smart enough to say no

CinnamonRoll: you?

KillmongerLookalike: ...no it was a friend of mine 

KillmongerLookalike: I wanted to go swimming 

KillmongerLookalike: anyways I really should have noticed just how strong that pool reeked of chlorine

KillmongerLookalike: a lot of kids were complaining that their eyes stung so I got out pretty quickly and forgot about it until later that night 

KillmongerLookalike: the chaperones ordered pizza to distract all the kids from destroying the place so we were all in one room eating pizza and getting a sugar high from soda

VodkaAunt: these sound like terrible chaperones 

KillmongerLookalike: they tried their best 

KillmongerLookalike: but then three guys (who I kinda hated) started yelling about how their eyes wouldn’t open 

Rom-Com: I KNEW that pool sounded sketchy

KillmongerLookalike: yeah my dad (who was chaperoning and regretting it) had to wash their eyes out with a giant bucket of fresh water 

KillmongerLookalike: my class also managed to buy out the entire supply of candy cigarettes from a shop we went to but that’s another story 

Pidgeotto: the heck kind of school did you go to???

KillmongerLookalike: tiny private school

KillmongerLookalike: that was only for two years though and I am glad I left it behind 

CinnamonRoll: sounds like it’s a good thing you left that place

KillmongerLookalike: oh definitely 

Pidgeotto: Nadia I’m sorry but I think he won the crazy story contest 

Chaos-Lesbian: bETRAYAL

Chaos-Lesbian: watch your back on April Fool’s Day, everybody >:)))))

LoverboyLance: what’s that, a challenge??

Chaos-Lesbian: ARE YOU TAKING IT?

LoverboyLance: OH ABSOLUTELY

move-I’m-gay: aaaaaand he’s dragging me into this 

VodkaAunt: do whatever but nothing harmful, permanent, or against me please

TheGayUncle: that’s doable

TheGayUncle: anyways PIDGE AND ME ARE GONNA TAKE ALL YOU SUCKERS DOWN

Princess-Alluring: *Pidge and I

TheGayUncle: yOU KNOW WHAT ALLURA

SugarSweet: something to say, Matt? 

SugarSweet: :)

TheGayUncle: oh no

 

4:18pm- Hunky to Killmonger

Hunky: allies?

Killmonger: definitely

Hunky: thank god

 

4:20pm- LoverboyLance to Nobody Here Is Straight 

LoverboyLance: come on guys don’t fight it

VodkaAunt: THANK you

LoverboyLance: blaze it

TheGayUncle: (☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞

VodkaAunt: …. 

Princess-Alluring: I’m not sure what you expected, Shiro

VodkaAunt: it should have been that, really

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that it’s a bit short, next one will be longer I swear lmao
> 
> (Also both Nadia’s and Ryan’s stories did, in fact, happen to yours truly)
> 
> See y’all next week!


	31. Watch Your Backs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After what was probably too much time researching April Fool’s Day pranks, I bring you the long-awaited April Fool’s chapter!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS I MUST SHARE THE PUREST THING i went to see Captain Marvel yesterday (100000/10, it’s a must-see) and while I was in line for popcorn there was this little girl smiling at me so I smiled back and sHE HUGGED ME completely out of the blue and I?? She was just so?? Small??? That was easily the most precious thing I’ve ever experienced
> 
> Pureness aside, go forth and enjoy these non-Space-Dad-approved shenanigans

12:01am- Chaos-Lesbian to Nobody Here Is Straight

Chaos-Lesbian: HEY SUCKERS

LoverboyLance: you beat me by ONE SECOND

Chaos-Lesbian: LET THE GAMES BEGIN

LoverboyLance: IT’S ON

SugarSweet: wait how do we decide who wins?

Rom-Com: you’re up early

SugarSweet: so are you

Rom-Com: ...touché 

TheGayUncle: THIS ENDS WHEN EVERYONE ELSE GIVES UP

WisestMcclain: last one standing? I can get with that

Rom-Com: you’re all going DOWN

Pidgeotto: PREPARE FOR TROUBLE

TheGayUncle: AND MAKE IT DOUBLE

Pidgeotto: TO PROTECT OUR HONOR IN PRANKING SITUATIONS

TheGayUncle: TO UNITE THE PRANKSTERS IN OUR NATION

Pidgeotto: PIDGE

TheGayUncle: MATT

Pidgeotto: TEAM HOLT BLASTS OFF AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT

TheGayUncle: SURRENDER NOW, OR PREPARE TO FIGHT

Pidgeotto: [gif sent]

Rom-Com: how long did it take you guys to come up with the alternate lyrics?

TheGayUncle: like five minutes ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

move-I’m-gay: you’re missing Meowth’s line and like two others 

Pidgeotto: you just had to rain on our parade huh

TheGayUncle: FIRST TARGET

VodkaAunt: WE’RE NOT STARTING THIS UNTIL A REASONABLE HOUR OF THE MORNING DO YOU HEAR ME

Chaos-Lesbian: IT’S THE FUZZ 

Chaos-Lesbian: RUN

[Chaos-Lesbian has left the chat]

[Pidgeotto has left the chat]

[Rom-Com has left the chat]

[TheGayUncle has left the chat]

[WisestMcclain has left the chat]

[SugarSweet has left the chat]

[move-I’m-gay has left the chat]

LoverboyLance: HASTA LA LATER, FUTURE PRANK WAR LOSERS

[LoverboyLance has left the chat]

KillmongerLookalike: thank god, some calm before the storm 

VodkaAunt: you. I like you

 

7:02am- KnifeBoi to Pidgeon

KnifeBoi: LISTEN HERE YOU LITTLE mcr

KnifeBoi: mcr

KnifeBoi: mcr

KnifeBoi: mcr

KnifeBoi: OKAY ORIGINALLY I WAS JUST MAD ABOUT THE AIR HORN BEHIND THE DOOR STOPPER BUT WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY PHONE

Pidgeon: hacked it

Pidgeon: have fun trying to type insults today >:3

KnifeBoi: PIDGE YOU mcr

KnifeBoi: HOW MANY mcr DID YOU mcr

Pidgeon: I thought you liked that band :)))))

KnifeBoi: mcr OFF

 

7:03am- Pidgeon to BiDisaster#1

Pidgeon: did you already do the air horn thing? I thought we agreed that was an Allura prank

BiDisaster#1: no??? I was gonna do that when she left 

Pidgeon: SOMEBODY DID THAT TO KEITH???

BiDisaster#1: exCUSE ME???

BiDisaster#1: WE HAVE RIVALS IT SEEMS

Pidgeon: this REEKS of Nadia

BiDisaster#1: unlikely, she’s in a whole other dorm and it’s not even 7:30

Pidgeon: ...Allura and Shay?

BiDisaster#1: we must have underestimated them smh

BiDisaster#1: well we’re gonna beat them regardless

BiDisaster#1: I spent WAYYYYY too long on the alternate Team Rocket chant to go down like this

Pidgeon: TEAM HOLT FOR THE WIN

BiDisaster#1: ready for Phase 2?

Pidgeon: I already got my Phase 1 stuff done >:)))

BiDisaster#1: then LET’S A-GO

 

8:22am- Hunky to Killmonger

Hunky: I’ve already heard an air horn from Keith and Shiro’s room, Allura shrieking “SPIDERRRR” at like five am, and had Lance coat MY soap in clear nail polish this morning we need to do something 

Killmonger: wasn’t the air horn your idea???

Hunky: I DIDN’T THINK EITHER OF THEM WOULD DARE TO LEAVE THEIR ROOM BEFORE LIKE EIGHT

Killmonger: James already got covered in whipped cream [image sent] and I’m about 90% that Nadia is the one who taped a bunch of repurposed water balloons in front of my door this morning [image sent]

Hunky: are those balloons full of slime?

Killmonger: glitter glue 

Killmonger: and she pressurized it somehow smh

Hunky: ...pressurized???

Killmonger: suffice to say I would make a good disco ball right about now

Hunky: oh we have definitely got to step it up

Killmonger: Starbucks?

Hunky: ten minutes 

Hunky: and bring your camera 

 

9:43am- VodkaAunt to Nobody Here Is Straight

VodkaAunt: okay which one of you misunderstood when I said that I DIDN’T want to get involved in this?? FESS UP

move-I’m-gay: I think the air horn was more directed at me

Princess-Alluring: YOU’RE THE ONE WHO SET THAT OFF??

move-I’m-gay: BLAME THE WANNABE ROCKETS

Pidgeotto: exCUSE

VodkaAunt: I’m talking about the toothpaste Oreos, the replaced hand sanitizer, the water cups, and the butter

KillmongerLookalike: butter?

VodkaAunt: Do. Not. Ask. 

move-I’m-gay: ...okay in fairness none of those were aimed at you SPECIFICALLY

move-I’m-gay: I didn’t think you’d be dumb enough to eat Oreos that someone left out on today of all days

TheGayUncle: YOU AND LANCE DID THE OREOS???

TheGayUncle: it was well played, I’ll give you that

LoverboyLance: do you mean the water cups in the hallways or the upside-down ones? Bc only one of those was me and Keith

Princess-Alluring: you don’t possess quiiiiiiite the same amount of artistry as Shay and myself >:))

Rom-Com: WHEN DID YOU HAVE TIME TO PUT ALL THOSE WATER CUPS OUT

Princess-Alluring: SOMEbody planted a fake spider right outside my door

SugarSweet: so we stepped up our game :)

Chaos-Lesbian: >:)))))))

 

10:14am- LoverboyLance to Nobody Here Is Straight

LoverboyLance: I GIVE I GIVE

move-I’m-gay: LANCE

LoverboyLance: Keith someone left hot dogs dangling from the ceiling ALL OVER my room I’m pulling out

move-I’m-gay:...understandable so am I

Pidgeotto: Lance you’re really making it hard not to make a bad joke here

LoverboyLance: DON’T YOU EVEN START, HOT DOG HANGER

WisestMcclain: welp, there go the disasters!! 1 team down, 5 to go

Rom-Com: we got this babe

 

10:20am- Rom-Com to Nobody Here Is Straight

Rom-Com: I FORFEIT NOW WHOEVER DID IT CHANGE MY CONTACTS BACK   
TO NORMAL PLEASE

WisestMcclain: WHICH ONE OF YOU IDIOTS CHANGED ALL OF MY CONTACT NAMES TO “Batman”

WisestMcclain: wait Romelle too? Really??? That’s just cruel

Pidgeotto: stop being dramatic and forfeit then maybe I’ll consider it >:)

LoverboyLance: Pidge that’s MY sister why would you expect her to stop being dramatic 

Pidgeotto: aren’t you the baby?

LoverboyLance: 1) so are you, you absolute hypocrite 2) I had to get it from somewhere (☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞

Pidgeotto: false, Bae-Bae and Socrates are the babies

Pidgeotto: NOW VERONICA, FORFEIT

WisestMcclain: fine I give NOW FIX MY PHONE YOU LITTLE GREMLIN

 

12:03am- TheGayUncle to Nobody Here Is Straight 

TheGayUncle: Pidge I apologize in advance 

Pidgeotto: wait what

TheGayUncle: I GIVE UP

Pidgeotto: EXCUSE ME

Pidgeotto: WE HAD A PHASE 3 DON’T DITCH ME NOW

move-I’m-gay: HA mcr IT PIDGE

VodkaAunt: she got to the autocorrect on your phone huh?

move-I’m-gay: ...yeah

VodkaAunt: I’m surprised you didn’t forfeit then and there

TheGayUncle: GUYS IM TRYING TO BE DRAMATIC HERE

Princess-Alluring: what made you give, Matt???

SugarSweet: we’re /dying/ to know, stop /clowning/ around

TheGayUncle: IT WAS YOU TWO?????

Pidgeotto: I SHALL AVENGE YOU, BROTHER

Princess-Alluring: tread carefully, Pidge

WisestMcclain: am I the only one who really wants to know what made Matt of all people give up??

TheGayUncle: ALLURA AND SHAY MAY PRETEND TO BE SWEET BUT THEY PUT PENNYWISE HEADSHOTS ON EVERYTHING I OWN

VodkaAunt: the clown route? That’s low, you two

move-I’m-gay: but effective

Princess-Alluring: don’t :) mess :) with :) my :) arachnophobia :)

Rom-Com: how are you making smiley faces threatening??

Princess-Alluring: :)

Rom-Com: STOP 

Pidgeotto: if you’re gonna pull stuff like that I’m definitely out

Princess-Alluring: 3 teams left, it seems :)

LoverboyLance: has anyone actually heard from Hunk and Ryan recently today?

TheGayUncle: not in this chat

VodkaAunt: can’t you just text Hunk?

LoverboyLance: he hasn’t answered his phone since he left after discovering my soap prank

CinnamonRoll: [image sent]

[CinnamonRoll has left the chat]

LoverboyLance: HUNK???

LoverboyLance: did he seriously just drop in, send a vine reference, and drop out??

Pidgeotto: guys Hunk got replaced by aliens

Rom-Com: I’m wondering why he used the “honey, you’ve got a big storm coming” one

Pidgeotto: RIP Shayllura and Nadia and Ina 

Chaos-Lesbian: pffft where is your faith in me

SugarSweet: made you drop out, didn’t we?

Pidgeotto: SHUT

 

1:47pm- SugarSweet to Nobody Here Is Straight

Princess-Alluring: I GIVE I GIVE

Pidgeotto: HA KARMA

SugarSweet: ALLURA????

Princess-Alluring: I’VE BEEN WALKING INTO PLASTIC WRAP IN EVERY SINGLE DOOR I PASS THROUGH THIS HAS TO STOP

SugarSweet: NADIA

Chaos-Lesbian: this actually wasn’t me and Ina????

LoverboyLance: you’re serious?

Chaos-Lesbian: I always take credit for MY mischief 

WisestMcclain: that is true

move-I’m-gay: Hunk and Ryan did that? Wow

Princess-Alluring: I’VE BEEN BETRAYED BY THE WORLD’S BIGGEST CINNAMON ROLL HOW DID THIS HAPPEN

SugarSweet: I forfeit too then

SugarSweet: gotta stick with my gf :D

Princess-Alluring: that makes me feel better 

Chaos-Lesbian: looks like me and Ina are the last line of defense against… RYUNK

Pidgeotto: eh Hunkade sounds better

TheGayUncle: that sounds like “lemonade” tho

LoverboyLance: your point?

TheGayUncle: nvm

VodkaAunt: I thought they weren’t technically together yet?

Chaos-Lesbian: in Ryan’s words, “I’m not sure if anything’s strictly romantic yet”

Chaos-Lesbian: this was after him going on for like five minutes straight about how cute Hunk is so

LoverboyLance: and to THINK Hunk makes fun of me and Keith on a daily basis he’s just as bad

move-I’m-gay: what

LoverboyLance: it’s all in good fun

 

4:02pm- VodkaAunt to Nobody Here Is Straight

VodkaAunt: ALRIGHT WHICH ONE OF YOU IS THE ONE WHO SET UP THE WATER BALLOON LAUNCHER IN THE COURTYARD

Chaos-Lesbian: whoops

Chaos-Lesbian: that was meant for Hunk my bad Shiro

CinnamonRoll: Ryan already warned me to be on the lookout for that HA

VodkaAunt: SO YOU DODGED AND LET ME GET HIT???

TheGayUncle: oooo low move Hunk

CinnamonRoll: I said “Look out!”

VodkaAunt: NO YOU DID NOT YOU SAID SOME GIBBERISH AND THEN JUMPED INTO THE CLOSEST BUSH

LoverboyLance: I think Shiro’s at his limit

move-I’m-gay: he hit that a while ago

Chaos-Lesbian: somebody better give up soon AND IT WON’T BE US

KillmongerLookalike: YOU COVERED ME IN GLITTER GLUE 

CinnamonRoll: we’re not giving up anytime soon Nadia

Chaos-Lesbian: SEE YOU ON THE BATTLEFIELD THEN

[Chaos-Lesbian has left the chat]

[KillmongerLookalike has left the chat]

[CinnamonRoll has left the chat]

Pidgeotto: ya know I was talking to Hunk earlier and he and Ryan were behind a surprising amount of the pranks today

Pidgeotto: @Keith I’m not actually the one who put that air horn in your room

move-I’m-gay: THAT WAS HUNK?

LoverboyLance:....I left my room locked before the hot dog incident

LoverboyLance: Hunk has the other key

LoverboyLance: IT WAS HIM

TheGayUncle: RIP Lance

Rom-Com: all of a sudden I’m glad I’m not Nadia or Ina

WisestMcclain: they’re stubborn 

LoverboyLance: idk my money's on Hunk

VodkaAunt: no bets. None

Pidgeotto: killjoy

 

6:00pm- Chaos-Lesbian to Nobody Here Is Straight

Chaos-Lesbian: I forfeit 

Pidgeotto: WHAT

Chaos-Lesbian: DON’T BE LIKE THAT THEY COVERED EVERYTHING IN WRAPPING PAPER

Rom-Com: ...everything?

Chaos-Lesbian: EVERYTHING

LoverboyLance: suddenly I feel like I got off easy

CinnamonRoll: so we win?

KillmongerLookalike: heck yeah we did

WisestMcclain: so what was the prize again?

Pidgeotto: it’s

Pidgeotto: uh

TheGayUncle: guys I think we forgot something 

VodkaAunt: you have got to be kidding me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Never underestimate the cinnamon rolls y’all
> 
> It never ends well
> 
> Note: I am always up for taking suggestions or prompts for this, just hit me up in the comments of you have something you’d like to see or if there’s something you want clarified! :D


	32. They’re All Tired

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gay antics (as usual) and angst (NOT as usual)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I’m so sorry I missed the usual posting day! I’ve been doing stage crew for a local theater production (mainly to be passive-aggressive, which is a long story) and we JUST got done with our frankly exhausting (but still fun) performances and I haven’t slept adequately in five days so, as you can imagine, I wasn’t in much of a creative state lmao
> 
> (I also got stuck being an impromptu fake theater wedding photographer. No, it was not part of the production. No, I did not know why or how it was organized. It just kinda happened, and, in true “me” fashion, I got dragged in)
> 
> Also: this chapter might be a bit all over the place; my apologies if it is 
> 
> Enjoy!

9:12am- move-I’m-gay to Nobody Here Is Straight

move-I’m-gay: APRIL FOOL’S DAY WAS A WHOLE WEEK AGO WHY ARE YOU GUYS STILL SETTING UP PRANKS

Pidgeotto: hey hey hey let’s not get into any wild accusations

move-I’m-gay: don’t even TRY to act like the slime bucket on my closet door wasn’t your handiwork

Pidgeotto: okay that was an OLD prank that never got triggered 

TheGayUncle: seriously? You haven’t opened your closet in a week?

move-I’m-gay: ...no?

VodkaAunt: he keeps like 90% of his stuff in Lance’s room anyway

move-I’m-gay: SHIRO

VodkaAunt: am I lying?

Rom-Com: OOOOOOOO

VodkaAunt: I’m not complaining though now I have more space

CinnamonRoll: well I’m complaining 

move-I’m-gay: you’re his roommate and you’ve never said a word until now

move-I’m-gay: I figured you were okay with it??

CinnamonRoll: i am but it’s getting to the point where you could move in and nothing would change! I am allowed to be a little petty!

Chaos-Lesbian: who salted the cinnamon roll?

Pidgeotto: pfft

WisestMcclain: hey has anyone seen my brother? He’s being stupid again and I seek REVENGE

CinnamonRoll: ask Keith

move-I’m-gay: not since yesterday afternoon

move-I’m-gay: and Hunk? 

CinnamonRoll: ya

move-I’m-gay: s t o p

CinnamonRoll: fiiiiine 

Pidgeotto: dude, you okay?

CinnamonRoll: I haven’t had my coffee yet

Princess-Alluring: well that explains a lot

Princess-Alluring: and I did see Lance just a little while ago, actually

Princess-Alluring: we bumped into each other as I was headed into work

SugarSweet: I thought your shift was later?

Princess-Alluring: I’m covering for a coworker

Princess-Alluring: he did seem a little harried but I put that down to the early hour

WisestMcclain: no it’s because he knew I was coming for him

VodkaAunt: Veronica, what exactly did he do?

WisestMcclain: ate all my cherry garcia ice cream again smh

WisestMcclain: I have TOLD him to get his own a BAJILLION TIMES

Rom-Com: I’ll get you more 

WisestMcclain: ….suddenly I’m no longer as vengeful

Pidgeotto: is this what conflict de-escalation looks like? Wild

VodkaAunt: some people don’t resort to outlandish revenge plots when others wrong them, Pidge

Pidgeotto: BOOOOO that’s boring 

TheGayUncle: AGREED

VodkaAunt: -_-

TheGayUncle: oh my god an emoji from Shiro

Rom-Com: that’s rare

move-I’m-gay: finally, nobody’s teasing me for that

TheGayUncle: anybody else wondering why Lance hasn’t popped up to defend himself or tease Keith yet? 

move-I’m-gay: HEY

WisestMcclain: he’s probably hiding from me

WisestMcclain: YO LANCE I’M NOT GOING TO MURDER YOU NOW IT’S OK

WisestMcclain: JUST STOP STEALING MY ICE CREAM

Pidgeotto: Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaance

VodkaAunt: he’s probably studying leave him alone 

move-I’m-gay: stop being such a dad

VodkaAunt: I’ll stop being the resident dad when you guys start being functional, mature adults

TheGayUncle: that analysis excludes me, right?

VodkaAunt: sure

TheGayUncle: …

CinnamonRoll: now I’m suspicious normally Lance would be roasting Matt right about now 

Pidgeotto: I could always handle that for him

TheGayUncle: BETRAYAL FROM MY OWN FLESH AND BLOOD

move-I’m-gay: Allura, did Lance ever say where he was headed?

Princess-Alluring: when I said “bumped into him” I meant literally

Princess-Alluring: didn’t even say hi to me before dashing off smh

move-I’m-gay: that doesn’t sound good

CinnamonRoll: do we have to go looking for him again??

VodkaAunt: probably a good idea to at least keep an eye out 

CinnamonRoll: I’ll text him he might have muted this chat

SugarSweet: if he did I don’t blame him

 

9:17am- Hunky to LoverboyLance

Hunky: dude where are you

LoverboyLance: library

LoverboyLance: has Veronica cooled down yet or is she still on the warpath? I muted the main chat

Hunky: thought so

Hunky: Romelle promised to get her more ice cream and she stopped calling for murder

LoverboyLance: HA and she calls me whipped

Hunky: but you are

LoverboyLance: >:0000

Hunky: Lance have I ever lied to you

LoverboyLance: ...no

Hunky: So are you doing alright?

LoverboyLance: ya why?

Hunky: Allura said you didn’t even say hi to her before running off and you always make a point to at least throw finger guns are your friends 

LoverboyLance: I’m fine

Hunky: mmmmm

LoverboyLance: right maybe something happened but it’s not important you don’t have to ask

Hunky: lies [message could not be sent]

Hunky: LANCE??? [message could not be sent]

 

9:18am- CinnamonRoll to Nobody Here Is Straight

CinnamonRoll: [image sent] YALL

Pidgeotto: ...Hunk

CinnamonRoll: don’t even start with me Pidge 

move-I’m-gay: if anyone needs me I’ll be at the library 

KillmongerLookalike: was this just now??

CinnamonRoll: yeah

KillmongerLookalike: ….okay because I’ve been at the library since 3 am and I haven’t seen him 

VodkaAunt: Ryan I believed in you

KillmongerLookalike: I forgot to study!

CinnamonRoll: Shiro leave him alone

VodkaAunt: I can’t win 

move-I’m-gay: the library is huge how do you know Lanc wasn’t there?

KillmongerLookalike: I’m right next to the main entrance so I would have noticed him 

move-I’m-gay: there are other doors??

KillmongerLookalike: valid point

move-I’m-gay: I’ll be there in five

KillmongerLookalike: I’ll start looking for him in the meantime

 

9:27am- move-I’m-gay to Nobody Here Is Straight

move-I’m-gay: nothing 

Pidgeotto: seriously??

WisestMcclain: I’m suspending the ice cream drama to be worried now

Rom-Com: seems reasonable 

CinnamonRoll: wait if Lance isn’t actually in the library then does that mean he lied to me??

TheGayUncle: uh oh

CinnamonRoll: he LIED to ME???

Pidgeotto: UH OH

CinnamonRoll: MY BEST FRIEND LIED TO ME???

Princess-Alluring: I hope for Lance’s sake that he doesn’t pop up somewhere where Hunk can find him

CinnamonRoll: IM NOT MAD IM REALLY WORRIED

KillmongerLookalike: it’ll be okay he probably just left before we started looking

CinnamonRoll: wouldn’t he have mentioned that??!

Chaos-Lesbian: we need a plan of action

Chaos-Lesbian: Ryan, you calm down your boyfriend

KillmongerLookalike: Nadia one of these days I will get you

CinnamonRoll: WE AREN’T EVEN DATING

TheGayUncle: *yet

CinnamonRoll: you know what, Matt?

VodkaAunt: NO FIGHTING

Chaos-Lesbian: Pidge, you hacked the security cameras a long time ago, correct?

Pidgeotto: I’ve had this whole place under my thumb since the day I got here 

VodkaAunt: Katie.

Pidgeotto: WE ALL KNEW THIS

Chaos-Lesbian: what I was TRYING to say before College Grandpa stepped in was PIDGE hack the cameras and look for Lance

Pidgeotto: on it

[Pidgeotto has left the chat]

VodkaAunt: College Grandpa?

Chaos-Lesbian: I meant to type “dad” not “Grandpa” my mistake

VodkaAunt: sure

TheGayUncle: idk he did fall asleep on the couch reading “War and Peace” like two days ago

VodkaAunt: IT WAS FOR AN ASSIGNMENT

TheGayUncle: sUrE

VodkaAunt: YOU ARE THE SAME AGE AS ME

TheGayUncle: said the guy with white hair

VodkaAunt: at least I’m mature 

VodkaAunt: who wants to know how Matt got that scar in his face?

Chaos-Lesbian: I’m curious 

Rom-Com: OOO ME

TheGayUncle: SHIRO NO

VodkaAunt: he did a backflip off a desk to impress some girl and hit a coffee table

Princess-Alluring: that’s odd he told me he got in a fight 

TheGayUncle: YEAH I SAID THAT FOR A REASON

Rom-Com: SO YOU ADMIT IT??

move-I’m-gay: guys. FOCUS

WisestMcclain: KEITH IS RIGHT

CinnamonRoll: speculation on what the “thing” that happened was?

move-I’m-gay: we don’t know enough to try

[Pidgeotto joined the chat]

Pidgeotto: DINING HALL 

[move-I’m-gay has left the chat]

WisestMcclain: I’m following him

[WisestMcclain has left the chat]

CinnamonRoll: I was about to tell them to update me dammit I can’t go

VodkaAunt: Hunk, are you in a lecture right now?

CinnamonRoll: ….possibly

[CinnamonRoll has left the chat]

VodkaAunt: Christ 

 

10:13am- Kogayne to BigBrotherIsWatchingYou 

Kogayne: news

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: how’d the Lance thing end up?

Kogayne: he bluffed for fifteen minutes straight and ran off the first chance he got

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: I feel like “straight” is the wrong word to describe Lance with

Kogayne: Shiro this is potentially serious

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: okay okay I’ll stop 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: I get the feeling him blatantly attempting to deflect any questions wasn’t the news though

Kogayne: you know how I decided to get some work done in the common room?

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: for once

Kogayne: shut UP

Kogayne: Lance just walked in, dropped his stuff, and laid down on the couch next to me without saying a word

Kogayne: he’s got his head in my lap now 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: that sounds really bad

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: have you tried asking what’s wrong yet?

Kogayne: yeah but he just kinda hugged me instead of answering 

Kogayne: I’m really worried about him, Shiro 

Kogayne: it’s bad news when Lance gets quiet like this

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: hmmm

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: try and see if you can get him to eat or drink something and I’ll let Veronica know he’s not doing well

Kogayne: got it

 

10:20am- WisestMcclain to Nobody Here Is Straight

WisestMcclain: time for Operation Garlic Knots everybody drop what they’re doing and SOUND OFF

move-I’m-gay: Operation what now

WisestMcclain: Shiro updated me now WHERE ARE YOU GUYS RESPOND

CinnamonRoll: SIR YES SIR

Princess-Alluring: do I really have to do the thing? I’m perfectly willing to help but 

WisestMcclain: DO IT

Princess-Alluring: very well

Princess-Alluring: sound off

WisestMcclain: LIKE YOU MEAN IT

Princess-Alluring: SOUND OFF

SugarSweet: I’m muting this chat again

WisestMcclain: noooo we need more help with Operation Garlic Knots

move-I’m-gay: OPERATION WHAT NOW

CinnamonRoll: other codenames include “Operation Cheer Our Friend Up” and “Operation Disaster Bi Fixup” but Allura shot both of those down

WisestMcclain: mine was excellent 

WisestMcclain: Hunk’s was lackluster

CinnamonRoll: it was perfectly fine!

WisestMcclain: well true but it was too obvious 

CinnamonRoll: agree to disagree

WisestMcclain: agreed

Princess-Alluring: to answer your question PROPERLY, Keith, it’s an old system myself, Hunk, Lance, and Veronica put in place in the event any one of us was having a terrible day and needed interference then the others would do anything and everything possible to help

Pidgeotto: why haven’t you used this before?

WisestMcclain: how do you know we didn’t just have a whole separate chat for it? I just used this one because Keith’s in it

Pidgeotto: makes sense

Rom-Com: sorry I think I missed something

Rom-Com: did Lance get worse than lying about his whereabouts and avoiding everybody?

VodkaAunt: yes

Rom-Com: I might have some extra Twizzlers somewhere in my room if that helps 

WisestMcclain: Hunk’s on snacks

CinnamonRoll: yep, already in the kitchen! 

CinnamonRoll: feel free to help me th

CinnamonRoll: WHY ARE WE OUT OF BUTTER WHOSE TURN WAS IT TO RESTOCK THE FRIDGE

TheGayUncle: uh

TheGayUncle: hi

VodkaAunt: remind me again why you tried to compare yourself to a functional adult earlier?

TheGayUncle: I deserve that

WisestMcclain: ….Romelle you can help by getting butter

Rom-Com: I can’t I’m currently in class

KillmongerLookalike: our kitchen has plenty of butter you guys can borrow some

CinnamonRoll: YES RYAN THANK YOU

WisestMcclain: Keith is Lance still with you

move-I’m-gay: hasn’t moved

WisestMcclain: And he’s got you pinned?

move-I’m-gay: pretty much

Pidgeotto: [image sent] dude if there was a word for “waist headlock” that would be what Lance is doing not “pretty much pinning you”

move-I’m-gay: I could get up if I wanted to!

Pidgeotto: sure we'll go with that 

WisestMcclain: Allura, pillows and blankets 

Princess-Alluring: on it

WisestMcclain: I’m willing to sacrifice some of my ice cream

Rom-Com: ahem

WisestMcclain: okay fine MOST of my ice cream

WisestMcclain: and I got some Disney DVDs

WisestMcclain: WAIT I CAN’T FIND TREASURE PLANET NOOOO

TheGayUncle: I have a copy 

WisestMcclain: you are redeemed for the butter slipup

CinnamonRoll: OPERATION GARLIC KNOTS IS A GO

 

10:42am- Hunky to Killmonger

Hunky: hey I just wanna say thanks again for the butter 

Hunky: it means a lot that you’d help out one of my best friends

Killmonger: anytime! Too bad he still didn’t say what happened though 

Hunky: he will when he’s ready 

Hunky: which could be never but honestly I think we still helped

Hunky: and I uh 

Hunky: I have something else to say

Killmonger: alright fire away 

Hunky: do you wanna go out with me? Like actually go out not whatever it is we’ve been doing

Killmonger: you mean official dating? 

Killmonger: like, boyfriends?

Hunky: ..yes

Hunky: I’ve actually been meaning to ask for awhile but I kept psyching myself out and then we were both busy and then I would psych myself out again and it was just kind of a vicious cycle you know and actually you don't have to say yes I’ll just

Hunky: yeah I’ll just shut up bye

Killmonger: NO WAIT

Killmonger: I would love to go out with you!

Killmonger: *officially

Hunky: so that’s a definite yes?

Killmonger: absolutely 

Hunky: thanks!

Hunky: I meant to delete that 

Killmonger: oh my god

Hunky: WHAT ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY

Killmonger: how about “we’re finally official”?

Hunky: yeah that sounds perfect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooo I wonder what happened? :0
> 
> Somebody asked for Langst so I delivered (it’s not done yet) y’all can thank that person BUT I tried to make up for or it by finally making Hunkade official :DDD


	33. BIRTHDAY PIDGEON 2k18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My birb child has her birthday- but not without complications, because literally every character in this fic is a complete disaster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, it’s official, i’m in a bit of a writing slump lately BUT I’m working on it by baking wayyy too many cookies and eating like half the dough before they even make it to the oven so I think I’m living my life correctly 
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> PS- if you haven’t watched The Umbrella Academy on Netflix you definitely should :DDD

4:02pm- LoverboyLance to Hunky

LoverboyLance: BOI

LoverboyLance: TWO THINGS

LoverboyLance: 1) thanks for helping me out

LoverboyLance: 2) WHY ON EARTH DID I HAVE TO HEAR FROM PIDGE OF ALL PEOPLE THAT YOU AND RYAN ARE FINALLY DATING FOR REAL

Hunky: how did Pidge find out????

LoverboyLance: it’s Pidge 

Hunky: fair point 

Hunky: also, you don’t have to thank me

Hunky: UNLESS you wanted to tell me what went down

Hunky: nobody’s messing with you, right? Because I WILL throw hands

LoverboyLance: ….

LoverboyLance: not really

LoverboyLance: I’m just really stressed recently and it all came to head earlier 

Hunky: oh I feel that

Hunky: anything I can do?

LoverboyLance: you already did

LoverboyLance: and it helped a lot 

Hunky: :DDD

LoverboyLance: anyways YOU AND RYAN-

Hunky: if you start teasing me or him i swear I will sic Veronica on you 

LoverboyLance: you act like she won’t tease you either 

Hunky: …wait

LoverboyLance: HA

Hunky: you really better not

LoverboyLance:(☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞

Hunky: not those cursed finger guns AGAIN Lance

LoverboyLance: exCUSE you they are blessed (☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞

Hunky: stop

LoverboyLance: (☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞(☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞(☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞

Hunky: STOP

LoverboyLance: absolutely not (☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞(☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞

Hunky: that’s it I’m blocking you

LoverboyLance: (☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞(☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞(☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞(☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞(☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞(☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞(☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞(☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞(☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞(☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞(☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞(☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞(☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞(☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞(☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞[message could not be sent]

LoverboyLance: coward [message could not be sent]

 

4:30pm- Ronnie to BIRTHDAY PIDGEON 2k18

Ronnie: T-minus 2 days to Pidge’s birthday who here has everything done

Shirogayne: ….

LoverboyLance: booooooooo

Shirogayne: in my defense I’ve been very busy recently 

LoverboyLance: BOOOOO

WalkingMeme: well have YOU actually got stuff done then?? Hmmm???

LoverboyLance: yes, actually, quite a while ago, THANK YOU VERY MUCH 

move-I’m-gay: two days ago

LoverboyLance: I did not come here to get called out

Princess-Alluring: right so before the roast battle starts,

Ronnie: pfft

Princess-Alluring: laser tag, right?

WalkingMeme: oh she’ll LOVE that

Princess-Alluring: good because I already booked it

Ronnie: has anyone gotten Nadia, Ina, or Ryan in on this?

LoverboyLance: nah

LoverboyLance: but that does sound like a good idea

Hunky: Lance doesn’t speak for everyone in this chat I already told Ryan and I’m sure he told the others

LoverboyLance: oh of COURSE you told Ryan, how could I have forgotten (☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞(☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞

Hunky: do NOT start this with me

LoverboyLance: I mean you two ARE official after all

Hunky: LANCE

Ronnie: seriously? Congrats!

SugarSweet: finally

Princess-Alluring: thank god now I have more teasing material

Hunky: see now this is why I haven’t said anything 

Shirogayne: for what it’s worth I’m happy for you two

Rom-Com: congratulations!

WalkingMeme: same :D

Hunky: awww thanks

WalkingMeme: you get a 2-hour grace period of no teasing from me and then NO MERCY tho

Hunky: I should have expected that

Hunky: BUT ANYWAY,

LoverboyLance: don’t you dare change the subject

Hunky: what did everybody else get for Pidge?

move-I’m-gay: Shiro got her a box of nothing 

Hunky: oh that’s right my bad

Shirogayne: I have been BUSY

WalkingMeme: I’ll force him out of the dorms today don’t worry

Shirogayne: what

Princess-Alluring: I’m willing to help with that

Shirogayne: you’re not supposed to gang up on me!

WalkingMeme: too late 

Princess-Alluring: you procrastinated

WalkingMeme: you’re a terrible father

Shirogayne: what does that make you?

WalkingMeme: I’m the cool dad

move-I’m-gay: that’s not even close to true

WalkingMeme: >:O

Shirogayne: you’re cool to me, Matt

Shirogayne: when you’re not ganging up on me

WalkingMeme: okay okay I deserve that 

WalkingMeme: love you too <3<3<#

WalkingMeme: I hIT THE WRONG BUTTON

LoverboyLance: <#

Ronnie: <#

Rom-Com: <#

move-I’m-gay: <#

Hunky: <#

WalkingMeme: WEREN’T WE TALKING ABOUT MY SWEET BABY SISTER’S BIRTHDAY

WalkingMeme: man it feels weird to say that and not immediately get attacked for calling Pidge sweet

Ronnie: chats just aren’t the same without her

WalkingMeme: true

Princess-Alluring: well if anyone’s interested in knowing what Shay and I got her

LoverboyLance: SPILL

SugarSweet: the Killbot Phantasm expansion pack she’s been not-so-secretly pining after for months :D

move-I’m-gay: ….wait

move-I’m-gay: Lance isn’t that what we got

LoverboyLance: dios

Rom-Com: erm

Rom-Com: VERONICA I’M SENSING A PATTERN

Ronnie: tienes que estar bromeando

Hunky: don’t tell me you all got her the same gift

Princess-Alluring: ….I think we may have

Hunky: Christ

WalkingMeme: somebody needs to call you guys disasters since Pidge isn’t here and I volunteer

WalkingMeme: you’re all disasters

Rom-Com: yeah yeah we get it

Princess-Alluring: emergency Target run?

SugarSweet: I’M IN

Rom-Com: who’s going to actually give her the pack though??

LoverboyLance: I’m more interested in what we’re going to do with all the others

Shirogayne: this is what happens when you don’t bide your time or communicate with others

move-I’m-gay: don’t even start you’re not much better

Shirogayne: I had to try 

Ronnie: we’ll figure it out

Ronnie: ….eventually

 

6:25pm- move-I’m-gay to LoverboyLance

move-I’m-gay: have you seen my red jacket?

LoverboyLance: depends, have you seen my green one?

move-I’m-gay: touché 

move-I’m-gay: wait does that mean you have it?

LoverboyLance: ….maybe

move-I’m-gay: either you have it or you don’t

LoverboyLance: fine yes I have it

LoverboyLance: I’ll give it back eventually

move-I’m-gay: eventually?

LoverboyLance: I may be walking around and memeing but I’m still not feeling so hot okay

move-I’m-gay: you wanna tell me what exactly happened, then?

LoverboyLance: I just

LoverboyLance: it kinda hit me hard that I’ve spent a significant portion of this year doing my best to get good scores and all that but they’re not really changing

move-I’m-gay: I’ve seen your scores, you’re a great student

LoverboyLance: they’re not as good as they could be and I know it

LoverboyLance: and then I started feeling guilty every time I went out with friends or whatever 

LoverboyLance: and the stress actually made some of my grades drop a couple points and that didn’t help at ALL

move-I’m-gay: how long has this been going on?

LoverboyLance: ….like a month and a half

move-I’m-gay: LANCE

LoverboyLance: WHAT? I figured nobody needed to hear about this

move-I’m-gay: excuse me? OF COURSE YOU SHOULD TELL SOMEBODY SO THEY CAN HELP

LoverboyLance: pot, kettle

move-I’m-gay: that’s fair but still

move-I’m-gay: if not me, then why not your sister? Or Hunk? Or literally any of your friends?

LoverboyLance: I just told you! I just didn’t consider it much until

LoverboyLance: until yesterday I guess

LoverboyLance: it all came to head and then I couldn’t avoid it anymore

move-I’m-gay: Shiro is constantly saying that you’ve rubbed off on me but I’m starting to think the opposite happened

move-I’m-gay: Lance, I promise, anytime you start feeling like that- ANYTIME AT ALL- you can come to me and I’ll do whatever I can

LoverboyLance: you’re pretty busy though

move-I’m-gay: delete that text immediately 

move-I’m-gay: where are you?

LoverboyLance: Ronnie’s dorm

LoverboyLance: she’s trying to plan a date night for her and Romelle and panicking so she called the local love expert, MOI

move-I’m-gay: well you’re feeling good enough to do that 

move-I’m-gay: gimme a minute

LoverboyLance: Keith???

LoverboyLance: you’re not doing what I think you’re doing are you??

LoverboyLance: KEITH??

 

6:43pm- Hunky to LoverboyLance

Hunky: why did Keith raid the fridge for leftover garlic knots and run out the door like a headless chicken? Bc I was gonna eat those

LoverboyLance: because he’s the greatest boyfriend EVER that’s why

Hunky: I need an actual answer not you being whipped 

LoverboyLance: >:OOOO

Hunky: I love you bro but I gotta tell it like it is

LoverboyLance: I’m not doing as good as I said

Hunky: BOI

LoverboyLance: anyway I told him that and ten minutes later he showed up with comfort food and Blue

LoverboyLance: I’m still not sure how he smuggled a kitten through campus but like??? Still the best

Hunky: awww

Hunky: I’ll forgive the garlic knot theft

LoverboyLance: how gracious of you

 

2 days later….

 

7:03pm- Pidgeotto to Nobody Here Is Straight

Pidgeotto: first of all: not a single tear was shed at that birthday party 

Pidgeotto: not one

Pidgeotto: anyone who says so is a LIAR and will be prosecuted

TheGayUncle: [video attached] idk sis those look like tears

Pidgeotto: not a SINGLE tear

Rom-Com: come on Pidge

LoverboyLance: you love us

Princess-Alluring: ADMIT IT

Pidgeotto: I was NOT crying in the SLIGHTEST

Pidgeotto: second of all: I love you guys but someone needs to explain the presents situation 

WisestMcclain: yeah we just never figured that out did we

Rom-Com: regretfully, we are all disasters

Chaos-Lesbian: speak for yourself!

KillmongerLookalike: no, you’re a disaster too

Chaos-Lesbian: >:OOO BETRAYAL 

CinnamonRoll: hey I had nothing to do with that trainwreck

CinnamonRoll: I gave you enough cookies to last a week :D

Pidgeotto: yeah those are already gone

CinnamonRoll: IT HAS BEEN LESS THAN AN HOUR

Pidgeotto: your point?

VodkaAunt: Pidge, you’re going to collapse

Pidgeotto: WORTH IT

Pidgeotto: but seriously, I love you guys SO MUCH 

LoverboyLance: holy crap it’s a cryptid

LoverboyLance: THE LOVING PIDGEON HAS APPEARED

Pidgeotto: and now the disaster bi Cuban is gonna disappear 

[Pidgeotto has left the chat]

LoverboyLance: NICE KNOWING YOU GUYS

[LoverboyLance has left the chat]

TheGayUncle: aaaaand back to normal i see

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hunk: what are you doing  
> Keith, arms overflowing with garlic knots: HELPING MY BOYFRIEND
> 
> Btw, I’m anticipating a busy weekend next.... weekend, so that update is most likely gonna be on a Monday again
> 
> My bad
> 
> If anyone has requests or suggestions I would DEFINITELY be happy to hear them- I might not get around to writing them in a timely manner BUT i can guarantee they would be appreciated 
> 
> See y’all next Monday! (I a m s o s o r r y)


	34. Operation Leifzavi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And here we have the chaos lesbian doing her thing and the long-awaited Infinity War chapter!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To all who read my decoy chapter: I hope you enjoyed my little misdirection lmao
> 
> (If you didn’t and you have no idea what this is, I legit just posted the entire Bee Movie script)
> 
> Enjoy some gay shenanigans!

10:03am- TheGayUncle to Nobody Here Is Straight

TheGayUncle: alright guys

TheGayUncle: game plan

TheGayUncle: *gayme my bad

move-I’m-gay: what are you doing

TheGayUncle: sit back and watch, Billy Ray Cyrus

move-I’m-gay: excuse me?

LoverboyLance: HEY HEY HEY ONLY *I* INSULT THE MULLET

move-I’m-gay: for the last time IT’S NOT A MULLET

VodkaAunt: look in a mirror, Keith

move-I’m-gay: aren't you supposed to be supportive?

VodkaAunt: eh

TheGayUncle: get back on track guys

Princess-Alluring: you never told what “on track” even means

TheGayUncle: Pidge knows

Pidgeotto: I got a family-size pack of tissues from Walmart but I couldn’t find any decent smuggleable chocolate

TheGayUncle: DEMOTED

TheGayUncle: Hunk, you’re on chocolate duty now

CinnamonRoll: what?

Rom-Com: if Hunk doesn’t want it I’ll gladly take chocolate duty

WisestMcclain: do you know what that means?

Rom-Com: no but I do know chocolate is involved and therefore, I want it

SugarSweet: now that’s a mood

TheGayUncle: ANYWAYS we need supplies

VodkaAunt: Matt this better not be another prank war

TheGayUncle: have you all forgotten???

Chaos-Lesbian: tissues and chocolate, huh?

Pidgeotto: and big fluffy blankets but we’re still working those out

Chaos-Lesbian: giant pillow fort

TheGayUncle: noooooooope

LoverboyLance: enhanced movie night?

TheGayUncle: NOOOOOOOOOOOPE

VodkaAunt: please just give it to us straight 

move-I’m-gay: Shiro you said the word

VodkaAunt: what w

VodkaAunt: oh no

Chaos-Lesbian: sTrAiGhT?!?

TheGayUncle: s t r a i g h t

LoverboyLance: s T r A i G h T

VodkaAunt: WOULD YOU JUST SAY WHAT EVERYTHING IS FOR

TheGayUncle: you’re all fake fans smh

TheGayUncle: INFINITY WAR

LoverboyLance: OH

move-I’m-gay: ….that explains a lot

CinnamonRoll: Romelle I’ll split snack duty with you

Rom-Com: ACCEPTED

KillmongerLookalike: are all of you going as a group or what?

LoverboyLance: nah we figured that’s too many people to organize at once

LoverboyLance: couples coordinate their own plans :DD

Pidgeotto: and I sit in the back and yeet popcorn at them when they get too mushy 

Chaos-Lesbian: that’s an AWESOME plan please let me join you

Pidgeotto: yeah you can have Hunk’s former seat

CinnamonRoll: :O

Pidgeotto: well I ASSUMED you’d be going with your bf my bad

CinnamonRoll: uhh

KillmongerLookalike: well I wouldn’t be against that 

CinnamonRoll: yeah me neither

KillmongerLookalike: it’s a date?

CinnamonRoll: sure! :D

Pidgeotto: THIS IS STILL THE MAIN CHAT

TheGayUncle: hush and let them be cute together Pidgeon 

Pidgeotto: honestly

Pidgeotto: at least I have Nadia and Ina still

Rom-Com: did you already make a new singles chat? I’m crushed, Pidge

Rom-Com: CRUSHED

Pidgeotto: hmmm

Pidgeotto: I have completely unrelated stuff to do bye

TheGayUncle: WAIT PIDGE THE BLANKETS

[Pidgeotto has left the chat]

TheGayUncle: I’ve been betrayed 

KillmongerLookalike: are you really planning on somehow getting blankets into the movie theater?

TheGayUncle: actually they’re for the car bc I anticipate needing a LOT of comfort post-movie

Princess-Alluring: not a bad plan, actually 

VodkaAunt: I can get ahold of some for you

TheGayUncle: YES SHIRO I LOVE YOU

move-I’m-gay: don’t break him, Matt

TheGayUncle: let me LIVE

 

10:06am- Pidgeon added Chaos-Lesbian and Freckly-Genius to the chat

[Pidgeon renamed the chat All The Single Ladies]

Pidgeon: boom, singles chat

Pidgeon: i should have done this a long time ago smh

Chaos-Lesbian: that’s a perfect name

Freckly-Genius: dare I ask?

Pidgeon: I added you bc you’re single, Ina 

Freckly-Genius: hmmm

Freckly-Genius: ...so I gathered but is there any other reason to have this chat?

Pidgeon: I’m avoiding the disasters in the main chat

Pidgeon: wHICH I NEVER ADDED YOU TO MY BAD

Freckly-Genius: it’s alright, I’m not a fan of overlarge group chats anyway

Chaos-Lesbian: yeah she has trouble keeping track of everybody

Pidgeon: ohhh ok

Pidgeon: so Ina

Freckly-Genius: ?

Pidgeon: any plans to go see Infinity War?

Freckly-Genius: yes, with Nadia

Pidgeon: what?

Chaos-Lesbian: I FORGOT ABOUT THAT

Freckly-Genius: I expected that

Freckly-Genius: if you want to come with us, feel free, Pidge

Pidgeon: yessss time to pelt my brother with movie popcorn

Chaos-Lesbian: but that’s the best kind of popcorn??? Don’t throw it at Matt and waste it

Pidgeon: it’s not waste if he pays attention to the screen and not Shiro the whole time 

Pidgeon: there must be as any eyes as possible to spot any and all Easter eggs, cameos, and hints 

Chaos-Lesbian: Ina has an eidetic memory!! She can help

Freckly-Genius: I don’t see why not

Pidgeon: if we all team up Marvel won’t be able to hide a single thing >:)))))

Chaos-Lesbian: >:)))))))

Pidgeon: >:)))))))))))

Chaos-Lesbian: INA DO THE THING

Freckly-Genius: alright 

Freckly-Genius: >:)

Chaos-Lesbian: you know what? Close enough

Freckly-Genius: :)

Chaos-Lesbian: :OOOO

 

10:10am- Pidgeon to Chaos-Lesbian

Pidgeon: Nadia is there something you’d like to tell me

Chaos-Lesbian: yeah, that you sound like my mom right now

Pidgeon: >:O

Chaos-Lesbian: but seriously 

Chaos-Lesbian: what’s your deal?

Pidgeon: you act funny around Ina

Chaos-Lesbian: yeah she’s my best friend

Chaos-Lesbian: no one knows more about me than Ina and vice versa so yeah we probably act a little weird 

Pidgeon: ...oh boy

Chaos-Lesbian: what?? There’s nothing there

Pidgeon: okay so tell me exactly what you think of her

Chaos-Lesbian: well she’s crazy smart, for starters, and there’s nothing more fun than watching her bamboozle teachers and other adults with that

Pidgeon: ….Nadia we ARE adults

Chaos-Lesbian: irrelevant, I’m like 13 on the inside and I act like it

Chaos-Lesbian: anyways she’s also considerate in her own way and it’s lowkey adorable whenever she tries to comfort somebody because she’s not entirely sure how to actually do that but she tries 

Chaos-Lesbian: plus she’s always got a level head no matter the situation, like the time I accidentally launched a flaming panini across the dorm

Pidgeon: truly you are the epitome of chaos

Chaos-Lesbian: why thank you

Chaos-Lesbian: OH AND she makes it a habit to memorize everything she can about her friends, too, so if we need something she can try to get it, like when James accidentally ate something with peanuts in it and Ina whipped out an epipen in like 2 seconds flat

Chaos-Lesbian: and she’s always down to come with me for any of the usual shenanigans and helps patch me up if they go wrong 

Chaos-Lesbian: plus it’s really cute when she’s focusing hard on something and she sticks her tongue out a little bit 

Chaos-Lesbian: also she has really fluffy hair and

Chaos-Lesbian: ….wait

Pidgeon: aaaaaand there it is

Chaos-Lesbian: WAIT 

Pidgeon: I guess I gotta disband the singles chat again smh

Chaos-Lesbian: HOLY CRACKER I THINK I LIKE INA

Pidgeon: took you long enough 

Pidgeon: holy cracker?

Chaos-Lesbian: ANOTHER INSIDE JOKE

Chaos-Lesbian: HOW DID I NEVER NOTICE THIS WE’VE BEEN FRIENDS FOR LITERAL, ACTUAL YEARS

Pidgeon: wow you really are a disaster

Pidgeon: how long has the crush thing been going on, then

Chaos-Lesbian: uhhh lemme think

Chaos-Lesbian: with the benefit of hindsight…. 

Chaos-Lesbian: basically the entire time we’ve known each other jESUS CHRIST

Pidgeon: I’m about to regret this

Pidgeon: would you like matchmaking help?

Chaos-Lesbian: YES PLEASE I CLEARLY HAVE NO BUSINESS DOING ANYTHING SOLO IN THE ROMANCE DEPARTMENT

Pidgeon: right, Operation

Pidgeon: uhhh 

Pidgeon: Leifzavi 

Pidgeon: OPERATION LEIFZAVI BEGINS

Pidgeon: wait is she gay

Chaos-Lesbian: gayce

Pidgeon: perfect

 

10:15am- Pidgeon added Evil-Genius, KillmongerLookalike, and Chaos-Lesbian to the chat

[Pidgeon renamed the chat Operation Leifzavi]

Pidgeon: first order of business: Nadia is blind as a bat, everyone acknowledge this

KillmongerLookalike: if I had a nickel for every time I thought that I’d be rich

Chaos-Lesbian: >:000000

Evil-Genius: Leifzavi? Is this another matchmaking chat

Pidgeon: you’re a smart lady Veronica 

Pidgeon: anyways, I’m sure everyone understands our purpose here

KillmongerLookalike: setting up Nadia and Ina? That’ll the easiest thing I’ve done all year

Chaos-Lesbian: I HAVE NO IDEA IF THIS IS PURELY PLATONIC OR NOT

KillmongerLookalike: you’re not serious

Evil-Genius: I’m sure she is

Pidgeon: [image sent] [image sent] here’s what started this mess enjoy

KillmongerLookalike: Nadia

Chaos-Lesbian: ….yeah?

KillmongerLookalike: how are you a functioning human being 

Chaos-Lesbian: yeah I’m really not

Evil-Genius: now that’s some hot tea

Evil-Genius: but I lowkey thought you two were already a thing

Pidgeon: AND YOU DIDN’T TELL ME??

Evil-Genius: I figured you’d notice after making the inevitable singles chat 

Chaos-Lesbian: I’m sorry, roll back,

Chaos-Lesbian: you thought WHAT

KillmongerLookalike: me too honestly

Chaos-Lesbian: ???

Killmonger-Lookalike: you’re practically attached at the hip! Not to mention I can literally never have a conversation with either of you that doesn’t mention the other

KillmongerLookalike: I thought you just didn’t want to tell anybody and you were really bad at being subtle

Evil-Genius: in Ryan’s defense, you actually are bad at being subtle anyway

Chaos-Lesbian: oh my god

Pidgeon: so we don’t actually need any elaborate plans?

Evil-Genius: I don’t think so

Pidgeon: aw man

Chaos-Lesbian: what do you suggest, just ASK her??

Evil-Genius: ….yeah?

KillmongerLookalike: that’ll probably work 

Chaos-Lesbian: I CAN’T I’LL FREEZE UP

Chaos-Lesbian: WHAT AM I EVEN SUPPOSED TO SAY IT’S NOT THAT SIMPLE

Evil-Genius: “hey, wanna go out?”

Chaos-Lesbian: I am TRYING to be dramatic over here thanks very much 

KillmongerLookalike: it's really that simple though

Chaos-Lesbian: didn’t you wait for weeks to actually make it official with Hunk for no reason at all

KillmongerLookalike: ….that’s beside the point

Chaos-Lesbian: it is NOT 

Pidgeon: one way to find out

Chaos-Lesbian: nononono

Pidgeon: ask her out 

Evil-Genius: aSK HER OUT

Chaos-Lesbian: NO

KillmongerLookalike: are you nervous?

Chaos-Lesbian: no duh

Chaos-Lesbian: besides she’s in class right now so I guess I have to wait lol

Pidgeon: coward 

Chaos-Lesbian: IM GETTING BUTTERFLIES IN MY STOMACH OKAY 

Pidgeon: DIGEST THEM

Evil-Genius: hardcore 

Chaos-Lesbian: FINE ILL ASK HER OUT FOR REAL AFTER INFINITY WAR

KillmongerLookalike: great, 36 hours of you freaking out

Chaos-Lesbian: I’m fine I’m chill I got this handled

Pidgeon: really

Chaos-Lesbian: yEP

[Chaos-Lesbian has left the chat]

Evil-Genius: that was a rollercoaster

 

5:45pm- LoverboyLance to Nobody Here Is Straight

LoverboyLance: WHO’S READY

Rom-Com: NOT ME IN THE SLIGHTEST

WisestMcclain: I have a giant pack of gummy bears in my purse

Rom-Com: now I’m ready

TheGayUncle: THE HOUR IS NEIGH

TheGayUncle: *NIGH

CinnamonRoll: neigh

Pidgeotto: neigh 

TheGayUncle: HEY

VodkaAunt: hay is for horses

TheGayUncle: JESKSKDND

Princess-Alluring: IF ANY OF YOU DROP SPOILERS I WILL KILL YOU PERSONALLY

SugarSweet: calm down, sweetheart 

SugarSweet: were seeing it tomorrow morning so everyone please avoid spoilers :)

Pidgeotto: Shay was somehow more threatening than Allura what the heck

SugarSweet: no spoilers :))))

LoverboyLance: where is your faith in us???

Princess-Alluring: oh please you’re the king of spoilers 

LoverboyLance: >:00000

move-I’m-gay: she’s not wrong 

LoverboyLance: BETRAYAL OF THE HIGHEST ORDER

move-I’m-gay: CAN YOU PLEASE JUST COME GET IN THE CAR ALREADY

LoverboyLance: FINE WHATEVER

Pidgeotto: and now we venture into the beyond

Rom-Com: SHOTGUN

Pidgeotto: NOT UNLESS I GET THERE FIRST

Rom-Com: FIGHT ME

VodkaAunt: NO FIGHTING

SugarSweet: thank god we won’t be in the theater with them

Princess-Alluring: makes it worth the wait tbh

 

10:25am- Princess-Alluring to Nobody Here Is Straight 

Princess-Alluring: well

Princess-Alluring: now I understand why Pidge refused to leave her blanket nest in the middle of the common room last night 

Pidgeotto: what the HECK was that

TheGayUncle: BRB IM SUING MARVEL FOR EMOTIONAL DAMAGES

WisestMcclain: “Thanos will return” ¡perra es mejor que me devuelvas a mi HIJO no esa uva!

Pidgeotto: I don’t speak Spanish but I agree

LoverboyLance: NOBODY’S DEAD THEY’RE ALL COMING BACK

move-I’m-gay: I’m really not sure that’s the case

LoverboyLance: LOKI

move-I’m-gay: “no resurrections this time”

LoverboyLance: why are you listening to ANYTHING that grape says

VodkaAunt: I’ll admit that was really unexpected 

TheGayUncle: “really unexpected” YOU STARTED SOBBING AFTER SPIDEY DIED DON’T EVEN START 

VodkaAunt: IT WAS REALLY SAD OKAY

move-I’m-gay: what I want to know it what Doctor Strange’s plan was

Rom-Com: I don’t know about you guys but I REALLY don’t like the look in his eyes right before he got dusted

Pidgeotto: AND HE WAS LOOKING AT TONY

LoverboyLance: oh god no

TheGayUncle: aaaaAAAAAA A A A

VodkaAunt: right that’s it we should all take a break

Pidgeotto: BUT

VodkaAunt: BREAK

Pidgeotto: fiiiiiiiiine

 

11:35am- JazziRizavi to Leif-Me-Alone

JazziRizavi: so that happened

Leif-Me-Alone: a good portion of the dusted characters have confirmed sequels

Leif-Me-Alone: but still, that was upsetting

JazziRizavi: NO KIDDING

JazziRizavi: but I actually have something to ask you

Leif-Me-Alone: ?

JazziRizavi: would you like to

JazziRizavi: doyouwanttogooutwithme

Leif-Me-Alone: this explains a lot

Leif-Me-Alone: I was under the impression we were already dating and you just didn’t want anyone to know

JazziRizavi: WHAT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone has any suggestions or questions, hit me up in the comments!


	35. Tired™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We got some uhhhhh HURT/COMFORT and uhhhh EMBARRASSING MIDDLE SCHOOL PICTURES

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sorry this was late! My beta had a lot of unexpected work to do so once I actually finished the chapter they didn’t have time to read it so that’s on us
> 
> Enjoy!

8:30am- Pidgeotto to Nobody Here Is Straight

Pidgeotto: I’m filing a complaint 

Chaos-Lesbian: I DID NOT INTEND TO ABANDON THE SINGLES CHAT THAT JUST KINDA HAPPENED

WisestMcclain: so it went well?

Chaos-Lesbian: ….

Chaos-Lesbian: yep. Totally. No unexpected things whatsoever

KillmongerLookalike: sure

Chaos-Lesbian: okay first of all,

Pidgeotto: THAT IS NOT WHAT MY COMPLAINT IS ABOUT

TheGayUncle: spilleth

Pidgeotto: all the tall people in this chat need to stop picking me up and doing the Lion King thing IMMEDIATELY

LoverboyLance: nah

Pidgeotto: I WILL KICK YOU IN THE KNEECAPS

Princess-Alluring: sorry Pidge but you’re just very easy to pick up

Princess-Alluring: plus you hiss like a cat and it’s hilarious 

Pidgeotto: USE ONE OF THE ACTUAL CATS INSTEAD BEFORE SOMEBODY GETS TAKEN DOWN

VodkaAunt: okay, but Shadow will definitely claw whoever tries it

Pidgeotto: so will I, Shiro

Pidgeotto: So. Will. I.

TheGayUncle: fine I’ll go find Blue

LoverboyLance: DO NOT TOUCH MY BABY

Pidgeotto: THEN FIND A NEW SHORT PERSON TO RANDOMLY PICK UP, BEANPOLE

LoverboyLance: H

LoverboyLance: wait a minute

CinnamonRoll: GUYS I’m sorry this whole rant is my fault bc I just did the thing but then Pidge stole my phone as revenge so

CinnamonRoll: my bad

LoverboyLance: has anyone seen Keith? >:)))))

VodkaAunt: please don’t do the Lion King thing with my brother, Lance

move-I’m-gay: seconded

LoverboyLance: he is short tho

move-I’m-gay: I am HALF AN INCH shorter than you

LoverboyLance: SHORT

move-I’m-gay: I’ve gotten taller in the past month you just don’t want to admit it

LoverboyLance: ABSOLUTELY TINY

WisestMcclain: sorry Keith my brother has a thing about being taller than people 

move-I’m-gay: you don’t say

WisestMcclain: it’s because he used to be really short 

LoverboyLance: NO I WAS NOT

CinnamonRoll: Lance, as your best friend, I gotta intervene 

LoverboyLance: NO

CinnamonRoll: but you really were tiny

WisestMcclain: hang on guys I have evidence-

LoverboyLance: N O

TheGayUncle: I’m interested

WisestMcclain: [image sent] [image sent] he was like 12 in these (Mamá’s car for scale)

Chaos-Lesbian: OOOOOOHHHH MY GOD

Pidgeotto: and you tease ME for being short you hobbit

LoverboyLance: I DECLARE WAR

LoverboyLance: KEITH BACK ME UP

move-I’m-gay: nah

LoverboyLance: AJSKSKS 

move-I’m-gay: want to tease me for being shorter than you? This is the price

TheGayUncle: ice cold

CinnamonRoll: told you

CinnamonRoll: you really were short

LoverboyLance: yOU KNOW WHAT HUNK

LoverboyLance: [image sent]

CinnamonRoll: WE AGREED NEVER TO SPEAK OF THE SEVENTH GRADE

LoverboyLance: technically, I never SAID anything

Pidgeotto: oof the Braces Phase 

CinnamonRoll: that was a very dark time

KillmongerLookalike: cute

CinnamonRoll: jsksksskslk

LoverboyLance: AND VERONICA, DEAR SISTER

WisestMcclain: oh god no

LoverboyLance: [image sent] [image sent]

WisestMcclain: DID YOU HAVE TO USE MY EMO PHASE??? REALLY???

LoverboyLance: AN EYE FOR AN EYE, VERONICA

Rom-Com: I didn’t know you had an emo phase??

WisestMcclain: I BURIED THAT FOR A REASON

TheGayUncle: god that eyeliner

TheGayUncle: SHIRO, SHIELD YOUR EYES

VodkaAunt: it’s not that bad, Veronica

WisestMcclain: liar I know it was terrible

LoverboyLance: still not sure why Mamá let you leave the house honestly

WisestMcclain: you and I both know it was for blackmail purposes

TheGayUncle: this makes me want more old pictures from everyone else

TheGayUncle: FIRST VICTIM:

Pidgeotto: NO

TheGayUncle: [image sent][image sent]

Pidgeotto: YOU’RE DEAD 

TheGayUncle: please enjoy the baby Pidgeon in her natural habitat, making a mess in the kitchen at age 3

Princess-Alluring: SO CUTE OMG

Pidgeotto: Shiro you’re about to be single and I’m about to be an only child

VodkaAunt: let’s not do that

move-I’m-gay: how about this instead [image sent][image sent]

VodkaAunt: KEITH

Pidgeotto: I accept this peace offering 

LoverboyLance: oH MY GOD SHIRO YOU WERE SO SMOL

VodkaAunt: no-

Chaos-Lesbian: it’s so weird seeing him without all the muscles 

CinnamonRoll: ditto

VodkaAunt: well how about THIS [image sent][image sent]

move-I’m-gay: Shiro I am armed

LoverboyLance: the- the hairstyle- I can’t-

Princess-Alluring: Keith, what possessed you to put an ORANGE streak in your hair??

move-I’m-gay: ….it started out red

Princess-Alluring: dear god

move-I’m-gay: IT WAS REALLY CHEAP DYE FROM WALMART OKAY

Princess-Alluring: ….

SugarSweet: not everyone is as good at dyeing hair as you, Allura

Princess-Alluring: BUT THE O R A N G E

Pidgeotto: FINALLY FOUND IT

TheGayUncle: found what?

TheGayUncle: WAIT PIDGE NO

Pidgeotto: [image sent][image sent] ENJOY THE FLEDGELING NERD EVERYONE

Rom-Com: Matt I’m sorry but did you cut your hair with a weedwhacker

TheGayUncle: I KNOW IT WAS BAD BLAME MY FATHER

Rom-Com: to continue the trend, I have an old photo of Allura

Rom-Com: voila [image sent]

LoverboyLance: PFFT

Princess-Alluring: ROMELLE WHY ON EARTH DID YOU USE THE CANDY FLOSS DISASTER 

Rom-Com: it’s the only one I could find!

WisestMcclain: that must have taken a while to get out your hair

Princess-Alluring: ...it did

CinnamonRoll: sorry, roll back- candy floss???

SugarSweet: cotton candy

Pidgeotto: WHAT

Princess-Alluring: don’t even start with me

Princess-Alluring: here, revenge [image sent]

Rom-Com: oh god I forgot that happened

WisestMcclain: why were you covered in mud??

Rom-Com: it’s a long story involving a bicycle, a fishpond, and an angry goose

TheGayUncle: honestly I think you just summed it up right there

Chaos-Lesbian: DO NOT MESS WITH GEESE 

Pidgeotto: that was passionate

Chaos-Lesbian: I speak from personal experience 

Chaos-Lesbian: WAIT I CAN ADD TO THE PICTURES THING HOLD ON-

Chaos-Lesbian: [image sent][image sent] behold, me when I thought clashing streaks in my hair were cool

Pidgeotto: NADIA

Pidgeotto: MY EYES

TheGayUncle: hey Keith you got a buddy in the “bad dye job” club

move-I’m-gay: please drop that

LoverboyLance: NEVER

Chaos-Lesbian: hey Ryannnnnnn

KillmongerLookalike: no

Chaos-Lesbian: I know for a fact you have some middle school photos somewhere on your phone 

KillmongerLookalike: even if I did I wouldn’t send them

CinnamonRoll: :(

KillmongerLookalike: ….

KillmongerLookalike: fine

KillmongerLookalike: [image sent] local carnival, 3rd grade

CinnamonRoll: awwwww

Pidgeotto: *cough cough* WHIPPED

CinnamonRoll: can you not, flour baby

Pidgeotto: BOI

CinnamonRoll: hey it was Matt who sent us that picture not me

Pidgeotto: brb

[Pidgeotto has left the chat]

TheGayUncle: UHHH BYE EVERYONE NICE KNOWING Y

LoverboyLance: Pidge killed him

 

2:03pm- LoverboyLance to move-I’m-gay

LoverboyLance: Keith

LoverboyLance: Keeeeeith

LoverboyLance: Keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeith

move-I’m-gay: I’m here what do you need

LoverboyLance: we’re out of Mucinex

move-I’m-gay: ...are you sick?

LoverboyLance: no I took inventory of the medicine for no reason YES I’M SICK

LoverboyLance: I’ve been feeling off since last night really but it really hit me like half an hour ago

move-I’m-gay: alright 

move-I’m-gay: need anything else?

LoverboyLance: magic anti-headache wand

move-I’m-gay: ...can’t do that

move-I’m-gay: I’ll just grab tea

LoverboyLance: thannnnnks

move-I’m-gay: okay, level with me, how delirious are you

LoverboyLance: yes

move-I’m-gay: try not to leave the dorms

 

2:07pm- KnifeBoi to Pidgeon

KnifeBoi: are you in the dorm

Pidgeon: ya why

KnifeBoi: make sure Lance doesn't get into any trouble until I get there please

Pidgeon: that’s a tall order 

KnifeBoi: he’s sick and kind of out of it [image sent]

Pidgeon: I guess that explains why Blue came running into my room and made herself a nest on my pillow she probably got fed up with him

KnifeBoi: Pidge.

Pidgeon: okay okay I’ll watch him

Pidgeon: but if I catch whatever plague Lance caught you’re both on my revenge list

KnifeBoi: that’s fair

 

5:02pm- BigBrotherIsWatchingYou to Kogayne 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: you know it’s probably a bad idea to stick so close to Lance while he has a fever and a sore throat 

Kogayne: I don’t follow 

Kogayne: he’s not feeling good so obviously I need to stay with him

Kogayne: granted, I probably couldn’t get up if I tried given the death grip on my waist

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: don’t blame me once you catch whatever that is

Kogayne: I’ll be fine

Kogayne: wait a minute

Kogayne: how’d you know what we’re doing?

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: read that stupid contact name I know you never changed

Kogayne: stop messing around 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: you didn’t notice me walking right past the couch three times? I’m hurt, Keith

Kogayne: …. 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: WOUNDED

Kogayne: you’ve been spending too much time with Matt

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: you’re a hypocrite Mr. “I Couldn’t Get Up If I Wanted To”

Kogayne: if you’re going to be judgemental 

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: oh, always

Kogayne: then could you at least grab my spare charger for me?

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: oh fine

BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: I just need a surgical mask first

Kogayne: germaphobe

 

5:13pm- Ronnie to BiBro

Ronnie: i heard you’re sick

Ronnie: 1) if you infect me you better wish that cold or whatever kills you 2) how are you feeling?

Ronnie: Lance pick up your phone

BiBro: he’s asleep

BiBro: (this is Keith)

BiBro: and he’s not feeling good at all

Ronnie: geez

Ronnie: must have been whatever infection keeps going around campus

BiBro: or finals stress

Ronnie: you HAD to remind me those exist I’ve been studying for so long that words don’t look like words anymore

Ronnie: also I forgot how to spell “backwords” but somehow remembered everything about the history of soda

Ronnie: I’m not even in a class that involves the history of soda 

BiBro: ….you mean “backwards”?

Ronnie: ….

Ronnie: mierda 

Ronnie: nvm I’ll catch what Lance has maybe it’ll kill me 

BiBro: I mean I’m stressed too but that’s probably a bad idea

Ronnie: mmm you’re right

Ronnie: I wouldn’t be going out with enough style if that happened

Ronnie: always, I know you’re already doing this, but keep an eye on my brother for me pls

BiBro: not a problem

BiBro: I was about to move him to an actual bed anyway so

Ronnie: good luck with that lmao he weighs like 50 pounds heavier when he’s asleep

BiBro: good luck studying

Ronnie: DO NOT JINX ME

 

6:15pm- Hunky to LoverboyLance

Hunky: I made chicken noodle soup 

LoverboyLance: ERES UN ÁNGEL

Hunky: wow you really are out of it

Hunky: I’ll just take it to you 

LoverboyLance: ¡¡eres literalmente la mejor persona que conozco!!

Hunky: uhh

Hunky: gracias

Hunky: are you gonna be alright, Lance?

LoverboyLance: estoy demasiado cansado para el Inglés en este momento

Hunky: in that case

Hunky: voy con la sopa

LoverboyLance: thanks 

Hunky: “too tired for English” indeed

Hunky: enjoy the soup

 

7:34pm- WisestMcclain to Nobody Here Is Straight

WisestMcclain: so this is Keith’s fault that I’m asking but who here needs a finals study group of any kind

move-I’m-gay: why am I getting blamed??

WisestMcclain: bc I lost focus after our conversation 

Rom-Com: someone PLEASE give me Calculus help I am begging 

WisestMcclain: Mel I love you but Calculus was created by the devil and I left that behind me

Rom-Com: understandable 

SugarSweet: I gotcha

Rom-Com: THANK YOU SHAY

Princess-Alluring: physics 

Princess-Alluring: I will take anyone here

TheGayUncle: I gladly offer my services 

Pidgeotto: stop being weird 

TheGayUncle: I’m already helping Shiro out so why not Allura

VodkaAunt: it’s an EQUAL study partnership 

TheGayUncle: you forgot how to add the other day, Takashi

VodkaAunt: I’m tired okay

Chaos-Lesbian: hi I’m gay and I don’t understand algebra someone help me

KillmongerLookalike: I offered to give you tips three days ago!

Chaos-Lesbian: you and I have different learning styles 

Pidgeotto: I got this one

Chaos-Lesbian: WHOOP PIDGE HAS MY BACK

VodkaAunt: just for the record: if I catch any of you attempting to run on anything less than 5 hours of sleep, you’ll regret it

TheGayUncle: that’s not a threat he’s speaking from experience 

move-I’m-gay: fight me, Shiro

Pidgeotto: he never said anything about the level of caffeine we’re allowed to have in our bloodstreams tho

Chaos-Lesbian: LOOPHOLE 

CinnamonRoll: you did forget that, Shiro

Princess-Alluring: he’s the one who needs sleep

VodkaAunt: while I’ll never contest that,

Rom-Com: pfft

VodkaAunt: seriously, take care of yourselves 

VodkaAunt: trust me when I say I can enforce this 

Chaos-Lesbian: prove it

VodkaAunt: I once pried Pidge away from her laptop and got away alive

Pidgeotto: THAT IS TRUE BUT ONLY BECAUSE I WAS LOW ON COFFEE

SugarSweet: still, that’s impressive

TheGayUncle: okay okay we’ll take care of ourselves or whatever 

TheGayUncle: as long as we avoid getting sick, that should be easy 

 

Literally only two days later…

 

8:02am- TheGayUncle to Nobody Here Is Straight

TheGayUncle: who else woke up sick

WisestMcclain: meeeee

Pidgeotto: id murder Lance but when o sit up the world spins

Princess-Alluring: the world already spins Pidge

Pidgeotto: wHAT

Pidgeotto: don’t meak zen read that with me own two eyes 

KillmongerLookalike: who else is having trouble reading what that says?

Pidgeotto: shishhhh Eric

KillmongerLookalike: oh she’s delirious 

Chaos-Lesbian: I’ve never been happier to be in a separate building 

VodkaAunt: Keith, I know for a fact you’re sick too, now admit I was right 

move-I’m-gay: when have I EVER done that 

move-I’m-gay: but I am definitely sick 

CinnamonRoll: ya me too guys

Princess-Alluring: I’ll be avoiding everyone like the plague for the next few days don’t mind me

Pidgeotto: HWID TOU ESCAPE?? Unfair 

Princess-Alluring: someone, please, make Pidge go to bed

TheGayUncle: I SHALL CONQUER THE GREMLIN

CinnamonRoll: nobody’s gonna function until this goes away huh

VodkaAunt: nope

VodkaAunt: I just want soup now honestly 

CinnamonRoll: I’d make some but getting out of bed hurts 

CinnamonRoll: GUESS WHO’S PERFECTLY CAPABLE OF DOING STUFF, THOUGH

Rom-Com: ?

LoverboyLance: yeah uh

LoverboyLance: my bad?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: the whole “forgetting how to spell “backwards”” thing is courtesy of none other than my beta, who has apparently been spelling it incorrectly for years until I corrected them lmao
> 
> Once again, any questions or requests can go right in the comments and I’d be happy to read them
> 
> (Praying the next update is on time) see y’all next week!


	36. Power Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They’re still sick but this time- MONOPOLY and POWER OUTAGES

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “What’s this?’ You say. “An update- ON SCHEDULE???”
> 
> Yeah I actually managed to do that this time around lmao let’s cross our fingers it works out the same way next chapter
> 
> Side note: I’m sure everyone reading this remembers that most of the gang got sick last chapter WELL GUESS WHO ELSE GOT SICK LITERALLY TWO DAYS AFTER POSTING
> 
> ME
> 
> I’m about 85% convinced that me getting a fever was karma for last chapter smh but it’s all good now
> 
> Enjoy!

8:32am- Rom-Com to Nobody Here Is Straight

Rom-Com: hey all what if every letter in the English alphabet was perfectly symmetrical 

WisestMcclain: what?

Rom-Com: you heard me

Rom-Com: like “A” is perfectly symmetrical so it looks really good on like decals or whatever bc you can center it but the other letters don’t look like that

TheGayUncle: letter O

Rom-Com: shUSH

WisestMcclain: Romelle, honey, how much medication have you had recently

Rom-Com: a lottttttt

Rom-Com: you were in bed and couldn’t stop me hA

WisestMcclain: if I wasn’t currently dying Romelle i stg

Princess-Alluring: Romelle gets like this when she’s sick

Princess-Alluring: she asked me how she looked yesterday and when I said “very  
pale” she said “I REFLECT THE LIGHT ALLURA I’M ALWAYS PALE” and promptly fell over

TheGayUncle: me

LoverboyLance: for what it’s worth I feel you 

LoverboyLance: Keith is IMPOSSIBLE to take care of when he’s sick and I had to steal his phone so he’d actually lay down

WisestMcclain: check your good immune system privilege 

LoverboyLance: I WAS SICK TOO YOU KNOW

WisestMcclain: YEAH AND GUESS WHO I MOST LIKELY CAUGHT IT FROM

Princess-Alluring: have fun getting over your ills! :)

TheGayUncle: you’re hiding out at Shay’s place you coward

SugarSweet: the dorms are currently going through an epidemic, Matt

TheGayUncle: still unfair 

KillmongerLookalike: it’s not just you guys either

KillmongerLookalike: I caught whatever-this-is too and I have new respect for the people who actually continue functioning 

TheGayUncle: like Shiro, who ISN’T RESTING

VodkaAunt: stop being passive-aggressive I’ve told you a million times that I can’t sleep when I’m sick

TheGayUncle: LIAR you’re just unwilling to stop frantically studying

VodkaAunt: don’t call me out like this

CinnamonRoll: I think I need popcorn for this

LoverboyLance: HUNK’S ALIVE

CinnamonRoll: I was just sleeping!

LoverboyLance: yeah for like a solid 15 hours

CinnamonRoll: you act like I wasn’t just living your dream

LoverboyLance: ….

CinnamonRoll: that’s what I thought

CinnamonRoll: anyways has anyone seen Pidge? I was gonna ask her for a hand with something if she’s feeling up to it

TheGayUncle: she’s holed up in her room under a blanket nest hissing at everyone who opens the door

Pidgeotto: YOU LET IN THE SUNLIGHT MATT WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO

TheGayUncle: IT WAS THE LIGHT FROM THE FLUORESCENT BULBS IN THE HALLWAY YOU GREMLIN GO GET SOME FRESH AIR

Pidgeotto: NEVER

[Pidgeotto has left the chat]

WisestMcclain: that was intense

WisestMcclain: anyways, does anybody think I’ll automatically pass all my finals if this cold or whatever kills me

VodkaAunt: No.

TheGayUncle: oooo he used proper grammar 

WisestMcclain: no no it’s like that high school rule where if the school burns down or something during the final you all pass

VodkaAunt: nobody is dying OR burning down the campus

Chaos-Lesbian: speak for YOURSLEF

Chaos-Lesbian: *yourself

LoverboyLance: yourslef

TheGayUncle: yourslef 

Chaos-Lesbian: both of you shut it before I get out of bed

KillmongerLookalike: you’ve been hogging the common room couch for a solid day and a half and I know for a fact you’re not moving anytime soon

Chaos-Lesbian: I moved!

KillmongerLookalike: switching from one side of the couch to the other doesn’t count

WisestMcclain: e x p o s e d

Chaos-Lesbian: you’re lucky I can’t stand up without everything going black Ryan

CinnamonRoll: Nadia that really doesn’t sound good

Chaos-Lesbian: it is NOT but eh

VodkaAunt: has anyone here actually seen a doctor?

Chaos-Lesbian: professional treatment?? In this economy???

Rom-Com: nahhhh Shiro not me

WisestMcclain: Romelle if you don’t get off your phone and rest-

LoverboyLance: I know for a fact Keith hasn’t 

CinnamonRoll: I haven’t either but like that’s fine I’ll live

KillmongerLookalike: unless buying Tylenol counts then no

TheGayUncle: you can’t reprimand anyone this time around Shiro

TheGayUncle: you’re guilty of the exact same thing

VodkaAunt: fine but nobody’s allowed to die or strain themselves 

TheGayUncle: then gO TO BED

VodkaAunt: ….

 

8:36am- Shirogayne to TallerGremlin

Shirogayne: I have a genuine reason for not resting

TallerGremlin: I was calling you out in the chat without knowing the whole story wasn’t I

TallerGremlin: what’s going on?

Shirogayne: … it’s the dreams again

Shirogayne: Keith maybe figured it out but he’s been super out of it recently so I’m not sure

TallerGremlin: … 

TallerGremlin: can i help?

Shirogayne: I hate to ask but if you want to go ahead

TallerGremlin: no no you don’t have to “hate to ask” your boyfriend for help

TallerGremlin: don't do that

TallerGremlin: I will cuddle the habit away Takashi just watch me

Shirogayne: oh no I’m shaking in my boots

TallerGremlin: AND YOU BETTER BE

TallerGremlin: FEAR THE CUDDLES

TallerGremlin: do you think if I stuck my fingers in a can of tuna Shadow would actually follow me

Shirogayne: don’t contaminate the tuna please

TallerGremlin: I’ll lure her in somehow 

TallerGremlin: KITTY CUDDLES

Shirogayne: thanks, Matt

TallerGremlin: anytime, Takashi

 

5:02pm- Rom-Com to Ronnie

Rom-Com: Veronica there’s a lady in the flowers look [image sent]

Ronnie: honey that’s just your fake rosebush

Rom-Com: noooo look closer

Rom-Com: they’re SHAPED like a lady look

Ronnie: how much have you slept?

Rom-Com: lotssss

Ronnie: somehow I’m not sure that’s true 

Rom-Com: well the thunder and lightning outside is a bit hard to sleep through 

Ronnie: understandable

Ronnie: it better let up soon tho because i have to go outside if I want to grab snacks

Rom-Com: THE POWER JUST WENT OUT OVER HERE

Ronnie: really? My dorm still has p

Ronnie: i take that back

Ronnie: dammit I had pizza rolls in the toaster oven

Rom-Com: can you uhhh

Rom-Com: come over please 

Ronnie: how come?

Rom-Com: I really don’t like being in a powerless building during a storm

Ronnie: I’m on my way

Rom-Com: I’m gonna go out to the common room to hang out until you do

Rom-Com: it should be a little more peaceful

 

5:07am- Pidgeotto to Nobody Here Is Straight

Pidgeotto: CODE FUZZY CODE FUZZY

Princess-Alluring: code what?

CinnamonRoll: IS IT THE SOURCE OF THE SCREECHING??

SugarSweet: oh god not that

Pidgeotto: THE ONE TIME I GET OUT OF BED AND NOW I GOTTA HIDE BEHIND A COUCH

Chaos-Lesbian: WHAT’S GOING ON TELL US

Pidgeotto: FIRST OF ALL IT WAS MATT WHO LET THE CATS OUT NOT ME BUT NOW THEY’RE BOTH WET AND RUNNING AROUND LIKE DEMONS H E L P

Rom-Com: I REFUSE TO COME OUT FROM UNDER MY BLANKETS IM SORRY

Pidgeotto: [video attached] LANCE COME GET YOUR DEMON BABY

WisestMcclain: current mood: Matt chasing two wet cats in a dead sprint with a towel 

LoverboyLance: FIRST OF ALL, BLUE IS NOT A DEMON, 

LoverboyLance: second of all tell your brother he’s gonna break his neck if he keeps that up

Pidgeotto: [video attached]

LoverboyLance: I DIDN’T SAY TO TELL HIM “LANCE SAYS YOU’LL DIE IN SEVEN DAYS” YOU GREMLIN

Pidgeotto: THIS IS FOR NOT KEEPING AN EYE ON YOUR GUTTER KITTE

LoverboyLance: exCUSE

move-I’m-gay: TURN OFF THAT RACKET 

LoverboyLance: I thought you finally decided to take a nap??

move-I’m-gay: NOT WHEN THERE’S SCREECHING AND MATT YELLING HIS HEAD OFF

VodkaAunt: it’s bad enough the power went out I’m coming to help

 

6:02pm- VodkaAunt to Nobody Here Is Straight

VodkaAunt: now that everything’s wrangled, can someone PLEASE explain what, exactly, I just had to clean up

Pidgeotto: @Matt

TheGayUncle: THIS WAS ONLY PARTIALLY MY FAULT

CinnamonRoll: “partially”

LoverboyLance: BLUE KEEPS HIDING IN MY HOODIE BECAUSE OF YOU SO START EXPLAINING YOU WALKING MEME

move-I’m-gay: seriously, please explain

TheGayUncle: okay well it started when the power went out and Shadow decided that she REALLLLLY wanted to go outside right then

VodkaAunt: so you let her???

TheGayUncle: NO SHE RAN UNDER MY FEET WHEN I WENT TO OPEN THE DOOR TO LOOK AT THE RAIN

TheGayUncle: THEN WHILE I WAS PANICKING AND TRYING TO GET HER BACK INSIDE, BLUE APPARENTLY THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A GREAT IDEA TO ALSO GO OUTSIDE IN THE POURING RAIN

TheGayUncle: THEN MY THE TIME I GOT THEM BOTH BACK IN THEY WERE ALSO PANICKING AND SPRINTING IN CIRCLES AND PIDGE WAS YELLING AND ROMELLE WAS PANICKING AND IT WAS NOT A GOOD SITUATION

VodkaAunt: lesson learned. Don’t let Matt cat-sit EVER

TheGayUncle: >:OOOO THIS WAS NOT MY FAULT

VodkaAunt: don’t even start

VodkaAunt: but hey, crisis averted, back to normal

WisestMcclain: “normal”

Pidgeotto: WHAT DO YOU MEAN CRISIS AVERTED WE’RE STILL OUT OF POWER AND MY COMPUTER ISN’T WORKING

Pidgeotto: THIS IS A CRISIS

VodkaAunt: well maybe if you’d leave your room you’d be able to distract yourself by actually communicating with people 

VodkaAunt: besides, the backup generators should kick in soon 

Pidgeotto: YOU’VE BEEN SAYING THAT BUT IT HASN’T HAPPENED

Chaos-Lesbian: Pidge we have a homemade generator in Building C

[Pidgeotto has left the chat]

CinnamonRoll: ...it’s still raining

TheGayUncle: already chasing her

VodkaAunt: Nadia, please don’t encourage her

Chaos-Lesbian: I DIDN’T THINK SHE’D ATTEMPT TO COME OVER N O W

LoverboyLance: well I’m almost at the dorms so what should we do

Rom-Com: OOO MONOPOLY

KillmongerLookalike: is that really a good idea?

VodkaAunt: if it helps pass the time and distracts Pidge from waxing poetic about her phone battery dying, I’m game

WisestMcclain: I don’t think Shiro is prepared for this, guys

TheGayUncle: SUFFER

move-I’m-gay: I’ll play but only because there’s nothing else to do

LoverboyLance: you are all going D O W N

 

7:21pm- Princess-Alluring to Nobody Here Is Straight

Princess-Alluring: THANK GOD I HAVE WIFI AGAIN

Princess-Alluring: HOW WERE YOU ALL TEXTING DURING THE OUTAGE

move-I’m-gay: cellular data

Princess-Alluring: ah that’s it

Princess-Alluring: I’ve been meaning to upgrade my plan recently so I suppose this whole outage was a good thing

SugarSweet: hold on I want to know what happened with Monopoly

move-I’m-gay: Shiro has been disowned 

LoverboyLance: OUSTED, BANISHED, EXPELLED FROM THIS DORM BUILDING, DEMOTED 

CinnamonRoll: he should not have played

TheGayUncle: I love him but that was COLD, man

Rom-Com: the incident has been erased from my memory

WisestMcclain: he’s dead to me

Pidgeotto: if he crosses my path again he’s getting shanked

Chaos-Lesbian: I KNEW I should have braved the elements to go see that Monopoly game

VodkaAunt: IT WASN’T THAT BAD

TheGayUncle: PIDGE TRACK HIS SIGNAL IMMEDIATELY

VodkaAunt: don’t even try it

KillmongerLookalike: I’m admittedly curious 

CinnamonRoll: FIRST of all he suggested we play the card game version and we all know that that’s more vicious 

VodkaAunt: oh, so you found the board game version? Do tell

CinnamonRoll: ...okay so maybe we couldn’t actually find that one but STILL

LoverboyLance: KEITH AND I HAD THE PERFECT STRATEGY

LoverboyLance: ONE CARD AND WE WOULD HAVE WON

LoverboyLance: BUT THEN

LoverboyLance: HE-WHO-MUST-NOT-BE-NAMED

Chaos-Lesbian: ooo that’s cold

LoverboyLance: BLOCKED OUR MOVE AND USED IT TO COMPLETE ALL THE SETS HE NEEDED

Pidgeotto: and he screwed the rest of us over before that 

TheGayUncle: EVEN ME 

VodkaAunt: I’m sorry Matt but I play to win

TheGayUncle: you’re not sorry you did a victory dance

VodkaAunt: yeah and then you all beat me with pillows so I think we’re even 

Pidgeotto: we’re not even close to even

Pidgeotto: NOT UNTIL I SAY SO

VodkaAunt: I’m screwed aren’t I

Princess-Alluring: it was nice knowing you, Shiro

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Romelle’s delirious ramblings were mine from when i was sick (seriously, the fake plant in question DID look like it had the silhouette of a woman in it while I was feverish)  
> -the Monopoly incident did, in fact, happen  
> -my power went out over the weekend for a couple hours so that was fun  
> Guess where all my inspiration came from ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ
> 
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated, as well as any suggestions you readers may have for future chapters :D
> 
> (PS- the dreams Shiro mentions are a result of PTSD, I haven’t erased that from his character, but I also never mentioned that he was in a car crash in this AU as opposed to getting kidnapped by purple space furries in case anyone’s curious)


	37. When Finals Drop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finals are here and they’re all disasters as usual

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUESS WHO’S ALIVE! MOI
> 
> I’m very sorry for the long hiatus (and chapter uploads might be a little ditzy for the next couple of weeks or so, just warning) but I’m back now with a long-awaited meme-filled chapter as promised! 
> 
> enjoy <3

6:32am- TallerGremlin to Shirogayne

TallerGremlin: 2 finals tomorrow, 3 after that, 

Shirogayne: that all?

TallerGremlin: nope, there’s also a couple more and a side of death, 

Shirogayne: no dying

TallerGremlin: TELL MY STORY

Shirogayne: I said no dying!

TallerGremlin: DELETE MY BROWSER HISTORY

Shirogayne: if you die I’m posting screenshots of it online 

Shirogayne: seriously, who googles “is it okay to put a sock in the toaster”

TallerGremlin: ….oh you saw that

Shirogayne: your fault for telling me your phone password

Shirogayne: mine died

Shirogayne: anyway you go over math formulas in your sleep at this point, which isn’t healthy, but you’ll do just fine

TallerGremlin: how are you so calm???

Shirogayne: believe me I am not

Shirogayne: I’ll be much happier once they’re all over

TallerGremlin: solid mood

TallerGremlin: ...wait

Shirogayne: did you forget to study something?

TallerGremlin: I SURE HOPE NOT

TallerGremlin: but no

TallerGremlin: we have to figure out how to be like, ACTUAL ADULTS, Takashi

TallerGremlin: WE’RE GONNA GRADUATE SOON???

Shirogayne: I’ve been trying to ignore it 

TallerGremlin: guess I have to get a job or whatever

Shirogayne: you gotta survive your finals first

TallerGremlin: yeah nvm I don’t need to worry about adulting 

Shirogayne: MATT

TallerGremlin: I stand by my anxieties 

TallerGremlin: bye

Shirogayne: what part of “no overworking yourself or else” did you not understand [message could not be sent]

Shirogayne: why are you like this [message could not be sent]

 

8:02am- Pidgeon to KnifeBoi

Pidgeon: KOGANE

KnifeBoi: what?

Pidgeon: YOU HAVE YEED YOUR LAST HAW

KnifeBoi: Hunk made that crack coffee again didn’t he

Pidgeon: NO YOU ATE MY LAST RASPBERRY JAM DONUT 

Pidgeon: I WAS SAVING THAT

KnifeBoi: what makes you think it was me?

Pidgeon: PREPARE TO DIE

KnifeBoi: I didn’t eat your food!

Pidgeon: oh really?

KnifeBoi: i don't even like raspberries you know this 

Pidgeon: I was in denial about that tbh

Pidgeon: who doesn’t like RASPBERRIES

KnifeBoi: me

Pidgeon: how Lance puts up with you I’ll never know

Pidgeon: but if you didn’t take my donut who did?

KnifeBoi: ask your brother he seems more likely than me

Pidgeon: murder time :)

KnifeBoi: can you not do the strangely threatening smiley faces?

Pidgeon: :)

KnifeBoi: now I understand Shiro 

 

8:18am- Pidgeon to KnifeBoi

Pidgeon: ...funny story 

KnifeBoi: it was Matt after all and you accused me for no reason?

Pidgeon:...the donut was never eaten in the first place

Pidgeon: it got shifted behind a bag of shredded cheese 

KnifeBoi: wow

Pidgeon: my bad I’ve been studying for like three days straight

KnifeBoi: I’d tell you off or something but that would make me a hypocrite

Pidgeon: HA you can’t say anything Mr. 5-All-Nighters-In-A-Row

KnifeBoi: I CAN be mad that you immediately accused me of stealing your last donut without proof

Pidgeon: the nasty banana pudding you always keep in the fridge was gone so I figured you were the last person to get food before me

KnifeBoi: that pudding is NOT nasty

Pidgeon: IT’S GROSS

KnifeBoi: IT’S DELICIOUS

Pidgeon: IT’S GENERIC

KnifeBoi: YOUR PRECIOUS DONUT CAME FROM DUNKIN DONUTS YOU HYPOCRITE

Pidgeon: YOU

KnifeBoi: don’t try me

Pidgeon: ...fine

Pidgeon: so

Pidgeon: how are things

KnifeBoi: I saw that subject change

Pidgeon: answer the question Keith

KnifeBoi: busy

Pidgeon: I knew THAT I meant with you

Pidgeon: I’ve been meaning to ask how you and your mom are doing lately but I kept getting sidetracked

KnifeBoi: Physics?

Pidgeon: P H Y S I C S

Pidgeon: but anyway, your mother

KnifeBoi: well it’s not bad

KnifeBoi: we’ve caught up a lot

Pidgeon: and..?

KnifeBoi: that’s kind of it? I guess I’ve been having trouble actually forming a connecti

KnifeBoi: you’re interrogating me on Shiro’s orders aren’t you

 

8:20am- Shirogayne to SmallerGremlin

Shirogayne: so is he alright or no? 

SmallerGremlin: shut up dad I’m interrogating him

Shirogayne: :0

Pidgeon: it’s time to stop

 

8:21am- Pidgeon to KnifeBoi

Pidgeon: what? No

Pidgeon: I am allowed to be concerned for my buddy who has been oddly quiet recently 

Pidgeon: like, even for you

Pidgeon: and it took a literal week after meeting you for you to say a complete sentence to me and that was just “can you tell me where the bathroom is”

KnifeBoi: I said other stuff to you!

Pidgeon: you grunted 

Pidgeon: a lot

KnifeBoi: fine you have a point

 

8:22am- Shirogayne to SmallerGremlin

Shirogayne: if you haven’t asked him how finals stress is hitting him do it now

SmallerGremlin: you’re gonna have to start paying me for this

Shirogayne: HE WON’T TALK TO ME BECAUSE I ACCIDENTALLY ATE HIS STUPID PUDDING INSTEAD OF MINE

SmallerGremlin: you may be my ally in insulting that terrible grocery store pudding but you still have to pay me for this

Shirogayne: $5 and I turn a blind eye next time you’re causing chaos

SmallerGremlin: deal

 

8:23am- Pidgeon to KnifeBoi

Pidgeon: how’s finals preparation hitting you

Pidgeon: me, personally, I can hear colors but they tell me formulas so that’s fine

KnifeBoi: I’m just really tired honestly 

KnifeBoi: I’m more worried about Lance than myself, he keeps muttering in Spanish and I can’t understand any of it

Pidgeon: the owl’s gonna get uuuuu

KnifeBoi: I have bigger worries than a Spanish-speaking cartoon owl

Pidgeon: so you’re fine then?

KnifeBoi: I will be once this is all over

Pidgeon: god what a mood

 

8:24am- SmallerGremlin to Shirogayne

SmallerGremlin: [image sent][image sent] brother spied upon. G I V E M E T H E M O N E Y

Shirogayne: later I’m busy

SmallerGremlin: wow

 

8:25am- Pidgeon to KnifeBoi

Pidgeon: Shiro actually did ask me to check on you btw

KnifeBoi: wow

KnifeBoi: I have a brother to throw stuff at be right back

 

8:31am- LoverboyLance to Hunky

LoverboyLance: is it bad that I heard yelling down the hall and immediately thought “if that’s a murderer then I don’t have to do finals” and didn’t do anything

Hunky: ...yes??

LoverboyLance: blegh

Hunky: what was it really???

LoverboyLance: I heard “STOP GETTING PIDGE TO SPY ON ME” and then a loud thwack so probably Keith getting mad at Shiro

LoverboyLance: *madder

Hunky: well we’re all tired

LoverboyLance: bets on how much coffee Pidge has already had?

Hunky: absolutely not

LoverboyLance: you’re no fun

Hunky: you have exams this afternoon either nap or eat something healthy right now

LoverboyLance: too stressed to nap and there’s nothing healthy in the kitchen

LoverboyLance: you know this

Hunky: …

Hunky: you can’t survive on Lunchables forever

LoverboyLance: I can TRY

Hunky: you’re gonna collapse during an exam

LoverboyLance: I mean that might give me a free pass

Hunky: DO NOT PASS OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF FINALS PLEASE

LoverboyLance: it’s on the back burner for now

Hunky: don’t make me ask Pidge for access to the blackmail folder

LoverboyLance: >:OOO you wouldn’t dare

Hunky: try me, I’ve had five espressos and i am ready to fight

LoverboyLance: yeesh

Hunky: my current objective it “survive until Friday night”

Hunky: I did not intend for those texts to rhyme

LoverboyLance: you okay, dude?

Hunky: nah

Hunky: you?

LoverboyLance: me neither but cuddling Blue helps

Hunky: share the cat 

Hunky: p l e a s e

LoverboyLance: deal

 

8:34am- SugarSweet to Princess-Alluring

SugarSweet: what would you say the likelihood of me successfully faking my own death and running off to start a cat cafe with you would be

Princess-Alluring: maybe 35%

SugarSweet: bleh

Princess-Alluring: just five days, hon

SugarSweet: five days and then I’m hitchhiking 

Princess-Alluring: not without me you’re not 

SugarSweet: :D

SugarSweet: really though 

SugarSweet: I’m THIS close

Princess-Alluring: understandable 

Princess-Alluring: everyone is

SugarSweet: I’d ask what chaos is going on in your dorm but honestly I’m scared 

Princess-Alluring: just a sibling battle, nothing unusual 

SugarSweet: Pidge and Matt?

Princess-Alluring: Keith and Shiro, actually, though Pidge may have been involved 

Princess-Alluring: how long until your first exam again? 

SugarSweet: about an hour

Princess: meet me at the library to chill until then?

SugarSweet: oh absolutely 

 

8:52am- JazziRizavi to Leif-Me-Alone

JazziRizavi: hey what would happen if, say, someone set off a stink bomb in the middle of an exam

JazziRizavi: making it impossible to take

JazziRizavi: hypothetically, would everyone pass

Leif-Me-Alone: I already confiscated your supplies for that particular plan

JazziRizavi: WOW

Leif-Me-Alone: it was an unlikely one anyway, Nadia

JazziRizavi: that does not make me less stressed

Leif-Me-Alone: with all the nonstop studying you’re been doing, you should be fine

JazziRizavi: not all of us have eidetic memories

Leif-Me-Alone: how much coffee have you had?

JazziRizavi: yes

Leif-Me-Alone: that’s it where are you

Leif-Me-Alone: I have granola bars

JazziRizavi: not telling

Leif-Me-Alone: of course not

 

9:00am- Leif-Me-Alone to JazziRizavi

Leif-Me-Alone: look out the window

JazziRizavi: i should have known you weren’t joking about being able to track my phone smh

 

10:30am- Hunky to Killmonger

Hunky: one day, my friends will stop being chaotic neutrals

Hunky: today is not that day

Killmonger: how many casualties this time?

Hunky: uhh Keith and Shiro have been avoiding each other over… pudding? I think

Hunky: Lance has been alarmingly quiet so he’s either dead or asleep

Hunky: I haven’t seen Romelle all day and that’s probably bad but Veronica can handle that one

Hunky: and I have literally no idea what is going through Pidge’s head bc I walked into the kitchen and she was eating cereal straight out of the box

Killmonger: James already passed out twice today 

Hunky: ...already? That’s normal?

Killmonger: I keep telling him to eat more salt but nooo

Hunky: how are we all legal adults

Killmonger: idk

Killmonger: I thought I was lucky since i don’t start my finals until tomorrow but that just means I’ve been witness to everyone popping in and out of the dorms like zombies

Killmonger: or in Nadia’s case, a headless chicken on Red Bull

Hunky: is she okay??

Killmonger: probably not but I’m sure she'll be fine

Hunky: this week is gonna send somebody to the hospital

Killmonger: bets?

Hunky: I’m too busy trying to keep everyone going and trying to pass my finals honestly

Hunky: speaking of, I’ve got another one at 12:30 so I should go review

Killmonger: want me to help?

Hunky: please

Killmonger: omw

 

10:53am- Rom-Com to Ronnie 

Rom-Com: Mr Stark,

Ronnie: Romelle so help me god if you finish that sentence

Rom-Com: I don’t feel so good

Ronnie: i can’t decide if you meaning that for real is worse than you making a terrible reference

Rom-Com: it’s both

Ronnie: of course

Ronnie: what do you need?

Rom-Com: magic finals pass

Ronnie: how about some tea and a fuzzy blanket?

Ronnie: I’m sure I could steal Blue from my brother

Rom-Com: that sounds lovely 

Ronnie: then I’ll go about doing that

Rom-Com: it’ll be over soon and then I’m refusing to leave the couch

Ronnie: I feel like everyone else shares that sentiment 

Ronnie: finals aren’t so terrible in the grand scheme of things, though

Ronnie: summer’s coming soon after all

Rom-Com: YES

Rom-Com: maybe then I can finally go home with you and meet your family, hmm? 

Ronnie: please don’t give my mom more ammo

Rom-Com: no promises >:)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s hoping i manage to not be too busy next week lmao
> 
> Questions? Requests? Just hit me up in the comments, i love hearing them!

**Author's Note:**

> So this was my first official fic- to post on the internet and all that- so feedback is welcomed and appreciated! I hope you enjoyed!


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